For several days he watched and studied her, while she turned the Place
into a private playground of her own with that air of sweet possession
that had charmed him from the first. Backward and undeveloped she
undeniably was, but, in view of her stupid, artificial bringing up,
he understood this easily. Of books and facts, of knowledge taught
in school, she was shockingly ignorant. The wrong part of her had
been ‘forced’ at the wrong time; the ‘play’ side had been denied
development, and, while gathering force underground, her little brain
had learned by heart, but without real comprehension, things that
belonged properly to a later stage. For if ever there was one, here was
an elemental being, free of the earth, native of open places, called
to the wisdom of the woods. It all had been suppressed in her. She now
broke out and loose, bewildered, and a little rampant, wild rather, and
over joyful. She revelled like an animal in new-found freedom.
In time she sobered. He led her wisely. Yet often she went too fast for
him to follow, and slipped beyond his understanding altogether. For
there were gaps in her nature, unfilled openings in her mind, loopholes
through which she seemed to escape too easily, perhaps too completely,
into her playground, certainly too rapidly for him to catch her up. It
was then she said these things that so astonished him, making him feel
she was somehow an eldritch soul that saw things, Nature especially,
from a point of view he had never reached. Her sight of everything was
original. A bird’s-eye view he could understand; most primitive folk
possessed it, and in his wife it had been vividly illuminating. But
Mánya had not got this bird’s-eye view, the sweeping vision that takes
in everything at a single glance from above. Her angle was another
one, peculiar to herself. Laughing, he thought of it rather as seeing
everything from below--a fish’s point of view!
Brightness described her best--eyes, skin, teeth, and lips all shone.
Yet her manner was subdued, not effervescent, and in it this evidence
of depth, a depth he could not always plumb. It was a nature that
sparkled, but the sparkle was suppressed; and he loved the sparkle,
while loving even more its suppression. It gathered till the point
of flame was reached, and it was the possible out-rushing of this
potential flame that won his deference, and sometimes stirred his awe.
His dread had been considerable, anticipation keen; and the relief was
in proportion. Here was a child he could both respect and love; and the
sense of responsibility for the little being entrusted to his charge
grew very strong indeed.
In due course he supplied a governess, Fräulein Bühlke. She came from
the neighbouring town, with her broad, flat German face, framed in
flaxen hair that was glossy but not oiled, and smoothed down close
to the skull across a shining parting. Mechanically devout, rather
fussy, literal in mind, exceedingly worthy and conscientious, her
formula was, ‘You think that would be wise? Then I try it.’ And the
‘trying,’ which the tone suggested would be delicate, was applied with
a blundering directness that defeated its own end. Her method was
thumping rather than insinuating, and her notion of delicacy was to
state her meaning heavily, add to it, ‘Try to believe that I know best,
dear child,’ and then conscientiously enforce it. Mánya she understood
as little as an okapi, but she was kind, affectionate, and patient; and
though Eliot always meant to change her, he never did, for the getting
of a suitable governess was more than he and Mrs. Coove could really
manage. ‘_Der liebe Gott weisst alles_,’ was the phrase with which she
ended all their interviews. And if Mánya’s obedience showed a slight
contempt, it was a contempt he did not think it wise entirely to check.
For he himself could never scold her. It was impossible. It felt as
though he stepped upon a baby. Their relations were those of equals
almost, each looking up to the other with respect and wonder. Her
schoolroom life became a thing apart. So did the hours in his study.
Her walks with the governess and his journeys to the British Museum
were mere extensions of the schoolroom and the study. It was when they
went out together, roaming about the Place at will, exploring, playing,
building fires, and the rest, that their true enjoyment came--enjoyment
all the keener because each stuck valiantly to duty first.
Her face, though not exactly pretty, had the charm of some wild
intelligence he had never seen before. The nose, slightly tilted,
wore a tiny platform at its tip. The mouth was firm, lips exquisitely
cut, but it was in the dark, shining eyes that the expression of the
soul ran into focus; though at times she knew long periods of silence
that seemed almost sullen, when her eyes turned dead and coaly, and
she seemed almost gone away from behind them. One day she was old as
himself, another a mere baby; something was always escaping the leash
and slipping off, then coming back with a rush of some astonishing
sentence it had gone to fetch. Her physical appearance sometimes was
elusive too, now tall, now short, her little body protean as her little
soul.
Like running water she was all over the house, not laughing much,
not exactly gay or cheerful either, but somehow charged to the brim
with a mysterious spirit of play--grave, earnest play, yet airy with
a consummate mischief sometimes that was the despair of Fräulein
Bühlke, who wore an expression then as though, after all, there were
things God did _not_ know. Yes, like running water through the rooms
and corridors, and tumbling down the stairs behind the kitten or
round the skirts of ‘bulgey’ Mother Coove. Swift and gentle always,
yet with force enough to hurt you if you got in her way; almost to
sting or slap. Soft, and very girlish to look at, she was really hard
as a boy, flexible too as a willow branch, and with a rod of steel
laced somewhere invisibly through her tenderness, unsuspected till
occasion--rarely--betrayed its presence. It shifted its position too;
one never knew where that firmness which is character would crop out
and refuse to bend. For then the childishness would vanish. She became
imperious as a little natural queen. The half-breed groom had a taste
of this latter quality more than once, and afterwards worshipped the
ground she walked on. To see them together, she in her dark-grey
riding-habit, holding a little whip, and he with his sinister, wild
face and half malignant manners, called up some picture of a child and
a savage animal she had tamed.
* * * * *
But the thing Mánya chiefly brought into his garden, and so also
into the garden of his thoughts, was this new element of Play. She
brought with her, not only the child’s make-believe, but the child’s
conviction, earnestness, and sense of reality.
‘Tell me _one_ thing,’ she had a way of saying, sure preface to
something of significant import that she had to ask, accompanied always
by a darker expression in the eyes, puzzled or searching and not on any
account to be evaded or lightly answered; ‘Tell me one thing, Uncle:
do these outside things come after us into the house as well?’ ‘Only
when we allow them, or invite them in,’ he replied, taking up her
mood as seriously as herself, yet knowing her question to be a feint.
She knew the true answer better than himself. She wished to see what
he would say. Her sly laughter of approval told him that. ‘They’re
already there, though, aren’t they?’ she whispered, and when he nodded
agreement, she added, ‘Of course; they’re everywhere really all the
time. They don’t move about as we do.’
But she had often this singular way of seeing things, and saying them,
from the original point of view whence she regarded them--from beneath,
as it were, topsy-turvy some might call it, almost a little mad, judged
by the sheep-like vision of the majority, yet for herself entirely
true, consistent, not imagined merely.
Her literal use of words, too, was sometimes vividly illuminating--as
though she saw language _directly_, and robbed of the cloak with which
familiar use has smothered it. She undressed phrases, making them
shine out alone.
‘Moping, child?’ he asked once, when one of her silent fits had been
somewhat prolonged. ‘Unhappy?’
‘No, Uncle. And I’m _not_ moping.’
‘What is it, then?’
‘Fräulein told me I was self-ish, rather.’
‘That’s all right,’ he said to comfort her. ‘Be yourself--self-ish--or
you’re nothing.’
She followed her own thought, perhaps not understanding him quite.
‘She said I must put my Self out more--for others. Mother used to say
it too.’
He turned and stared at her. The little face was very grave.
‘Eh?’ he asked. ‘Put your Self out?’
Mánya nodded, fixing her eyes, half dreamy, upon his own. She had been
far away. Now she was coming back.
‘So I’m learning,’ she said, her voice coming as from a distance. ‘It’s
_so_ funny. But it’s not really difficult--a bit. I could teach you, I
think, if you’d promise faithfully to practise regularly.’
There was a pause before he asked the next question.
‘How d’you do it, child?’ came a little gruffly, for he felt queer
emotion rising in him.
She shrugged her shoulders.
‘Oh, I couldn’t tell you _like that_. I could only show you.’
There was a touch of weirdness about the child. It stole into him--a
faint sense of eeriness, as though she were letting him see through
peepholes into that other world she knew so well.
‘Well,’ he asked, more gently, ‘what happens when you _have_ put your
Self--er--out? Other things come in, eh?’
‘How can I tell?’ she answered like a flash. ‘I’m out.’
He stared at her, waiting for more. But nothing followed, and a minute
later she was as usual, laughing, her brilliant eyes flashing with
mischief, and presently went upstairs to get tidy for their evening
meal that was something between an early dinner and high tea. Only at
the door she paused a second to fling him another of her characteristic
phrases:
‘I wonder, Uncle. Don’t you?’ For she certainly knew some natural way,
born in her, of moving her Self aside and letting the tide of ‘bigger
things’ sweep in and use her. It was her incommunicable secret.
And he did wonder a good deal. Wonder with him had never faded as
with most men. It had often puzzled him why this divine curiosity
about everything should disappear with the majority after twenty-five,
instead, rather, of steadily increasing the more one knows. Familiarity
with those few scattered details the world calls knowledge had never
dulled its golden edge for him. Only Mánya, and the things she asked
and said, gave it a violent new impetus that was like youth returned.
And her notion of putting one’s Self out in order to let other things
come in filled him with about as much wonder as he could comfortably
hold just then. He dozed over the fire, thinking deeply, wishing that
for a single moment he could stand where this child stood, see things
from her point of view, learn the geography of the world she lived in.
The source of her inspiration was Nature of course. Yet he too stood
close to Nature and was full of sympathetic understanding for her
mystery and beauty. Did Mánya then stand nearer than himself? Did she,
perhaps, dwell inside it, while he examined from the outside only, a
mere onlooker, though an appreciative and loving onlooker?
It came to him that things yielded up to her their essential meaning
because she saw them from another side, and he recalled an illuminating
line of Alice Meynell about a daisy, and how wonderful it must be to
see from ‘God’s side,’ even of such a simple thing.
Mánya, moreover, saw everything in some amazing fashion as One. The
facts of common knowledge men studied so laboriously in isolated groups
were but the jewelled facets that hung glittering upon the enormous
flanks of this One. The thought flashed through his mind. He remembered
another thing she said, and then another; they began to crowd his
brain. ‘I never dream because I know it all awake,’ she told him once;
and only that afternoon, when he asked her why she always stopped and
stood straight before him--a habit she had--when he spoke seriously
with her, she answered, ‘Because I want to see you properly. I must be
opposite for that! No one can see their own face, or what’s next to
them, can they?’
Truth, and a philosophical truth! Of no particular importance, maybe,
yet strange for a child to have discovered.
Even her ideas of space were singularly original, direct, unhampered by
the terms that smother meaning. ‘Up’ and ‘down’ perplexed her; ‘left’
and ‘right’ perpetually deceived her; even ‘inside’ and ‘outside,’
when she tried to express them, landed her in a chaos of confusion
that to most could have seemed only sheer stupidity. She stood, as it
were, in some attitude of naked knowledge behind thought, perception
unfettered, untaught, in which she knew that space was only a way of
talking about something that no one ever really understands. She saw
space, felt it rather, in some absolute sense, not yet ‘educated’ to
treat it relatively. She saw everything ‘round,’ as though her spatial
perceptions were all circles. And circles are infinite, eternal.
With Time, too, it was somewhat similar. ‘It’ll come round again,’
she said once, when he chided her for having left something undone
earlier in the day; or, ‘when I get back to it, Uncle,’ in reply to
his reminding her of a duty for the following day. To the end she was
‘stupid’ about telling the time, and until he cured her of it her
invariable answer to his question, ‘what o’clock it was,’ would be the
literal truth that it was ‘just now, Uncle,’ or simply ‘now,’ as though
she saw things from an absolute, and not a relative point of view. She
was always saying things to prove it in this curious manner. And, while
it made him sometimes feel uncomfortable in a way he could not quite
define, it also increased his attitude of respect towards the secret,
mysterious thing she hid so well, though without intending to hide it.
She seemed in touch with eternal things--more than other children--not
merely with a transient expression of them filtered down for normal
human comprehension. Some giant thing she certainly knew. She lived it.
Death, for instance, was a conception her mind failed to grasp. She
could not realise it. People had ‘left’ or ‘gone away,’ perhaps, but
somehow for her were always ‘_there_.’
Thus started, his thoughts often travelled far, but always came up with
a shock against that big black barrier--the army of the dead. The dead,
of course, were always somewhere--if there was survival. But, though
he had encountered strange phases of the spiritualistic movement in
America, he had known nothing to justify the theory of interference
from the other side of that black barrier. The deliverances of the
mediums brought no conviction. He sometimes wondered, that was all.
And in particular he wondered about that member of the great army who
had been for years his close and dear companion. This was natural
enough. Could it be that his thought, prolonged and concentrated,
formed a prison-house from which escape was difficult? And had his
own passionate thinking that ever associated her memory with the
Place, detained one soul from farther flight elsewhere? Was this an
explanation of that hint Mánya so often brought him--that her presence
helped to disentangle, liberate, unravel...? Was the Place haunted in
this literal sense?...