Last year I had a solitary peach upon a solitary tree, for the early
frost frustrated the delicious crop. This only one, which, from its
golden color, might be entitled El Dorado, I watched with fear and
trembling from day to day, patiently waiting for the identical time
when I should buoy it up carefully in my hand, that its pulp should
not be bruised, tear off its thin peel, admonished that the time had
come by a gradual releasing of the fruit from its adhesion to the
stem, and I appointed the next day for the ceremonial of plucking.
The morrow dawned, as bright a day as ever dawned upon the earth, and
on a near approach I found it still there, and said, with chuckling
gratification, "There is some delicacy in thieves." Alas! on reaching
it, somebody had taken a large bite out of the ripest cheek, but with a
sacrilegious witticism had left it sticking to the stem. The detestable
prints of the teeth which bit it were still in it, and a wasp was
gloating at its core. Had he taken the whole peach I should have vented
my feelings in a violence of indignation unsuited to a balmy garden.
But as he was joker enough to bite only its sunny side, I must forgive
him, as one who has some element of salvation in his character, because
he is disposed to look at the bright side of things. What is a peach?
A mere globe of succulent and delicious pulp, which I would rather be
deprived of than cultivate bad feelings, even toward thieves. Wherever
you find rogues whose deeds involve a saline element of wit, make up
your mind that they are no rogues.--_Up the River._
* * * * *
This morning the Shanghai hen laid another egg, of a rich brunette
complexion, which we took away, and replaced by a common vulgar egg,
intending to reserve the Shanghai's in a cool place until the time
of incubation. Very much amused was I with the sequel. The proud and
haughty superiority of the breed manifested itself by detecting the
cheat and resenting the insult. Shang and Eng flew at the suppositious
egg with the utmost indignation and picked it to pieces, scratching the
remnants of the shell from the nest.... There is one peculiarity of
these fowls which deserves to be mentioned. When I removed mine from
the basket I thought that the worthy donor had clipped their wings
to prevent them from flying away or scaling the hennery. On further
knowledge I have learned that their style and fashion is that of the
jacket-sleeve and bobtail coat. Their eminent domesticity is clearly
signified by this, because they cannot get over an ordinary fence, and
would not if they could. It is because they have no disposition to
do this, that Nature has cropped them of their superfluous wings and
given them a plumage suitable to their desires. "Their sober wishes
never learn to stray." They often come into the kitchen, but never go
abroad to associate with common fowls, but remain at home in dignified
retirement. Another thing remarkable and quite renowned about this is
the Oriental courtesy and politeness of the cock. If you throw a piece
of bread, he waits till the hen helps herself first, and often carries
it to her in his own beak. The feathered people in the East, and those
_not_ feathered, are far superior to ours in those elaborate and
delightful forms of manner which add a charm and zest to life. This has
been from the days of Abraham until now. There are no common people in
these realms. All are polite, and the very roosters illustrate the best
principles laid down in any book of etiquette. _Book of Etiquette!_
What is conventionalism without the inborn sense? Can any man or beast
be taught to be mechanically polite? Not at all--not at all!...
I have received a present of a pair of Cochin Chinas, a superb cock
and a dun-colored hen. I put them with my other fowls in the cellar,
to protect them for a short time from the severity of the weather. My
Shanghai rooster had for several nights been housed up; for on one
occasion, when the cold was snapping, he was discovered under the lee
of a stone wall, standing on one leg, taking no notice of the approach
of any one, and nearly gone. When brought in, he backed up against
the red-hot kitchen stove, and burned his tail off. Before this he had
no feathers in the rear to speak of, and now he is bobtailed indeed.
Anne sewed upon him a jacket of carpet, and put him in a tea-box for
the night; and it was ludicrous on the next morning to see him lifting
up his head above the square prison-box and crowing lustily to greet
the day. But before breakfast time he had a dreadful fit. He retreated
against the wall, he fell upon his side, he kicked, and he "carried
on"; but when the carpet was taken off he came to himself, and ate corn
with a voracious appetite. His indisposition was, no doubt, occasioned
by a rush of blood to the head from the tightness of the bandages. When
Shanghai and Cochin met together in the cellar, they enacted in that
dusky hole all the barbarities of a profane cockpit. I heard a sound as
if from the tumbling of barrels, followed by a dull, thumping noise,
like spirit-rappings, and went below, where the first object which met
my eye was a mouse creeping along the beam out of an excavation in my
pineapple cheese. As for the fowls, instead of salutation after the
respectful manner of their country--which is expressed thus: Shang
knocks knees to Cochin, bows three times, touches the ground, and makes
obeisance--they were engaged in a bloody fight, unworthy of celestial
poultry. With their heads down, eyes flashing, and red as vipers, and
with a feathery frill or ruffle about their necks, they were leaping
at each other, to see who should hold dominion over the ash-heap. It
put me exactly in mind of two Scythians or two Greeks in America, where
each wished to be considered the only Scythian or only Greek in the
country. A contest or emulation is at all times highly animating and
full of zest, whether two scholars write, two athletes strive, two
boilers strain, or two cocks fight. Every lazy dog in the vicinity is
immediately at hand. I looked on until I saw the Shanghai's peepers
darkened, and his comb streaming with blood. These birds contended for
some days after for preëminence on the lawn, and no flinching could be
observed on either part, although the Shanghai was by one-third the
smaller of the two. At last the latter was thoroughly mortified; his
eyes wavered and wandered vaguely, as he stood opposite the foe; he
turned tail and ran. From that moment he became the veriest coward,
and submitted to every indignity without attempting to resist. He
suffered himself to be chased about the lawn, fled from the Indian
meal, and was almost starved. Such submission on his part at last
resulted in peace, and the two rivals walked side by side without
fighting, and ate together, with a mutual concession, of the corn.
This, in turn, engendered a degree of presumption on the part of the
Shanghai cock; and one day, when the dew sparkled and the sun shone
peculiarly bright, he so far forgot himself as to ascend a hillock and
venture on a tolerably triumphant crow. It showed a lack of judgment;
his cock-a-doodle-doo proved fatal. Scarcely had he done so, when
Cochin China rushed upon him, tore out his feathers, and flogged him
so severely that it was doubtful whether he would remain with us.
Now, alas! he presents a sad spectacle: his comb frozen off, his tail
burned off, and his head knocked to a jelly. While the corn jingles
in the throats of his compeers when they eagerly snap it, as if they
were eating from a pile of shilling pieces or fi'-penny bits, he stands
aloof and grubs in the ground. How changed!--_Up the River._
* * * * *
A clergyman was very anxious to introduce some hymn-books into the
church, and arranged with his clerk that the latter was to give out
the notice immediately after the sermon. The clerk, however, had a
notice of his own to give out with reference to the baptism of infants.
Accordingly, at the close of the sermon he arose and announced that
"All those who have children whom they wish to have baptized please
send in their names at once to the clerk." The clergyman, who was stone
deaf, assumed that the clerk was giving out the hymn-book notice, and
immediately rose and said: "And I should say, for the benefit of those
who haven't any, that they may be obtained at the vestry any day from
three to four o'clock; the ordinary little ones at one shilling each,
and special ones with red backs at one shilling and fourpence."