PROTEAN FORMS OF WORRY
In a preceding chapter, I have shown that worry is a product of our
modern civilization, and that it belongs only to the Occidental world.
It is a modern disease, prevalent only among the so-called civilized
peoples. There is no doubt that in many respects we _are_ what we call
ourselves--the most highly civilized people in the world. But do we
not pay too high a price for much of our civilization? If it is such
that it fails to enable us to conserve our health, our powers of
enjoyment, our spontaneity, our mental vigor, our spirituality, and
the exuberant radiance of our life--bodily, mental, spiritual--I feel
that we need to examine it carefully and find out wherein lies its
inadequacy or its insufficiency.
While our civilization has reached some very elevated points, and some
men have made wonderful advancement in varied fields, it cannot be
denied that the mass of men and women are still groping along in
the darkness of mental mediocrity, and on the mud-flats of the
commonplace. Ten thousand men and women can now read where ten alone
read a few centuries ago. But what are the ten thousand reading? That
which will elevate, improve, benefit? See the piles of sensational
yellow novels, magazines, and newspapers that deluge us day by day,
week by week, month by month, for the answer. True, there are many who
desire the better forms of literature, and for these we give thanks;
they are of the salt that saves our civilization.
I do not wish to seem, even, to be cynical or pessimistic, but when
I look at some of the mental pabulum that our newspapers supply,
I cannot but feel that we are making vast efforts to maintain the
commonplace and dignify the trivial.
For instance: Look at the large place the Beauty Department of a
newspaper occupies in the thoughts of thousands of women and girls.
Instead of seeking to know what they should do to keep their bodies
and minds healthful and vigorous, they are deeply concerned over
their physical appearance. They write and ask questions that show how
worried they are about their skin--freckles, pimples, discolorations,
patches, etc.--their complexion, their hair, its color, glossiness,
quantity, how it should be dressed, and a thousand and one things that
clearly reveal the _improper emphasis_ placed upon them. I do not wish
to ignore the basic facts behind these anxious questionings. It is
right and proper that women (and men also) should give due attention
to their physical appearance. But when it becomes a mere matter of
the _outward_ show of cosmetics, powders, rouges, washes, pencils, and
things that affect the outside only, then the emphasis is in the wrong
place, and we are worrying about the wrong thing. Our appearance is
mainly the result of our physical and mental condition. If the body
is healthy, the skin and hair will need no especial attention, and,
indeed, every wise person knows that the application of many of
the cosmetics, etc., commonly used, is injurious, if not positively
dangerous.
Then, too, observation shows that too many women and girls go beyond
reasonable attention to these matters and begin to worry over them.
Once become slaves to worry, and every hour of the day some new
irritant will arise. Some new "dope" is advertised; some new fashion
devised; some new frivolity developed. Vanity and worry now begin
to vie with each other as to which shall annoy and vex, sting and
irritate their victim the more. Each is a nightmare of a different
breed, but no sooner does one bound from the saddle, before the other
puts in an appearance and compels its victim to a performance. Only
a thorough awakening can shake such nightmares off, and comparatively
few have any desire to be awakened. I have watched such victims and
they arouse in me both laughter and sadness. One is sure her hair
is not the proper color to match her complexion and eyes. It must
be dyed. Then follows the worries as to what dye she shall use, and
methods of application. Invariably the results produce worry, for they
are never satisfactory, and now she is worried while dressing, while
eating, and when she goes out into the street, lest people notice that
her hair is improperly dyed. Every stranger that looks at her adds to
the worry, for it confirms her previous fears that she does not look
all right. If she tries another hair of the dog that has already
bitten her and allows the hair specialist to guide her again, she goes
through more worries of similar fashion. She must treat her hair in a
certain way to conform to prevailing styles--and so she worries hourly
over a matter that, at the outside, should occupy her attention for a
few minutes of each day.
There are men who are equally worried over their appearance. Their
hair is not growing properly, or their ears are not the proper shape,
or their ears are too large, or their hands are too rough, or their
complexion doesn't match the ties they like to wear, or some equally
foolish and nonsensical thing. Some wish to be taller, others not so
tall; quite an army seeks to be thinner and another of equal numbers
desires to be stouter; some wish they were blondes, and others that
they were brunettes. The result is that drug-stores, beauty-parlors,
and complexion specialists for men and women are kept busy all their
time, robbing poor, hard-working creatures of their earnings because
of insane worries that they are not appearing as well as they ought to
do.
Clothing is a perpetual source of worry to thousands. They must keep
up with the styles, the latest fashions, for to be "out of fashion,"
"a back number," gives them "a conniption fit." An out-of-date hat,
or shirt-waist, jacket, coat, skirt, or shoe humiliates and distresses
them more than would a violation of the moral law--provided it were
undetected.
To these, my worrying friends, I continually put the question: Is it
worth while? Is the game worth the shot? What do you gain for all
your worry? Rest and peace of mind? Alas, no! If the worry and effort
accomplished anything, I would be the last to deprecate it, but
observation and experience have taught me that _the more you yield
to these demons of vanity and worry, the more relentlessly they harry
you_. They veritably are demons that seize you by the throat and hang
on like grim death until they suffocate and strangle you.
Do you propose, therefore, any longer to submit? Are you wilfully and
knowingly going to allow yourself to remain within their grasp?
You have a remedy in your own hands. Kill your foolish vanity by
determining to accept yourself as you are. All the efforts in the
world will not make any changes worth while. Fix upon the habits of
dress, etc., that good sense tells you are reasonable and in accord
with your age, your position and your purse, and then follow them
regardless of the fashion or the prevailing style. You know as well as
I that, unless you are a near-millionaire, you cannot possibly keep
up with the many and various changes demanded by current fashion. Then
why worry yourself by trying? Why spend your small income upon the
unattainable, or upon that which, even if you could attain it, you
would find unsatisfying and incomplete?
In your case, worry is certainly the result of mental inoccupancy.
This is sometimes called "empty headedness," and while the term seems
somewhat harsh and rough, it is pretty near the truth. If you spent
one-tenth the amount of energy seeking to put something _into_ your
head that you spend worrying as to what you shall put _on_ your head,
and how to fix it up, your life would soon be far more different than
you can now conceive.
Carelessness and laziness are both great causes of worry. The careless
man, the lazy man are each indifferent as to how their work is
done; such men seldom do well that which they undertake. Everything
carelessly or lazily done is incomplete, inadequate, incompetent, and,
therefore, a source of distress, discontent, and worry. A careless or
lazy plumber causes much worry, for, even though his victims may have
learned the lesson I am endeavoring to inculcate throughout these
pages, it is a self-evident proposition that they will not allow his
indifferent work to stand without correction. Therefore, the telephone
bell calls continually, he or his men must go out and do the work
again, and when pay-day comes, he fails to receive the check good work
would surely have made forthcoming to him.
The schoolboy, schoolgirl, has to learn this lesson, and the sooner
the better. The teacher never nags the careful and earnest student;
only the lazy and careless are worried by extra lessons, extra
recitals, impositions, and the like.
All through life carelessness and laziness bring worry, and he is
a wise person who, as early as he discovers these vices in himself,
seeks to correct or, better still, eliminate them.
Another form of worry is that wherein the worrier is sure that no
one is to be relied upon to do his duty. Dickens, in his immortal
_Pickwick Papers_, gives a forceful example of this type. Mr. Magnus
has just introduced himself to Pickwick, and they find they are both
going to Norwich on the same stage.
'Now, gen'lm'n,' said the hostler, 'Coach is ready, if you
please.'
'Is all my luggage in?' inquired Magnus.
'All right, Sir.'
'Is the red bag in?'
'All right, Sir.'
'And the striped bag?'
'Fore boot, Sir.'
'And the brown-paper parcel?'
'Under the seat, Sir.'
'And the leathern hat-box?'
'They're all in, Sir.'
'Now will you get up?' said Mr. Pickwick.
'Excuse me,' replied Magnus, standing on the wheel. 'Excuse
me, Mr. Pickwick, I cannot consent to get up in this state of
uncertainty. I am quite satisfied from that man's manner, that
that leather hat-box is not in.'
The solemn protestations of the hostler being unavailing, the
leather hat-box was obliged to be raked up from the lowest
depth of the boot, to satisfy him that it had been safely
packed; and after he had been assured on this head, he felt a
solemn presentiment, first, that the red bag was mislaid, and
next, that the striped bag had been stolen, and then that the
brown-paper parcel had become untied. At length when he had
received ocular demonstration of the groundless nature of each
and every one of these suspicions, he consented to climb up
to the roof of the coach, observing that now he had taken
everything off his mind he felt quite comfortable and happy.
But this was only a temporary feeling, for as they journeyed along,
every break in the conversation was filled up by Mr. Magnus's "loudly
expressed anxiety respecting the safety and well-being of the two
bags, the leather hat-box, and the brown-paper parcel."
Of course, this is an exaggerated picture, yet it properly suggests
and illustrates this particular, senseless form of worry, with which
we are all more or less familiar. In business, such a worrier is a
constant source of irritation to all with whom he comes in contact,
either as inferior or superior. To his inferiors, his worrying is
a bedeviling influence that irritates and helps produce the very
incapacity for attention to detail that is required; and to superiors,
it is a sure sign of incompetency. Experience demonstrates that such
an one is incapable of properly directing any great enterprise. Men
must be trusted if you would bring out their capacities. Their work
should be specifically laid out before them; that is, that which is
required of them; not, necessarily, in minute detail, but the general
results that are to be achieved. Then give them their freedom to work
the problems out in their own way. Give them responsibility, trust
them, and then leave them alone. _Quit your worrying_ about them. Give
them a fair chance, expect, demand results, and if they fail, fire
them and get those who are more competent. Mistrust and worry in the
employer lead to uncertainty and worry in the employee and these soon
spell out failure.
In subsequent chapters, various worries are discussed, with their
causes and cures. One thing I cannot too strongly and too often
emphasize, and that is, that the more one studies the worries referred
to, he is compelled to see the great truth of the proverb, "More of
our worries come from within than from without." In other words, we
make more of our worries, by worrying, than are made for us by the
cares of life. This fact in itself should lead us to be suspicious of
every worry that besets us.