[Footnote 1: [not to]]
[Footnote 2: [Aptness in them]]
[Footnote 3: [Fifteen images in waxwork, prepared for a procession on
the 17th November, Queen Elizabeth's birthday, had been seized under a
Secretary of State's warrant. Swift says, in his Journal to Stella, that
the devil which was to have waited on the Pope was saved from burning
because it was thought to resemble the Lord Treasurer.]
[Footnote 4: The Royal Society was incorporated in 1663 as the Royal
Society of London for promoting Natural Knowledge. In the same year
there was an abortive insurrection in the North against the infamy of
Charles II.'s government.]
[Footnote 5: [Reasons]]
* * * * *
No. 263. Tuesday, January 1, 1712. Steele.
Gratulor quod eum quem necesse erat diligere, qualiscunque esset,
talem habemus ut libenter quoque diligamus.
Trebonius apud Tull.
_Mr_, SPECTATOR,
I am the happy Father of a very towardly Son, in whom I do not only
see my Life, but also my Manner of Life, renewed. It would be
extremely beneficial to Society, if you would frequently resume
Subjects which serve to bind these sort of Relations faster, and
endear the Ties of Blood with those of Good-will, Protection,
Observance, Indulgence, and Veneration. I would, methinks, have this
done after an uncommon Method, and do not think any one, who is not
capable of writing a good Play, fit to undertake a Work wherein there
will necessarily occur so many secret Instincts, and Biasses of human
Nature which would pass unobserved by common Eyes. I thank Heaven I
have no outrageous Offence against my own excellent Parents to answer
for; but when I am now and then alone, and look back upon my past
Life, from my earliest Infancy to this Time, there are many Faults
which I committed that did not appear to me, even till I my self
became a Father. I had not till then a Notion of the Earnings of
Heart, which a Man has when he sees his Child do a laudable Thing, or
the sudden Damp which seizes him when he fears he will act something
unworthy. It is not to be imagined, what a Remorse touched me for a
long Train of childish Negligencies of my Mother, when I saw my Wife
the other Day look out of the Window, and turn as pale as Ashes upon
seeing my younger Boy sliding upon the Ice. These slight Intimations
will give you to understand, that there are numberless little Crimes
which Children take no notice of while they are doing, which upon
Reflection, when they shall themselves become Fathers, they will look
upon with the utmost Sorrow and Contrition, that they did not regard,
before those whom they offended were to be no more seen. How many
thousand Things do I remember, which would have highly pleased my
Father, and I omitted for no other Reason, but that I thought what he
proposed the Effect of Humour and old Age, which I am now convinced
had Reason and good Sense in it. I cannot now go into the Parlour to
him, and make his Heart glad with an Account of a Matter which was of
no Consequence, but that I told it, and acted in it. The good Man and
Woman are long since in their Graves, who used to sit and plot the
Welfare of us their Children, while, perhaps, we were sometimes
laughing at the old Folks at another End of the House. The Truth of it
is, were we merely to follow Nature in these great Duties of Life,
tho we have a strong Instinct towards the performing of them, we
should be on both Sides very deficient. Age is so unwelcome to the
Generality of Mankind, and Growth towards Manhood so desirable to all,
that Resignation to Decay is too difficult a Task in the Father; and
Deference, amidst the Impulse of gay Desires, appears unreasonable to
the Son. There are so few who can grow old with a good Grace, and yet
fewer who can come slow enough into the World, that a Father, were he
to be actuated by his Desires, and a Son, were he to consult himself
only, could neither of them behave himself as he ought to the other.
But when Reason interposes against Instinct, where it would carry
either out of the Interests of the other, there arises that happiest
Intercourse of good Offices between those dearest Relations of human
Life. The Father, according to the Opportunities which are offered to
him, is throwing down Blessings on the Son, and the Son endeavouring
to appear the worthy Offspring of such a Father. It is after this
manner that _Camillus_ and his firstborn dwell together. _Camillus_
enjoys a pleasing and indolent old Age, in which Passion is subdued,
and Reason exalted. He waits the Day of his Dissolution with a
Resignation mixed with Delight, and the Son fears the Accession of his
Fathers Fortune with Diffidence, lest he should not enjoy or become
it as well as his Predecessor. Add to this, that the Father knows he
leaves a Friend to the Children of his Friends, an easie Landlord to
his Tenants, and an agreeable Companion to his Acquaintance. He
believes his Sons Behaviour will make him frequently remembered, but
never wanted. This Commerce is so well cemented, that without the Pomp
of saying, _Son, be a Friend to such a one when I am gone; Camillus_
knows, being in his Favour, is Direction enough to the grateful Youth
who is to succeed him, without the Admonition of his mentioning it.
These Gentlemen are honoured in all their Neighbourhood, and the same
Effect which the Court has on the Manner of a Kingdom, their
Characters have on all who live within the Influence of them.
My Son and I are not of Fortune to communicate our good Actions or
Intentions to so many as these Gentlemen do; but I will be bold to
say, my Son has, by the Applause and Approbation which his Behaviour
towards me has gained him, occasioned that many an old Man, besides my
self, has rejoiced. Other Mens Children follow the Example of mine,
and I have the inexpressible Happiness of overhearing our Neighbours,
as we ride by, point to their Children, and say, with a Voice of Joy,
There they go.
You cannot, _Mr_. SPECTATOR, pass your time better than insinuating
the Delights which these Relations well regarded bestow upon each
other. Ordinary Passions are no longer such, but mutual Love gives an
Importance to the most indifferent things, and a Merit to Actions the
most insignificant. When we look round the World, and observe the many
Misunderstandings which are created by the Malice and Insinuation of
the meanest Servants between People thus related, how necessary will
it appear that it were inculcated that Men would be upon their Guard
to support a Constancy of Affection, and that grounded upon the
Principles of Reason, not the Impulses of Instinct.
It is from the common Prejudices which Men receive from their Parents,
that Hatreds are kept alive from one Generation to another; and when
Men act by Instinct, Hatreds will descend when good Offices are
forgotten. For the Degeneracy of human Life is such, that our Anger is
more easily transferred to our Children than our Love. Love always
gives something to the Object it delights in, and Anger spoils the
Person against whom it is moved of something laudable in him. From
this Degeneracy therefore, and a sort of Self-Love, we are more prone
to take up the Ill-will of our Parents, than to follow them in their
Friendships.
One would think there should need no more to make Men keep up this
sort of Relation with the utmost Sanctity, than to examine their own
Hearts. If every Father remembered his own Thoughts and Inclinations
when he was a Son, and every Son remembered what he expected from his
Father, when he himself was in a State of Dependance, this one
Reflection would preserve Men from being dissolute or rigid in these
several Capacities. The Power and Subjection between them, when
broken, make them more emphatically Tyrants and Rebels against each
other, with greater Cruelty of Heart, than the Disruption of States
and Empires can possibly produce. I shall end this Application to you
with two Letters which passed between a Mother and Son very lately,
and are as follows.
_Dear_ FRANK,
If the Pleasures, which I have the Grief to hear you pursue in Town,
do not take up all your Time, do not deny your Mother so much of it,
as to read seriously this Letter. You said before Mr. _Letacre_,
that an old Woman might live very well in the Country upon half my
Jointure, and that your Father was a fond Fool to give me a
Rent-Charge of Eight hundred a Year to the Prejudice of his Son.
What _Letacre_ said to you upon that Occasion, you ought to have
born with more Decency, as he was your Fathers well-beloved
Servant, than to have called him _Country-put_. In the first place,
_Frank_, I must tell you, I will have my Rent duly paid, for I will
make up to your Sisters for the Partiality I was guilty of, in
making your Father do so much as he has done for you. I may, it
seems, live upon half my Jointure! I lived upon much less, _Frank_,
when I carried you from Place to Place in these Arms, and could
neither eat, dress, or mind any thing for feeding and tending you a
weakly Child, and shedding Tears when the Convulsions you were then
troubled with returned upon you. By my Care you outgrew them, to
throw away the Vigour of your Youth in the Arms of Harlots, and deny
your Mother what is not yours to detain. Both your Sisters are
crying to see the Passion which I smother; but if you please to go
on thus like a Gentleman of the Town, and forget all Regards to your
self and Family, I shall immediately enter upon your Estate for the
Arrear due to me, and without one Tear more contemn you for
forgetting the Fondness of your Mother, as much as you have the
Example of your Father. O _Frank_, do I live to omit writing myself,
_Your Affectionate Mother_, A.T.
_MADAM_,
I will come down to-morrow and pay the Money on my Knees. Pray write
so no more. I will take care you never shall, for I will be for ever
hereafter, _Your most dutiful Son_, F.T.
I will bring down new Heads for my Sisters. Pray let all be
forgotten.