_At the Philosophical Institution_, held at the Pig and Tinder Box, in
Liquorpond Street, a letter was read by Sawney Suck-Egg, Esq., on the
possibility of extending the realms of space, and adding to the duration
of eternity. In the same essay, he also satisfactorily proved, that two
and _too_ do _not_ make four; that BLACK is very often white; and that a
Chancery suit has shewn to many a man, that what has a beginning does
not necessarily always have an end.
A new mode of raising the wind was also communicated to this society by
Jeremy Diddler, Esq.; a very useful invention for broken-down gamblers,
ruined spendthrifts, insolvent tradesmen, and 'Change Alley waddlers.
_Geological Society of Hog's Norton._—The fossil remains of an
antediluvian pawnbroker have been dug up, within a mile of this place.
This is not regarded as a very remarkable circumstance, as many recent
instances have been known of the hearts of several persons of this class
being in a petrified state while alive.
A successful method of converting stones into bread has been transmitted
to the New Poor Law Commissioners, and a three-and-sixpenny medal
presented to the ingenious discoverer thereof.
_Zoological Society at Hookem Snivey._—A new animal has been transmitted
from No-Man's Land, which has been named the Flat-Catcher. It bears some
resemblance to the human species, as it walks on two legs, and has the
gift of speech. It seems quite in its element when among _pigeons_, and
preys ravenously on the _gulls_ that hover about watering-places,
getting hold of them by a kind of fascination, which throws its
unconscious victims entirely off their guard, when it never fails to
make them bleed profusely; after which, it suffers them to depart.
A laborious investigator has discovered that there are exactly nine
millions, one hundred and sixty-four thousand, five hundred and
thirty-three hairs on a tom-cat's tail, which he defies all the
zoologists in Europe to disprove. He also maintains that a bull sees
with its horns, and a rat with its tail, although he admits the
possibility of their doing so without them.
It was stated at the last meeting of this institution, that one of its
members had observed a tremendous water-spout from one of the plugs in
Thames Street; and sensible shocks of an earthquake had been felt at
Puddle-dock.
_Society of Antiquaries._—Among the antiquities presented at the last
meeting, was one of Cleopatra's corns, and the celebrated Needle with
which she darned her hose; also, a gas-pipe, found at Herculaneum, and
the fragment of a steam-carriage, dug out of the ruins of Palmyra.
_Entomological Society in GRUB Street._—A very animated conversation
took place on the natural history of the flea, involving many curious
conjectures, such as, whether it had ever been known to have attained
the size of the elephant; whether it was of the same species with the
hog-in-armour and the rhinoceros, or was to be classed among the
_Jumpers_; how high and how often it leaped; whether it always looked
before it leaped; and whether it leaped highest in Leap Year; the
farther discussion of all which queries was deferred till the said Leap
Year.
_The Horticultural Society of Seven Dials_ has been presented, by the
Society of Antiquaries, with the identical pumpkin converted by the
fairy into Cinderella's chariot.
_Premiums have been awarded by various learned bodies to the
following_:—
To Henry Broom, for the application of the crab motion, and the
"do-as-little-as-possible" principle, to the state engine.—To Lord
Durham, in conjunction with the above, for an improved mode of
progression for the said engine, namely, by each pulling the opposite
way.—To Signor Paganini, for an improved mode of extracting gold from
catgut scrapings, and of skinning flints.—To Miss Harriet Martineau, for
a new preventive check-string for the regulation of the fare (_fair_).—
To the proprietor of Morison's Pills for the discovery of the _perpetual
motion_.—To the Society for the Confusion of Useful Knowledge, for their
successful endeavours in be-_Knight_-ing the public intellect.
[Illustration:
JUNE.
]
┌─────────────┬───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│1835.] │ JUNE. │
├─────────────┼───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤
│ │Of all the folks, this month you'll see, │
│ │The DAYS are the _longest_ family; │
│ │But the gallant Ross, in polar weather, │
│ │Met one as long as six Months together. │
├──┬──────────┼──────────────────────────────────────────┬────────────┤
│ M│ Season's │ =Odd Matters.= │ WEATHER. │
│ D│ Signs. │ │ │
├──┼──────────┼──────────────────────────────────────────┼────────────┤
│ 1│Quarter │ │ Look for │
│ │ │RIGDUM FUNNIDOS transcribeth │ │
│ 2│day │the following seasonable story from │ ♈ ☿ ♍ ♀ ♑ │
│ │ │the lucubrations of his defunct friend, │ │
│ 3│rent │_Poor Humphrey_. │ summer │
│ │ │ │ │
│ 4│to │ │ weather │
│ │ │ HOW TO KILL FLEAS. │ │
│ 5│pay │ │ ♅ ☊ ♌ │
│ │ │A notable Projector became notable by │ │
│ 6│afraid │one project only, which was a certain │ about │
│ │ │specific for the killing of Fleas; │ │
│ 7│to stay │and it was in form of a powder, and │ ♄ ☌ ☽ ♏ │
│ │ │sold in papers, with │ │
│ 8│bolt │plain directions for use, as │ this time; │
│ │ │followeth: The flea was to be held, │ │
│ 9│away │conveniently, between the │ ⚹ ♀ ♈ ♐ ♎ │
│ │ │fore-finger and thumb of the left │ │
│10│come │hand; and to the end of the trunk or │ that is │
│ │ │proboscis, which protrudeth in the │ │
│11│too │flea, somewhat as the elephant's │ to say, │
│ │ │doth, a very small quantity of the │ │
│12│soon │powder was to be put from between │ ♌ ♑ │
│ │ │the thumb and finger of the right │ │
│13│cash │hand. And the inventor undertook, │ somewhat │
│ │ │that if any flea to whom his powder │ │
│14│affairs │was so administered should prove to │ │
│ │ │have afterwards bitten a purchaser │ ♉ ♋ ☋ ♅ │
│15│are │who used it, then that such │ │
│ │ │purchaser should have another paper │ warm, │
│16│out of │of the said powder, _gratis_. And it │ │
│ │ │chanced that the first paper thereof │ ♃ ♂ ⊕ │
│17│tune │was bought, idly as it were, by an │ │
│ │ │old woman; and she, without meaning │ perhaps │
│18│shoot │to injure the inventor or his │ │
│ │ │remedy, but of her mere │ hot, │
│19│the │harmlessness, did, innocently as it │ │
│ │ │were, ask him whether, when she had │ │
│20│moon │caught the flea, and after she had │ ☍ ♈ ♀ ⚹ ♊ │
│ │ │got it as before described, if she │ │
│21│we │should crack it upon her nail, it │ or │
│ │ │would not be as well. Whereupon the │ │
│22│fly │ingenious projector was so │ perchance │
│ │ │dumbfounded by the question, that, │ │
│23│by │not knowing what to answer on the │ it may be │
│ │ │sudden, he said, with truth, to this │ │
│24│night │effect, that, without doubt, her way │ coolish; │
│ │ │would do, too. │ ♊ ♀ │
│25│rapid │ │ │
│ │ │ │ and if │
│26│flight │ │ │
│ │ │ │ it raineth │
│27│very │ │ │
│ │ │ │ not, │
│28│quickly │ │ │
│ │ │ │ it will │
│29│out of │ │ │
│ │ │ │ be dry. │
│30│sight │ │ │
└──┴──────────┴──────────────────────────────────────────┴────────────┘