put a polish on his shootin'. This yere's reckoned a bright idee, the
more since as near as we-all can jedge Mike never does pull a trigger
once since when his mother rocks his cradle an' warms his milk.
"'Only,' warns Enright, as Mike goes makin' prep'rations, 'don't
you-all go aimin' towards town none. We don't want no neeophytes
bombardin' the village, which y'ar in an' y'ar out sees bullets enough
in the nacheral onfoldment of eevents.'
"Mike, not havin' no gun, borrys a .45 of Moore. Thus equipped, he
secoores some cartridges at the Noo York store, an' la'nches forth. No
one goes with him, since he allows he'll shoot better if he's by
himse'f.
"Thar's a powder house, belongin' to the Copper Queen Mine, about a
mile outside of town. It stands off by itse'f an' nothin' near it, no
one honin' much to live neighbor to a ton or two of powder. It's about
fifth drink time the mornin' Mike seelects for his practice shootin'
when, like a bolt from the bloo, that Copper Queen powder house goes
up with a most emphatic whang! What Peets calls the 'concussion'
breaks windows in the Wells-Fargo office, an' shakes up the Red Light
to that extent it brings down Monte's picture an' busts it to forty
flinders on the bottles.
"'Which for a moment,' says Black Jack, commentin' on the gen'ral mess
it makes, 'I thinks it's one of Colonel Sterett's _Coyote_ editorials
on the licker question.'
"That powder blow-up marks the onforchoonate last of Mike. Since he
never does show up no more, an' a Mexican tendin' goats in the
vicin'ty informs us he sees him pinnin' a target on the r'ar elevation
of the powder house jest prior to the explosion, it's the common
feelin' that the blow-up's caused by one of Mike's bullets, an' that
Mike an' the powder reepos'tory takes flight simooltaneous. Only, as
already set fo'th, Peets claims that Mike knows what's comin'. Mebby
Peets is right, an' mebby Mike that a-way commits sooicide. Whichever
it is, sooicide or accident, it's a mighty complete success; for the
only trace we're able to find of either Mike or the powder house is a
most elab'rate hole in the ground.
"'The same bein', as I holds, a most excellent feachure,' says Boggs,
who loathes foonerals. 'This yere powder house way of cashin' in meets
with my approval. It shore don't leave no reemains!'"
X
HOW TUTT SHOT TEXAS THOMPSON
"Which they starts the yarn in Red Dog that the shootin' that time
between Tutt an' Texas is born of sectional feelin', an' because
Texas is a southern gent, while Tutt comes from the No'th. Sech
explainations is absurd--as Doc Peets well says. Also, I'm yere to go
one word further an' state that, while it's like them Red Dogs, idle
an' mendacious as they freequent be, to go fosterin' sech fictions,
thar ain't a syllable of trooth tharin from soda to hock. The
flareup has its start in them two children, Annalinda Thompson an'
little Enright Peets, an' what sentiments of rivalry nacherally
seizes on Tutt an' Texas as parent an' uncle reespective."
"Still there must have been some degree of sectional feeling among
you," I said, more by way of stirring my old cattleman up than any
nobler purpose; "coming some of you from the South, and others from
the North, it would have been strange indeed had it been otherwise."
"Which it's shore strange, then. Them Wolfville pards of mine is one
an' all United States men. They ain't Southern men, nor No'thern men,
nor Eastern men, nor even Western men. Likewise, the improodent sport
who'd go trackin' 'round, ondertaikin' to designate 'em as sech, would
get toomultuous action, plenty soon and plenty of it.
"Why, take Texas himse'f: Thar's a fly-by-night party pesterin' 'round
camp for a space, who lets on he's from the same neck of woods as
Texas. This yere annoyin' fraud is a heap proud of it, too, an' makes
a speshulty of bein' caught a lot in Texas' company. He figgers it
gives him a standin'.
"One mornin', when only a few of us is pervadin' 'round, he plants
himse'f plumb comfortable an' important in a Red Light cha'r, an'
followin' the 'nitial drink for the day goes to talkin' with Texas.
"As he sets thar, all fav'rable an' free, thar comes trackin' in a
aged Eastern gent, who's been negotiatin' with Armstrong about
business concernin' the Noo York store. The aged Eastern shorthorn
goes rockin' up to the counter, an' p'litely lets on to Black Jack
that he'll licker. As he does so this yere firegilt party who boasts
he's of the same range an' breed as Texas speaks up, sharp an' coarse,
like the bark of a dog:
"'Yere, you! I wants a word or two with you-all!'
"With that for a start he onfurls what he preetends is his grievances,
the same bein' because of somethin' the aged Eastern sport does or
don't do comin' over on Monte's stage--which they're fellow passengers
that time, it seems--an' next he cuts loose, an' goes to vitooperatin'
an' reecrim'natin', an' pilin' insult on epithet, that a-way, to beat
four of a kind. Which he certainly does give that aged Eastern person
a layin' out! Shore; he's jest showin' off at that, an' tryin' to
impress Texas.
"At the beginnin' the aged Eastern gent stands like he's dazed, onable
to collect himse'f. However, he gets his mental feet onder him, an'
allowin' he won't stay none to listen to sech tirades, tucks away his
nosepaint an' pulls out.
"After he's gone the vitooperative party wheels so's to face Texas,
an' says--mighty pleasant an' agree'ble, like the object of the
meetin's been most happ'ly accomplished:
"'Thar, that shows you.'
"'Whatever does it show?' Texas asks, some grim.
"'Which it shows the difference between a No'thern gent an' a Southern
gent. To be shore, that old cimmaron ain't half my size an' is twict
my age, but all the same, Texas, if he's from the South, you bet, like
you an' me, he'd tore into me, win or lose, if he'd got killed!'
"'You think so?' says Texas, his eyes becomin' as hard an' glitterin'
as a snake's. 'Now let me tell you something, my lionhearted friend.
Thar's brave men South, an' brave men No'th. Also, thar's quitters;
quitters at both ends of that No'thern-Southern trail who'll go into
the water like a mink. Accordin' to my experiences, an' I've been
dallyin' with hoomanity in the herd for quite some time, thar's
nothin' in that geographical bluff of yours at all. Moreover, I
reckons that before I'm through, seein' now you've got me goin', I'll
prove it. For a starter, then, takin' your say-so for it, you're a
Southern man?'
"'Which that's shore c'rrect,' the other responds, but feeble; 'you
an' me, as I says former, is both Southern men.'
"'_Bueno!_ Now as calk'lated to demonstrate how plumb onfounded is
them theeries of yours'--yere Texas gets up, an' kicks his cha'r back
so he's got room--'I has pleasure in informin' you that you're a
onmitigated hoss-thief;--an' you don't dare stand up. Yes, sir; you're
onfit to drink with a nigger or eat with a dog;--an' you'll set thar
an' take it.'
"Which that aboosive party, pale as paper, certainly does 'set thar
an' take it' preecisely as Texas prophecies; an' after glowerin' at
him, red-eyed an' f'rocious for a moment, Texas sticks his paws in his
jeans, an' sa'nters off.
"It's jest as well. Why, if that humbug so much as curls a lip or
crooks a finger, after Texas takes to enunciatin' them prop'sitions in
philosophy, Texas'd have tacked him to the table with his bowie an'
left him kickin', same as them goggled-eyed professors who calls
themselves nacheralists does some buzzin' fly with a pin.
"'Which, if thar's anything,' Texas explains to Enright, 'that makes
me tired partic'lar, it's them cracks about No'th an' South. If I was
range boss for these yere United States I'd shore have them
deescriptives legislated into a cap'tal offence.'
"'Sech observations as that narrow tarrapin onbosoms,' comments
Enright, 'only goes to show how shallow he is. Comin' down to the
turn, even that old Eastern shorthorn's walkin' away from him don't
necessar'ly mean a lack of sand. Folks does a heap of runnin' in this
vale of tears, but upon various an' varyin' argyooments. A gent runs
from a polecat, an' he runs from a b'ar; but the reason ain't the
same.'
"Thar's no sectionalisms in Tutt's differences with Texas, none
whatever. Also, while it finds, as I holds, its roots in Annalinda an'
little Enright Peets, it don't arise from nothin' which them babies
does to one another. Two pups in the same basket, two birds on the
same bough, couldn't have got along more harmon'ous. The moment Nell
brings little Enright Peets over to see Annalinda them children falls
together like a shock of oats, an' at what times they're onhobbled of
fam'ly reestrictions an' footloose so to do, you'd see 'em playin'
'round from sun-up till dark, same as a pa'r of angels.
"Troo, Annalinda does domineer over little Enright Peets, an' makes
him fetch an' carry an' wait on her; an' thar's times, too, when she
shore beats him up with a stick or quirt some lib'ral. But what else
would you expect? I even encounters little Enright Peets, down on
all-fours, an' Annalinda ridin' him like he's a hoss. Likewise, she's
kickin' his ribs a heap, to make him go faster. But that's nothin';
them two babies is only playin'.
"Not that I'm none so shore it ain't this yere last identical
spectacle which gives Nell the notion of them two children marryin' at
some footure day. That, however, is merest surmise, an' in a manner
onimportant. What I'd like to get proned into you-all is that Texas
an' Tutt lockin' horns like they does has its single cause in them
latent jealousies an' struggles for social preecedence, which is bound
to occur between a only father an' a only uncle wharever found. Which
the single safegyard lies in sech a multitoode of fathers an' uncles
as renders 'em common. To possess but one of each makes 'em puffed up
an' pride-blown, an' engenders a mootual uppishness which before all
is over is shore to man'fest itse'f in war.
"Thar's one boast we-all is able to make, however. That clash between
Tutt an' Texas is the only shore-enough trouble which ever breaks out
among the boys. You onderstands, of course, that when I says 'boys'
that a-way, I alloodes to Enright an' Peets an' them others who
constitootes Wolfville's social an' commercial backbone. Thar's other
embroglios more or less smoky an' permiscus, which gets pulled off one
way an' another, but they ain't held to apply to us of rights. For
sech alien hookups, so to speak, we reefooses all reespons'bility.
Which we regyards them escapades as fortooitous, an' declines 'em
utter. Tutt's goin' against Texas is the only war-jig we feels to be
reely Wolfville's."
"You forget," I said teasingly, "the shooting between Boggs and Tutt,
as incident to the Washerwoman's War."
"Which, that?" There was impatience tinged with acrimony in the tones.
"That's nothin' more'n gallantry. It's what's to be looked for whar
thar's ladies about, an' is doo to a over-effervescence of sperit,
common to the younger males of our species when made gala an' giddy by
the alloorin' flutter of a petticoat. Boggs an' Tutt don't honestly
mean them bullets none. Also, if you-all is goin' to keep on with your
imbecile interruptions, I'll quit."
Abject apologies on my part, supported by equally abject promises of
reform.
The old gentleman, thus mollified, resumed:
"Goin' back to this yere Tutt-Texas collision, thar's no denyin', an'
be fa'r about it, but what Tutt has grounds. For goin' on five years
he's been looked up to as the only father in camp, an' for Texas to
appear at what you-all might call the 'leventh hour an' go crowdin'
disdainfully into the picture on nothin' more'n bein' a uncle, is
preepost'rous. To prance 'round on sech a meager showin', puttin' on
the dog he does, an' all in a somber, overbearin' way like he's
packin' the world on his shoulders an' we-all's got to be a heap
careful not to do nothin' to him to make him drop it, is inexcoosable
to the verge of outrage. No rel'tive in the third or fo'th degree is
jestified to assoome sech sooperiorities; an' Enright tells Texas so
after Peets digs the lead out of the thick of his laig.
"Which we gets orig'nal notice about Annalinda, when a passel of us,
as is our custom followin' first drink time in the evenin', drifts
into the post office. Some gets letters, some don't; an' Texas, who,
as a roole, don't have no voloominous correspondence, is sayin' that
he has the same feelin' about letters he has about trant'lers, as
bein' a heap more likely to sting you than anything else, when the
postmaster shoves him out one.
"It's from Laredo, an' when Texas gets a glimpse at the mark on it he
lets it fall onopened to the floor.
"'It's my former wife!' he says, with a shudder. 'Yere she is,
startin' in to get the upper hand of me ag'in.'
"'Nonsense!' says Peets, pickin' up the letter, 'it's from some
lawyers. Can't you see their names yere up in the corner?'
"'That don't mean nothin',' Texas whispers--he's shore a heap shook;
'it'd be about her speed, as she goes plottin' afresh to ondermine me
in my present peace, to rope up a law-wolf to show her how.'
"Bein' urged by Peets, an' the balance of us asshorin' him we'll stand
pat in his destinies come what may an' defend him to the bitter
finish, Texas manages to open the envelope. As he stands thar readin'
the scare in his face begins to fade in favor of a look of gloom.
"'Gents,' he says, at last, 'it's my brother Ed. He's cashed in.' We
expresses the reg'lation reegrets, an' Texas continyoos: 'Ed leaves me
his baby girl, Annalinda--she's my niece.' After a pause he adds:
'This yere shore requires consideration.'
"'These law sharps,' explains Texas, when we're organized all sociable
in the Red Light, an' Black Jack's come through on right an' reg'lar
lines, 'allows it's Ed's dyin' reequest that I take an' ride paternal
herd on this infant child.'
"'But how about its mother?' urges Enright.
"'Which it ain't got none. Its mother dies two years ago. Now Ed's
packed in, that baby's been whipsawed; it's a full-fledged orphan,
goin' an' comin'.'
"'Ain't thar no rel'tives on the mother's side?' asks Nell, from over
back of Cherokee's lay out.
"'Meanest folks, Nellie,' says Texas, 'bar none, between the Colorado
an' the Mississippi. You see they're kin to my Laredo wife, me an' Ed
both marryin' into the same tribe. Which it shows the Thompson
intell'gence. Thar ain't a Thompson yet who don't need a guardeen
constant.'
"After no end of discussion that a-way it's onderstood to be the
gen'ral notion that Texas ought to bring Ed's orphan baby to
Wolfville.
"'But s'ppose,' says Texas, 'that in spite of Ed wantin' me to cast my
protectin' pinions over this yere infant, its mother's outfit,
thinkin' mebby to shake me down for some _dinero_, objects?'
"'In which case,' says Boggs, who's plumb interested, 'you sends for
me, Texas, an' we mavericks it. You ain't goin' to let no sech callous
an' onfeelin' gang as your wife's folks go 'round dictatin' about Ed's
Annalinda child, be you, an' givin' you a stand-off? Which you're
only tryin' to execoote Ed's dying behests.'
"It's settled final that Texas, ag'inst whatever opp'sition, has got
to bring on Annalinda to us. That disposed of, it next comes
nacherally up as a question how, when we gets Annalinda safe to
Wolfville, she's goin' to be took care of.
"'Which the O. K. Restauraw won't do,' Texas says, lookin' anxious out
of the tail of his eye at Enright an' Peets. 'Mind, I ain't hintin'
nothin' ag'inst Missis Rucker, who hasn't got her Southwest equal at
flapjacks, but I submits that for a plastic child that a-way, at a
time when it receives impressions easy, to daily witness the way she
maltreats Rucker, is to go givin' that infant wrong idees of what's
coming to husbands as a whole. I'm a hard man, gents; but I don't aim
to bring up this yere Annalinda baby so that one day she's encouraged
to go handin' out the racket to some onforchoonate sport, which my
Laredo wife hands me.'
"'Thar's reasons other than Missis Rucker,' Enright is quick to
observe, 'why the O. K. House ain't the fittest place for infancy,
an' any discussion of our esteemable hostess in them marital
attitoodes of hers is sooperfluous. S'ppose we lets it go, without
elab'ration, that the O. K. House, from nursery standp'ints, won't
do.'
"Cherokee thinks that mighty likely a good way'd be to have Annalinda
live with Tutt an' Tucson Jennie.
"Peets shakes his sagacious head.
"'Dave'll onderstand my p'sition to be purely scientific,' he says,
glancin' across at Tutt, 'when I states that sech a move'd be a error.
Tucson Jennie, as wife an' mother, is as fine as silk. But she's also
a female woman, an' owns a papoose of her own. Thar's inborn reasons
why woman, as sech, while sympathetic an' gen'rally speakin' plumb
lovely, is oncapable onder certain circumstances of a squar' deal. In
this yere business of babies, for example, thar's existed throughout
the ages a onbridgable gulf in her eyes between her offspring an'
other folks' offspring; an' while disclaiming all disloyalty to Tucson
Jennie, I'm obleeged to say that as between Annalinda an' little
Enright Peets, she wouldn't be cap'ble of a even break. Do I
overstate the trooth, Dave?'
"'None whatever,' Tutt returns. 'What you discovers scientific, Doc, I
learns more painfully as husband an' father. I fully agrees that when
it comes to other folks' children no female mother can hold the
onbiased scales.'
"'Thar's French an' his wife?' chirps Nell, her elbow on the lay-out,
an' her little round chin in her fist; 'thar's the Frenches, over to
the corrals? French an' Benson Annie ain't got no children, an' they'd
be pleased to death at havin' Annalinda.'
"'But be they competent?' asks Texas, over whom a feelin' of
se'f-importance is already beginnin' to creep like ivy on a wall. 'I
don't want to be considered a carper, but as I sees it I'd be doin'
less'n my dooty as a uncle if I fails to ask, Be them Frenches
competent?'
"'You'll have to rope up a nurse some'ers, anyhow, Texas,' Boggs puts
in. 'Thar's dozens of them good-nachered fat young senoritas among the
Mexicans who'll do. The nurse would know her business, even if the
Frenches don't.'
"'Two nurses,' declar's Tutt. 'Bein' a father, I savvys the nurse
game from start to finish. You'll need two; one to hold it, an' one to
fetch it things.'
"'But about them Frenches?' inquires Jack Moore. 'Ain't we goin' a
little fast? Mebby they themselves has objections.'
"'Which they'd look mighty well,' observes Cherokee, riflin' the deck
an' snappin' it into the box plenty vicious, 'to go 'round objectin'
after Nellie yere's done put 'em in nom'nation for this trust.'
"'Not that they'd reeject it haughty,' explains Moore; 'but, as Texas
himse'f says, who's to know, they bein' mighty modest people, that
they'll regyard themselves as comp'tent? The Frenches ain't had no
practice, an' thar's nothin' easier than a misdeal about a youngone.
Thar's a brainless mother saws her baby off on me over in Prescott one
day, while she goes cavortin' into a store to buy a frock, an' you-all
can go put a bet on it I'm raisin' the he'pless long yell inside of
the first minute. This takin' charge of babies ain't no sech pushover
as it looks. It's certainly no work for amatoors.'
"'Thar's nothin' in them doubts, Jack,' Boggs chips in confidently.
'Even if them Frenches ain't had no practice, an' the nurses should
fall down, thar's dozens of us who'll be ever at the elbow of that
household; an' if in their ignorance they takes to bunglin' the play
we'll be down on 'em in the cockin' of a winchester to give 'em the
proper steer.'
"'I reckon, Nellie,' says Texas, lookin' wistful across at Nell,
'that if some of the boys yere'll stand your watch as lookout,
you'd put in a day layin' in a outfit of duds? You could be doin'
it, you know, while I'm down in Laredo, treating with them hostiles
for possession.'
"'Shore,' an' Nellie smiles at the prospect. 'Which I'll jest go
stampedin' over to Tucson for 'em, too. How old is Annalinda?'
"Texas gives Annalinda's age as three.
"'She'll be four next fall,' says he; 'I remembers Ed writes me she's
born durin' the beef round-up.'
"'In that case,' comments Enright, 'she ought to stand about eight
hands high. In clawin' together said raiment, Nellie, that'll give you
some impression of size.'
"'An', Nellie,' continyoos Texas, 'my idee is you'll want to change
in say a thousand dollars?'
"'Why, Texas, you talk like you're locoed. One hundred'll win out all
the clothes she could sp'ile, w'ar or t'ar to pieces in a year.'
"'Shore,' coincides Tutt; 'take little Enright Peets. One hundred
_pesos_ leaves him lookin' like a circus.'
"'But Annalinda,' objects Texas doubtfully, 'is a She. It costs more
for girls. That Laredo wife of mine'd blow in the price of sixty head
of cattle, an' then allow she ain't half dressed.'
"'One hundred'll turn the trick,' Nell insists.
"All that night we sets up discussin' an' considerin'. The more we
talks the better we likes that Annalinda idee.
"At sun-up, b'arin' the best wishes of all, Texas cinches a hull into
his quickest pony, an' hits the trail for Tucson to take the railroad
kyars for Laredo.
"'Which, onless they gives me more of a battle than I anticipates,' he
remarks, as he pushes his feet into the stirrup, 'I'll be back by ten
days.'
"'An', Texas,' says Boggs, detainin' him by the bridle rein, 'you-all
beat it into that baby that I'm her Uncle Dan. It'll give you
something to do comin' back.'
"'Which, jedgin' from what I goes through that day in Prescott,'
remarks Moore, mighty cynical, 'Texas'll have plenty to do.'
"Texas don't meet up with no partic'lar Laredo opposition, them
relatives appearin' almost eager to give him Annalinda. One of 'em
even goes the insultin' len'th of offerin' to split the expense, but
withdraws his bluff when Texas threatens to brain him with a
six-shooter.
"Boggs, hearin' of this Laredo willin'ness, can't onderstand it no
how.
"'It's too many for me,' he says. 'If it's me, now, I'd have clung to
that blessed baby till the cows come home. They must shore be
deeficient in taste, them Laredo yahoos!'
"As exhibitin' how soon bein' moved into cel'bration as a uncle begins
to tell on Texas he ups an' in the fullness of his vanity deecides,
even before he arrives at Laredo, ag'inst the scheme which the camp's
half laid out about the Frenches an' Annalinda, an' arranges to have
a 'doby of his own. It's a blow to the Frenches, too, for since we
notifies 'em, they has set their hearts on the racket.
"But Texas is immov'ble.
"'Ed's dyin',' says he, 'an' namin' me to be reespons'ble for
Annalinda, creates a sityooation best met by me havin' a wickeyup of
my own. I'm sorry to disapp'int, but after matoore reeflection, that
a-way, I've conclooded to play a lone hand.'
"While he's away Texas goes projectin' 'round an' cuts out a couple of
old black mammies from a day nursery over in Dallas, an' brings 'em
along. They an' Annalinda rides over from Tucson in the stage; but,
bein' more familiar with the saddle, an' because he's better able
tharfrom to soopervise an' go dictatin' terms to Monte, he himse'f
comes on his pony.
"'An', gents,' whines Monte, as, throwin' down the reins, he heads for
the Red Light bar, 'between us he ain't the same Texas. That
Annalinda child has shore changed him turrible. All the way from
Tucson, when he ain't crowdin' up to the wheel to give orders to them
Senegambians about how to hold or when to feed her, he's menacin' at
me. That's why I'm three hours late. At rough places it looks like
thar ain't no name mean enough for him to call me; an' once, when
the front wheel jolts into a chuckhole an' Annalinda sets up a
squall, he pulls a gun an' threatens in the most frenzied way to shoot
me up. "You be more careful," he roars, "or I'll blow you plumb off
your perch! Childhood, that a-way, is a fragile flower; an' if you
figgers I'll set yere an', in the tender instance of my own pers'nal
niece, see some booze-besotted drunkard break that flower short off
at the stalk, I'll fool you up a whole lot." An' do you-all know,'
Monte concloodes, almost with a sob, 'he never does let down the
hammer of his .45 ag'in for most a mile.'