DANGERS AT AND AFTER PUBERTY
"Th' expense of spirit in a waste of shame
Is lust in action; and till action, Lust
Is perjured, murderous, bloody, full of blame,
Savage, extreme, rude, cruel, not to trust;
Enjoyed no sooner but despised straight;
Past reason hunted; and, no sooner had,
Past reason hated, as a swallow'd bait
On purpose laid to make the taker mad;
Mad in pursuit, and in possession so;
Had, having had, and in quest to have, extreme;
A bliss in proof, and proved, a very woe;
Before, a joy proposed; behind, a dream;
All this the world well knows; yet none knows well,
To shun the Heaven that leads men to this Hell!"
--Shakespeare. Sonnet 129.
At puberty (from the age of 11-15) a boy becomes capable of paternity, a
girl of maternity; during adolescence (from puberty to 25) the body in
general, and the reproductive organs in particular, grow and mature.
In the boy, semen is secreted, the voice breaks, the genitals enlarge, hair
grows on the pubes, face and armpits, and there is a rapid increase in
height owing to growth of bone. In the girl menstruation commences, the
pelvis is enlarged, bust and breasts develop, the complexion brightens, the
hair becomes glossy, and the eyes bright and attractive.
In both, the sexual instinct awakens, and the mental, like the physical,
changes are profound. There is great general instability, the child, at one
time shy and reticent, is at another, boisterous and self-assertive.
Parents rarely realize the importance and trying nature of this period when
"there awakes an appetite which in all ages has debased the weak, wrestled
fiercely with the strong and overwhelmed too often even the noble".
Adolescents suffer more from the lack of understanding, sympathy,
appreciation and wise guidance shown by their blind parents, than they do
from their own ignorance and perfervid imagination.
The transitions from radiant joy and confident expectation, reared on a
flimsy basis of supposition, to dire despair consequent on a wrong reading
of physical and mental changes, are rapid. Friends, lovers and heroes
quickly succeed one another, play their parts, and give place to others.
The awakening of the sexual appetite is usually ignored, and children are
left to gain knowledge of man's noblest power from companions, casual
references in the Bible and other books, and unguarded references in
conversation. Under such conditions not one in a thousand--and _your_ child
is _not_ that one--escapes impurity and degraded sex ideas.
Wherever youth congregate, this subject crops up, and those who talk most
freely to the others are just those with the most distorted and vicious
ideas, whose discourse abounds in obscene detail and ribald jest. Your
child must learn either from ignorant, unclean minds, or be taught in a
clean, sacred way, which will rob sex of secrecy and obscenity; _learn he
will_; if you will not teach your child, his pet rabbit will.
When children ask awkward questions, say quietly that such matters are not
discussed with children, but promise to tell them all about it when they
are ten years old; delay no longer, for most children learn self-abuse
between ten and twelve.
Self-abuse is a bad habit, and no more a "sin" than is biting the nails.
Unfortunately, people with no other qualification than a desire to do good,
wrongly harp on the "sin" of it and draw lurid pictures of physical and
mental wreck as the end of such "sinners", ignorant that if all
masturbators went mad the world would be one huge asylum.
Exaggeration never pays in teaching youth. Tell the truth, which is bad
enough without adding "white lies" with an eye to effect.
Coitus causes slight prostration, Nature's device to remind man to keep
sexual intercourse within bounds, for while in moderation it is harmless,
in excess it causes great prostration. _Exactly the same applies to
self-abuse_, for, paradoxical as it seems, the real harm is done by the
_fear_ of the supposed harm.
The masturbator first suffers from the knowledge he is indulging in a
pleasure he knows would be forbidden, and from fear of being found out;
later he learns from friends, quack advertisements, or well-meaning books
that self-abuse is a most deadly practice, and thereupon a tremendous
struggle occurs between desire and fear, each act ending in an agony of
remorse and dread of future consequences, which struggle does a
thousand-fold more harm than the loss of a little semen.
The ill-effects of these mental struggles disappear after marriage, which
means greater indulgence, but indulgence free from mental stress. In
neuropaths, these mental struggles are the worst things that could occur,
for they tend to make permanent the states we are trying to cure.
The most serious results of masturbation are moral not physical. Loss of
will-power, self-reliance, presence of mind, reasoning power, memory,
courage, idealism, and self-control; mental and physical debility,
laziness, a diseased fondness for the opposite sex, and in later years,
some degree of impotence or sterility, are its commoner results.
Teach _your_ child, therefore, not from fear of physical harm, but because
you wish him to be one of those fortunate few who live and die "gentlemen
unafraid", because they had wise parents.
Let the mother instruct a girl, the father a boy, and not leave so vital a
matter to an unsuitable pamphlet.
Buy one of the many "Knowledge for Boys or Girls" books and read it
carefully.
Having made sure you can convey a simple account of the wonders of
reproduction, and that you have rooted out the idea that sex is something
to be apologized for, see the child and tell him it is time he learned of
his private parts, as manhood draws near.
Then, speaking in a quiet, unembarrassed way, deliver your little homily,
all the time insisting on the marvel, the romance, the poetry and the
beauty of the sex. Let chivalry be your text, not fear, and repeat the
Squire's sound parting advice to Tom Brown:
"Never listen to or say things you would not have your mother or sister
hear."
Give a clear and complete description in simple words of the mechanism and
marvel of reproduction, for half-knowledge generates a prurient curiosity
about the other sex, thus defeating the very end you have so earnestly
striven for.
Purity not impurity should be your text, and you should only refer to
masturbation as a harmful habit, which should not be contracted.
Warn them to
"Keep the heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of
life!"
by turning their thoughts instantly and determinedly away from sex ideas
when they arise, as they _will_ arise, time and again. It is useless to try
_not_ to think of them, the child must instantly turn its thoughts to to
_something else_, for one who cannot stamp out a spark will not subdue a
fiercely-raging conflagration.
Babies should not be carelessly caressed, and a fretful infant must never
be soothed by playing with the genitals, as is done innocently by some
mothers and nurses, and by others from motives more questionable. Freud
showed that there are subconscious sexual desires in infants, which die out
until reanimated at puberty in Nature's own way. If exaggerated by
exuberant fondling, they gather force in the dark corners of the mind, and
are later manifested in morbid sexual or mental perversity.
If you have good grounds for believing the habit has already been
contracted, enlist medical advice. A great factor in the successful
treatment of self-abuse is early recognition, and, after the unhygienic
nature of the habit has carefully been pointed out, the child's sense of
honour should be invoked.
Without further reference to the matter, try to become your child's
confidant, for he will have to fight fires within and foes without. See
that his time is filled with healthy sport and play, and ennoble his ideas
with talk, books and plays which lay stress on chivalry and manliness. Give
him plain food, tepid douches, and a firm bed with light, fairly warm
clothing. Get him up reasonably early in the morning, and let him play
until he is "dog-tired" at night.
Let children rub shoulders with others, keep them from highly exciting
tales, let them read but little, and train them to be observant of external
objects all the time.
Neuropaths develop very early sexually, and contract bad habits in the
endeavour to still their unruly passions; with them, the future is darker
than with the normal child, and the parent who neglects his duty may justly
be held accountable for what happens to his child or his child's children.
Puberty is always a critical period in epilepsy, many cases commencing at
this time, while in a number, fits commence in infancy, cease during
childhood, and recommence at puberty, the baneful stimulus of masturbation
being undoubtedly a factor in many of these cases.
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