Had I dropped a hand-grenade into the apartment the astonishment of its
occupants would not have been excessive. My Lord's face, as he clapped
his hand to his sword, was neither tranquil nor altogether agreeable to
contemplate; but as for Dorothy, she gave a frightened little cry, and ran
toward the masked intruder with a piteous confidence which wrung my heart.
"The devil!" says my Lord.
"Not precisely," I amended, and bowed in my best manner, "though 'tis
undeniable I come to act as his representative."
"Oh, joy to your success!" his Lordship sneered.
"Harkee, sir," said I, "as you, with perfect justice, have stated, this is
the devil's stronghold, and hereabouts his will is paramount; and, as I
have had the honor to add, the devil is a gentleman. Sure, and as such, he
cannot be expected to countenance your present behavior? Nay, never fear!
Lucifer, already up to the ears in the affairs of this mundane sphere,
lacks leisure to express his disapproval in sulphuric person. He tenders
his apologies, sir, and sends in his stead your servant, with whose
capabilities he is indifferently acquainted."
"To drop this mummery," says Lord Humphrey, "what are you doing in my
lodgings?"
"O Lord, sir!" I responded, "I came thither, I confess, without invitation.
And with equal candor I will admit that my present need is of your
Lordship's banknotes and jewels, and such-like trifles, rather than--you
force me, sir, to say it,--rather than of your company."
Thus speaking, I drew and placed myself on guard, while my Lord gasped.
"You're the most impudent rogue," says he, after he had recovered himself a
little, "that I have had the privilege of meeting--"
"Your Lordship is all kindness," I protested.
"--but your impudence is worth the price of whatever you may have pilfered.
Go, my good man--or devil, if you so prefer to style yourself! Tell Lucifer
that he is well served; and obligingly return to the infernal regions
without delay. For, as you have doubtless learned, Miss and I have many
private matters to discuss. And, gad, Mr. Moloch, [Footnote: A deity of,
I believe, Ammonitish origin. His traditional character as represented
by our immortal Milton is both taking to the fancy and finely romantic;
and is, I am informed, no less remarkable for many happy turns of speech
than for conformity throughout to the most famous legends of Talmudic
fabrication.--F.A.] pleasant as is your conversation, you must acknowledge
I can't allow evil spirits about the house without getting it an ill
reputation. So pardon me if I exorcise you with this."
He spoke boldly, and, as he ended, tossed me a purse. I let it lie where it
fell, for I had by no means ended my argument.
"Yet, sir," said I, "my errand, which began with the acquisition of your
pins, studs and other jewelry, now reaches toward treasure far more
precious--"
"Enough!" he cried, impatiently, "Begone! and do you render thanks--that my
present business is so urgent as to prevent my furnishing the rope which
will one day adorn your neck."
"That's as may be," quoth I; "and, indeed, I doubt if I could abide
drowning, for 'tis a damp, unwholesome, and very permanent sort of death.
But my fixed purpose, to cut short all debate, is to escort Miss Allonby
homeward."
"Come," sneers my Lord,--"come, Mr. Moloch, I have borne with your
insolence for a quarter of an hour--"
"Twenty minutes," said I, after consulting my watch.
"--but I mean to put up with it no longer; and in consequence I take the
boorish liberty of suggesting that this is none of your affair."
"Good sir," I conceded, "your Lordship speaks with considerable justice,
and we must leave the final decision to Miss here."
I bowed toward her. In her face there was a curious bewilderment that
made me fear lest, for all my mask, for all my unnatural intonations, and
for all the room's half-light, my worshipped mistress had come near to
recognizing this caught thief.
"Miss Allonby," said I, in a falsetto voice which trembled, "since I am
unknown to you, may I trust you will permit me to present myself? My
name--though, indeed, I have a multitude of names--is for the occasion
Frederick Thomasson. With my father's appellation and estates I cannot
accommodate you, for the reason that a mystery attaches to his identity.
As for my mother, let it suffice to say that she was a vivacious brunette
of a large acquaintance, and generally known to the public as Black Moll
O'Reilly. I began life as a pickpocket. Since then I have so far improved
my natural gifts that the police are flattering enough to value my person
at several hundred pounds. My rank in society, as you perceive, is not
exalted; yet, if my luck by any chance should fail, I do not question that
I shall, upon some subsequent Friday, move in loftier circles than any
nobleman who happens at the time to be on Tyburn Hill.--So much for my poor
self. And since by this late hour Lady Allonby is beyond doubt beginning to
grow uneasy, let us have done with further exposition, and remember that
'tis high time you selected an escort to her residence. May I implore that
you choose between the son of the Marquis of Venour and Black Molly's
bastard?"
She looked us over,--first one, then the other. More lately she laughed;
and if I had never seen her before, I could have found it in my heart to
love her for the sweet insolence of her demeanor.
"After all," said my adored Dorothy, "I prefer the rogue who when he goes
about his knaveries has at least the decency to wear a mask."
"That, my Lord," said I, "is fairly conclusive; and so we will be
journeying."
"Over my dead body!" says he.
"Sure, and what's beneath the feet," I protested, "is equally beneath
consideration."
The witticism stung him like a wasp, and, with an oath, he drew, as I was
heartily glad to observe, for I cannot help thinking that when it comes to
the last pinch, and one gentleman is excessively annoyed by the existence
of another, steel is your only arbiter, and charitable allowances for the
dead make the one rational peroration. So we crossed blades; and, pursuing
my usual tactics, I began upon a flow of words, which course, as I have
learned by old experience, is apt to disconcert an adversary far more than
any trick of the sword can do.
I pressed him sorely, and he continued to give way, but clearly for
tactical purposes, and without permitting the bright flash of steel that
protected him to swerve an instant from the proper line.
"Miss Allonby," said I, growing impatient, "have you never seen a venomous
insect pinned to the wall? In that case, I pray you to attend more closely.
For one has only to parry--thus! And to thrust--in this fashion! And
behold, the thing is done!"
In fact, having been run through the chest, my Lord was for the moment
affixed to the panelling at the extreme end of the apartment, where he
writhed, much in the manner of a cockchafer which mischievous urchins have
pinned to a card,--his mien and his gesticulations, however, being rather
more suggestive of the torments of the damned, as they are so strikingly
depicted by the Italian Dante. [Footnote: I allude, of course, to the
famous Florentine, who excels no less in his detailed depictions of
infernal anguish than in his eloquent portrayal of the graduated and
equitable emoluments of an eternal glorification.--F.A.] He tumbled in a
heap, though, when I sheathed my sword and bowed toward my charmer.
"Miss Allonby," said I, "thus quickly ends this evil quarter of an hour;
and with, equal expedition, I think, should we be leaving this evil quarter
of the town."
She had watched the combat with staring and frightened eyes. Now she had
drawn nearer, and she looked curiously at her over-presumptuous lover where
he had fallen.
"Have you killed him?" she asked, in a hushed voice.
"O Lord, no!" I protested. "The life of a peer's son is too valuable a
matter; he will be little the worse for it in a week."
"The dog!" cries she, overcome with pardonable indignation at the affront
which the misguided nobleman had put upon her; and afterward, with a
ferocity the more astounding in an individual whose demeanor was by
ordinary of an aspect so amiable and so engaging, she said, "Oh, the lewd
thieving dog!"
"My adorable Miss Allonby," said I, "do not, I pray you, thus slander the
canine species! Meanwhile, permit me to remind you that 'tis inexpedient
to loiter in these parts, for the parson will presently be at hand; and if
it be to inter rather than to marry Lord Humphrey--well, after all, the
peerage is a populous estate! But, either way, time presses."
"Come!" said she, and took my arm; and together we went down-stairs and
into the street.