This good Queen comes with health restored
Of which before she was defaulter:
Did she drink stout when on ship-board,
Or was she known to _malt_ at _Malta_?
JUNE 30.—The Sultan of Turkey died of _delirium tremens_; the Father of
the Faithful going drunk to the seventh heaven! His son—scion of the
same _die-nasty_—ascended the throne; but taught, by example, not to
_wine_, hid his grief and drowned his father's cellars in the Bosphorus.
Shortly after this his whole fleet _abstained from Port_—and absconded
to Mehemet Ali.
JULY 2.—Birmingham riots. A smart fire, but no "_Burns's_ Justice,"—
_down-fall_ of much _uphold_-stery. Beds in flames—among the
_mattresses_ great destruction of _tick_—credit vanishing. Sacrifice of
property not unlike _sacking_. Town in a storm.
JULY 21.—Rage for publishing portraits of the Queen—some in the _Lane_
and some in the line-manner: some done by _Doo_, and some engraved by
_Cousins_—not by Cousin George, or Cousin Albert,—not by a Prince man,
but a man of Prints. But _muzzy-tinto_ seems the favourite style.
AUG. 30.—The Cinque Ports gave a banquet to the Duke of Wellington,
where they did not _sink port_ at all; on the contrary, the feast was
carried on with much _wine_, and a great deal of _spirit_; and, although
the room was surrounded with _banners_, nothing was found to _flag_.
There were plenty of _rations_, and orations, and Lord Brougham's
Waterloo Eulogy was a eulogy of the first water.
SEPT. 7.—The Secretary of War dated a letter from Windsor Castle,
mistaking it for his _Home Office_. As it was, it was only a blunder,
but he might as well have kissed Her Majesty by mistake, and then it
would have been a blunder-buss.
SEPT. 12.—Poulett Thomson went to Canada, in the _Pique_ frigate; and
many people were much _piqued_ at the circumstance. The ejaculation of
"_Shiver my timbers!_" became prevalent, at the same time, with the
great wood-dealers of British America.
SEPT. 22.—Pump locked up at Ramsgate, during divine service.
Lock up the pump! no! no! we see
At once the whole report is scandal:
What dullards in that town must be
Who'd stop the music of a _Handel_
SEPT. 28.—The Lord Mayor's chaplain preached his annual sermon before
the Corporation; and took for his text, "A citizen of no _mean_ city."
The Corporation, however, got offended at the discourse, which induced
them to withhold the usual fifty-pound donation. The sermon contained
such a _dressing_ that they considered themselves _overdone_; and,
refusing to be _rated_ after that fashion, took their own notes, but
withheld the fifty. The reverend gentleman is now of opinion that they
are citizens of _a very mean city indeed_; and, if he has not a text, he
has, at least, a _pre_text for saying so.
[Illustration:
A Man of Letters.
]
NOV. 8.—Post-office arrangements proposed. Treasury issues one minute,
which it takes twenty to read. Postage, not uniform, but promoted to a
groat, to promote the circulation of fourpenny-pieces. The Chancellor of
the Exchequer, having looked at the question in its every _Baring_—
declines throwing the letters more open—to distribution. Nevertheless,
correspondence will be so much increased, that this may be called a
_post age_—and Lord Lichfield, A MAN OF LETTERS.
ASSOCIATION OF BRITISH ILLUMINATI, HELD AT
BIRMINGHAM, IN AUGUST, 1839.
[We have been requested to insert the following selections from the
proceedings of the Institution, in consequence of the unhandsome
conduct of some of the newspapers, in refusing to publish any
further reports unless they were paid for as advertisements.]
A great feature, in the meeting this year, has been the elegant and
intelligible simplicity of the subjects and papers discussed; the
following are a few of the most interesting:—
Mr. Bewdlite's paper "On the retrograde Progression of vegetable
Ærolites, supposed to be caused by the flowing Stagnation of diurnal
Currents, coming in Contact with a Board of Guardians," was much
admired; as well as Dr. Terncow's admirable paper "On the Tendency of
extreme Nervous Filaments to form Photogenic Conventions," and "The
Advantages derived from forcing condensed Air into the Brain, to sharpen
the Powers of Hearing," by which means a whisper at Dover could be
distinctly heard at Boulogne.
Under the head of Section W, an interesting report was read by Dr.
Buckleband, on some important geological and antiquarian discoveries,
which were made, in the neighbourhood of Holborn, by the workmen
employed in a lying down gas-pipes. It appeared that, at the depth of
six feet below the mud formation, having passed through a _stratum_ of
London dirt, teeming with interesting _reliquiæ_ of blacking-bottles and
tobacco-pipes, in a fine state of petrifaction, together with traces of
decayed vegetable matter, interspersed with bones of feline _mammalia_,
they struck upon a mass of regular brickwork, which was, at first,
supposed to be the remains of the Roman road which formerly ran from
King's Cross to Evans's Hotel, in Covent Garden. On carefully removing
the masonry, they arrived at a curiously constructed apartment, or
_cella_, containing several dozen bottles, of modern form, reclining in
sawdust round the walls. The wine in the bottles was found to be
perfectly unimpaired by its long repose, and tasted fresh and sweet. One
gentleman pronounced it to be the Massican wine so lauded by Pliny.
Another, who had hitherto pretended to be a judge of old wine, stated
that it was merely a compound of inferior port (fine rough flavour,
30_s._) and red currant, with a small admixture of English brandy. The
learned professor merely mentioned this absurd opinion as a matter of
entertainment. One of the most singular features of this gratifying
discovery, was one of the everlasting lamps, of which curious light a
small jet was burning over the bins, with a flame exactly resembling
gas. He expected a further report of their proceedings by the seven
o'clock train. While the learned gentleman was speaking, the
communication arrived. Much excitement prevailed as he read the paper;
and one of the audience, in his nervous agitation, took another's
snuff-box by mistake. It appeared that the workmen had descended, in
company with several contributors to the "Gentleman's Magazine," and,
following a long passage, similarly adorned with bottles, began to
contemplate the idea of bringing to light an entire subterranean Roman
city; probably destroyed by one of the early volcanic eruptions of the
_Mons Primula_, or Primrose Hill, of the ancients. On ascending a flight
of steps they came to a small door, which they eagerly forced open, and
the astonished group found themselves in the "bottling department" of
what had been apparently an early Roman "wine vaults."
Mr. Lyme Stone produced a fine fossil specimen of the claw of some
extinct animal, which had been discovered by the excavators of the
Southampton Railroad. He had shown it to the learned professor, who had
drawn the entire animal from this single specimen; and, on comparing it
with the Munkorsensauros, it was found to be correct, with the exception
of the tail being curly instead of straight. Mr. Planecence inquired if
it was not likely to be the claw of an eagle, in composition similar to
those displayed in the New Road, where the two gentlemen, without any
clothes, are represented as playing at single-stick. He was strengthened
in this idea by observing an iron pin running through the claw, probably
to fix it to the pedestal. Mr. Lyme Stone was sorry that the honourable
and learned gentleman was such a confounded fool. The pin with which it
was transfixed was evidently a weapon of chase, proving the existence of
man upon the earth to be coeval with his desire for food.
An angry discussion would doubtless have taken place had not the hour
sounded for dinner. The company speedily separated, and proved the
superiority of the attraction that ducks and salmon possessed over
inorganic incomprehensibles.