A mighty fuss about a mity cheese
From _Zummerset_, Her Majesty to please;
A wrong foundation sure its fame was built on,—
So mighty high—it must have been a _Stilt-on_.
26. Explosion of the great projectile in Essex.—Lots of calves
frightened to death, all for the public _weal_.
28. Conviction at Worship-street, for selling spurious T, which
shows the necessiT of avoiding an uncertainT.
VALOUR AND DISCRETION:
THE ANCIENT AND HONOURABLE LUMBER TROOP.
(_From their Private Despatches._)
It is at all times a pleasing task to chronicle heroic deeds, and we
hasten to immortalize the proceedings of this gallant body of veterans
during the past year. Amongst their most daring and successful attempts,
have been the taking possession of Eel Pie Island; the storming of the
baked apple-stand, at Temple Bar; the blockade of Bolt-court, and the
celebrated passage of the Paddington Canal, under the direction of
General Blackrag, the great city undertaker, to whom the attack was
entrusted, from his experience, as he himself stated, in marching at the
head of the _corps_. He was ably seconded by his usual auxiliary, Dr.
Bluelight, the former providing the _shells_, and the latter the
_mortars_, the combined effects of which produced terrific execution.
From the usual habits of the troop, it may readily be conceived that
_counter_ marching was the manœuvre at which they felt most at home; in
fact, the only idea they had of "a regular _march_," was the one between
February and April. During their encounters, they have given and taken
no quarter, except an occasional fore one of lamb; whilst their
undaunted courage was well shown in the speech of Ensign Miggins, who
declared "that he would never shrink from coming to the _pint_, even
against a rampart of _quartz_;" and his unshaken energy in bearing _the
standard_ was never known to _flag_, firm as its contemporary in
Cornhill. Their acknowledged love of card-playing having induced some
unpleasant gambling transactions, it has been resolved, by the head of
the members, to prevent all legs from bearing arms in their body; and a
late regulation orders the colour of their plumes to be a deep crimson,
not only as emblematical of blood and glory, but from its precluding the
possibility of any one, at any time, _showing a white feather_. It is
truly delightful to contemplate the harmony which reigns amongst them at
present; and it it somewhat remarkable, considering their aptitude for
_catches_ of all sorts, that they have made no prisoners. The only
approach to anything like discord in the troop, was upon the occasion of
the dispute relative to a contemplated attack upon Burgundy and Madeira;
but even this added to the general harmony, since, although the dinner
service was demolished in the contention, this one war was productive of
one hundred _peaces_; and it furthermore enabled the members to present
to their friends several unique _pieces of plate_, at a small outlay. We
are indebted to their laureate for the following—