T.

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No. 261. Saturday. December 29, 1711. Addison.

[Greek: Gámos gàr anphrôpoisin euktaion kakón].

Frag. Vet. Poet.

My Father, whom I mentioned in my first Speculation, and whom I must

always name with Honour and Gratitude, has very frequently talked to me

upon the Subject of Marriage. I was in my younger Years engaged, partly

by his Advice, and partly by my own Inclinations in the Courtship of a

Person who had a great deal of Beauty, and did not at my first

Approaches seem to have any Aversion to me; but as my natural

Taciturnity hindred me from showing my self to the best Advantage, she

by degrees began to look upon me as a very silly Fellow, and being

resolved to regard Merit more than any Thing else in the Persons who

made their Applications to her, she married a Captain of Dragoons who

happened to be beating up for Recruits in those Parts.

This unlucky Accident has given me an Aversion to pretty Fellows ever

since, and discouraged me from trying my Fortune with the Fair Sex. The

Observations which I made in this Conjuncture, and the repeated Advices

which I received at that Time from the good old Man above-mentioned,

have produced the following Essay upon Love and Marriage.

The pleasantest Part of a Man's Life is generally that which passes in

Courtship, provided his Passion be sincere, and the Party beloved kind

with Discretion. Love, Desire, Hope, all the pleasing Motions of the

Soul rise in the Pursuit.

It is easier for an artful Man who is not in Love, to persuade his

Mistress he has a Passion for her, and to succeed in his Pursuits, than

for one who loves with the greatest Violence. True Love has ten thousand

Griefs, Impatiences and Resentments, that render a Man unamiable in the

Eyes of the Person whose Affection he sollicits: besides, that it sinks

his Figure, gives him Fears, Apprehensions and Poorness of Spirit, and

often makes him appear ridiculous where he has a mind to recommend

himself.

Those Marriages generally abound most with Love and Constancy, that are

preceded by a long Courtship. The Passion should strike Root, and gather

Strength before Marriage be grafted on it. A long Course of Hopes and

Expectations fixes the Idea in our Minds, and habituates us to a

Fondness of the Person beloved.

There is Nothing of so great Importance to us, as the good Qualities of

one to whom we join ourselves for Life; they do not only make our

present State agreeable, but often determine our Happiness to all

Eternity. Where the Choice is left to Friends, the chief Point under

Consideration is an Estate: Where the Parties chuse for themselves,

their Thoughts turn most upon the Person. They have both their Reasons.

The first would procure many Conveniencies and Pleasures of Life to the

Party whose Interests they espouse; and at the same time may hope that

the Wealth of their Friend will turn to their own Credit and Advantage.

The others are preparing for themselves a perpetual Feast. A good Person

does not only raise, but continue Love, and breeds a secret Pleasure and

Complacency in the Beholder, when the first Heats of Desire are

extinguished. It puts the Wife or Husband in Countenance both among

Friends and Strangers, and generally fills the Family with a healthy and

beautiful Race of Children.

I should prefer a Woman that is agreeable in my own Eye, and not

deformed in that of the World, to a Celebrated Beauty. If you marry one

remarkably beautiful, you must have a violent Passion for her, or you

have not the proper Taste of her Charms; and if you have such a Passion

for her, it is odds but it [would [1]] be imbittered with Fears and

Jealousies.

Good-Nature and Evenness of Temper will give you an easie Companion for

Life; Virtue and good Sense, an agreeable Friend; Love and Constancy, a

good Wife or Husband. Where we meet one Person with all these

Accomplishments, we find an hundred without any one of them. The World,

notwithstanding, is more intent on Trains and Equipages, and all the

showy Parts of Life; we love rather to dazzle the Multitude, than

consult our proper Interest[s]; and, as I have elsewhere observed, it is

one of the most unaccountable Passions of human Nature, that we are at

greater Pains to appear easie and happy to others, than really to make

our selves so. Of all Disparities, that in Humour makes the most unhappy

Marriages, yet scarce enters into our Thoughts at the contracting of

them. Several that are in this Respect unequally yoked, and uneasie for

Life, with a Person of a particular Character, might have been pleased

and happy with a Person of a contrary one, notwithstanding they are both

perhaps equally virtuous and laudable in their Kind.

Before Marriage we cannot be too inquisitive and discerning in the

Faults of the Person beloved, nor after it too dim-sighted and

superficial. However perfect and accomplished the Person appears to you

at a Distance, you will find many Blemishes and Imperfections in her

Humour, upon a more intimate Acquaintance, which you never discovered or

perhaps suspected. Here therefore Discretion and Good-nature are to shew

their Strength; the first will hinder your Thoughts from dwelling on

what is disagreeable, the other will raise in you all the Tenderness of

Compassion and Humanity, and by degrees soften those very Imperfections

into Beauties.

Marriage enlarges the Scene of our Happiness and Miseries. A Marriage of

Love is pleasant; a Marriage of Interest easie; and a Marriage, where

both meet, happy. A happy Marriage has in it all the Pleasures of

Friendship, all the Enjoyments of Sense and Reason, and indeed, all the

Sweets of Life. Nothing is a greater Mark of a degenerate and vicious

Age, than the common Ridicule [which [2]] passes on this State of Life.

It is, indeed, only happy in those who can look down with Scorn or

Neglect on the Impieties of the Times, and tread the Paths of Life

together in a constant uniform Course of Virtue.

[Footnote 1: [will]]

[Footnote 2: [that]]

* * * * *

No. 262. Monday, December 31, 1711. Steele.

Nulla venenato Littera mista Joco est.

Ovid.

I think myself highly obliged to the Publick for their kind Acceptance

of a Paper which visits them every Morning, and has in it none of those

_Seasonings_ that recommend so many of the Writings which are in Vogue

among us.

As, on the one Side, my Paper has not in it a single Word of News, a

Reflection in Politics, nor a Stroak of Party; so on the other, there

are no Fashionable Touches of Infidelity, no obscene Ideas, no Satyrs

upon Priesthood, Marriage, and the like popular Topics of Ridicule; no

private Scandal, nor any Thing that may tend to the Defamation of

particular Persons, Families, or Societies.

There is not one of these above-mentioned Subjects that would not sell a

very indifferent Paper, could I think of gratifying the Publick by such

mean and base Methods. But notwithstanding I have rejected every Thing

that savours of Party, every Thing that is loose and immoral, and every

Thing that might create Uneasiness in the Minds of particular Persons, I

find that the Demand of my Papers has encreased every Month since their

first Appearance in the World. This does not perhaps reflect so much

Honour upon my self, as on my Readers, who give a much greater Attention

to Discourses of Virtue and Morality, than ever I expected, or indeed

could hope.

When I broke loose from that great Body of Writers who have employed

their Wit and Parts in propagating Vice and Irreligion, I did not

question but I should be treated as an odd kind of Fellow that had a

mind to appear singular in my Way of Writing: But the general Reception

I have found, convinces me that the World is not so corrupt as we are

apt to imagine; and that if those Men of Parts who have been employed in

vitiating the Age had endeavour'd to rectify and amend it, they needed

[not [1]] have sacrificed their good Sense and Virtue to their Fame and

Reputation. No Man is so sunk in Vice and Ignorance, but there are still

some hidden Seeds of Goodness and Knowledge in him; which give him a

Relish of such Reflections and Speculations as have an [Aptness [2]] to

improve the Mind, and make the Heart better.

I have shewn in a former Paper, with how much Care I have avoided all

such Thoughts as are loose, obscene or immoral; and I believe my Reader

would still think the better of me, if he knew the Pains I am at in

qualifying what I write after such a manner, that nothing may be

interpreted as aimed at private Persons. For this Reason when I draw any

faulty Character, I consider all those Persons to whom the Malice of the

World may possibly apply it, and take care to dash it with such

particular Circumstances as may prevent all such ill-natured

Applications. If I write any Thing on a black Man, I run over in my Mind

all the eminent Persons in the Nation who are of that Complection: When

I place an imaginary Name at the Head of a Character, I examine every

Syllable and Letter of it, that it may not bear any Resemblance to one

that is real. I know very well the Value which every Man sets upon his

Reputation, and how painful it is to be exposed to the Mirth and

Derision of the Publick, and should therefore scorn to divert my Reader,

at the Expence of any private Man.

As I have been thus tender of every particular Persons Reputation, so I

have taken more than ordinary Care not to give Offence to those who

appear in the higher Figures of Life. I would not make myself merry even

with a Piece of Paste-board that is invested with a Publick Character;

for which Reason I have never glanced upon the late designed Procession

of his Holiness and his Attendants, [3] notwithstanding it might have

afforded Matter to many ludicrous Speculations. Among those Advantages,

which the Publick may reap from this Paper, it is not the least, that it

draws Mens Minds off from the Bitterness of Party, and furnishes them

with Subjects of Discourse that may be treated without Warmth or

Passion. This is said to have been the first Design of those Gentlemen

who set on Foot the Royal Society; [4] and had then a very good Effect,

as it turned many of the greatest Genius's of that Age to the

Disquisitions of natural Knowledge, who, if they had engaged in

Politicks with the same Parts and Application, might have set their

Country in a Flame. The Air-Pump, the Barometer, the Quadrant, and the

like Inventions were thrown out to those busie Spirits, as Tubs and

Barrels are to a Whale, that he may let the Ship sail on without

Disturbance, while he diverts himself with those innocent Amusements.

I have been so very scrupulous in this Particular of not hurting any

Man's Reputation that I have forborn mentioning even such Authors as I

could not name without Honour. This I must confess to have been a Piece

of very great Self-denial: For as the Publick relishes nothing better

than the Ridicule which turns upon a Writer of any Eminence, so there is

nothing which a Man that has but a very ordinary Talent in Ridicule may

execute with greater Ease. One might raise Laughter for a Quarter of a

Year together upon the Works of a Person who has published but a very

few Volumes. For which [Reason [5]] I am astonished, that those who have

appeared against this Paper have made so very little of it. The

Criticisms which I have hitherto published, have been made with an

Intention rather to discover Beauties and Excellencies in the Writers of

my own Time, than to publish any of their Faults and Imperfections. In

the mean while I should take it for a very great Favour from some of my

underhand Detractors, if they would break all Measures with me so far,

as to give me a Pretence for examining their Performances with an

impartial Eye: Nor shall I look upon it as any Breach of Charity to

criticise the Author, so long as I keep clear of the Person.

In the mean while, till I am provoked to such Hostilities, I shall from

time to time endeavour to do Justice to those who have distinguished

themselves in the politer Parts of Learning, and to point out such

Beauties in their Works as may have escaped the Observation of others.

As the first Place among our _English_ Poets is due to _Milton_; and as

I have drawn more Quotations out of him than from any other, I shall

enter into a regular Criticism upon his _Paradise Lost_, which I shall

publish every _Saturday_ till I have given my Thoughts upon that Poem.

I shall not however presume to impose upon others my own particular

Judgment on this Author, but only deliver it as my private Opinion.

Criticism is of a very large Extent, and every particular Master in this

Art has his favourite Passages in an Author, which do not equally strike

the best Judges. It will be sufficient for me if I discover many

Beauties or Imperfections which others have not attended to, and I

should be very glad to see any of our eminent Writers publish their

Discoveries on the same Subject. In short, I would always be understood

to write my Papers of Criticism in the Spirit which _Horace_ has

expressed in those two famous Lines;

--Si quid novisti rectius istis,

Candidus imperti; si non, his utere mecum,

If you have made any better Remarks of your own, communicate them

with Candour; if not, make use of these I present you with.