STATE OF THE COURT—THE REGENCY—PRINCESS OF WALES—PRINCESS
CHARLOTTE—ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE EDUCATION OF THE PRINCESS—MISS KNIGHT
BECOMES LADY COMPANION.
THE amendment in the state of the King’s mind was only temporary. From
this time he was lost to his family and to his subjects; but his name
was still held sacred—he was still beloved and respected. Among the
aberrations of his mind there was one which must greatly have
contributed to his comfort. He fancied that Princess Amelia was not
dead, but living at Hanover, where she would never grow older, and
always be well. He endeavoured to impart the same consolation to one of
his physicians, who was lamenting the loss of his wife, by telling him
that she was not dead, but living at Hanover with Amelia.
I did not quit Windsor even for a day during the remainder of the
winter. The drawing-rooms were suspended, and even at the Castle the
Queen only received her family, and the persons attached to her service,
in her private apartments. Very early in the spring her Majesty,
perceiving that I had a very bad cold and cough, insisted on my going
into Devonshire, where I was invited to stay with Lord and Lady Rolle
till they came to town. The weather was beautiful, and my health was
gradually restored.
The autumn of 1811 was particularly fine. The comet[108] made a
magnificent appearance, and seemed to clear the atmosphere from storms
and rain.
The year 1812, remarkable in history on many accounts, was the last
which I passed at Windsor. The Regency was now established, fêtes were
given at Carlton House, and the Queen and Princesses went occasionally
to town. Several birthdays also were kept at Frogmore, and at Princess
Elizabeth’s cottage at Old Windsor.
Princess Charlotte was now in her seventeenth year, and was for some
time a visitor at the Castle. Her governess,[109] Lady de Clifford,
having gone to town on account of illness, the Queen commanded me to be
present at her Royal Highness’s lessons; or, I should rather say, asked
me to be present when her sub-preceptor, Dr. Short, read to her. She was
at that time allowed to dine once a fortnight with the Princess of
Wales, her mother, at Kensington Palace. I was appointed to accompany
her, and received my instructions accordingly. I was not to leave
Princess Charlotte one moment alone with her mother, nor prolong our
stay beyond a certain hour. When we arrived, the Princess of Wales
proposed our seeing the state apartments in Kensington Palace, which
occupied our time till dinner was served; after which, Lady Charlotte
Campbell,[110] who was in waiting on the Princess of Wales, played and
sang to Princess Charlotte. The Princess of Wales made me sit by her
side on the sofa, and was very gracious.
I must say that I neither saw nor heard anything extraordinary during
this visit. Her Royal Highness desired me to give her duty to the Queen,
with her thanks for having allowed her daughter to come that day. Of
course I executed this commission when I attended Princess Charlotte to
the Castle, where we arrived before the party was over. On our way from
Kensington to Windsor the carriage stopped, and Lord Yarmouth, who was
at that time the most intimate friend of the Prince Regent, came up to
the door to speak to the Princess. He, no doubt, afterwards informed the
Prince that all was right.
Towards the end of this year I had leave from the Queen to go to town in
consequence of a message from Lady Charlotte Rawdon, who wished me to
assist her in watching over the sick-bed of her excellent sister, Lady
Aylesbury, who had long been in a sad state of health, and was now
extremely ill. Lady Aylesbury had been to me more than a sister, and her
death was a heavy blow to me. I was standing with Lord Hastings beside
her bed when she expired,[111] with a calmness that had never forsaken
her during all her sufferings.
During the time I was tending Lady Aylesbury’s sick-bed, I had frequent
letters from the Royal Family, and wrote daily accounts to her Majesty.
She came to town one day, and sent for me. I think it was the day before
Lady Aylesbury died. Her Majesty, after inquiring whether any hope
remained, told me that a change was about to take place in Princess
Charlotte’s establishment, that Lady de Clifford had resigned, and that
the Duchess-Dowager of Leeds was to be governess; besides whom, there
must be a lady or two. She asked me whether I thought Lady Charlotte
Rawdon would be a proper person; but desired I would not say a word to
her on the subject. I stated some difficulties which I thought would
render this choice inconvenient, and, at the same time, hinted what Lady
Aylesbury, I knew, wished, and what I thought might do very well,
namely, that Miss Rawdon[112] should be about the Princess Charlotte.
The Queen seemed rather embarrassed: and dismissed me, as she was going
out. I had some hours before received a letter from Princess Mary,
hinting to me the same question about Lady C. Rawdon, which I had
communicated to Lady Aylesbury, whose sentiments on the subject I
therefore knew.
In my other letters from the Castle I had learned the scene which had
taken place. Princess Charlotte, having nearly attained her seventeenth
birthday (which took place on the 7th January, 1813), had written a
letter to Lord Liverpool, expressing a desire that, as she understood
Lady de Clifford had resigned, she might have no other governess, but an
establishment of her own, and ladies in waiting. As I did not hear this
from Princess Charlotte herself, or see the letter, I cannot exactly say
how it was worded, but I believe she wrote it by the advice of Miss
Mercer Elphinstone,[113] her old and intimate friend, with whom she was
not at that time allowed any communication, on account of opposition
principles, which, since the change of the Prince’s politics, he had
forbidden. The resignation of Lady de Clifford, and the consequent
arrangements, had been studiously kept from her Royal Highness, and she
was terrified as to what was to be her lot when she discovered these
circumstances. How she found means to write to Miss Elphinstone, or hear
from her, I know not, but imagine it was through the Princess of Wales.
I have always thought that the advice was suggested to Miss Elphinstone
chiefly by Lord Erskine. However this may be, the Prince was violently
angry when he heard of the letter, and took Lord Eldon (the Chancellor)
down with him to Windsor, where, in the Queen’s room, before her
Majesty, Princess Mary, and Lady de Clifford, in a very rough manner the
learned Lord explained the law of England as not allowing her Royal
Highness what she demanded; and on the Prince’s asking what he would
have done as a father, he is said to have answered, “If she had been my
daughter, I would have locked her up.” Princess Charlotte heard all this
with great dignity, and answered not a word; but she afterwards went
into the room of one of her aunts, burst into tears, and exclaimed,
“What would the King say if he could know that his grand-daughter had
been compared to the grand-daughter of a collier?”[114]
Things were in a most uncomfortable state after this scene, when Sir
Henry Halford told me what arrangements were intended. To soften matters
with the Princess, yet not entirely to yield to her demands, he said the
Duchess of Leeds was only to have the name of governess, and that her
Royal Highness was to have two ladies, to be called “ladies companions;”
the first title they had thought of, “ladies assistants,” looking too
much like governance. That at first they had thought of Miss Vernon, but
it would not do; next of the two Miss Townshends, sisters of Lord
Bayning, and nearly related to Lord Cornwallis. At least, he said the
appointment was or would be offered to one of them. I then mentioned
Miss Rawdon, desired he would call on her, as she was then ill, and
expressed my sentiments as to her understanding and accomplishments.
This Sir Henry did, and, I believe, spoke to the Queen on the subject;
but soon after, on the 12th, as I was at dinner at Lord Moira’s, I had a
note from him hinting a wish that I would myself be one of Princess
Charlotte’s ladies. I answered this note in very positive terms, by
saying that nothing short of an absolute command of her Majesty, to whom
I was bound by gratitude and attachment, could allow me to accept it.
Sir Henry called next day, and told me the Prince, in his visit to the
Duchess of Leeds, which had lately taken place, concurred with her in
anxiously wishing me to be with Princess Charlotte, and added, that my
accepting the situation would facilitate the appointment of Miss Rawdon
as my colleague. I could only repeat, as an answer, what I had written
in my note to him. He went to Windsor next day, and in the evening of
the 14th I received a most pressing letter from him, desiring that I
would come to Windsor as soon as possible, stating that the Prince was
to be there next day with the Duchess of Leeds (who with great
difficulty had been persuaded to accept the office), that nothing was
wanting to quiet the mind of Princess Charlotte but my presence, that I
must take the rank of honourable to dine with them, that I might write a
letter to the Queen expressing concern at leaving her, but that she
might have the comfort of considering that, when the year of governance
was over, I should remain in the family, &c. &c. &c. There was a
postscript, in which it was said that the hope of Miss Rawdon coming in
should not be given up.
With this letter came two from Princess Elizabeth, one of which was
written by the Queen’s desire to give me a hint that the Prince wished I
should come forward to assist him, with many flattering expressions on
her own (Princess Elizabeth’s) part; but adding that the Queen would not
bias me either way. The other letter was a private one, in which she
urged me to write a letter to the Queen, showing an inclination to
accept, and offering to consider myself still as _in her service_, or
terms to that effect, which letter Princess Elizabeth wished me to
enclose to her. There was also a letter from Princess Sophia, and one
from Princess Mary, the first to persuade me to accept the employment
from the unhappy persecuted state of Princess Charlotte, and the regard
she had for me; the second, adding to these motives the fullest promises
of support from the Prince and the _national_ benefit, which Sir Henry
had also pleaded. All I could resolve was to write a few lines to the
Queen, telling her Majesty I should be at Windsor next day (January 13),
at three, to take her pleasure on the subject of Princess Elizabeth’s
letter.
At the appointed hour, at which the Regent and Duchess of Leeds were
also to arrive, I reached Windsor, and found waiting for me at my own
door a servant of Madame Beckersdorff with a letter from the Queen,
which was to have been sent to town, but which her Majesty, finding I
was coming to Windsor, desired Madame Beckersdorff would get conveyed to
me before I came to the Castle. The first part of this letter was
relative to the Queen’s pecuniary affairs, which were embarrassed, and
on which she desired I would consult Mr. Claridge, her man of business,
more particularly as the death of Lady Aylesbury, and the advanced age
of Lord Aylesbury, rendered it essential they should in some measure be
settled, but insinuating that, instead of paying off her debts entirely,
when the arrangement was made, and that interest was settled for money
borrowed, a sum might be applied to further improvements at Frogmore and
the farm; the last page of the letter was relative to what she was
pleased to call a more important subject, the desire of the Prince, as
hinted by Sir H. Halford, that I should be about the Princess Charlotte.
In this she said she would not bias me, but she doubted whether my
health was equal to it; and, after intimating some displeasure at Sir
Henry for the proposal, and great affection for me, she evidently showed
that she wished me to remain with her till death. One of the expressions
was, that Lady Aylesbury was the first, and I was the second.
This letter, the receipt of which I was not to own, hurt me excessively.
I saw that the Queen wished me to take the refusal on myself, that she
might not offend the Prince. I recollected Lady Aylesbury having owned
to me that she was obliged to refuse in a similar manner (putting it on
Lord Aylesbury’s unhappiness if she was much away from him), when the
King wanted her and myself to be about Princess Charlotte in 1805. In
consequence of which she remained, and I became a member of the Queen’s
family. I thought of a letter I had received from her Majesty just after
Lady Aylesbury’s death, in which she enclosed one for Lord Bruce,
desiring he would be reconciled to his sisters, and at the same time
saying, as I had lost so good a friend, she would do everything to make
my life comfortable.
In all this there seemed to me much difficulty to encounter. I could not
find it in my heart to devote myself till death to the Queen’s service,
sacrificing the pleasing idea of rendering happy the life of a
persecuted young creature whose talents and disposition appeared to me
worthy of a better lot than as yet had fallen to her share. Perhaps also
my pride had been somewhat hurt, by the Queen not always, as I thought,
feeling properly my situation, and I will not say that I had not some
wish for a more active and more important employment than that which I
held at Windsor, dull, uninteresting, and monotonous. Every year more
and more confined, and, even from the kindness of the Royal Family,
condemned to listen to all their complaints and private quarrels. I
certainly hoped to get honourably out of it, but I did feel attachment
for the Queen, and even this letter which annoyed me excited my
gratitude.
I therefore went with a heavy heart, after an hysterical fit, to the
Castle, and entering Madame Beckersdorff’s room, requested she would
inform the Queen that I was there. This she would not do, but said the
Queen would ring for me when she wanted me, as she knew I was coming. I
waited till past five, when the bell rang. Madame Beckersdorff went, and
returned with a message from the Queen, to say that it would be better
both for her and myself that we did not meet till next morning at
eleven.
In the evening Sir Henry called, on his way to town, and said the Prince
was just gone, and had desired him to tell me that all was settled, and
that next day I should receive the formal proposal. I told him I feared
it would not do, for that I knew the Queen wished me to refuse, but that
I would write next day.
On the 16th, at eleven, I went to the Queen, who was in bed with a
severe cold. She was evidently embarrassed, asked me several questions
relative to Lady Aylesbury’s illness and death, and the affairs of the
family. She inquired how Lord Bruce had taken the letter she wrote to
him. I could not say he was pleased, and she said I might have kept it
back, as she sent it open to me with that design, and had expressed
herself so in her letter to me. I answered, that I could not feel myself
authorised to do that, and our conversation was very _gênante_, till at
last we got on the subject of Princess Charlotte. The Queen spoke of her
with all the prejudice and enmity which she had for years imbibed
against her, related to me all that had passed between her Royal
Highness and the Chancellor, and considered her dignified behaviour as
hardness of heart. Before she dismissed me, she said I should receive a
letter from the Duchess of Leeds, to propose the employment to me.
I then requested to be informed positively what was her Majesty’s
pleasure on the subject, hinting, at the same time, that I thought
Princess Charlotte would do all her family could reasonably wish, if she
were made happy and treated with confidence, and I might be able to do
good and promote harmony, but that I wished to act as her Majesty most
desired. The Queen inquired if I could recommend anybody, a sufficient
proof that she was resolved, if possible, I should not be that person. I
said I could only recommend Miss Rawdon, and repeated poor Lady
Aylesbury’s wishes on the subject. The Queen said she had spoken to the
Prince, but was fearful it would not do, and then said she would get the
Duchess to write to Lord Cornwallis, to urge the Miss Townshends to
accept. When I left the room, I said I would send her Majesty a copy of
my answer to the Duchess of Leeds when I received the letter.
In the ante-room this letter was given me by Madame Beckersdorff. It was
a very handsome one, and expressed the united wishes of the Queen,
Prince Regent, and Princess Charlotte, as well as her own. I took it
home with me, and after some debate with myself, I wrote an answer,
declining the proposal, from the sole motive of not thinking myself at
liberty to leave her Majesty’s service. It was worded in the most
respectful terms relative to the Prince and Queen, and expressed my
attachment to Princess Charlotte. I sent a copy of this letter to the
Queen, and at the same time wrote to the Duchess of Leeds, to ask when I
might call on her at the Lower Lodge, where she was already settled with
Princess Charlotte.
My letter to the Queen went at five, and at half-past six I took my
refusal to the Duchess, who expressed the greatest concern, and said all
in her power to persuade me to accept the situation, not having
entertained the smallest suspicion of any difficulty remaining. I left
her, and at the bottom of the stairs found the page, who desired I would
walk into the library, where I found Princess Charlotte. I had seen her
for a moment when I went in, and was received by her with all the warmth
of affection; but she was anxious to learn what had passed between the
Duchess and me, and was in an agony of grief and resentment when she
found I had been obliged to refuse, though she assured me, when I took
leave of her, that _I was fully justified with her_. I did not name to
her the Queen’s letter to me, but only said I could not leave her
Majesty without an absolute command.
I returned home, and heard nothing from the Queen. Next morning (17th) I
received a very urgent letter from Princess Mary, who was beyond measure
hurt at my refusal, and used every possible argument to induce me to
retract it. She said the Queen had never treated me as she ought, had
never placed me in my proper situation, that the Prince was most
desirous to do this, and intended that I should become one of his
family; that I should always dine with him when Princess Charlotte did,
whether the Queen was there or not, and that the whole family would
support me through everything. I heard, likewise, from Princess Sophia,
whose arguments were of a different nature, being chiefly addressed to
my feelings with respect to Princess Charlotte, and wishing to see me,
though not urging it if I felt it improper.
I had informed her Majesty the preceding morning that with her
permission I should go to Town at one, having other papers of Lady
Aylesbury’s to destroy. I went to the two Princesses who had written to
me, and told them that if the Regent, after my refusal (which they said
would throw him into the greatest difficulties), still condescended to
wish that I should be with Princess Charlotte, I had thought of a plan
which might succeed, and set things to rights with the Queen. My mind
was made up as to the letter I would write to her Majesty, but what I
suggested to the Princesses was that the Regent should send Lord Moira
to me to renew the negotiation, and then apply to the Queen to lay her
commands on me. To this Princess Mary most cordially and thankfully
acceded, and I left her room without seeing the elder Princesses.
I called on Madame Beckersdorff, to inquire after the Queen’s cold, and
to ask if there were any commands for me, but received none. I had no
answer whatever to my letter, but only heard that her Majesty had
announced the night before, at the party, my refusal of the appointment
about Princess Charlotte. At one I went to Town, and dined with Lady
Bruce. Soon after dinner, Sir Henry Halford called, and asked to speak
with me. He came from the Regent, and said his Royal Highness was
grieved and disappointed beyond measure at my refusal, but that he
intended next morning to send Lord Moira to me to remove my scruples,
and to assure me of the pains he would take to settle the mind of her
Majesty on the subject.
On the 18th, Lord Moira came and told me how very anxious the Regent was
for my coming into his service, and how embarrassed he would feel
himself if I continued to refuse. He offered to go himself, or send a
messenger if he was prevented from going, to persuade the Queen to lay
her commands on me to accept, and should not be easy until the affair
was settled. Lord Moira, however, agreed with me that it would be more
fair, as well as more respectful, for me to write, at the same time, to
the Queen, and give her the reasons for my listening once more to the
proposals made me. The Prince, likewise, wished me to write to the
Duchess of Leeds, informing her of my willingness to accept, for fear
she might have orders to make fresh applications to the Miss Townshends,
or to propose the employment to others. This I did; but although my
letter was directed very properly, she did not receive it till six days
after date, and it was said that it went by mistake to the young Duke of
Leeds in Yorkshire.
In my letter to the Queen I gave her my opinion with respect to her
affairs, assuring her that I had copied that part of her letter which
related to them, and had afterwards destroyed the whole; that I should
speak to Mr. Claridge as soon as he came to Town on the subject she
desired; and I also offered some arrangements which I thought would
serve to free her Majesty from embarrassment, and particularly the loan
of one thousand pounds, without interest, a sum which I knew the Queen
was at that time very desirous to procure, and which, added to the
salary I gave up, and the house which she might let, would set her
completely at her ease in respect to Frogmore and the farm. To this
letter I received, next day, two answers: the one, relative to my offer,
of course private; and the other, respecting my acceptance of the
employment. Both were resentful and bitter to a high degree. I was at
Lady Bruce’s when they arrived, and I was hurt beyond expression. I
immediately wrote a short note to Lord Moira, expressive of my feelings,
and giving up both situations. I took it to his house, where I found
Lady Loudon[115] and Lady Charlotte Rawdon, and afterwards himself. The
ladies approved of my feelings; but Lord Moira did not. He thought my
nerves ought to be braced against marks of resentment which he did not
think I had deserved. I did not mention to them the pecuniary part of
the correspondence, nor is it known to any human being except one
friend, who will never repeat it. On the 20th and 21st I remained ill at
home; I was rendered so miserable by the Queen’s letters that I would
not receive Lady Loudon, who called, or listen to the suggestions of Sir
Henry, who strongly pressed me to retract, or at least suspend, my
resolution. I had letters from all the Princesses, written in the
kindest and most urgent terms, to move me to accept the offered place;
but I resisted.
On the 22nd, Lord Moira called and informed me of the result of a letter
which the Prince had written to the Queen, enclosing one from himself to
the Prince. There was a positive command, as he said, contained in her
Majesty’s answer (which he had read) that I should accept the place
offered me; and he said that, when the Prince saw him, he had embraced
him with the greatest joy, and said that it was to his Lordship that he
owed whatever was agreeable to him. Every promise of support and of
remaining in the family was repeated, as it was in a letter which Lord
Moira wrote to me on the 20th, when I was ill.
On the 23rd, in the evening, I went to Warwick House, where I was to
meet Princess Charlotte on her arrival in Town. She came about nine,
attended by the Duchess of Leeds, having dined with the Princess of
Wales at Kensington, and received me in the most gracious and cordial
manner.
The last thing I did before I left my old lodgings to enter on my new
duties, was to write a respectful letter to the Queen expressive of the
deepest regret at having offended her, and of the sincerest attachment.
This letter was never answered.[116]
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