I sat there shadowless and penniless: but a heavy weight had been removed
from my bosom, and I was calm. Had I not lost my love, or had that loss
left me free from self-reproach, I believe I might have been happy; but I
knew not what steps I should take. I searched my pockets, and found that
a few pieces of gold remained to me; I counted them smilingly. I had
left my horse at the inn below. I was ashamed to return there, at least
till the setting of the sun--and the sun was high in the heavens. I laid
myself down in the shade of a neighbouring tree, and fell quietly asleep.
The sweetest images danced cheerfully around me in my delightful dreams.
Mina, crowned with a garland of flowers, hovered over me, and cheered me
with an affectionate smile. The noble Bendel was there, too, weaving a
flowery wreath, and approaching me with a friendly greeting. Many others
also were there, and among them methought I saw even thee, Chamisso, in
the distant crowd. A bright light shone, but there were no shadows; and,
what was more singular, all appeared happy--flowers and songs, and love
and joy, under groves of palms. I could hardly realize, understand, or
point out the flitting, swiftly dispersed, and lovely forms; but I
enjoyed such visions, I would fain not awake--but I awoke,--though I kept
my eyes closed, that the vanishing dreams might play a little longer
round my soul.
But I opened my eyes at last--the sun was in the heavens, but in the
east; I had slept through the night. I took this for a sign that I ought
not to return to the inn. I willingly abandoned that which I had so
lately left there, and determined to take on foot a by-road, which led
through the forest-girded base of the hill, leaving it to fate to
determine what might be my lot. I looked not back; I thought not even of
applying to Bendel, whom I had left in wealth behind me, which I might so
easily have done. I began to consider what new character I should assume
in the world. My appearance was very unpretending: I wore an old black
coat, which I had formerly worn in Berlin, and which, I know not how, I
had taken for this journey. I had only a travelling-cap on my head, and
a pair of worn-out boots on my feet. I rose up, cut a knobbed stick from
the spot as a sort of memento, and began my wanderings.
I overtook in the wood an old peasant, who greeted me with great
kindness, and with whom I entered into conversation. I first inquired,
like a curious traveller, about the road, then about the neighbourhood
and its inhabitants, the productions of the mountain, and such matters.
He answered my inquiries talkatively and sensibly. We came to the bed of
a mountain-stream, which had spread its devastations over a wide part of
the forest. I shuddered inwardly before the wide sunny place, and let
the countryman precede me. He however stood still in the middle of this
frightful spot, and turned round towards me, in order to give me the
history of the overflow. He soon observed what was wanting to me, and
stopped in the middle of his narrative to say: "But how is this--the
gentleman has got no shadow!" "Alas! alas!" I replied with a sigh, "I
had a long and dreadful illness, and lost my hair, my nails, and my
shadow! Look, father, at my time of life, my hair, which has grown
again, quite white, my nails sadly short, and my shadow is not yet
springing forth."--"Ay! ay," said the old man, shaking his head, "no
shadow! that's odd--the gentleman must have had a sad illness!" But he
did not go on with his story, and at the next cross path he glided away
from, me without saying a word. Bitter tears trembled again on my
cheeks--all my serenity was gone.
With a heavy heart I moved forwards, and sought the society of man no
longer. I concealed myself in the thickest of the forest, and was often
obliged to wait for hours in order to get over sunny spots, even where no
human eye forbade my progress; in the evening I sought a retreat in the
villages. At last I bent my course towards a mine in the mountain, where
I hoped to find employment under ground; for besides that my situation
required me even to procure my daily bread, I clearly perceived that
nothing but the most laborious toil would be any protection from my
convulsive thoughts.
A couple of rainy days helped me far on my way, but at the cost of my
boots, whose soles were made to suit Count Peter, and not a running
footman: I soon walked on my naked feet, and was obliged to procure
another pair of boots. The next morning I attended earnestly to this
affair in a village, where a fair was held, and where old and new boots
were exposed in a shop for sale. I selected and bargained for a long
time. I was obliged to abandon a new pair which I wished to possess--I
was frightened by the extravagant price, and satisfied myself, therefore,
with old ones, which were yet firm and strong, and which the fair and
light-haired shop-boy handed to me for my ready cash with a smile, while
he wished me a prosperous journey. I put them on immediately, and went
away through a door which lay to the north.
I was lost in my own thoughts, and hardly observed where I put my
foot--for I was still planning about the mine, whither I hoped to arrive
by the evening, and hardly knew how I should manage to introduce myself
there. I had not advanced two hundred paces ere I discovered that I had
lost my way; I looked round, and found myself in an antique and desert
wood of firs, to the roots of which it appeared the axe had never been
laid. I still hastened onwards a few steps, and perceived I was among
dreary rocks, surrounded only by moss and stones, between which lay piles
of snow and ice. The wind was extremely cold, and when I looked round,
the forest had wholly disappeared. Yet a few paces forward, the
stillness of death possessed me--the ice on which I stood stretched
boundlessly before me--a dark mist hung over it--the red sun looked from
the edge of the horizon. The cold was intolerable; I knew not how it had
happened, but the benumbing frost forced me to accelerate my steps. I
heard the roar of distant waters--another bewildered step, and I was on
the ice-borders of the ocean. Countless herds of seals dashed splashing
into the stream. I followed the sea-shore, and saw again naked rocks,
land, forests of birch and pine-trees. I moved forwards for a few
minutes--it was burning hot: around me were richly cultivated rice-fields
under mulberry-trees, in whose shadow I sat down, and looking at my
watch, I found it not less than a quarter of an hour since I left the
village. I fancied I was dreaming--I bit my tongue to awake myself, and
I was aroused most thoroughly. I closed my eyes in order to assemble my
thoughts. I heard strange nasal sounds--I looked around; two Chinese,
whose Asiatic countenances I could not mistake, were saluting me
according to the custom of their country, and in their own language; I
arose and walked back two steps. I saw them no longer--the landscape was
wholly changed; trees and woods had succeeded to the rice-fields. I
looked pensively on the trees and plants which were blooming around me,
and saw that they were the productions of South-eastern Asia. I went
towards a tree--and all was again changed. I walked forwards like a
drilled recruit, with slow paces. Wonderful varieties of countries,
fields, meadows, mountains, wastes, and sandy deserts rolled along before
my astounded sight; doubtless I had the seven-leagued boots on my legs.