_From Henry Dobbs, Stoker on Board the City of Edinburgh Steamer, to
Bill Ball, Touter to the Commercial Company in London._
"O CRIKY BIL—ven i tuk my Last tender partin off yew down in the cole
ole off the citty off Heddinborow and Himprinted that here kis on the
hafecshonat mouth of yewr sister kate vich she sed she wood nevver wash
off the Blak til it wore away in the riglar Coarse off natur, litel did
i think i shood evver cum to be puld up afore a lot of frensh Beaks and
cald upon to comit Purgatory by swaring my name was mountseer Hornree
Doe insted of plain Harry Dobbs. Arter a deal of bother and giberish,
Gilty or not gilty, ses they. Parly voo fronsy, ses i, at vich the juge
de Pay (so cald i supose becaws yew ar obleegt to Bribe him befour yew
can get anny justiss out off him) busted out a laffin; arter vich the
Porkipine du Raw repeted the kestin, Gilty or not gilty, ses he, Non mi
recordo, ses i, at vich off vent the old juge agen, wors nor evver the
Lord mare and mister obler, tho i ust to Think they vas the Rumist chaps
for Larkin a feler off to the gallass as evver i seed. Thinks i if yew
vonts to cum down uppon me with yewr Burns justiss i shal cum down uppon
yew vith my Cokes.
"But to Begin at the beginin. at Blakvall ve tuk on board a Grate menny
of the mountseers, most on em cummin down by the Stand-up train—vich
gravesend Dito and Dito Dito hern Bay and margit. Bean my 1st
interduxion in frensh sosiaty i may say i vos tuk ½ a turn astarn at
fust But sune got my steem up and vos awl rite in no time. Vot i most
admires in the frensh carekter is vot devvels they ar to Drink! theyde
got lots off sperrits vith em, and ass i say Ven yewr goin a Long viage
theres nothink like sumthink Short. Afore ve vos fairly out off the
rivver the gemmen vos ½ seas over, and sich Rummy felers for Brandy i
nevver clapt my iis on. Allso hosions of lemmonaid and neguss, and ass
nateraly concludes amung so menny papishes lots of pop-ery. The same of
soder vater and ginger bear, spannish juce vater and O sucree, so that
ass the capten sed instid off bean at Hern bay yew mite have fancied
yewrself at the Cove of Cork. And deer Bil alow me to say in regard of
Drinkin there aint no cumparrison between the O D V and the O Sucree.
The fust is rely a cappital O.
"Onfortinat the vind began to get up ven ve got into Blew vater, and
sune arter cummin on a gale vas a deth Blow to their merryment, the
grate guns sune clering avay their pokket Pistols. From ramsgit ve run
to Rye, vich yew mite hav told by the Rye faces, and the fowl vether
continnying the mountseers vos awl sicks and sevens. Arter a vile there
vos a bit of a lul, vich yung Bony tuk the hopertunity of the sea
sicknes makin him a litel moor Sober to adres his joly cumpanyons everry
1, vich such ass dared ventur their ankerchers from their mouths Waved
em in the air cryin ip ip huray! in their frensh lingo, and then awl
vent down into the salloon and sune arter cum up agen Togd out ass
genralls and Kernels, vich vos fine Nuts for our felers, and deer Bill
my opinyan is they vood hav tuk franse prisoner Esy anuff only for 1
thing vich is this, Bean awl Listed ass Comandin ofisirs and no Privets
their vosent nobdy to obay orders ven the vord vos gev to Fire, and next
time they atemts a hinwasion they must take out less Musk and moor
Muskits, and not fancy they can konker a kingdum vith nothink but
sedlits Powder.
"The 1st land ve made in franse vas Cape Greeny,[4] vich vos werry
appropo. But dident go ashore til ve got to neer Bulloan, ven the chap
ass had got the Live egle in the cage bean too Drunk to make him Go
threw his performenses and me haveing tuk the hopertunaty of Toggin
myself out in 1 off the hoffisirs castoff sutes, jined the xpedishun ass
a Vollunteer, vith the egle atop off my hed and 1 off the Cole saks
under my cote to Bring avay the Lewy nappolions in. Ve then marcht to
Bulloan and jined by several werry Respectabel fish wimmen enterd the
barrax, vere there vos a Rigler shindy betwixt the sham solgers and the
Real vons. Yung Bony shot 1 poor feler, ass he sed for the Meer fun off
the thing and to kepe the game alive, vich deer Bil it seems werry Ard
dont it for a chap vot refusis a Napolion to be put off vith a Pistole.
Ass sune ass wede got kikt out of the barrax Prince lewy gev a Permotion
in honner. 1 chap vos created a Leegun of honner, a nuther a Shivvileer,
a nuther a Gennerrallissimmo and so on, and deer Bill i beleav i vos
created Sumthink, but not bean quite perfict in my frensh ar unable to
say vot i am, so pleas Direct at pressant ass nuthink but Nite off the
egle, and ven i No myself Betor vil drop yew ½ a hounse to inform.
Footnote 4: