particularly among Christian people, this _secondary_ function of sex
in the human family, while blindly recognized as a fact, is none the
less abused, to a most shameful degree. For ages, the whole situation
has been left in a condition of most deplorable, not to say damnable,
ignorance; and no honest endeavor has been made to find out and act
up to the truth in the premises. Husbands and wives have engaged in
coitus _ad libitum_, utterly regardless of whether it was right
or wrong for them to do so! They have taken it for granted that
_marriage_ conferred on them the _right_ to have sexual intercourse
whenever they chose, (especially when the man chose,) and they have
acted accordingly. This is especially true of men, and the practice
has been carried to such length that the right of a man to engage in
coitus with his wife _has been established by law_, and the wife who
refuses to yield this "right" to her husband can be divorced by him,
if she persists in such way of living! It is such a fact as this which
caused Mr. Bernard Shaw to write: "Marriage is the most licentious
institution in all the world." And he might rightfully have added "it
is also the most brutal," though it is an insult to the brute to say
it that way, for brutes are never guilty of _coitus under compulsion.
But a husband can force his wife to submit to his sexual embraces, and
she has no legal right to say him nay!_ This doesn't seem quite right,
does it?
Now there are several different ways of viewing this new and added
sexual possibility in the human family, namely, the act of coitus for
other than reproductive purposes. The Catholic church has _always_
counted it as a sin. Popes have issued edicts regarding it, and
conclaves of Bishops have discussed it and passed resolutions
regarding it. There has always been a difference of opinion upon the
subject amongst these dignitaries and authorities, but they all
agree in one respect, namely, that it is a _sin_. The only point of
difference has been as to the extent or enormity of the sin! By some
it has been reckoned as a "deadly sin," punishable by eternal hell
fire, if not duly absolved before death; by others it has been held
to be only a "venial sin," one that must always be confessed to the
priest when coitus is engaged in, and which can be pardoned by the
practice of due penance. _But, always, it was a sin_!
The Protestant church has never issued edicts regarding this matter,
but, for the most part, it has tacitly held to the Catholic teaching
in _theory_, while universally _practicing_ the reverse, in actual
married life. Protestants have looked upon it as a necessity, but have
taught that it was _regrettable_ that such was the case. They have
held, with Paul, that, "it is better to marry than to burn." And most
of them have chosen the marriage horn of the dilemma.
Among some European nations, attempts have been made to make it
impossible for husbands and wives to cohabit except for reproductive
purposes. In one of these nations, padlocks were used for preventing
the act. A slit was made through the foreskin of the penis, and
through this slit the ring of a padlock was passed, much as an
ear-ring is passed through the lobe of a lady's ear. The padlock
was made so large that it could not be introduced into the vaginal
passage, and so coitus was impossible when it was worn. It could only
be removed by the magistrate into whose hands the regulation of this
part of the citizens' life was given. Specimens of these padlocks are
still to be seen in European museums.
Now the terribly immoral thing in all this way of living has always
been the fact that it _compelled_ people to continually _violate their
consciences_, by _pretending_ to _believe_ one thing and constantly
_practicing_ the reverse of their proclaimed belief. That is, it lured
them into _living a continual lie, and such can never be for the good
of the soul_! It goes without saying that the sooner this abominable
way of living can be ended, the better it will be for all parties
concerned--the individuals who are the victims of such falsehood, and
the communities of which they form a part.
From all this it follows that the first thing every new husband and
wife _ought_ to do is to _settle clearly in their own minds the issue
as to whether it is right or wrong for them to engage in coitus for
any other than procreative purposes_. Having settled this point, one
way or the other, then _let them conscientiously act accordingly. For
only so can they live righteous lives_!
In settling this point, so far as available authorities for the young
people to study and consider are concerned, these are all _against_
coitus except for begetting of off-spring. All the "purity" writers
and Purity Societies are ranged together on the negative side.
Likewise are all the books of "advice to young wives and husbands,"
especially those addressed to young _wives_.
Now all these "authorities" base their whole argument upon the purely
_animal_ facts in the premises. Probably a certain Dr. C. is more
largely read for information on these matters than any other author,
especially among young women. He has written a large, and from
the view-point he takes, a very plausible volume; and it is very
extensively advertised, especially in papers which young women read.
The result is that it has come to be almost a standard authority in
these affairs.
Dr. C.'s argument is, baldly, as follows:--(a) Among animals, the
universal practice is a single act of coitus for each begetting of
off-spring, (b) Human beings are animals, (c) Therefore, human beings
should only engage in coitus for reproductive purposes.
To this syllogism he adds a corollary, which is, that, therefore, all
sexual commerce in the human family, for any other than reproductive
purposes, is _wrong._ These are his texts, so to speak, and through
several hundred pages he preaches, _don't, don't, don't,_ sermons. The
entire volume is one of denial and prohibition. He proclaims the act,
even for the one purpose he allows to be right, as low, and in itself
degrading, to be engaged in only after "prayer and fasting" and
"mortifying the flesh," and even then, in the most passionless, and
only done-because-it-has-to-be manner; as a mere matter of duty; to be
permitted by sufferance; joyless, disgusting in itself; a something
to be avoided, even in thought, other than it is a necessity for the
continuance of the race.
_It is from such data as this that thousands of "innocent" brides
annually make up their minds as to what is right or wrong in the
matter of sexual intercourse._
In doing this, most of these young women are perfectly conscientious,
and want to do the right thing, and there are two items in the count
that naturally lead them to accept Dr. C.'s teachings as correct. The
first is, that it coincides with all they have ever heard about such
matters; the second, that the Doctor flavors all his text with a
religious quality, of the alleged most sacred sort. He instances
saintly women who have lived the most ascetic lives, and whose
religious status was achieved because, and by means of, their perfect
chastity. In fact, this word "chastity" (which he translates as entire
renunciation of the whole sex nature) becomes the test word of his
whole treatise, and its practice is upheld as the true road to all
goodness and virtue.
Now, nearly all well-bred and cultivated young women are naturally
religious (and not a word should be said against their being so) and
they are anxious to time their lives to everything that the highest
religious demands prescribe. It is, therefore, most natural that,
being thus taught by an authority for which they have the highest
regard, they enter marriage with the _fixed opinion_ in accordance
with their teaching. How could it be otherwise?
On the other hand, a few young husbands, indeed none but now and then
a "goody-good" (who usually turns out to be the worst of the whole
lot, in course of time), are willing to "stand for" any such theory,
much less to live any such life as this theory would impose. These
"don't care what the book says," and, from the manner of their
bringing up, from all they have learned or heard by hearing _men_ talk
about married life, (which is usually of the most vulgar sort) they
have come to the conclusion that marriage confers upon the parties the
_right_ to engage in sexual commerce at will; and, especially, that
the husband has the _right_ to the body of his wife _whenever he
chooses_. For, indeed, does not the law give him that right! And so
long as one "keeps inside the law" what more could be asked! Yea,
verily! What more could be asked?
So it is that _most brides and bridegrooms go to their marriage bed
with the most widely diverse views as to what is right and wrong in
the premises_--as to the life they will lead in their new estate. The
young wife is for "purity" and "chastity." The young husband, driven
by a passion which he has long held in thrall, in the belief that he
can now give the fullest vent to it, when he has got where such relief
is possible, is like an excited hound when it seizes its prey, which
he fully believes he has the right to deal with as he pleases! What
wonder that, in view of all these circumstances, the most extensive
observer of marriage-bed phenomena should write: "_As a matter of
fact, nine young husbands in ten practically rape their brides at
their first sexual meeting." Could anything be more horrible, or
criminally wicked_? And it is all so needless! It is all the result of
ignorance, of "innocence," and the worst of false teaching. The pity
of it!
True, these unfortunate conditions are often modified by "mother
nature," who inspires the bride with curiosity, which, in a measure,
controls her in spite of her false teachings, and with passion, which,
to a degree, will assert itself over and above all false modesty, her
religious scruples and her fear of pregnancy; and so she _may_ come
through the ordeal of introduction to the act of coitus in a fairly
sane condition of mind, even though she may have practically been
_raped_! But, too often, the result of such first contact is _a shock
to the bride from which she may not recover during all the subsequent
years of married life_! And "here is where the trouble lies," for
untold thousands of married men and women, all over the civilized
world, to-day. And it might all be so different! It ought, _in every
case_, to be all so different! But if it ever does become different,
_knowledge_ has got to take the place of "_innocence"_ on the part of
the _bride_, and of _ignorance_ on the part of the _bridegroom_, both
of whom must be _taught_ to "_Know what they are about_" before they
engage in the sexual act, and be able to meet each other sanely,
_righteously, lovingly,_ because they both _desire_ what each has to
give to the other; in a way in which neither claims any _rights_, or
makes any _demands_ of the other--in a word, in _perfect concord_
of agreement and action, of which mutual love is the inspirer, and
_definite knowledge_ the directive agent.
Such a first meeting of bride and bridegroom will be no raping affair.
There will be no shock in it, no dread, no shame or thought of shame;
but as perfectly as two drops of water flow together and become one,
the bodies and souls of the parties to the act will mingle in a unity
the most perfect and blissful that can ever be experienced by human
beings in this world. This is no dream! It is a most blessed reality,
which all normally made husbands and wives can attain to, if only they
are properly _taught and educated_, if only they will learn how to
reach such blissful condition.
However, such greatly desired status is not to be had for the asking
merely. _Instinct can never bring it about; "innocence"_ will never
yield such a result; and _force_, or the declaration of a "_right_"
in the premises will forever banish it to the realm of the
never-to-be-realized. It can only come as a result of clear-headed
thinking, scientific investigation, honest study, wise and righteous
action under the given conditions; and, above all, _a love, each for
the other, that knows no bounds_. All these things _must_ obtain,
_on the part of both parties concerned_, or the desired results can
_never_ be attained.
Having said which, here shall follow some suggestions as to how such
estate may be reached by the readers of these pages.
But first, let us finish Dr. C., and all of his tribe--banish them from
all our reckoning in these matters, forever.
As already shown, this argument has not a leg to stand on. These
writers treat the whole situation as though men and women were _mere
animals! Men and women are far more than mere animals, and God hath
made them so_! And for these reasons we will have respect for men and
women as _God has made them_, rather than as Dr. C. and the "purity
leagues" say God _should_ have made them!
As a matter of fact, the secondary function of sex in the human family
is something _far above_ mere animality; it is something that mere
animals know nothing about, that they can never experience, or in any
way attain to, and these _fundamental differences_ in the premises
remove the whole issue from the realm of comparison with any forms or
functions of mere animal life. As well reason that animals never eat
cooked food, and so men ought never to eat cooked food (and there are
some people who do so reason, strange to say) or that animals do
not wear clothes, and so men ought not to wear clothes--as well make
these, or a score more of comparisons, between the human race and mere
animals, as to try to compare them in the item of their sex functions.
In only the single fact that, on the physical plane merely, coitus
for the purpose of procreation is common to all animal life, mankind
included, is there a point of comparison between humanity and the
brute creation. _Beyond that point there is nothing comparable between
the two_! As well say that because beasts can hear, therefore they
can comprehend and enjoy a Beethoven Sonata, or because they have eyes
they can delight in a picture by Corot!
This is only another way of saying that sex has functions and uses in
the human family that are entirely apart from the possibilities of all
other animal life--functions as much above mere animality as music is
above mere physical hearing, as painting above mere physical sight.
These facts forever upset and overthrow all the theories of Dr. C. and
Co., they entirely eliminate the whole bunch from any part or lot in
the issue on which they have essayed to speak with such authority,
but whose main point, whose essential elements they have _entirely
misunderstood_, and hence have treated in a way that is wholly at
variance with the truth in the premises, and it is the truth that we
are looking for.
Once more (for it is well to go to the bottom of this matter while we
are about it) the honest truth is, that _it is the universal practice
of the human race for men and women to cohabit for other purposes than
reproduction, and it has always been so_, since men and women were men
and women! It is true among the most savage and barbarous tribes of
the earth, and it is more emphatically true of the highly civilized
people in all lands and climes. And is it reasonable to suppose that
such a universal phenomenon should _not_ have been intended to be as
it is! As well say that appetite for food is a mistake, one that ought
to be eliminated!
Again, the experiences of men and women, all over the world, prove
that, where this act is engaged in properly, according to the laws
that obtain in the premises, _it conduces to the highest physical,
mental, and spiritual well-being of the parties concerned_. Indeed, it
is beyond doubt true that the men and women who have never known this
most perfect of all human experiences, have never reached the summit
of human attainment, have never arrived at the perfection of manhood
and womanhood. Length of life, health of the highest sort, and
happiness, the most delectable--all come, these and more, to men and
women by this route, _if it is rightly traveled_. Hell and damnation
result if that road is wrongly trod!
And that's what makes the manner of traveling it so important.
VI
THE ACT OF COITUS
Strictly speaking, the act of coitus should be considered as composed
of four parts, or acts, of one common play, or drama. Not that there
is a sharp line of demarcation between each act or part, for the
_four_ really blend into _one_ composite whole, when taken together,
seriatim; but there are _four phases_ of the act which may well be
studied separately, in making a detailed review of a sexual meeting of
a man and a woman.
These four parts are: _first_, the preparation for the act; _second_,
the _union_ of the organs; _third_, the motion of the organs;
_fourth_, the orgasm.
In what immediately follows, these _four_ stages of the act of coitus
will be studied and traced in detail, with the utmost care, in the
hope that such pursuit may result in the best possible good to the
student.
Regarding the _first_ part of the act, let it be said that here, above
all other situations in the world "_haste makes waste_." _Put that
down as the most fundamental fact in this whole affair!_ Right here is
where ninety-nine one-hundredths of all the troubles of married life
begin! And the fault, right here, is usually (though not always) with
the husband! But he doesn't mean to be bad. Not once in a thousand
times does he deliberately purpose to do wrong. He is simply the
victim of undirected and ungoverned passion, and of an _ignorance_
which results in stupid blundering, or carelessness, or
thoughtlessness. What such a husband practically does is to rush
blindly and furiously along a way he knows nothing of, but which he
has been led to think he has a _right_ to travel _when and how he
will_! The ordinary figure of a "bull in a china shop" can but faintly
describe the smashing and grinding to powder of the most delicate
situation that can occur in all human experiences, that result from
such action as this. Ideals that have touched heaven are tumbled from
their lofty places and ruthlessly crushed to atoms; hopes that were
beyond the power of words to express go out in despair; dreams become
a hideous nightmare; and love, which was as pure as crystal waters, is
muddied, befouled, and made into a cesspool! _And all this because of
ignorance_ or careless hurrying, of making haste where the utmost of
time, caution and intelligent care should have obtained!
As has already been explained, when the act of coitus is to be
engaged in, the sex organs of both the man and the woman undergo great
changes. Blood rushes to all these parts, in copious quantities,
till they become gorged. The result is that the penis is enlarged to
several times its dormant size, and the vulva and vagina should,
and will, under right conditions, undergo similar changes and
transformation.
_But there is usually a great difference in the length of time it
takes for these changes to take place in men and women_. On the part
of the man, as soon as his passion is aroused to any considerable
extent, the penis at once makes itself ready for action. It
"tumesces," or swells itself hard, almost instantly; and, so far as
its mere physical stoutness is concerned, is as ready to enter the
vagina then as ever, even if it has to force itself in.
On the other hand, the tumescence of the parts in women is usually,
(especially as girls are reared) not infrequently, a matter of
considerable time, not infrequently several minutes, and now and then,
of _half-an-hour or more_! This is not always so, for in some very
passionate women they are ready for action almost instantly. Indeed,
there are some women whose sex organs tumesce if they (the women) even
touch a man--any man--and occasionally a case occurs where a woman
will experience an orgasm if her clothing brushes against a man! Such
cases are, of course, abnormal. But, _for the most part_, it is true
that women are _much slower_ in making ready for the sexual act than
men are.
Again, as the organs become ready for the act, nature has provided a
most wonderful means for bringing about their easy and happy union.
Both the male and female organs secrete and emit, or pour out, a sort
of lubricating fluid which covers and sometimes almost floods the
parts. This is a clear and limpid substance, that looks much like the
white of an egg, and is much like the saliva that is secreted in
the mouth, only it is a thicker substance. Chemically, it is almost
identical with saliva. That generated by the man is called "prostatic
flow;" that produced by the woman "pre-coital secretion."
Now, if time is given for this fluid to be secreted and exuded, all
the parts become covered or saturated with it, and they are admirably
equipped for easy union. The glans penis is then covered with the
slippery fluid, and the vulva and all the walls of the vagina are
laved with the substance. At the same time, the vaginal walls have
widened and grown soft, and all the parts of the vulva (which are yet
to be named and described in detail) are in like condition. The result
is that, though the penis be what might at first seem of such size as
to make its entrance into the vagina impossible, as a matter of fact,
such entrance is perfectly easy, when the parts are fully ready to be
joined. _But not before or otherwise!_
So here is where the trouble comes. If the husband is in haste, if he
does not wait for the wife to become ready to meet him; if he forces
his large, hard penis into the vagina before either is fully ready
for such union--when there is no prostatic fluid on its glans, and the
vagina is shrunken and its walls are dry--if coitus is engaged in in
this way, it is perfectly easy to see that _only disaster can result_!
The woman is hurt, sometimes most cruelly, and the man in reality gets
only a beastly gratification from the act. _Of all bad things in all
the world, such manner of coition is the worst_!
And so, in this _first_ part of the act, the one foremost thought to
remember and observe is, _take plenty of time!_
There is another reason why, on the part of woman, this time should
be extended, especially when she is a bride and inexperienced in these
matters, and that is, that her "innocence," and all her education,
make her feel that she is _doing wrong_, or at least permitting a
wrong thing to be done, and this holds back the proper growth of her
passion, hinders the tumescence of her sex organs, delays the flow
of the precoital secretion, and so keeps her from becoming properly
prepared for her share of the mutual act.
Again, her fear of pregnancy may still further retard her coming into
a proper condition. Indeed, this last is the almost common cause for
her failing to be in readiness for meeting her husband. All of
which items must be taken into account by both husband and wife,
and intelligently, lovingly dealt with, if the best results for both
parties are attained.
As regards the item of possible pregnancy, special note will be made
of this feature later on. It is here placed in abeyance for the time
being, because its consideration can be better provided for after some
other points have been studied.
Now the one easily understood (and as easily practiced as understood)
direction as to what to do by way of preparation for the act of coitus
is: _do as lovers do when they are "courting."_ And everybody knows
what that is! And note this--that _nobody ever hurries when they are
courting!_ They delay, they protract, they dilly-dally, they "fool
around," they pet each other in all sorts of possible and impossible
ways. They kiss each other--"long and passionate kisses, they again
and again give and receive"--they hug each other, nestle into each
other's arms--in a word, they "play together" in a thousand-and-one
ways which the "goody-goods" declare to be wrong, and the cold-blooded
call nonsense or foolishness, but which all _lovers_ know is an
_unspeakable delight_ ("unspeakable" is the word, for who wants to
_talk_ when these blissful experiences are going on!).
Now, these things, and the likes of these things, in limitless supply,
should always precede the act of coitus. It is right there that this
part of the first act of this wonderful four-act drama or play should
be wrought out, and if they are omitted or disregarded, the play
will end in _tragedy, with all the leading actors left dead upon the
stage_!