It was Mrs. Breadbasket, the housekeeper, who brought this letter, and
looked mighty contemptuous as she gave it.
"I hope, Breadbasket, that your master will send me my things, at any
rate," cries Jemmy. "There's seventeen silk and satin dresses, and a
whole heap of trinkets, that can be of no earthly use to him."
"Don't Breadbasket me, mem, if you please, mem. My master says that them
things is quite obnoxious to your spere of life. Breadbasket, indeed!"
and so she sailed out.
Jemmy hadn't a word; she had grown mighty quiet since we had been in
misfortune: but my daughter looked as happy as a queen; and Tug, when he
heard of the ship, gave a jump that nearly knocked down poor Orlando.
"Ah, I suppose you'll forget me now," says he, with a sigh; and seemed
the only unhappy person in company.
"Why, you conceive, Mr. Crump," says my wife, with a great deal of
dignity, "that, connected as we are, a young man born in a work——"
"Woman!" cried I (for once in my life determined to have my own way),
"hold your foolish tongue. Your absurd pride has been the ruin of us,
hitherto; and, from this day, I'll have no more of it. Hark ye, Orlando,
if you will take Jemimarann, you may have her; and if you'll take five
hundred pounds for a half share of the shop, they're yours; and _that's_
for you, Mrs. Coxe."
And here we are, back again. And I write this from the old back shop,
where we are all waiting to see the new year in. Orlando sits yonder,
plaiting a wig for my Lord Chief Justice, as happy as may be; and
Jemimarann and her mother have been as busy as you can imagine all day
long, and are just now giving the finishing touches to the bridal
dresses; for the wedding is to take place the day after to-morrow. I've
cut seventeen heads off (as I say) this very day; and as for Jemmy, I no
more mind her than I do the Emperor of China and all his Tambarins. Last
night we had a merry meeting of our friends and neighbours, to celebrate
our re-appearance among them; and very merry we all were. We begun with
quadrilles, but I never could do 'em well; and, after that, to please
Mr. Crump and his intended, we tried a gallopard, which I found anything
but easy: for since I am come back to a life of peace and comfort, it's
astonishing how stout I'm getting; so we turned at once to what Jemmy
and me excels in—a country dance; which is rather surprising, as we was
both brought up to a town life. As for young Tug, he showed off in a
sailor's hornpipe; which Mrs. Coxe says is very proper for him to learn,
now he is intended for the sea. But stop! here comes in the punchbowls;
and if we are not happy, who is? I say I am like the Swish people, for I
can't flourish out of my native _hair_.
EXTRACTS FROM THE ANNUAL REGISTER OF
REMARKABLE OCCURRENCES IN 1839.
JAN. 9.—Discovery of the real Vegetable Pills:—A patient hoaxed the
vendor, and, instead of taking them, sowed them in his garden. A fine
crop of peas was the result. The man had been selling those pleasant
vegetables, in boxes, disguised as pills by being covered with an outer
coating of flour; but, from having been always _in flower_, they were
now thoroughly _blown_!
In the north, a Coroner's inquest was held upon the body of a man who
died from taking another kind of Vegetable Pills. On opening the body
the interior was discovered to be one huge cabbage, of great dimensions,
but dead, to its heart's core, of confinement and want of water—a
beverage which the patient unfortunately never drank. The jury returned
a verdict of "_quits_." "Quits, gentlemen!" exclaimed the dismayed
Coroner—"never heard of such a thing! What do you mean?" "Why," replied
the foreman, with some warmth, "we find that if the cabbage killed the
man, the man most certainly killed the cabbage; and if that ain't quits,
blow me!"
JAN. 24.—Her Majesty went on to the stage of Drury Lane Theatre, to
inspect Van Amburgh and his beasts. The Queen was mistaken by many for
the _Lady of Lyons_.
[Illustration:
_Cab-rearer._
]
FEB. 18.—Maroto did a bit of important slaughter, and murdered twelve
generals, upon the plea of the general welfare. Rather a contradictory
reason; but Don Carlos entered France in consequence. They say his
chiefs were bribed by a _palmer's stone_, and it is certain there was
some palming, any way. The only commander that now sticks to him is
Cabrera, and he's not unlikely to be upset.
MARCH 3.—Vestris attempted to be blown up. A _private box_ given her in
her own theatre—loaded with combustibles. Drawing cover—and discovery in
consequence.
Some spiteful people envying Madame's fame,
Dare to pronounce it an Olympic game!
MAY 21.—Procession of the Temperance Society.
Tea-total army! how you march,
Tag-rag and bob-tail of Bohea:
With sober legs, and visage starch,
Looking like men "_done to a Tea_."
You're not so jolly o'er your fate,
As merry boys that drink and dance;
You're cross—and show (I temper hate!)
Bad temper in your _temperance_.
Besides, I think I let truth slip,
Oh! marching most demure, mobocrasy.
And have you fairly "on the _hip_"
By hinting here at your _hypocrisy_!
For on this mighty celebration,
When all abroad for show you roam,
'Tis said, you'll scandalize your nation,
_And get blind drunk a-going home_!