is often so beautiful and enchanting--it so deeply fixes his
attention, and enchains his affections--that he turns with an eye
of comparative indifference from the objects and pursuits to which
he has been previously devoted, under a full conviction that they
cannot _now_ yield him the gratification they once did; and that
he cannot _now_ derive permanent happiness, except from that new
source of felicity which he has discovered. It is, when he is under
these novel and powerful impressions, that the long neglected
Bible discloses new beauties; no theme of meditation or discussion
presents any subduing charm in comparison with Christ Jesus, and him
crucified; and having felt the transition from a state of spiritual
death to a newness of life, to be attended by such hallowed
emotions, he is in danger of anticipating too large a portion of
spiritual enjoyment, which not unfrequently becomes the occasion of
great mental perplexity, and sometimes of deep depression.
During the continuance of her indisposition Miss Holmes felt so
intensely interested in reading her Bible, that she might clearly
understand the sublime theory of the Christian faith, and so
absorbed in her spiritual exercises, that her health sustained
some injury by the severity of her application. As a very natural
consequence, a shade of melancholy was cast over her spirit. She
was forewarned of the possibility of such an effect being produced;
but the usual apology which she made to her pious mother was, "Can
I take too much interest in that important subject, into which
angels desire to look? or can I ever hope for a more favourable time
for its investigation than the present, when I am precluded from
mingling in the employments or the amusements of the world?"
The following form of self-dedication to God she now drew up and
signed, having vowed in the most solemn manner to observe it to the
full extent of her pledge:--
"Eternal and unchangeable Jehovah! thou glorious Creator of heaven
and earth, and adorable Lord of angels and men, I desire with the
deepest humiliation and abasement of soul, to bow down at this
time in thine awful presence, and earnestly pray, that thou wilt
impress my heart with a clear perception of thine unutterable and
inconceivable glories.
"To thee do I now come, invited by the exceeding great and precious
promises of thy Word; trusting for acceptance in the efficacy of
the Saviour's death, beseeching thee to 'be merciful unto me a
sinner.' The irregular propensities of my depraved nature have in
ten thousand aggravated instances wrought to bring forth fruit unto
death. And if thou shouldst be strict to mark my offences, I must be
silent under a load of guilt, and immediately sink into destruction.
But thou hast graciously called me to return to thee, though I have
been a backsliding child. I come unto thee, O Lord, convinced not
only of my sin, but of my folly; and while I implore mercy through
the mediation of Jesus Christ, I would be no less importunate for
the purifying influences of the Holy Spirit, that I may be entirely
conformed to thee. Permit me to bring unto thee those powers and
faculties which I have ungratefully alienated from thy service; and
receive, I beseech thee, thy poor revolted creature, who is now
convinced of thy right to her, and who desires nothing in the world
so much as to be thine.
"I bring to thee a dark benighted mind, to be illuminated with
Divine knowledge. Thou hast the words of eternal life; I therefore
resign my understanding to thy teaching. I bring to thee a corrupt
and deceitful heart; do thou cleanse and make it upright before
thee. Do thou expel all the evils which lurk within it, and make it
a temple for thyself. May the same mind which was in Christ Jesus be
in me. May I possess the same humility which he displayed, the same
indifference to the riches and the pleasures of the world, the same
spirit of zeal for thine honour, and of benevolence towards man. May
I ever wear the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit; be enabled to
adorn the profession which I hope to make; and finally be admitted
into the kingdom of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
"And I do now most solemnly give myself unto thee, as one whom
thou hast made alive from the dead, with a firm and unalterable
determination to live devoted to thee; loving thee supremely,
walking in thy fear, and glorifying thee in my body and my spirit,
which are thine."
The practice of self-dedication, which is often recommended to the
young Christian, may tend to increase his reverence for God, and to
make him more watchful over his own spirit; but unless he has very
clear perceptions of the way of salvation, it may be productive
of essential spiritual injury. For though we are told in the most
express language, that "we are saved by grace through faith, and
that not of ourselves, it is the gift of God; not of works, lest
any man should boast;" yet when the distinction between obedience,
as the fruit of faith, and obedience as the hope of reward, is
not accurately and perpetually observed, there is a danger of
contracting a self-righteous spirit, which by aiming at personal
perfection for ostentatious display, or as a source of mental
confidence, may bring the soul into a state of spiritual bondage.
Miss Holmes having most solemnly dedicated herself to God, and
formed a sanguine opinion of the high capabilities of the renewed
mind, began to prescribe a set of rules for her self-government,
which she resolved to observe. If these rules had related merely to
her conduct in social life, she might have kept them; but as they
included the regulation of the disposition, and the frame of her
mind towards God, they were founded on a mistaken conception of her
own ability. They imperceptibly diverted her attention from the
perfect righteousness of Jesus Christ, by faith in which sinners
are accepted and justified, to a laborious effort to attain a high
degree of sinless excellence; and as she progressively discovered
so many, and such lamentable defects in her obedience, the peace of
mind which she enjoyed when "first she knew the Lord" was destroyed,
and she gradually sunk into a state of despondency. By making this
fatal, yet common mistake, she was led to the conclusion, that the
attainments of the genuine Christian were placed beyond her reach,
and that it would be an act of presumption if she attempted to
acquire them.
An evangelical ministry is instituted to promote the edification
of them that believe, no less than to convert sinners from the
error of their ways; to guard them against those misconceptions of
truth, which may prove injurious to their happiness and spiritual
prosperity; and to explain that mysteriousness which rests over
their earlier experience, when there is a constant, and often
a rapid interchange of hope and of fear, of sorrow and of joy,
of a bright prospect of future blessedness, and a foreboding
apprehension of future woe. Those who attend such a ministry,
partake of the advantages of it, without being conscious of the
benefit which they receive; but if indisposition, or any other
circumstance, prevent a Christian from availing himself of this
ordinance of grace, he may linger for a long time, especially in the
earlier stages of the spiritual life, in a state of great mental
perplexity, and may gradually sink into a morbid depression, without
being able either to remove or account for it.
Domestic engagements prevented Mrs. Loader from paying a visit to
the Elms; but the following letter is a proof of the deep interest
which she took in the welfare of her friend, and also of her ability
to give her judicious counsel:--
"MY DEAR LOUISA,--I am fearful lest you should construe my
silence into indifference; but I flatter myself, that the
following explanation will protect me from such an imputation.
I was from home when yours of last month arrived; and since my
return, family matters so engaged my attention, that I have
been prevented replying to it. It is impossible for words to
express the pleasure I felt on the perusal of your first very
interesting letter; and though the degree of that pleasure was
somewhat diminished on the reception of your second, yet I
cannot refrain from offering you my sincere congratulations,
on account of what the Lord has done for you, and is still
doing. Clouds and darkness are often round about him, while
he is silently and unobserved carrying on his own work; and
when it is not in our power to trace the operation of his
hand, we are required to stand still, and he will show us his
salvation. In the early experience of the Christian there are
many circumstances which perplex and confound him, and which
appear to place his good hope in the most imminent danger; but
it is the province of faith calmly to wait the issue, which is
certain, and will be glorious.
"I am not surprised, my dear Louisa, that you should regret
having made what you call a premature disclosure of your
Christian experience, especially as you begin to entertain some
strong doubts of its being genuine. This is very natural, and
very common. If the experimental influence of the truth fell
under the immediate observation of our senses, we should be
able to mark its progress with the most perfect accuracy; but
as the seat of its first and most powerful operations is the
heart--that province which the eye can never penetrate; and as
it merely diffuses itself over the exercise of our intellectual
and moral faculties, without acting alone, and independently of
them, we almost necessarily, at times, suspect whether we have
ever felt it. It is true, we may see a change in our conduct,
and a change in the disposition and temper of our mind; but as
this uniformly takes place in consequence of our full conviction
of its propriety, we may, especially in a gloomy hour, be
incapable of tracing it up to a supernatural cause.
"The first impressions of Divine truth on the heart are
generally strong and deep--they produce a powerful excitement
of the affections; and such is the intense degree of interest
which is sometimes felt at such a period, that no variation
is anticipated, except it be some higher and more blissful
elevation of soul--some ascent to a spiritual Pisgah, from
whence the lot of our future inheritance with the saints in
light may be clearly seen. But when the mind becomes more
familiar with the sublime truths of religion, they lose somewhat
of their novelty; and though they still retain their ascendency
over the judgment, yet the impressions which they produce become
less powerful. This change in the feelings often induces the
young Christian to suspect, that the cause of its original
production must be found, not in the grace of God, but the
uninfluenced operations of his own faculties and passions. It is
when the mind is thus variously exercised, that the invisible
enemy of our peace often comes to augment our perplexity, by
insinuating, that if we were renewed, the fact of our renovation
would be so conspicuous, that we could never doubt it--that
if we did really love the Lord, our love would glow with
undiminished ardour--that if our faith were genuine, we should
never be permitted to stagger at any of the promises of God
through unbelief--that if we were made partakers of the Divine
nature, we should for ever escape the corruption that is in the
world--and if our spiritual emotions were actually produced
by the operation of a supernatural power, they would neither
subside nor fluctuate.
"If then, my dear Louisa, you should doubt, where others have
doubted before you, and if you should feel those causes of
perplexity and depression operating on your mind, under which
the faithful in Christ Jesus in every age have laboured, you
ought to comfort yourself by the reflection that you are now
passing through the usual trials of Christian experience. If you
had no doubts, you would have cause to fear; and if you knew no
change of feeling, you would have cause to suspect your change
of heart.
'Come then--a still, small whisper in your ear,--
_She_ has no hope, who never had a fear:
And _she_ that never doubted of _her_ state,
_She_ may perhaps--perhaps _she_ may, too late.'
"I am happy to find, by your last letter, that you have
disclosed the state of your mind to your dear parents; for
while I certainly approve of the motive which induced you to
conceal it from them, yet I think you have acted wisely in
breaking through your resolution. As they so often wept over
you, when you were living without God, and without Christ in
the world; and have, with so much fervour, intermingled their
supplications at the footstool of the Divine throne for your
conversion, it would have been an act of unkindness to have kept
them in a state of ignorance on a subject in which they are so
deeply interested. You should communicate to them not only the
general fact, that you are _now become 'a fellow-heir of the
grace of life,'_ but also the perplexities which disquiet and
depress you, as they are so well qualified to give you that
instruction and consolation which you may require. It is by
giving vent to the feelings of the soul, that we gain relief
from our most poignant griefs; and though you perhaps can more
readily communicate your experience to an absent friend than
to your own parents, yet, if you make the effort, the barrier
which obstructs an unreserved disclosure of all you feel, and
all you fear, will soon be broken down, and then your spiritual
intercourse will be free and unfettered. It will require, on
your part, I have no doubt, a great sacrifice of feeling, to
take the step which I now venture to recommend; but you know who
has said, My grace shall be sufficient for thee--as thy day,
thy strength shall be; and if you by prayer and supplication
with thanksgiving, make your request unto Him, He will give you
wisdom and strength to follow the advice I now offer.
"I have often regretted your removal from London, especially
when I found that you are not favoured with an evangelical
ministry in the church. This circumstance must operate as a
serious drawback upon your social happiness; and now you are
brought to feel the importance of religion, I am not surprised
that you should deeply deplore it. You ask me what you are
to do, now you are able to attend public worship. This is an
important question, but I feel no hesitation in giving you the
advice which I have given to others, who have been placed in
similar circumstances. If there be no Dissenting chapel within
a convenient distance, in which the gospel is preached, go to
your parish church as usual, to avoid the appearance of Sabbath
profanation; but if there be one, I think it your duty to attend
there. I do not recommend you to secede, for the mere sake of
secession; but for your spiritual improvement, which will depend
more on a pure evangelical ministry, than any other secondary
cause. Some, I am aware, would urge you to prefer your parish
church to a Dissenting chapel, even if the minister be an
irreligious man, and to stay there till it shall please God to
introduce the gospel into it; but as it is not in my power to
reconcile such advice with the injunction of our Lord, _Take
heed what ye hear_, you cannot expect that I can approve of such
a course. The eminently devout Christian loves the habitation
of the Lord's house, and the place where his honour dwelleth;
but we have no reason to believe that God visits any place with
the manifestations of his love, where the minister does not
preach salvation by grace through faith. But suffer the word of
exhortation. You are now coming out amongst the difficulties
of a public profession of religion; one friend may recommend
you to adopt one plan, and another, another; and the more you
consult, the more you may be perplexed, till at length you may
be incapable of coming to any decision. To obviate this evil,
go and meditate seriously on the following passage--'Trust in
the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own
understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall
direct thy paths.' Reduce to practice the admonition of the wise
man, and you will find that the Lord will give wisdom, as well
as strength.
"I am much obliged by your kind invitation to the Elms, and
intend, as soon as I can leave home, to pay you a visit, when
I hope to find you in perfect health. Remember me very kindly
to every member of your family, and believe me to be, yours
affectionately,
E. LOADER."
One of the most common-place charges which is brought against
evangelical religion, is, that it has a tendency to make its
possessor melancholy; and if we were to form our judgment of it
from the appearance and manner of some who profess it, we should
be disposed to admit its correctness. They not only abstain
from all the pleasures and amusements of the social circle; but
habitually wear a gloom on their countenance, which indicates a
singular dejection and moroseness of spirit. But this dejection
of spirit, which we may sometimes discover in a professor of
evangelical religion, is not produced by his religious principles,
but by his sense of personal guilt, and his want of that assurance
of forgiveness, which the gospel of Jesus Christ is intended to
convey. He may be permitted to remain for a season, by the Holy One
of Israel, whose laws he has violated, and whom he has neglected
to glorify, under the sentence of self-condemnation; but when he
is enabled to rely on the atonement made by Jesus Christ, and to
appropriate the promise of mercy, he enjoys the peace which passeth
all understanding. If then, we wish to form a correct estimate
of the real tendency of evangelical truth, we must not go to the
penitent sinner while he is suffering under the deep convictions
of guilt, as then he is more prone to put from him the words of
consolation, than to embrace them; but we must go to the established
believer, who, having received the truth in the love of it, is
enjoying its sacred and blissful influence. He will repel the charge
as a libel on his faith, and unblushingly avow, that he never knew
solid and substantial happiness till he derived it from communion
with God, through the mediation of Jesus Christ, and a hope of being
presented faultless in his immediate presence. And though the spirit
of scepticism, which is so prevalent in all ranks of society, may
ridicule such an avowal, as a delusion attempted to be practised on
human credulity, yet surely no one, on reflection, can presume to
say that a Christian is not competent to bear testimony to a fact of
his own experience. The religious principles which he has embraced,
are represented by those who have never felt their influence, as
having a tendency to make their possessor melancholy; and yet he
declares that he has had more mental satisfaction since he embraced
them than he ever had before. Whose testimony shall we admit to be
most conclusive?--the testimony of those who are entirely ignorant
of the subject, or of those whose knowledge qualifies them to
speak? Suppose, for example, a question to arise respecting the
excellencies or defects of a piece of music, we should not venture
to place any dependence on the opinion of a man who has no taste
for the science. If we did, we should expose ourselves to ridicule
or contempt. On such a question we should require the opinion of
a competent judge; and I appeal to the sound sense of my readers,
if they can allow those persons to pronounce a judgment on the
tendency of religion who have never felt its holy influence on the
heart. They may express their opinion, and they often do express it,
but of what value or importance is it in relation to the subject?
They may say that its tendency is to make us unhappy; but how can
they prove it? Not certainly by appealing to the obvious design of
Christianity, for that has been so unequivocally announced by the
celestial messengers, that we cannot misconceive it. "And the angel
said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of
great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this
day, in the city of David, a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly
host, praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on
earth peace, good-will toward men." And if they venture to appeal
to the experience of the religious man, he candidly says, "I am
happy; but my happiness differs from yours, it takes its rise from
a different source, and possesses qualities which are peculiarly
its own; it is more pure, more exquisite, more substantial, because
more intellectual and spiritual than yours. My happiness is the
peace that passeth all understanding." But when we mention peace,
we mean not the stupid security of a mind that refuses to reflect;
we mean a tranquillity which rests on a tried and durable basis--a
peace which, founded on the oath and promise of Him who cannot
lie, and springing from the consciousness of an ineffable alliance
with the Father of spirits, makes us to share in his fulness, and
become a partner with him in his purity; a repose serene as the
unruffled wave, which reflects the heaven from its bosom, while it
is accompanied with a feeling of exultation and triumph, natural to
such as are conscious that ere long, having overcome, they shall
possess all things.
There are many periods in the history of human life, when the
power of religious principles over the mind commands the respect,
and excites the admiration of the most inveterate infidel. Go
and see the poor Christian, contented amidst his privations--the
suffering Christian, patient under his protracted affliction--the
dying Christian, resigned and happy in prospect of his approaching
dissolution; and if you do not pay a spontaneous homage to the
influence of the principles which have such an effect in elevating
and supporting the soul of man, when visited by these direful
calamities, it must be referred either to a want of taste, or to a
want of judgment.
"He is the happy man, whose life ev'n now
Shows somewhat of that happier life to come;
Who, doom'd to an obscure, but tranquil state,
Is pleased with it; and, were he free to choose,
Would make his fate his choice.
* * * * *
Content, indeed, to sojourn while he must
Below the skies, but having there his home.
The world o'erlooks him in her busy search
Of objects more illustrious in her view;
And, occupied as earnestly as she,
Though more sublimely, he o'erlooks the world.
She scorns his pleasures, for she knows them not;
He seeks not hers, for he has proved them vain.
He cannot skim the ground like summer birds
Pursuing gilded flies; and such he deems
Her honours, her emoluments, her joys.
Therefore in contemplation is his bliss,
Whose power is such, that whom she lifts from earth
She makes familiar with a heaven unseen,
And shows him glories yet to be revealed."
DOUBTS AND PERPLEXITIES.
The change which had taken place in Miss Holmes, became the topic
of general conversation in the circle of her gay associates; and
though some of them predicted that she would again appear amongst
them, when "the fit of melancholy" was over, their anticipations
were disappointed. She returned the calls of inquiry as soon as
her health permitted; but she left a deep impression on the mind
of all her friends, that worldly pleasures had lost their charms
for her, and that other and nobler objects of pursuit now engrossed
her attention. One of the first proofs of her decision, was
consenting to become secretary to a female branch of an Auxiliary
Bible Society, which was established in the vicinity of the Elms,
and which brought her into immediate connection with several
pious families. Having derived so much spiritual benefit from the
Scriptures during her long confinement, she felt anxious that they
should be universally circulated; and voluntarily devoted a large
portion of her time and her influence to secure the co-operation of
others in accomplishing this important object.