MY INCOME ('14 to '15): £
(1) _Fees._ (To estimate this item it is necessary to take actual
figures of last three years, which show an annual
increase at the rate of about 33%. The '13 to '14
figure is 203 guineas; add 33% and you get total
for '14 to '15, 284 pounds, say 300
(2) Add annual value of professional premises, which is 50
(3) _Occasional literature._ This is practically a regular
stipend, at the fixed figure of (_circa_) £40. But
a happy marriage should promote inspiration.
Allowing for same, put this figure at, say. 51
(4) Interest on Investments, say 100
-----
Grand Total. (E. & O. E.) £501
=====
These, however, were not the figures I quoted to Charles Dugmore, A.T.
There was no port about him, and still less did he wait for me to
introduce the subject. He sent me a sharp note and gave me twenty-one
days to answer, in default of which he said he would have the law on me.
Still, there is a certain rough kindness even about your Assessor of
Taxes; this one enclosed a slip of paper, which he hoped I wouldn't
read, but which, when I did read it, suggested to me my middle course of
safety. "Work out your income, on lines consistent with honesty, at less
than £160, and you've won," it said. With the assistance of the advice
it gave, I had no difficulty in doing this; thus:--
MY INCOME ('14 to '15):. £
(1) _Trade, Vocation or Profession, A Specialist._ (To estimate
this item it is necessary to take actual figures
of last three years, which show an average of
164 pounds. It is difficult to say how much of
this will be net profit after making allowance
for estimated rental of professional premises
and other liabilities, but let us give the Inland
Revenue the benefit of the doubt and say 50%.
50% of 164 is 82
(2) _Ditto, Occasional literature_. (This is a fluctuating
stipend, at the figure of (_circa_) 35. But one's
inspiration gets exhausted. Allowing for same,
and for pens, ink and paper, put this figure at 27
(3) Interest on Investments, say 50
----
£159
====
Ulster may fight and Mexico may be right; nevertheless these things are
apt to be forgotten when conversation reverts, as it always does, to My
Income.
The sordid subject came up again for discussion when Phyllis and I went
to have a preliminary chat with the house-agent.
"You have spoken with eloquence and conviction about reception-rooms,
out-houses, railway stations, golf courses, and h. and c.," said I, "but
sooner or later some one must rise and say a few pointed words about
Rent."
"That all depends on what you are prepared to give," he replied. "The
rough-and-ready rule is to fix one's rent at a tenth of one's income."
"Yes, but which income?" I asked. "For I have two incomes and I can't
afford a separate house for each."
He had no formula for my case and I left him a little later under a
cloud of suspicion. Your house-agent is an ill judge of the subtler
forms of humour.
* * * * *