men interested in wheeling, tennis, base-ball, foot-ball, and kindred
sports; and no national sign is more encouraging. The deeper the
interest which every young man evinces in manly sports the better it is
not only for him in every possible way, but for the generation
succeeding him. It betokens a clean, healthy mind when a young fellow
takes an honest, sincere interest in outdoor sports. But the great
danger is in overdoing this. Sports are splendid in their place and at
their time, but too many of our young men allow them to interfere with
their business interests. A young man in business cannot allow his
interest in base-ball, or any other sport, to become so absorbing as to
take first place in his mind. There is no earthly reason why an interest
in foot-ball, base-ball, or any other sport, confined within proper
bounds and at the proper time, should not be good. But when a young
fellow finds that he knows the standing of the base-ball clubs in the
various leagues, or the names of the players, or their batting average,
better than he knows the names of the customers of his employer, or the
prices of the goods he is paid to sell, or the discounts of his house,
then I say his interest is directed against his own good. Base-ball, or
any other kind of ball, is a splendid thing--in its place. Nor is an
interest in any legitimate sport or game harmful so long as it is kept
within bounds and not allowed to occupy the mind to the detriment of
business interests. What are called "base-ball cranks" or "bicycle
fiends" or "foot-ball enthusiasts" are never good business men, and
their standing in the community is on a par with their overwrought
interest.
A young man's social life and his indulgences must, in other words, be
tempered with reason and common sense. He should have a social side to
his nature, but that side must not dominate him. If it does, it affects
his business interests; and a young man whose thoughts during business
hours are fixed upon a pleasure of the evening before, or upon a sport
of the morrow, soon finds himself outdistanced in the race for success
by others who keep such things in their proper places. A little common
sense here counts for much. It counts for everything, in fact.
V
"SOWING HIS WILD OATS"
It is a common saying, and a belief equally as general, that it is not
only essential, but it is assumed as right, that a young man should, at
some time in his life, "sow his wild oats." This sowing of one's wild
oats means, in plainer words, that a young man should have his "fling,"
as it is called; that is, he must "see the world."
Now, it has always seemed to me a great misfortune that the man who
framed that sentence of "sowing wild oats" did not die before he
constructed it. From the way some people talk one would imagine that
every man had instilled into him at his birth a certain amount of
deviltry, which he must get rid of before he can become a man of honor.
For what is called "sowing wild oats" is nothing more nor less than
self-degradation to any young man. It does not make a man one particle
more of a man because he has passed through a siege of riotous living
and indiscretion when he was nineteen, twenty, or twenty-five; it makes
him just so much less of a man. It dwarfs his views of life far more
than it broadens them. And he realizes this afterward. He does not know
one iota more of "life," except a certain phase of it, which, if it has
glitter for him in youth, becomes a repellent remembrance to him when he
is matured. The reputation and power that comes of right living and good
character are what the man from forty to seventy covets, and nothing but
the well-spent years of early life can secure these. There is no such
thing as an investigation period in a man's life; at one period it is as
important for him to be honorable and true to the teachings of his
mother as at another.
To my mind no young man need seek this "darker side of life" which the
sowing of wild oats means. The good Lord knows that it forces itself
upon our attention soon enough. It does not wait to be sought. A young
man need not be afraid that he will fail to see it. He will see plenty
of it, and without any seeking on his part, either. And even if he does
fail to become conversant with it, he is the gainer in the end. There
are a great many things which we can accept by inference as existing in
this world. It is not a liberal education to see them. Too many young
men have a burning itch to see wickedness--not to indulge in it, as they
are quick to explain, but simply to see it. But the thousands of men who
have never seen it have never felt themselves the losers. If anything,
they are glad of it. It does not raise a man's ideal to come into
contact with certain types of manhood or womanhood which are only
removed from the lowest types of the animal kingdom by virtue of the
fact that the Creator chose to have them get through the world on two
legs instead of four. The loftiest ideal of womanhood that a young man
can form in his impressionable days will prove none too high for him in
his years of maturity. To be true to the best that is within a man
means, above all, to be an earnest believer in the very best qualities
of womanhood. Let him accept by inference that there are two types of
woman, the good and the bad. But he will be wiser and happier if he
associate only with the former. There are hundreds of good women in this
world to every one of the contrasting element. No young man has,
therefore, a valid excuse for seeking the latter.
Sometimes this "sowing of wild oats" is deemed necessary to insure to a
young man what is called "a broader view of life"; whereas, in reality,
no means that could be devised gives him such a contracted, narrow, and
unsatisfactory standard. A broad view of life means the cultivation of a
mind that can take in every part of the horizon of the truest living;
that can see good in everything; that accepts the good, and rejects, not
investigates, the bad. We can always leave that for some one else to do.
The outlook from the wheel-house of an ocean steamer is far better than
it is from the stoke-hole. Curiosity may lead some people to go down and
look into the stoke-holes of life; but take my word for it, you will
find the atmosphere purer and the vision clearer if you stay in the
wheel-house. To see "the wheels go round" is a very instructive thing to
do in directions where the motive is a good one, prompted by lofty
ideas. But some "wheels" are far better unseen. Satisfy a healthy
curiosity always, but shun the other kind. There is no satisfaction to
be had, and a man whose curiosity overcomes him is always disgusted with
the poor return he receives for his trouble.
The young man who reaches manhood without a knowledge of the dark and
vicious side of human nature is far better off than the one who has seen
it. He will lose nothing by not having seen it; not an ounce less of
respect will be meted out to him. But he will feel prouder of himself,
and men will respect him infinitely more for the strength of his
will-power.
Not long since a young fellow wrote to me in this connection, and said
in his letter: "What's the use of leading a straight life? Nobody gives
you credit for it. Society expects a more or less diverting life from a
young fellow; it accepts him as such. Practically, it calls him a
'ninny' if he doesn't diverge from the straight path once in a while. It
only asks of him that he shall not be caught."
I can scarcely imagine a view of life so entirely wrong in its personal
application. The _real_ "use" of leading a "straight life" is apparently
absolutely overlooked by this young man, who seems to think that his
life is lived for others rather than for himself. The "use" of leading
an honorable life concerns itself with the young man himself. He is
accountable to himself--to his own conscience, to his own heart. Of what
possible satisfaction is it to get credit from others for doing what is
best for one's self? Men do not lead honorable lives for the sake of
getting credit for it--to win the hand of applause. They do it for
themselves; for their own inner satisfaction, that they may be true to
themselves and to the best that is within them.
Aside from this paramount fact, however, people do give a young man
credit for the life that he leads, and they are far more often aware of
it than the young man supposes. But it depends upon the people whose
favor the young man values. If he seeks the recognition of what is so
wrongly called and known as "society," a righteous life, an upright
life, an honorable life--in other words, a manly life--may not count
for so much. But the aimless men and silly women who constitute that
body called "society" figure for nothing in the life of an earnest young
man. If, however, he associates with men who in his developing days can
mean much to him, and whose acquaintance in later years will be a pride
and a joy to him, if he finds company in women who arouse his best
thoughts and truest motives, he will find that his life, free from
blemish, is appreciated, is understood, is recognized, and is known.
There is an indefinable chord which always draws the right men to the
young man of pure life. They are the men who give credit to a young
fellow who tries to live aright, and they are the only men worth his
knowing. These men may not openly applaud him, but they will give him
their confidence, their good will, their friendship; and in later years
he will more fully understand what these elements mean to him. These men
do not call a young man a "ninny" when he leads an upright life; they
call him a manly fellow, and they take him into their hearts and into
their homes. By the best part of mankind a young man is always known by
his true color. Of that he need never fear. An adherence to high
principles shows itself in every thought and every action of a young
man, and it always counts for something and much. And as he progresses
in life, and a clearer understanding of the right kind of living comes
to him, he will see with his own eyes that the men who hold the true
respect of the world are the men who were pure-lived and who can
fearlessly and honestly look every man and woman in the eye.
VI
IN MATTERS OF DRESS
We may like it or not, but we are judged in this world first for what we
are, but also as we look; and a young man's common sense should teach
him that it is always wise to create a good impression. It does much for
him, and he cannot afford to ignore it. Good clothes cannot make a young
man, but they are a help; and when carving out a career it is only pure
justice to himself that he should take advantage of every point offered
him. In other words, I believe it is a duty which every young man owes
to himself to be well dressed. But to be well dressed does not
necessarily imply the highest-priced clothes, cut according to the
latest patterns. It is just as possible to be well attired in clothes of
moderate cost, so long as they are not "loud" or "showy," but quiet and
neat.
The average young fellow undoubtedly errs in this matter of dress. With
his tastes unfixed, in the majority of cases he goes to either one of
two extremes: he either dresses shabbily because he claims he cannot
afford to do otherwise, or he goes to the other extreme and tries to
imitate the styles affected by the extremists in dress, and necessarily
makes himself an object of ridicule.
Clothes are moderate enough in price nowadays to make it possible for
every young man, no matter how humble his income, to be neatly attired.
The secret of a neat appearance in dress does not depend upon the number
of suits he may have, but upon the manner in which even a single suit is
taken care of and how it is worn. Many a young man with a wardrobe of
but two suits of clothes looks neater than another who has five or six
suits with which to alternate. The art of looking well depends, first,
upon the choice of a suit, and, second, how it is taken care of. If a
young man has a moderate income he should make it a point to select only
the quiet patterns of dark colors. Not only is this more economical, but
it is in better taste than are the lighter and more conspicuous clothes.
If a young man will look around him a bit, he will find that the
successful men of the day are always the most quiet dressers. Their
clothes are never conspicuous; they detract rather than attract
attention. It is only the fop of shallow mind who invites attention by
his dress. There is a certain class of pictures that require elaborate
gilt frames in order to set off the little merit they possess; and
likewise are there scores of men who must dress conspicuously in order
to gain even the most meager attention. Men who are least certain of
their position always dress the showiest. Hence if a young man dresses
quietly and neatly he pursues not only the best, but the only wise
course. His dress is a pretty accurate reflection of his character, and
very often he is judged, to a certain extent, by the taste which he
shows in his clothes.
But while a young man injures himself by showy dressing, he has no
business to dress shabbily. Shabby clothes are no longer an eccentricity
of genius. There are men of genius who have achieved deserved fame and
substantial success who are absolutely indifferent to their appearance.
And the world overlooks and forgives it. But this is only possible with
men of commanding genius who are established; and the young man who
takes these men as models so far as attire goes makes a sorry mistake.
It is given to men of high position and of established success to follow
a great many little eccentricities which are not overlooked in a young
man struggling for a career.
Aside from the aspect of mere appearance, neatness in dress is
undoubtedly a great inner and outer factor in a young man's success. A
neat suit of clothes communicates a sense of neatness to the body, and,
in turn, this sense of neatness of the person is extended to the work in
hand. As we feel, so unquestionably do we work. Our clothes unmistakably
affect our feelings, as any man knows who has experienced the different
sensation that comes to him when attired in a new suit from the feeling
when wearing old clothes. No employer expects his clerks of moderate
incomes to dress in the immediate fashions, but he likes to see them
neat in appearance. It commends them to his attention. We all have an
inner consciousness that a young man who keeps himself looking neat and
clean is more worthy of our confidence than he who is regardless of his
appearance and looks soiled and shabby. Neatness always attracts, just
as shabbiness invariably repulses.
Particularly would I emphasize the value of clean linen to a young man.
There is no earthly excuse why any young fellow should wear soiled
collars or cuffs. Soap and water are within the reach of the smallest
purse, and the home or the outer laundry is accessible to all. No single
element in his dress cuts more of a figure in a young man's success than
his linen. However worn may be his clothes, his appearance always
invites closer proximity when his linen is clean.
I do not wish to be understood as making too much of dress as a factor
in a young man's life. But I believe in it sufficiently, and I have seen
evidences again and again to strengthen that belief, that no young
fellow anxious for his self-betterment can afford to slight his
appearance. No fair computation can be offered as to what percentage of
his income he should expend on his dress. That depends altogether too
much on circumstances. But I thoroughly believe and strongly counsel
that he should dress as well as his means allow; no better, but no
worse. Money spent on a neat appearance is never wasted with a man, be
he young or old. The chief danger which the young man has to battle with
is dressing beyond his means. A tendency toward extravagance is never
justifiable, no matter what may be his income. Extravagance is always
wasteful. But neither must he economize too closely. In a word, he
should strive always to look neat; to present the best appearance he
can.
The extreme styles presented in men's clothes are like the extreme
styles fashioned for women: they should be left for those who have large
wardrobes. The young man of limited wardrobe cannot afford to have
anything in it which is in the immediate style one year and out of
fashion the next year. Quiet patterns in clothes, in cravats, in shoes,
and in linen are always in style. The marvelous combinations we see in
young men's clothes, of extreme long coats, of light cloths and large
patterns in suitings, of razor-pointed shoes, of pink shirts, white
collars, and blue cravats, are generally worn by extremists in dress,
or by those of mediocre tastes whose exhibition of those tastes always
keeps them in the lower stations of life. These styles should never be
affected by the young man who wishes to gain the confidence of his
superiors in business, or the respect of the people in social life whose
friendships will be of value and benefit to him. A young man, so far as
this matter of dress is concerned, cannot do better than always to
remember this one inflexible rule: that the best dressers among men
follow the same method as do the best dressers among women--they dress
well, but quietly. And quiet dressing is always in good taste.
VII
HIS RELIGIOUS LIFE
When a writer seeks to present the religious life a being, be he young
man or patriarch, it naturally follows that he can only be general in
what he says. Religion is too much a matter of one's innermost feelings,
of one's own convictions, to be governed by rule or example. But in
these days of men more or less wise, when many of the truths which our
forefathers held sacred are being discussed in so-called "new lights,"
and when the convictions of many are disturbed by reason of these "new
doctrines," it is well, I think, that young men should bear in mind one
or two fundamental truths so far as the religious side of their lives is
concerned.
It is not within the province of this book to treat either of dogmas or
creeds, or of the necessity of church-going; but it does come within its
lines to say these words to every young man who reads this chapter:
No matter what present revelations or subsequent discoveries may prove
or seek to disprove as to religious teachings, one great essential can
never be altered, and that is the necessity of a firm faith, an absolute
belief, that a wise God rules over this universe and over the destiny of
each and every living man, woman, or child. Whatever constitutes that
God is not for us to solve. The wisest of us can only dimly comprehend
it. Our minds are finite; the Spirit who rules us is infinite; and
nothing finite can comprehend or understand the infinite. Enough is it
for us to know that there is a God, that there is a Supreme Being, a
Creator, a Ruler. That is all it is given us to know. It is all that the
new-born infant can know; it is all that the finest and keenest
mentality ever given to man can know. But that there is a great Creator
no one can doubt; everything in nature points to that one fact; and the
young man who refuses to believe in the existence of a God makes the
greatest and most momentous mistake of his life. Without that faith,
without that absolute conviction, he is not only hindered or crippled in
whatever he undertakes, but he is simply helpless. On that point he
cannot afford to err; to doubt it, even in the light of the most
advanced knowledge that can ever be presented, he cannot for one single
moment allow himself. This much is absolute.
Another point is like unto it, and it is that every person can go to
that Creator and Dispenser of all good, and receive, through
supplication, guidance in all affairs. This is but another way of
expressing an earnest, a heartfelt, an honest belief in prayer. Whatever
arguments may be brought to bear upon this question, one thing remains
undisputed: that an honest and earnest prayer sent forth from the human
heart to its Heavenly Father, for guidance or for help, is sure, and
absolutely sure, to bring strength and enlightenment to the mind. No
scientific analysis can refute this. Too many millions of people have
experienced the truth of this in their lives. Argument on this point is
pointless; it is fruitless. A young man might as well argue that he
loved his mother. Conscious experience does more than theoretical
argument, and that conscious experience has taught the happiest men and
the best women who ever lived that there is a direct communication
between God and the humblest person who ever lived, and that a prayer
for guidance sent from the heart of man to that God is never lost. There
is in every man and woman not alone substance of material matter, but a
spiritual nature which, if kept in daily contact with its God, finds a
response such as can come from no finite source. This truth no young man
can hesitate to believe--the efficacy of prayer. It requires no creed
to believe it, no dogma, no form of religion. It is a simple belief that
to ask a heavenly guidance in all things good and right means a fruition
of the highest and best hopes of a man.
With this absolute faith in the existence of a God, and in prayer, only
one thing more is needed to complete the fundamental basis of all
religions--an honest effort to live according to our conscience and to
the best and truest that is within ourselves.
Here, then, is a simple religion for any young man. If his heart craves
it and his mind can compass it, he can go deeper into the question and
believe more. But less he cannot accept. Nor, if he is wise, will he
wish to accept less. All objections fall before so simple a code of
belief. It asks for no great mental capacity; it is beyond the mental
power of none. The rising and setting of the sun, the coming of the
seasons, the downfall of night upon day, the birth of a child, the death
of a man--everything proves to the humblest mind that this is a
religion which it can accept without hesitancy, without a single
misgiving. When we go beyond these fundamental principles we go into
questions which are complex and open to individual construction. However
a young man may decide for himself those questions, he cannot shirk the
three points I have dwelt upon. They will teach him a respect for all
sacred things, without which no man can earn respect for himself. They
will teach him charity for the faults of others, without which none can
hope for leniency for his own shortcomings. They will teach him to hold
out the helping hand to others, without which he can himself never
succeed. They will keep him close to the teachings and the beliefs of
his mother, without which a young man is untrue to the source from which
he sprang.
I think, so far as church attendance is concerned, that a young man
serves his best interests if he is a regular attendant at some form of
worship. I do not say he should or must; I simply believe he is wisest
if he does identify himself with some religious body which comes closest
to his tastes and beliefs. Whatever be the faults of the church as an
institution, a young man must never forget the fact that it is an order
born of God, that he sanctioned it, and that if it has its shortcomings
it is simply because man is not perfect. Young men with their critical
faculties on the alert are prone to discover some single defect, or what
looks to them as a defect, in some church with which they are
acquainted, and foolishly condemn the church as an institution. Or they
will see hypocrisy stand out bold and clear in some man or woman known
as a devout attendant at church, and they condemn church-membership as a
whole and belittle the influence of religious teachings. This is wrong,
and hence it is unfair. None of us would think of condemning all the
sweet flowers that grow simply because of a few that are poisonous to
the touch. Or, because we know some women who do not follow righteous
lives, we certainly would not condemn the entire sex of women, which
would necessarily include our own mother. We cannot condemn the many
because of the few. A young man should keep his mind fixed on the
purposes of the church as an institution, and those purposes affect him
for the reason that the church is to-day the balancing power between
this earth being a chaos and what it is. It is the greatest safeguard to
home and society; and because of the fact that it is such a powerful
safeguard, many things are made possible for him which, without the
church, it would be impossible for him to enjoy. The church is an
indispensable factor in our modern life, and it holds out more
possibilities for good to a young man than any other single institution.
Its influence is always sure, and he can depend upon it. The best people
of our land are its upholders. The most successful men are among its
believers and worship at its altar. Worship--true worship of the
heart--does not imply a sickly sentimentality, as some young men
believe; to go to church is not "babyish," nor to stay away from it
"smart." A true belief in the church and its fundamental teachings is
one of the manliest qualities which one can possess. In its atmosphere
of worship the spiritual--that is, the softer and gentler--side of man
dominates the material side, and to a young man in the race for success
this is all-essential. No young fellow can afford either to disbelieve
in the church or to scoff at its workings or influence. The methods
pursued may not always be to our liking or to our way of thinking, but
that is, as I have said before, simply because earthly hands minister
over it. But its aim is divine, and that every young man must believe
and accept as a belief.