To find it a rapid thaw when you have purchased a new pair of skates,
and have invited a party of ladies to see your performance.
Getting soaked through, on your way to the Epping Hunt, and being told
that you have only taken your share of the Easter-_dews_.
Driving your feet hastily into a pair of new Wellingtons, in order not
to miss the train (time and boots a tight fit), and finding, by the
feel, that the straps are at their bottoms;—boot-jack not to be found.
Being asked to dine, on a New-year's day, with a family, in which the
children always expect presents.
Taking a box at a theatre for the express purpose of hearing the
wonderful new vocalist, and finding, when you get there, only
"indisposition" and a stale comedy.
Being "not at home" to an old friend, and coming downstairs, in a
forgetful fit, before he has had time to leave the house.
Bowing, in your usual bland and affable manner, to a gentleman in the
street, whom you recollect, as soon as he has passed, that you ought to
have kicked.
"Popping the question" in a pair of tight boots; the lady seeming in no
hurry, and to enjoy your agony.
Going out to be godfather, and remembering, at the proper crisis for
presentation, that you must have left "the" silver cup in some omnibus.
To be interrupted while writing a Bill-et-doux, by the recollection of a
bill over due.
Being asked to carve, if you are a musician or literary man.
Being compelled, in a party, to sit down to whist; and hearing your
favourite part in an Italian quartet, which you had studied for a week
before, sung by a murderous wretch whom you long to strangle.
Writing an _appointment_ to a lady, and a _disappointment_ to a tailor,
and cross-directing them.
Paying your rent punctually, on quarter-day, to _your_ landlord, and
being distrained on the next day by _his_ landlord.
Having ascertained, by a peep down your friend's area, that there is a
turkey on the spit, and calling, accidentally, of course, about
dinner-time, you feel rather sheepish when the cold mutton is brought
up, and learn, in the course of the evening, that the kitchen fire had
been lent for the dinner party of the next-door neighbour.
Abusing a person whom you have never seen, to a respectable-looking
stranger, who, after apparently nodding assent, with the patience of a
martyr, quietly observes that _he is the man_. The unpleasant
anticipation of loose teeth, as you see him making up his _bunch of
fives_.
[Illustration]
[Illustration:
Floored by the Leger.
]