AS TOADY, an unmarried Female of an uncertain age. She is so soft in her
disposition as to take any impression; says yes or no, just as she is
bid; prefers Cape to Madeira, and dislikes Champagne; and has no
objection to wash and walk out with the poodles.—_N.B._ Is very skilful
in backbiting, and would be delighted to assist in the ruin of
reputations. Can have a good character from her last place, which she
left in consequence of the lady marrying her tall Irish footman.
AS DINER-OUT, an Irish Captain on half-pay, who has at his disposal a
plentiful supply of small talk and table wit; does the agreeable to
perfection; is a good laugher at stale jokes, and a capital retailer of
new ones; never falls asleep at the repetition of a dull story, and
always laughs in the right place. He has a variety of other
qualifications too numerous for insertion in an advertisement.
* * * * *
NOTICE is hereby given, that a considerable portion of CIVIC DIGNITY,
conjectured to be equal in quantity to a _Winchester_ Measure, has been
lost since the 9th of November, 1834. This _in_-valuable appendage is
supposed to have been dropped from the person of an _ill_ustrious
_Mayor_, during certain squabbles which took place in spite of common
sense and _common counsel_. It is hoped it will be recovered by his
successor, and any information respecting the same may be communicated
to a HOBBLER, at the Mare's Nest in the Poultry.
* * * * *
LOST—by NOBODY, in the neighbourhood of NOWHERE, an article more easily
conceived than described, known by the name of NOTHING. The fortunate
finder may keep it on paying the expenses of this Advertisement.
[Illustration:
SEPTEMBER.—"Michaelmas Day"
]
┌─────────────┬───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│1836.] │ SEPTEMBER. │
├─────────────┼───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤
│ │It pleased her jolly Majesty Queen Bess, │
│ │_Stuffing_, herself, a well-_stuff'd_ goose to bless, │
│ │And ever since, in _sage_ affairs of state, │
│ │The royal bird does still predominate;— │
│ │So modest merit proves of little use, │
│ │Unless at Court you "boo" to ev'ry goose. │
├──┬──────────┼──────────────────────────────────────────┬────────────┤
│ M│ Season's │ =Odd Matters.= │ WEATHER. │
│ D│ Signs. │ │ │
├──┼──────────┼──────────────────────────────────────────┼────────────┤
│ 1│Now │ │ │
│ │ │ │ │
│ 2│farmers │ "SHOOTING THE MOON." │ matters │
│ │ │ │ │
│ 3│mind │Now, Mrs. Dove, my dearest love, │ ⚹ ☉ ☋ ♂ ♄ │
│ │ │ No longer let us jar; │ │
│ 4│your │Full well you know that cash is low, │ ⚹ ♀ ⊕ │
│ │ │ And credit's under par. │ │
│ 5│geese │ │ │
│ │ │Short commons are our common fare. │ whereinto │
│ 6│and │ No _turtle_-doves are we: │ │
│ │ │Tho' once there came such lots of _game_, │ he is │
│ 7│pigs, │ Now folks _make game_ of me. │ │
│ │ │ │ inquiring, │
│ 8│for │Ah! what to do I wish I knew, │ │
│ │ │ Or where to run a score! │ │
│ 9│Cockney │For all the town I've done so brown, │ ♏ ♄ ☌ │
│ │ │ I can't _do_ any more. │ │
│10│sports- │ │ │
│ │ │We've had our fill on _Mutton Hill_; │ is fearful │
│ │ │ │ of │
│11│men │ In _Cornhill_ gain'd our _bread_; │ │
│ │ │Dress'd with an air in fam'd _Cloth Fair_;│ stumbling. │
│12│run their │ In _Grub Street_ well were _fed_. │ │
│ │ │ │ │
│13│rigs, │We got our _shoes_ in _Leather Lane_; │ ♀ ☍ ♑ ♌ ☋ │
│ │ │ Our _hats_ in _Hatton Garden_; │ │
│14│and │We'd quite a catch in _Ha'penny Hatch_, │ For look, │
│ │ │ And never paid a _farden_. │ │
│15│when │ │ what dire │
│ │ │We've chalked a score on every door │ │
│16│the │ Of publican or sinner; │ mishaps │
│ │ │And now can't meet a _Newman_ Street, │ │
│17│cits │ To trust us with a dinner. │ do arise │
│ │ │ │ │
│18│are │And, lack-a day! here's Quarter Day; │ │
│ │ │ It always comes too soon; │ │
│19│taking │So we by night must take our flight, │ ☉ ♀ │
│ │ │ For we must _shoot the moon_! │ │
│20│aim, │ │ │
│ │ │ │ from false │
│21│your │ │ │
│ │ │ │ │
│22│poultry │ │prophecying!│
│ │ │ │ │
│23│may │ │ │
│ │ │ │ │
│24│mistake │ │ ♂ ♄ ☉ ♈ │
│ │ │ │ │
│25│for │ │ │
│ │ │ │ The farmer │
│26│game, │ │ │
│ │ │ │ │
│27│and │ │ ♉ ♂ │
│ │ │ │ │
│28│kill │ │reapeth his │
│ │ │ │ │
│29│or │ │ corn, and │
│ │ │ │ │
│30│lame. │ │ ♉ ♄ ☉ ♊ ☌ │
└──┴──────────┴──────────────────────────────────────────┴────────────┘