THE WORSHIPFUL COMPANY OF WISEACRES, having for nearly two centuries, by
the aid of _Francis Moore_, _Richard Partridge_, _Poor Robin, and Co._,
done great service to the community, particularly to the agricultural
portion thereof (by their _seasonable_ directions for getting in the
harvest, &c.), and occasioned great delight and satisfaction to all the
old women of the empire; and having, moreover, employed the most
diligent endeavours to cause good sense and universal intelligence to
remain, as the said Company's craft and mystery do clearly indicate they
should remain—_Stationary_:—for all these reasons, the said Worshipful
Company do take great credit to themselves for the improvements in their
business and calling, which other folks have originated; and confidently
expect the public will, as in times past, always deal at their shop, and
give them full credit for all the wonderful wonders which they promise
henceforth to perform.
(By order of the Court)
GEORGE GREENHORN, Secretary.
┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┬────────────┐
│ JULY. │ [1835.│
├─────────────┬──────────────────────────────────────────┴────────────┤
│ │In this month, follow my advice, │
│ │Never to slide upon the ice; │
│ │But if you should be tired of waiting, │
│ │Why, next month, you may go a-skating. │
├──┬──────────┼──────────────────────────────────────────┬────────────┤
│ M│ Season's │ =Odd Matters.= │ WEATHER. │
│ D│ Signs. │ │ │
├──┼──────────┼──────────────────────────────────────────┼────────────┤
│ 1│What │ │ │
│ │ │ │ Take note │
│ 2│shall │ VAUXHALL. │ │
│ │ │ │ ☽ △ ♓ │
│ 3│I do │"Dear Jane, will you go to VAUXHALL │ │
│ │ │ We want just to make up a dozen; │ that, I do │
│ 4│to get │Papa will stand treat for us all, │ │
│ │ │ And, be sure, give a hint to your │ │
│ │ │ cousin. │ │
│ 5│through │ │ ♊ ☉ ♄ ♂ △ │
│ │ │There's something so charming about him, │ │
│ 6│my task │ (I've got a new bonnet and shawl)— │ predict │
│ │ │I should be quite unhappy without him, │ │
│ 7│let me │ And careless of even VAUXHALL. │that you may│
│ │ │ │ │
│ 8│ask │My confession you'll never betray, │ │
│ │ │ For I'm sure you can manage it all; │ ☽ ♓ ♑ │
│ 9│I try │When you ask him, don't tell what I say, │ │
│ │ │ But speak of the charms of VAUXHALL. │ reasonably │
│10│again │ │ │
│ │ │You can talk of the songs and the singers,│look for the│
│11│but │ The orchestra, ballet, and ball; │ │
│ │ │I shall think that time spitefully lingers│ │
│12│in vain │ Till when we all meet at VAUXHALL. │ ♍ ☉ ⚹ ♍ │
│ │ │ │ │
│13│ah! │Say, there's Simpson the brave, who │ weather │
│ │ │ commanded │ │
│ │ │ Our troops in the year forty-five; │ │
│14│you │Who killed Count de Grasse single-handed, │ │
│ │ │ And took the French army alive. │ ♄ ♃ ♂ ☉ ⚹ │
│15│say │ │ │
│ │ │And remember the lamps,—how they're │ being much │
│ │ │ clustered, │ │
│16│try │ By thousands and thousands of dozens; │ │
│ │ │And then the dark walks—how I'm fluster'd │ warmer │
│17│away │ To think of your dearest of cousins! │ │
│ │ │ │ │
│18│it's all │You can talk of the fireworks so gay, │ ☉ ☽ ⚹ │
│ │ │ And just mention the ham and the │ │
│ │ │ chicken— │ │
│19│my │We'll contrive to get out of the way, │ than │
│ │ │ While papa makes an end of his picking. │ │
│20│eye │ │in January; │
│ │ │I should grieve to think drinking could │ │
│ │ │ charm him— │ │
│21│and │ But ere all my project should fall, │ │
│ │ │If nothing in nature can warm him, │ ♀♄☉ │
│22│Betty │ Then speak of the punch at VAUXHALL. │ │
│ │ │ │ nor do I │
│23│Martin │If all that you say don't avail, │ │
│ │ │ I must die with vexation and anguish; │ think │
│24│that's │But I'm sure that your friendship wont │ │
│ │ │ fail │ │
│ │ │ Your affectionate │ there is │
│ │ │ │ great │
│25│for │ │ │
│ │ │ LYDIA LANGUISH."│ │
│26│sartin │ │ │
│ │ │ │ △ ♓ │
│27│why │ │ │
│ │ │ │ likelihood │
│28│it's │ │ │
│ │ │ │ │
│29│done! │ │ ♄ △ ♃ ♂ ☉ │
│ │ │ │ │
│30│what │ │of frost or │
│ │ │ │ │
│31│fun! │ │ snow. │
└──┴──────────┴──────────────────────────────────────────┴────────────┘
[Illustration:
JULY.
]
[Illustration:
AUGUST
]
┌─────────────┬───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│1835.] │ AUGUST. │
├─────────────┼───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤
│ │ In AUGUST,—so the Planets say,— │
│ │ Every _Dog_ shall have his _Day_; │
│ │So at _Hounds_ditch they meet, with much frisking and │
│ │ larking; │
│ │And proceed to the choice of a Member for _Barking_. │
├──┬──────────┼──────────────────────────────────────────┬────────────┤
│ M│ Season's │ =Odd Matters.= │ WEATHER. │
│ D│ Signs. │ │ │
├──┼──────────┼──────────────────────────────────────────┼────────────┤
│ 1│scamper │RIGDUM FUNNIDOS confesseth to having │ │
│ │ │purloined the following veritable │ │
│ 2│away │story; but when or where, his memory │ If the │
│ │ │deposeth not:— │ │
│ 3│the │ │ weather │
│ │ │ │ │
│ 4│deuce │ OYSTER DAY. │ ♎ ♅ ☉ ♂ ♍ │
│ │ │ │ │
│ 5│to pay │Paddy was sent to Billingsgate, on │ │
│ │ │the FIRST of AUGUST, to buy a bushel │ hath been │
│ 6│a mad │of Oysters. When he returned, "What │ │
│ │ │made you so long, Pat?" said his │ lasting, │
│ 7│dog is │master. "Long, is it? By my sowl, I │ │
│ │ │think I've been pretty quick, │ ☽ ♓ ☌ ☍ │
│ 8│over │considering all things." "Considering │ │
│ │ │what things?" "Why, considering the │ look for a │
│ 9│the │gutting of the fish."—"Gutting what │ │
│ │ │fish?"—"What fish! why the oysthers, │ change; │
│10│way │to be sure."—"What is it that you │ │
│ │ │mean?"—"What do I mane! why I mane, │ │
│11│he's │as I was resting meeself a bit, and │ │
│ │ │taking a drop to comfort me, a │ ☽ ☿ ♍ │
│12│bit │jontleman axed me what I had got in │ │
│ │ │the sack. 'Oysthers, sir,' says I. │ ♄ ☌ ♂ ♊ ♉ │
│13│a cow │'Let's look at them,' says he, and he │ │
│ │ │opened the bag. 'Och! thunder and │ I say │
│14│he's │praties!' said he, 'who sould them to │ │
│ │ │ye?' 'It was Mick Carney,' said I. │look for it,│
│15│bit │'Mick Carney!' said he; 'the thief o' │ │
│ │ │the world! what a big blackguard must │ │
│16│a sow │he have been to give them to ye │ ♐ ♂ ☍ ☉ ♃ │
│ │ │without gutting.' 'And aren't they │ │
│17│he's │gutted?' said I. 'Divil a one o' │ though │
│ │ │them,' said he. 'Musha, then,' said I, │ │
│18│bit │'what will I do?' 'Do!' said he, 'I'd │ perhaps a │
│ │ │sooner do them for you myself than │ │
│19│my │have you abused!' and so he takes 'em │change will │
│ │ │in doors, and guts 'em all nate and │ │
│20│poor │clane, as you'll see." And out Paddy │ come not; │
│ │ │turned the empty shells on the floor. │ │
│21│old │ │ │
│ │ │ │ ♒ ☽ ♉ │
│22│mongrel │ │ │
│ │ │ │ in which │
│23│Toby │ │ │
│ │ │ │ case, │
│24│and │ │ │
│ │ │ │ │
│25│they're │ │ │
│ │ │ │ ♈ ♃ ♐ ♊ ⚹ │
│26│raving │ │ │
│ │ │ │ you will │
│27│mad │ │ │
│ │ │ │ do well │
│28│with │ │ │
│ │ │ │ to wait │
│29│the │ │ │
│ │ │ │ │
│30│hydro- │ │ ☉ ♐ ♃ │
│ │ │ │ │
│31│phoby │ │ till it │
│ │ │ │ doth. │
└──┴──────────┴──────────────────────────────────────────┴────────────┘