CONVERSATION AND CORRESPONDENCE
_The Art of Conversation_
CONVERSATION is a game we all play, but most of us with ill success.
We do not take pains to learn the rules, and we do not consider the
honor of winning sufficiently great. It is, however, an accomplishment
that all who will may possess, that consumes a great deal of the time
of all of us, and that yields great pleasure and profit if skillfully
used.
The subject of conversation should be pertinent, and of interest to
all, or at least the majority, of those in the group of talkers. The
treasures of experience and of knowledge should be grouped about the
topic, and every one who contributes should take care to proffer
nothing that the conversation has not logically called forth. Then the
pleasure and the success of the time thus spent is measured only by
the wit and mental resources of the talkers.
News which has a universal interest is always a legitimate subject of
discussion. Personal news which has only the interest of gossip or
scandal is never permitted among cultured people, no more than are
physiological facts or the records of criminology. It is a safe rule
to speak of things rather than of persons.
The brilliant conversationalist never monopolizes the talk, as such a
method would prevent his most telling points or his keenest wit from
having dramatic expression. If he tells an anecdote which holds the
attention of the table or of the circle of listeners, he permits his
duller neighbor to tell the next, not only that his own wit may have a
foil, but that his next anecdote may meet the sharp edge of whetted
appetites.
If dining out or being entertained, do not play the host or hostess by
leading the conversation, even though your talent in that direction be
far superior to theirs. You thereby do them an injustice which is
exceedingly discourteous on the part of one who has accepted of
hospitality.
Never interrupt. It kills the expression of any thought to interrupt
the speaker, and every person, no matter how badly he may express
himself, has a right to the effort and to what he can win of the
hearer's attention.
To supply a word which seems to fail the speaker is perhaps a friendly
service, if he be a foreigner, but should never be tendered to a
countryman, nor often to even the most grateful wrestler with the
English language. It confuses any one, and the only polite way is to
wait quietly until the speaker collects himself and finds his words.
Do not contend any point. Among intelligent people questions may be
pleasantly and earnestly debated, arguments weighed and tested, and
yet the conversation be absolutely courteous, although conviction be
deep on both sides. The impossibility, among untrained people, of
debate without great emotion is what retards the progress of the
intellectual life in many circles.
One should never answer questions in general company that have been
put to another.
One should not note the points of discrepancy in the remarks of
another, or the points of divergence in opinion. In society the
subjects of conversation are subordinated to the human interest of the
gathering, and points of harmony and agreement should be emphasized,
leaving all others unnoted. One does not need to conceal his opinions,
but he should not arrogantly or dogmatically publish them. Not
opinions but individuals are of greater interest at that time, and the
battle of ideas should be fought in another arena.
This is the only safe rule to follow in mixed companies, or with
people imperfectly trained socially. With highly intelligent people
of congenial tastes, people who have ideas and convictions of great
worth, and who are controlled enough to express them without undue or
foolish emotion, the battle of ideas is fought most effectively and
most to the benefit of society, in the drawing-room of that host and
hostess whose own talents make them able to draw talent about them.
Here all the rules of polite society may be observed, and yet the
inner convictions, whether political, religious, or moral, of the
circle, may find welcome expression and fair hearing. The growth of
ideas and the progress of ideals in such a society is rapid and along
the right lines.
Never try to have the last word, but always refrain from saying it.
Do not enter into tête-à-tête conversation in the presence of others,
or refer to any topic of conversation which is not of common interest
and commonly known. Mysterious allusions or assumed understandings
with one or two members of a group are insults to the others.
Inquiries into private affairs should never be made, but those on the
subjects of age and income are especially obnoxious, and merit for the
inquirer the cool silence which they usually obtain.
The loud-voiced, aggressive person, whose opinions are alone of vital
moment in his estimation, and who will not yield a point in an
argument, is much to be dreaded in any company, and effectually brings
to an end any general conversation into which he intrudes.
When addressing people face to face, it is necessary to give them
their social or professional titles, if the latter be such as have
influence on social rank, no matter if such titles are not inscribed
on the visiting card of the person possessing them, or are purely
honorary.
It is not now customary to add "Madam," or "Sir," or the colloquial
equivalent of the former,--"m'am" or "m'm,"--to "Yes" and "No," even
by children.
_Correspondence_
Letter writing is a high art, and can give great pleasure to one's
friends. It must not, however, be intemperately indulged in, either in
frequency, length of letters, or freedom of expression. A timely note
is a great binder of friendship, and may give comfort and satisfaction
much greater than a longer letter at a less important moment.
The danger of letter writing is that one is tempted to pour out one's
inmost feelings with thoughtless abandon, and find later that the
relative or friend to whom the letter was addressed was unworthy of
the confidence, or, if not unworthy, was repelled by it, or
indiscreet in guarding it. It is always wise for one to restrain his
expression of himself, when writing or speaking, within the bounds of
dignity and a self-respecting reserve.
The classic letters of literature are usually those the fervor of
expression and self-revelation of which gave them a strong human
interest, but in the preservation and publication of which sacred
confidence was violated. The average letter of the average man or
woman is by no means a classic, or worthy of preservation. It should
be destroyed when it has fulfilled the immediate purpose for which it
was written. It may otherwise sometime be instrumental in bringing
ridicule, if not shame, upon the unsuspecting writer.
As letter writing is the most common form of composition, the general
rules pertaining to that art should be observed in even the most
informal of letters.
All letters should be concise and definite. An involved style is a
great waste of time and mental power, and has no advantage.
A letter should be written on consecutive pages, unless it be very
short, in which case it is preferable to use the first and third,
rather than only the first and second, pages. It should never be
written so that the sheet has to be turned around and the pages read
at different angles. The turning over of the pages should be all that
is necessary.
If, however, social note paper is used for a short business letter to
a business man, open the sheet out flat, turn it so that the left side
becomes the top of the sheet, and use as you would a single large
sheet of commercial paper. This enables the reader to see the whole
matter at a glance.
Do not scrawl your letter over the page; but do not, on the other
hand, appear to economize in paper. Make the place and date lines
clear and distinct. Set off the salutation from the body of the
letter, and make the form of the letter upon the page artistic and
concise. Paper is cheap, and the delight of receiving a letter well
framed in even margins and written on regular, if invisible, lines is
a pleasure easily afforded a friend.
The letter should be begun about two inches down from the upper edge
of the paper. The left-hand margin should be three-quarters of an
inch, with paragraph indention an inch more. The lower margin also
should be three-quarters of an inch, and the right margin should be
kept even and, for best effect, almost as wide as the left margin.
Do not run on the letter without paragraphing it, but place each
subject in a paragraph by itself.
A business letter should always go straight to the point.
A note of apology should be direct, and say but the one thing which is
its subject.
A note asking a favor should do it simply and without unnecessary
preamble. The sense of freedom or intimacy which permits one to ask a
favor, should be great enough to obviate the necessity of long
explanation, which seems like coaxing.
The refusal of a request requires tact, and may necessitate less
directness than courteous explanation: but it should not be so
extended as to be apologetic.
A letter of thanks is difficult, but too great effusiveness is as
disgusting as too great abruptness is unsatisfactory. The elusive but
happy medium is the work of the socially well-trained.
_Paper_
The grade of paper used is a matter of no small moment. Some people
affect a fastidiousness in color and quality quite out of keeping with
the purpose to which the paper is to be put. Others affect an opposite
slovenliness, which shows equal disregard of use and effectiveness.
A good quality of paper is essential to elegance. Plain white or cream
white paper, unlined, with either rough or smooth finish, is always
correct, and is the only kind for formal social correspondence. For
more intimate letters ladies sometimes use a pale blue, delicate
pearl-gray, light lavender or heliotrope, or a Colonial buff. There
has lately been imported the style of an envelope with lining of
another color and paper to match, in a variety of bright tints and
striking designs. These styles, even in the daintier variations of
them, appeal only to the younger members of the "smart set." Gentlemen
never use any but white stationery.
Correspondence cards are a great convenience for the very shortest of
messages, where even the small note paper is too large. They are to
social letter writing what the postal is in business. They, like the
postal, should be used only for brief messages of no special
importance, or for notifications.
It is a matter of taste and of expense to have one's monogram or home
address engraved at the top of choice note paper or letter paper. This
may be in gilt, silver, or colors.
The more common forms of heading are centered an inch below the top of
the paper, but may be placed somewhat lower down, and to the right,
leaving about three-quarters of an inch margin. In this case the date
line follows. Engraved and embossed headings are the most elegant, and
printed ones should be used only for business purposes. There can,
however, be no objection to a very neatly printed small heading for
personal business correspondence, if it is tastefully done in a quiet
color. While it would not be acceptable for formal social
correspondence, it does very well on more intimate letters and saves
the necessity of writing each time the home address. It is best to use
printed letterheads, rather than commit the blunder now so common,
among those who do not habitually use engraved paper, of omitting the
address from the letter. This, in case the letter is misdirected, and
travels to the Dead-Letter Office, prevents effectually its
restoration to the writer.
The size of note paper suited to the letter to be written should be
used. Do not start with a small note size, and run on over several
sheets. The letter size should have been taken in the first place, as
the note is only for such messages as are essentially short.
The forms of heading which are permissible at the top of the personal
letter paper are the following: a crest, monogram, or the separate
initials; the name of the home if, as an estate, it has a special
title; the name of the city and state; or the street address, with the
name of the city and state beneath.
When in mourning, it is customary to use a note paper and envelopes
surrounded with a narrow black border. The border should not exceed
three-eighths of an inch in width, and three-sixteenths of an inch
during the period of half mourning. Sometimes only a black line with
the monogram is used.
Scented note paper is not in good taste, except perhaps that which has
a very faint odor of violets or of orris root, or, in the Southland,
of orange blossoms.
_Ink_
Colored inks are not liked or approved of by society. A good
blue-black ink is the best for all writing.
Pale inks, too faint to be easily seen, and too lacking in stock to
last any length of time, are useless.
_Handwriting_
Illegibility in handwriting, or a stilted and difficult hand, is a
great waste of time and energy, mainly the would-be reader's. There is
no excuse, in these days of the typewriter and of common knowledge of
stenography, for an illegible letter or manuscript, and the
carelessness which writes too hurriedly to form the letters is
excusable only in the gravest emergency and between intimate friends,
where the inconvenience caused by it will be, for personal reasons,
gladly forgiven. Some handwritings which are thoroughly legible are
extremely tiring to the reader, and the simpler, less ornate hand is
for every purpose preferable.
The affectation of a handwriting which enables you to put but few
words on a page, is absurd and vulgar in the extreme. Yet, on the
other hand, a too delicate or minute hand is not desirable.
Legibility, neatness, and clearness are the salient virtues of a
letter.
The use of the typewriter is confined to business. It is still very
bad form to use it for personal letters; but should elegant script and
small, clear forms of type, such as are furnished by one or two of the
machines now on the market, be in common use, there is little doubt
but what the speed of service and the advantages of clearness would
bring the typewriter into use in intimate, and perhaps at last into
more formal, social correspondence. The tendency seems to lie in that
direction.
_Sealing, Stamping, and Directing Envelopes_
Neatness is especially necessary in the folding of letters, and in
addressing, stamping, and sealing the envelopes. Haste and
slovenliness here take away the suggestion of compliment in the
courtesy of the note, and are as insulting as any rudeness of manner
can well be.
The fastidious and leisurely still seal their envelopes with wax,
imprinting thus their monogram. The well-gummed envelope now in vogue
makes this superfluous for the ordinary informal letter. Addresses
should be written with an eye to legibility, and the stamp should be
affixed to the upper right-hand corner of the envelope with care and
neatness. Social invitations, although engraved and therefore
containing no handwriting, should always be sent with letter postage.
Letters should be plainly and completely addressed to insure their
safe and prompt delivery.
Persons who have a large business correspondence should use for it
envelopes on which their name and post office address are printed in
the upper left-hand corner. In social correspondence these should be
clearly written or engraved upon the back of the envelope.
Sometimes where a business firm is small or little known, it
facilitates the delivery of a business letter to place the number of
the office room in a building upon the envelope. Where, however, the
firm is so large that probably the entire mail is carried from the
post office in bags, or where a post office box is doubtless made use
of instead of the carriers' delivery, even the street number is
superfluous. Letters for departments should be so marked.
If the city is one of the largest in the country, the name of the
state is not added; as, New York City, Boston, Chicago, and
Philadelphia would stand alone.
Only a business letter should have the word "City" in place of the
name of the city, and it is better to write the name, omitting, if you
choose, the state. This is permissible only when the central post
office is used, as the postmark of any suburban station might cause
confusion, and railway post office clerks, especially, should not be
expected to guess accurately the intents of a writer.
When street addresses like "Broadway," "Park Row," "Aborn Drive," are
written, it is superfluous to write "St." after them.
The older form of writing an address was to end each line with a
comma. The more recent style, and one coming into quite common use, is
to omit the comma, using only such punctuation as the sense of the
words within the line demands. Either way is permissible.
Uniformity and concise clearness are characteristics of a well-written
address. An address should be written as follows:
Mr. Frankel Banchman,
15 Westland Avenue,
Philadelphia,
Pa.
If the directions are to be included, then the following arrangement
is better:
Mrs. Arthur L. Casson,
North Maplewood,
Chestnut County,
Care of Mr. Hiram Casson. N. Y.
The sign of per cent is no longer used to signify "care of."
A clergyman is addressed "The Reverend John L. Wrigley, D. D.," or,
less correctly, "Rev. John L. Wrigley, D. D.," which may be transposed
to "Rev. Dr. John L. Wrigley." The omission of the article before the
word "Reverend" is quite common.
A physician is properly addressed, "Algernon Brigham, M. D.," and the
salutation is "Dear Dr. Brigham," or "Dear Doctor," if he is an
intimate friend. A man having the title of Doctor with any other
significance than that of Doctor of Medicine, is usually addressed
"Dr. Frederic V. Harlan." A very formal way, however, would be to
address such a one,--supposing each of the titles to be his,--as
"Professor Frederic V. Harlan, Ph. D." For the letter, the salutations
"Dear Professor Harlan" and "Dear Dr. Harlan" are equally correct.
A letter to the President of the United States should be addressed
simply with that title and with no further specification of name,
whether it be official or social: as, "To the President of the United
States, Executive Mansion, Washington, D. C." The salutation should be
simply "Sir." The conclusion should be, "I have the honor to remain
Your obedient servant." If a social letter it may be addressed either
formally or "To the President of the United States, (Christian name
and surname), Executive Mansion," etc. The salutation would then be
"My dear Mr. President."
The Vice President should be addressed officially in the same form;
that is, "To the Vice President, Hon. Chester A. Arthur." He should be
saluted, officially, "Mr. Vice President, Sir;" socially, "My dear Mr.
Arthur."
In addressing the governor of a state the superscription should be,
"To His Excellency, The Governor of Massachusetts, State House,
Boston." The salutation should be "Sir," if official, but "Dear
Governor Barnard," if social. The conclusion of an official letter
should read, "I have the honor to be, Sir, Your Excellency's most
obedient servant."
The mayor of a city is addressed, "To His Honor, The Mayor of
Chicago." Within, he is saluted officially as "Your Honor," socially
as "My dear Mayor Sewall."
Ambassadors of any country, whatever their personal distinction, may
be given the title of "Honorable," and their rank placed after the
surname. As, "Honorable Whitelaw Reid, Ambassador to the Court of St.
James." They may always be addressed as "Your Excellency."
The members of the Cabinet of the President of the United States are
always addressed as "Honorable," and the name of their department, or
their title added: as, "The Honorable, The Secretary of State." To
give the name would be superfluous, as in the case of the President.
On formal invitations, however, when the Secretary and his wife are
entertaining, the form is, "The Secretary of State and Mrs. Hay
request the honor," etc.
Invitations which come to one because of his official position are not
intended for personal compliments, hence are addressed to the office,
not to the man personally.
An invitation from the President of the United States is equal to a
command, and may not be declined. Other engagements must be broken for
it, and only grave calamity or illness should excuse one, the excuse
being frankly stated instead of mere formal expressions of regret.
In ceremonious notes abbreviations should never be used.
Should one address the ruler of England, the superscription would be,
"His Majesty, The King, London." The salutation would be, "Sir;" the
conclusion, "I have the honor to be, Sir, Your Majesty's most obedient
servant."
"His Grace the Duke of Fife" is the form of address for a Duke; "My
Lord Duke" being the salutation, and "Your Grace's most obedient
servant" the subscription.
In writing to the Pope of the Roman Catholic Church, one should
address the letter to "His Holiness, Pope ----, Rome." The salutation
should be "Your Holiness," but the conclusion remains the same form as
for other dignitaries. A Cardinal of the same church is addressed "To
His Eminence (Christian name) Cardinal (surname)," and greeted as
"Your Eminence." Formality should be strictly observed.
An Archbishop of the Church of England is addressed, "The Most
Reverend (name) His Grace the Lord Archbishop of (name of bishopric)."
The salutation is "My Lord Archbishop;" the subscription, "I have the
honor to be, with the highest respect, Your Grace's most humble
servant." A Bishop is addressed "The Right Reverend the Lord Bishop of
(name of diocese)." He is saluted "My Lord Bishop."
In the United States the Bishops of the Protestant Episcopal Church,
who are not here Lords, are addressed, singly, as "The Right Reverend
(Christian name and surname). D. D.," or "The Right Reverend Bishop
of (name of diocese)." They are saluted, singly, "Most Reverend Sir."
The word "To" may precede a formal or ceremonious address, adding to
the formality.
An envelope containing a letter or card of introduction should never
be sealed, if presented in person by the party introduced. If,
however, he should deliver it by messenger,--an exceptional procedure,
and one not to be followed by a man except in unusual
circumstances,--the envelope may be sealed.
No letter sent through the kindness of a friend should ever be sealed.
The envelope should bear, in the lower left-hand corner, the
acknowledgment of the favor in words like "Kindness of Miss
Hallowell."
_Salutation, Conclusion, and Signature of Letters_
A stranger should be saluted as follows: "Mr. Eugene Motley, My dear
Sir;" "Mrs. Alonzo Parmenter, Dear Madam;" or "Eugene Motley, Esq., My
dear Sir." These are forms slightly more formal than "My dear Mr.
Motley," or "My dear Mrs. Parmenter," which in America are strangely
considered more formal than "Dear Mr. Motley," or "Dear Mrs.
Parmenter," although in England the reverse is true. Therefore, a mere
acquaintance is addressed "My dear Mrs. Judson," while a friend is
addressed "Dear Mr. Clark."
A married woman signs her name, as "Ethel Husted," and then puts her
formal name, "Mrs. Hollis Husted," in brackets a little to the left of
and a little below the other.
Never sign a title. The name only is your signature. It may be
necessary to write the title in brackets and at the left, as "(Miss)"
or "(Mrs.)," but it should never be part of the signature. Such notes
as demand the use of the title are put in the third person.
The date should be at the end of a social note, in the lower left-hand
corner, and should be written out, with the name of the year omitted
and no figures used. The grammatical form is "The ninth of December,"
never "December the ninth," nor "December ninth."
In business letters the salutation for a firm name is "Dear Sir," or
"Gentlemen." Where two married women go into business together, there
seems to be in English no combined title to take the place of the
French, so that is generally used, and that is "Mesdames," abbreviated
"Mmes." before their names.
The formal conclusions of letters are: "Respectfully yours," used to a
superior; "Sincerely yours," or "Truly yours," used largely in
business, or the same forms with the adverb "Very" preceding them.
Less formal terms are: "Cordially yours," "Fraternally yours," or the
pronoun with any appropriate adverb which the originality of the
writer may suggest. Less abrupt, but not less formal, endings are:
"With best regards, I am," etc.; "With kindest regards, I remain,"
etc.; "Believe me Very sincerely yours."
For intimate letters either to relatives or friends no specified
suggestions are needed. The ordinary form, "Your affectionate
daughter," or "niece," etc., may, however, be employed, in dearth of
special inspiration.
Distinction is sometimes made between business and social letters by
the position of "Yours,"--it being placed before the adverb in social
correspondence, and after in business. The tone of the letter may be
left to guide in this matter. There is an abruptness always somewhat
unpleasant in the use of the adverb alone.
Make the beginning and ending of a letter the same in degree of
cordiality. Do not begin formally "My dear Madam," and end "Cordially
yours."
Every letter should be signed with the full name of the writer. A
possible exception might be made of those addressed to members of
one's own family, where the use of the Christian name only would mean
no ambiguity, or where the signing of the surname gives a touch of
formality. It is well, however, to remember that letters placed in
the post take the chances of fortune, and, with the plainest of
addresses, may, by the absence of the person or for some other cause,
bring up in the Dead-Letter Office. Their resurrection there will
depend upon their containing the full name of the sender as well as
his address. If a letter is valuable enough to send, it is valuable
enough to sign, even if the signature be double,--first the familiar
or given name, and then, in the lower left-hand corner, the full name.
It is well to use always the name which is your legal signature. This
will prevent confusion, and forestall the possibility of your putting,
from force of habit, the wrong form of your name upon a legal
document.
It is well to write one's name in full. Three complete names are none
too many for individual distinction in so crowded a world as is ours.
If, however, the middle one is represented by an initial only, always
write it uniformly. It is better, if the form with initial only has
not become really established, to use the full name, although it may
be long.
The form of one's signature and the style of the handwriting soon
become habitual. Therefore, every effort should be made to make and
keep it legible. An illegible signature is unpardonable,--save perhaps
on a page at the top of which a printed or engraved letterhead gives
the name in full. There is, however, the danger that the writer of the
illegible signature will sometime sign his name on a legal document,
or a sheet not bearing his letterhead, and the signature stand for
nothing.
_Letters of Introduction_
A letter of introduction should never be requested. If it is offered
it is a sign of great regard. If it is greatly desired, it might be
well to acquaint the person, in whose power it is to offer it, with
the circumstances and interests which make it desirable, but never to
do more than this.
The advisability of giving letters of introduction depends upon the
circumstances. Between business acquaintances and for business
purposes, it is a common form of establishing connection among various
interests, and, if done with discrimination, is to be approved. It
should, however, even in business be done sparingly, as it is a matter
of personal friendship, usually, and as no one has a right to make
numerous or exacting demands upon one's friends.
Socially it is a matter of great delicacy, and should have even more
restrictions put upon it than does the introduction in company. For
the written introduction is used because distance prevents the
personal one, and that usually throws the recipient of such a letter
into the position of host to the traveler or newcomer, or at least of
benefactor to some degree. It places upon him an obligation not
involved in the verbal introduction, and the presumption is that he is
to do some favor, or show some special attention.
Letters of introduction may be explanatory or brief. Brevity is
preferable, but circumstances must determine.
A visiting card is often used with the words "Introducing Mr. Allan
Golding to Mr. Morris," or similar form, written across the top. The
card should be enclosed in a small envelope and left unsealed.
A brief form of letter simply says: "Permit me to introduce to your
favorable notice Mr. Silas Emerson."
A more explicit form would be a letter the body of which would
resemble the following:
"The bearer, Mr. Mark W. Allen, who is an old friend and neighbor of
mine, represents the Altmann Irrigation Company, and is desirous of
obtaining information in regard to the system of waterways lately put
into your county. Knowing your influential position in regard to all
matters of public interest, I have sent him to you in the hope that
you may be able to put him in touch with the people who will give him
the desired information. Any favor that you may do Mr. Allen, or any
courtesy that you may extend to him, will be deeply appreciated by
me."
A purely social letter of introduction would say in substance: "Mrs.
Arthur L. Westmore, who presents this letter to you, is an intimate
and cherished friend of mine, and one whom I know you would desire to
meet. She is to spend some little time in your city, and any courtesy
that you may do her I shall deeply appreciate. I have told her of our
friendship, and she knows how highly I value you, and is eager to meet
you."
When a letter of introduction is given, it is well to write the
receiver concerning the friend who will present it, that he may not be
taken unawares, nor continue long ignorant of the claims of that
friend upon him.
A gentleman usually presents such a letter by calling in person and
sending in the letter, together with one of his personal cards, by the
servant who answers the bell, or by the office boy. A lady usually
mails the letter and one of her cards giving her address. She should
receive an acknowledgment with a call or offer of hospitality within a
day or two.
A person who makes use of a letter of introduction should acknowledge
to the giver the courtesy he has received, with due gratitude.
_Letters of Recommendation_
Letters of recommendation should be sparingly given. It is becoming
less and less important, in the minds of experienced employers, to
demand references. The personality of the applicant counts, and the
varying traits which different positions cultivate make the
experiences of the past of but little guidance, save in a broad and
general way.
The giving of recommendations at random, "To whom it may concern," is
also less done than formerly, as there is such uncertainty in regard
to their use. Instead of this, the servant is told that she may use
the former mistress's name as reference. The new, would-be employer
then writes a note of inquiry to the former employer.
In replying to such a note great conscientiousness should be shown.
Full justice should be done the servant. Only the truth should be
told, and as much of it as a generous heart and wise conscience,
coupled with a sense of responsibility toward the inquirer, permit.
These letters should be brief and not effusive on any point, nor
evasive of the issue at stake.
Never write to another, asking for information, or a favor of any
kind, without enclosing a stamped and addressed envelope for reply.
_Third-person Letters_
Letters are written in the third person in answer to formal
invitations so worded, and in correspondence between people but
slightly acquainted or known to each other only by reputation, persons
not social equals, and by tradespeople and their patrons.
Great care should be taken to preserve the impersonal diction
throughout the letter, and to refrain from signing it. The tone should
always be formal and very polite.
An order may take the form of a request, as "Will Mr. Sutherland
please . . . and oblige," with the signature of the writer.
_Informal Invitations and Announcements_
In inviting a friend to visit you, it is customary to mention the
length of the visit, setting a definite date for it and limit to it.
This makes it possible for both hostess and guest to arrange other
engagements.
A time-table of the trains, if the guest comes from the distance, with
an account of the trolley lines, if from near at hand, should be
enclosed.
The engagement of a daughter may be announced by informal notes to
one's whole circle of friends and acquaintances. The following form
of note may serve as a suggestion: "I am sure that you will join our
household in sympathy with Eleanor in her happiness when I tell you
that she has just announced her engagement to Mr. Harold Farnham, a
man of whom her father and I thoroughly approve. The wedding will not
take place for some months, but felicitations are in order."
_Letters of Condolence_
A letter of condolence should be short and quite sincere, or else the
courteous custom of sending it is more honored in the breach than in
the observance.
Such letters should be sent very promptly.
To expatiate to any extent whatever upon the bereavement is heartless
or thoughtless, and as there is no danger of ambiguity, the letter
does not need to account for itself in any way.
The following letter is as explicit as any letter of condolence need
ever be, and the second form is preferable, unless great intimacy
makes the less abrupt one permissible.
"DEAR MR. LEGROW:
I have read of your bereavement with the deepest
sorrow. I cannot tell you how fully I sympathize with
you and your children, or how my heart aches for you
in your loneliness. May you have strength and grace
to bear up under the great loss you have sustained.
Sincerely yours,
MARGARET EDELSTONE."
"DEAR MRS. HILCOX:
You have my deepest sympathy.
Ever cordially yours,
MILDRED HASSELTINE."
_Answering Letters_
Business letters should be answered by return mail, as should also all
invitations to dinner or luncheon.
All invitations should be answered within a day if possible, because
delay looks like a reluctance to accept. They should certainly be
answered, either personally or by letter, within a week after the
invitation is received.
Friendly letters should have such promptness of response as
circumstances and the intimacy of the friendship demand.
Notes of congratulation and felicitation should be sent promptly after
receiving the card or note announcement of an engagement or a birth,
and in the latter case at least, should be followed by a call.
A personal visiting card, with the words "Thank you for sympathy"
written over the name, is sufficient acknowledgment of letters of
condolence. To very intimate friends, however, the spontaneous note of
thanks would be more courteous. As it is almost impossible, at such a
time, to attend to matters of social intercourse, the sending of the
card is always permissible, and can occasion no offense, even if the
more intimate acknowledgment was hoped for.