The other very sedately replied, "The sexton had so informed him; and if
false, he was to blame for imposing on a stranger."
She asked a second, and a third as they passed; and every one was in the
same tone.
Now I don't say these were accomplices to a certain astrological Squire,
and that one BICKERSTAFF might be sauntering thereabouts; because I will
assert nothing here but what I dare attest, and plain matter of fact.
My wife, at this, fell into a violent disorder; and I must own I was a
little discomposed at the oddness of the accident.
In the meantime, one knocks at the door. BETTY runneth down and opening,
finds a sober grave person, who modestly inquires "If this was Dr.
PARTRIDGE's?"
She, taking him for some cautious City patient, that came at that time
for privacy, shews him into the dining-room.
As soon as I could compose myself, I went to him; and was surprised to
find my gentleman mounted on a table with a two-foot rule in his hand,
measuring my walls, and taking the dimensions of the room.
"Pray, Sir," says I, "not to interrupt you, have you any business with
me?"
"Only, Sir," replies he, "to order the girl to bring me a better light:
for this is but a dim one."
"Sir," sayeth I, "my name is PARTRIDGE!"
"Oh! the Doctor's brother, belike," cries he. "The staircase, I believe,
and these two apartments hung in close mourning will be sufficient; and
only a strip of Bays [cloth] round the other rooms. The Doctor must needs
die rich. He had great dealings in his way, for many years. If he had no
family Coat [of arms], you had as good use the scutcheons of the Company.
They are as showish and will look as magnificent as if he were descended
from the Blood-Royal."
With that, I assumed a greater air of authority, and demanded, "Who
employed him? and how he came there?"
"Why, I was sent, Sir, by the Company of Undertakers," saith he, "and
they were employed by the honest gentleman who is the executor to the
good Doctor departed: and our rascally porter, I believe is fallen fast
asleep with the black cloth and sconces or he had been here; and we might
have been tacking up by this time."
"Sir," says I, "pray be advised by a friend, and make the best of your
speed out of my doors; for I hear my wife's voice," which, by the way, is
pretty distinguishable! "and in that corner of the room stands a good
cudgel which somebody [_i.e., himself_] has felt ere now. If that light
in her hands, and she knew the business you came about; without
consulting the stars, I can assure you it will be employed very much to
the detriment of your person."
"Sir," cries he, bowing with great civility, "I perceive extreme grief
for the loss of the Doctor disorders you a little at present: but early
in the morning, I'll wait on you, with all necessary materials."
Now I mention no Mr. BICKERSTAFF, nor do I say that a certain star-gazing
Squire has been a playing my executor before his time: but I leave the
World to judge, and if it puts things to things fairly together, it won't
be much wide of the mark.
Well, once more I get my doors closed, and prepare for bed, in hopes of a
little repose, after so many ruffling adventures. Just as I was putting
out my light in order to it, another bounceth as hard as he can knock.