A MELANCHOLY CHRISTMAS
Never had Vienna experienced a more melancholy Christmas. The
enormous cost of living was supplemented by an absolute standstill of
all activity. High prices alone would not have bothered the worthy
Phæaceans. They had been accustomed to them for a decade; as a matter
of fact it did not make much difference whether a half-pint of wine
cost five or ten thousand kronen, if people earned enough, if the
laborer received high wages, and the merchant had his safe full of
money every evening. But this was the case no longer. The bulk of the
currency lay dormant in the stockings of the peasants; in the cities
no one wanted to buy; a large part of the working class was idle and
dependent on government support; and the Christmas numbers of the
papers published statistics which revealed that in two years about
five thousand branch banks, cafés, restaurants, and shops had closed
down in Vienna alone. Lately one big failure after the other had been
occurring in industry. Corporations that to the last minute had been
thought bomb-proof were now declaring themselves insolvent, and rumor
predicted the collapse of two great banks.
Matters having reached such a state, what did it avail the Viennese
that there was plenty of room everywhere, that the theatres were not
sold out even on the Christmas holidays, and that one no longer had to
meet those provoking Jewish noses? What did it avail them that they had
returned to Christian simplicity and the full beard, when the barbers’
assistants had to be discharged by the dozen because there was no more
work for them?
The condition of the jewelers was the worst of all. Most of them
had been Jews and had therefore been forced to leave; and now their
business was being conducted by former petty watch-repairers and other
doubtless very estimable individuals who, however, had no connections
whatever with the Dutch precious stone market, (which is almost
exclusively in Jewish hands,) and who therefore were thoroughly taken
in at every purchase. Finally buying abroad stopped altogether, for the
demand for jewelry disappeared entirely, while the number of those who
were forced to sell increased constantly. Slowly but surely most of
the jewelry belonging to Austrians travelled to neighboring countries,
to England, France, and America; but even there the jewelers who were
the agents for this export trade had to suffer. If a dealer bought a
rope of pearls today from a private owner for ten billion kronen, and
soon after deposited it on the neck of an American woman in exchange
for thirty billion, he imagined that he had put through a splendid
deal, celebrated the joyous occasion with wine, sang the praises of Dr.
Schwertfeger, and bought a fat goose, (which no longer was the special
privilege of the Jews). But before he had digested the rich goose-liver
his thirty billions were not worth as much as the ten he had spent, and
he had no more money for further purchases.
So it was not at all surprising that the Yuletide brought a wave of
embitterment and discontent to Vienna, and that the customary noise and
merriment of the New Year’s Eve celebration was stifled under a blanket
of ill temper and discouragement.
If the Chancellor had heard the conversation that occurred during
Christmas week between Herr Habietnik, owner of the huge department
store in the Kärtnerstrasse, and Herr Mauler, proprietor of the large
jewelry establishment on the Graben, his wrath would have waxed even
greater.
Sitting in the Grabencafé, Herr Habietnik and Herr Mauler were
grumbling about the miserable Christmas business, which would surely
seal the ruin of thousands of business men. Suddenly Herr Habietnik
leaned over toward Herr Mauler and told him of a dream he had had the
night before.
“Just think, Herr Mauler, I dreamt that all of a sudden only Jews and
Jewesses start to come to my store. Every last one of ’em’s dressed in
the latest style, and carries piles of bank-notes, and there’s a big
rush. The girls can’t bring the furs and cloth and cloaks and suits
fast enough for ’em, and all the ready-made clothing department’s
filled with silks and velvets and laces and embroideries. But nothing’s
good enough for ’em, and one Jewish lady, dressed in very good and
stylish clothes, keeps on crying: ‘That’s nothing! We’re coming from
Paris and Palestine, where everything’s in the latest style. Show me
the best you’ve got!’ Then, without any warning, my head salesgirl
brings out a pair of cotton bloomers and says: ‘But my dear Jewish
lady, this is the newest thing from Paris!’ Then everybody laughs so
terrible much that I wake up. Don’t you think, Herr Mauler, that this
dream means something?”
Herr Mauler grinned as he answered:
“Yes--it means that pretty soon all the world’ll be laughing at us, and
we’ll be wrapping ourselves in flannel and cotton before we’re buried
for good. But one thing’s sure, Herr Habietnik. If an automobile was
to stop in front of my shop with a Jewish couple in it, I’d kiss ’em
both, and I’d be happy again! You know, Herr Habietnik, in the old
days, when I was still a clerk with Herr Zwirner, what used to have my
store, I often thought it really was a shame that almost no one but the
Jews had the money for diamonds and pearls. And once I even said so out
loud. Then Herr Zwirner laughed in my face and said: ‘Don’t be a fool,
Mauler, but be glad the Jews buy and put money in circulation. Or would
you like it better if they was to hide and bury their money like the
peasants? You’ll see, if the anti-Semitism business keeps on the rich
Jews’ll leave the country--and then all the stores’ll have to close
down!’
“Well--and now both the rich and poor Jews have left Austria, and we’re
all finished good and proper!”