I beg to inform you that a poor man was blown to atoms by the
explosion of the Powder Mills on Hounslow Heath. His affectionate
wife, who happened to be passing at the time, carefully picked up
the fragments, and placed them together; and, by administering a
dose of the Universal Medicine, he was able to walk home, and eat a
hearty dinner of bacon and cabbage.
If any person should doubt the truth of the above statement, I beg
you will refer them to me, when I will fully satisfy all inquiries.
I am easily _found out_,—as _everybody knows me_.
Your obedient Servant,
GILES GAMMON.
No. 1, Blarneygig Place,
Salisbury Plain,
next door to Stonehenge.
_P.S._—I forgot to add, that the poor woman, in the hurry of the
moment, made a small mistake, by placing the head of a donkey, which
had been blown off by the explosion, upon her husband's shoulders,
instead of his own; but she says it is of very little consequence,
as very few of his acquaintance could perceive any difference.
┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┬────────────┐
│ NOVEMBER. │ [1835.│
├─────────────┬──────────────────────────────────────────┴────────────┤
│ │Now razors and ropes are in great requisition; │
│ │So I humbly propose that 'the House' we petition │
│ │(To prevent this sad use of the halter and knife), │
│ │That each _felo de se_ be transported _for life_. │
├──┬──────────┼──────────────────────────────────────────┬────────────┤
│ M│ Season's │ =Odd Matters.= │ WEATHER. │
│ D│ Signs. │ │ │
├──┼──────────┼──────────────────────────────────────────┼────────────┤
│ 1│fogs │ │ │
│ │ │ │By the past │
│ 2│bogs │ GUNPOWDER PLOT. │ │
│ │ │ │ ♅ ☋ ♌ ♃ ♓ │
│ 3│and │ 'Tis good to remember │ │
│ │ │The FIFTH of NOVEMBER, │ we do │
│ 4│vapours │Gunpowder, treason, and plot; │ │
│ │ │ There's abundance of reason │ predict of │
│ 5│blue │ To think of the treason, │ │
│ │ │Then why should it e'er be forgot? │the future, │
│ 6│devilry │ │ │
│ │ │ Our sympathies thrive │ by which │
│ 7│capers │ By keeping alive │ │
│ │ │Such sweet little hatreds as these; │ I do │
│ 8│good │ And folks love each other │ │
│ │ │ As dear as a brother, │discern the │
│ 9│bye │Whose throat they are ready to squeeze. │ │
│ │ │ │ likelihood │
│10│hope │ I delight in the joys │ │
│ │ │ Of the vagabond boys, │ │
│11│welcome │When they're burning Guy Vaux and the │ ⚹ ♀ ♈ ☍ │
│ │ │ Pope; │ │
│ │ │ It the flame keeps alive, │ │
│12│rope │ It makes bigotry thrive, │ of the │
│ │ │And gives it abundance of scope. │ │
│13│dangling │ │ weather │
│ │ │ 'Tis a beautiful truth │ │
│14│strangling│ For the minds of our youth, │ being │
│ │ │And will make 'em all Christians indeed; │ │
│15│frowning │ For the Church and the State │ │
│ │ │ Thus to teach 'em to hate │ ♈ ☍ ♉ ♋ ♎ │
│16│drowning │All those of a different creed. │ │
│ │ │ │ in some │
│17│oh! │ It is two hundred years │ │
│ │ │ Since our ancestors' fears │ sort the │
│18│Johnny │Were arous'd by this blood-thirsty fox; │ │
│ │ │ But often, since then, │ │
│19│Bull │ Our parliament men │ ♈ ☊ ♍ │
│ │ │Have been awfully _blown up_ by _Vaux_. │ │
│20│what a │ │ same as │
│ │ │ Now, they cannot deny │ │
│21│silly │ They're afraid of their Guy; │ usual, │
│ │ │And some of them earnestly hope, │ │
│22│old │ He may fancy a swing │ │
│ │ │ At the end of a string; │ ♊ ♒ ☿ ♍ │
│23│fool! │And they promise him plenty of rope. │ │
│ │ │ │ unless the │
│24│wait │ │ │
│ │ │ │ Comet do │
│25│to the │ │ │
│ │ │ │ make an │
│26│end │ │ │
│ │ │ │ alteration │
│27│and │ │ │
│ │ │ │therein as I│
│28│all │ │ │
│ │ │ │ have │
│ │ │ │ heretofore │
│29│will │ │ │
│ │ │ │ noted. │
│30│mend │ │ │
└──┴──────────┴──────────────────────────────────────────┴────────────┘
[Illustration:
NOVEMBER.
]
[Illustration:
DECEMBER.
]
┌─────────────┬───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│1835.] │ DECEMBER. │
├─────────────┼───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤
│ │At length, I've come to the end of my tether; │
│ │I've told you all about the weather, │
│ │And a great deal more, take it altogether, │
│ │So now my twelvemonth's work is done, │
│ │I'm your obedient,—RIGDUM FUN. │
├──┬──────────┼──────────────────────────────────────────┬────────────┤
│ M│ Season's │ =Odd Matters.= │ WEATHER. │
│ D│ Signs. │ │ │
├──┼──────────┼──────────────────────────────────────────┼────────────┤
│ 1│head │ │ │
│ │ │ │ Take note, │
│ 2│back │ BOXING DAY. │ │
│ │ │ │ ☌ ♉ ⚹ ♀ ♊ │
│ 3│belly │Of all the joys the seasons bring, │ │
│ │ │ (And most, alas! have flown away,) │ frost │
│ 4│knees │I dearly do delight to sing │ │
│ │ │ The pleasures of a BOXING DAY. │ and snow │
│ 5│teeth │ │ │
│ │ │For then a host of smiling folks │ ♓ ♐ │
│ 6│toes │ Are anxious their respects to pay, │ │
│ │ │And tell me (would it were a hoax!) │ may be │
│ 7│nose │ That, 'if I please,' it's BOXING DAY. │ │
│ │ │ │ expected │
│ 8│aching │Those doleful Waits, who've lain in wait, │ │
│ │ │ To scare my balmy sleep away, │this month, │
│ 9│quaking │Like bravoes, who've despatch'd their job,│ │
│ │ │ Now claim reward on BOXING DAY. │ │
│10│chattering│ │ ⚹ ♄ ♓ ☉ ♄ │
│ │ │The Milkmaid, who deals out sky-blue, │ │
│11│clattering│ (Her tally's double-scor'd, they say,) │ but │
│ │ │With smiling face, of rosy hue, │ │
│12│freezing │ A curtsey drops on BOXING DAY. │be not sure │
│ │ │ │ │
│13│sneezing │The Baker's man, who brings me bread │ of their │
│ │ │ As heavy as a lump of clay, │ │
│14│O rare │And _bricks_ as hard as any _stone_, │ coming, │
│ │ │ I can't refuse on BOXING DAY. │ │
│15│Christmas │ │ ♀ ♐ ♄ ♑ ♊ │
│ │ │As I was walking in the street, │ │
│16│fare │ I met the Butcher with his tray; │ then shall │
│ │ │He thrust the corner in my eye,— │ │
│17│a fig │ I'll think of him on BOXING DAY. │ you │
│ │ │ │ │
│18│for care │The Scavenger, who plaster'd me, │ not be │
│ │ │ When dress'd in wedding-suit so gay, │ │
│19│kiss │Now hopes I 'von't forget, d'ye see, │disappointed│
│ │ │ As how that this here's BOXING DAY.' │ │
│20│below │ │ │
│ │ │My house on fire—no turncock found; │ ♐ ☽ ♀ ♉ │
│21│the │ My house burnt down—he came to say, │ │
│ │ │He hop'd that I'd reward his zeal, │ and │
│22│misteltoe │ And think of him on BOXING DAY. │ │
│ │ │ │ if it be │
│23│laugh │The Bellman, Dustman, Chimney-sweep, │ │
│ │ │ Bring up the rear in smart array, │ │
│24│quaff │And all get drunk, and strip to fight, │ ♃ ☌ ♈ ⊕ ♐ │
│ │ │ To prove it is a BOXING DAY. │ │
│25│never │ │fine summer │
│ │ │ │ │
│26│fear │ │ weather, │
│ │ │ │ │
│27│with │ │ then │
│ │ │ │ │
│28│merry │ │I say again │
│ │ │ │ │
│29│glee │ │ ♐ ♀ ☉ │
│ │ │ │ │
│30│conclude │ │bethink you │
│ │ │ │ │
│31│the year │ │of the Comet│
└──┴──────────┴──────────────────────────────────────────┴────────────┘