A woman who had visited every department of one of the big London shops
and worried the majority of the salesmen without spending a penny, so
exasperated one of them that he ventured to make a mild protest.
"Madam," he asked, "are you shopping here?"
The lady looked surprised, but not by any means annoyed. "Certainly!"
she replied. "What else should I be doing?"
For a moment the salesman hesitated; then he blurted out, "Well, madam,
I thought perhaps you were taking an inventory!"
* * *
_Officer_ (_to sailor who has rescued him from drowning_): Thank you,
Smith. To-morrow I will thank you before all the crew at retreat.
_Sailor:_ Don't do that, sir, they'll half kill me!
* * *
_Steward:_ Can I do anything for you, sir?
_Passenger_ (_faintly_): You might present my compliments to the chief
engineer and ask him if there is any hope of the boilers blowing up.
* * *
_Lady_ (_to box office manager_): Can you tell me what they are playing
to-morrow night?
* * *
_Box Office Manager:_ "You Never Can Tell," Madam.
_Lady:_ Don't they even let you know?
* * *
_Village Idiot:_ Beg pardon, mam, seeing you're painting the church, I
thought I'd better tell you the clock is ten minutes fast.
* * *
_Employer_ (_rebuking employee for slackness_): Have you any idea of the
meaning of "Esprit de Corps"?
_Stenographer:_ No, I haven't, and if it's anything vulgar I don't want
to.
* * *
_Sympathetic Lady:_ What's the matter with your hand, my little man?
_Boy:_ Sawed the top of my finger off.
_Sympathetic Lady:_ Dear, dear, how did you do that?
_Boy:_ Sawing.
* * *