"The cook of the huffy got drunk,
Fell down the fore-scuttle, and
Broke his gin bottle."
Here his head fell back, he tumbled off his chair, and lay motionless on
the carpet.
Having previously determined not to let him be exposed in the streets in
that state, I had provided a bed for him at the inn; and ringing the
bell, I ordered the waiter to carry him to it. Having seen him safely
deposited, untied his neckcloth, took off his boots, and raised his head
a little, we left him, and returned to the table, where we finished our
evening in great comfort, but without any other instance of
intoxication.
The next morning, I waited on him. He seemed much annoyed at seeing me,
supposing I meant, by my presence, to rebuke him for his intemperance;
but this was not my intention. I asked him how he felt; and I regretted
that the hilarity of the evening had been interrupted in so unfortunate
a manner.
"How do you mean, sir? Do you mean to insinuate that I was not sober?"
"By no means, sir," said I; "but are you aware, that in the midst of
your delightful and entertaining conversation, you tumbled off your
chair in an epileptic fit?--are you subject to these?"
"Oh, yes, my dear fellow, indeed I am; but it is so long since I last
had one, that I was in hopes they had left me. I have invalided for
them four times, and just at the very periods when, if I could have
remained out, my promotion was certain."
He then told me I might remain on shore that day, if I pleased. I gave
him credit for his happy instinct in taking the hint of the fit; and as
soon as I left him, he arose, went on board, and flogged two men for
being drunk the night before.
I did not fail to report all that had passed to my mess-mates, and we
sailed a few days afterwards for Barbadoes. On the first Sunday of our
being at sea, the captain dined in the gun-room with the officers. He
soon launched out into his usual strain of lying and boasting, which
always irritated our doctor, who was a sensible young Welshman. On
these occasions he never failed to raise a laugh at the captain's
expense, by throwing in one or two words at the end of each anecdote;
and this he did in so grave and modest a manner, that without a previous
knowledge of him, any one might have supposed he was serious. The
captain renewed his story of the corps of poodles to extract the fuses
from the shells. "I hoped," he said, "to see the institution of such a
corps among ourselves; and if I were to be the colonel of it, I should
soon have a star on my breast."
"That would be the dog star," said the doctor, with extreme gaiety.
"Thank you, doctor," said the captain; "not bad; I owe you one."
We laughed; the doctor kept his countenance; and the captain looked very
grave; but he continued his lies, and dragged in as usual the name of
Sir Sydney Smith to support his assertions. "If you doubt me, only ask
Sir Sydney Smith; he'll talk to you about Acre for thirty-six hours on a
stretch, without taking breath; his coxswain at last got so tired of it,
that he nick-named him `Long Acre.'"
The poor doctor did not come off scot-free; the next day, he discovered
that the deck leaked over his cabin, and the water ran into his bed. He
began, with a hammer and some nails, to fasten up a piece of painted
canvas, by way of shelter. The captain heard the noise of the hammer,
and finding it was the doctor, desired him to desist. The doctor
replied, that he was only endeavouring to stop some leaks over his bed:
the captain said they should not be stopped; for that a bed of _leeks_
was a very good bed for a Welshman.
"There, doctor: now we are quits: that's for your dog star. I suppose
you think nobody can make, a pun or a pill, in the ship, but yourself?"
"If my pills were no better than your puns," muttered the doctor, "we
should all be in a bad way."
The captain then directed the carpenter not to allow any nails to the
doctor, or the use of any of his tools; he even told the poor surgeon
that he did not know how to make a pill, and that "he was as useless as
the Navy Board." He accused him of ignorance in other parts of his
profession; and, ordering all the sick men on deck, rope-ended them to
increase their circulation, and put a little life into them.
Many a poor sick creature have I seen receive a most unmerciful beating.
My wonder was that the men did not throw him overboard; and I do really
believe that if it had not been for respect and love to the officers,
they would have done so. No sooner had we got into blue water, as he
called it--that is out of soundings--than he began his pranks, which
never ceased till we reached Carlisle Bay. Officers and men were all
treated alike, and there was no redress, for no one among us dared to
bring him to a court-martial. His constant maxim was--"Keep sailors at
work, and you keep the devil out of their minds--all hands all
day-watch, and watch all night."
"No man," said Jacky (the name we gave him) "eats the bread of idleness
on board of my ship: work keeps the scurvy out of their bones, the lazy
rascals."
The officers and men, for the first three weeks, never had a watch below
during the day. They were harassed and worn to death, and the most
mutinous and discontented spirit prevailed throughout the ship. One of
the best seamen said, in the captain's hearing, that, "since the ship
had been at sea, he had only had three watches below."
"And if I had known it," said the captain, "you should not have had
that;" and turning the hands up, he gave him four dozen.
Whenever he flogged the men, which he was constantly doing, he never
failed to upbraid them with ingratitude, and the indulgences which they
received from him.
"By God, there is no man-of-war in the service that has so much
indulgence. All you have to do, is to keep the ship clean, square the
yards, hoist in your provisions, eat them, hoist your grog in, drink it,
and strike the empty casks over the side; but heaven itself would not
please such a set of damned fat, discontented rascals."
His language to the officers was beyond anything I ever could have
supposed would have proceeded from the mouth of a human being. The
master, one day, incurred his displeasure, and he very flippantly told
the poor man to go to hell.
"I hope, sir," said the master, "I have as good a chance of going to
heaven as yourself."
"You go to heaven!" said the captain, "you go to heaven! Let me catch
you there, and I will come and kick you out."
This was, indeed, showing how far he would have carried his tyranny if
he could. But our feelings are relieved from any violent shock at this
apparent blasphemy, when we recollect that the poor man was an atheist;
and that his idea of heaven was that of a little parlour at the Star and
Garter, with a good fire, plenty of grog, and pipes of tobacco.
He kept no table, nor did he ever drink any wine except when he dined
with us; but got drunk every night, more or less, on the ship's spirits,
in his own cabin. He was always most violent in the evening. Our only
revenge was laughing at his monstrous lies on Sunday, when he dined with
us. One night, his servant came and told the midshipman of the watch,
that the captain was lying dead drunk on the deck, in his cabin. This
was communicated to me, and I determined to make the best use of it. I
ran down to the cabin, taking with me the midshipman of the watch, the
quarter-master, and two other steady men; and having laid the
water-drinker in his bed, I noted down the date, with all the
particulars, together with the names of the witnesses, to be used as
soon as we fell in with the admiral.
The next day, I think he had some suspicion of what I had done, and it
had nearly been fatal to me. It was blowing a fresh trade-wind, and the
vessel rolling very deep, when he ordered the booms to be cast loose and
re-stowed. This was nothing short of murder and madness; but, in spite
of every remonstrance, he persisted, and the consequences were terrible.
The lashings were no sooner cast off, than a spare top-mast fell and
killed one of the men. This was enough to have completed our mischief
for the day; but the devil had not done with us yet. The booms were
secured, and the men were ordered to rattle the rigging down, which, as
the vessel continued to roll heavily, was still more dangerous, and, if
possible, more useless than the former operation. He was warned of it,
but in vain; and the men had not been aloft more than ten minutes, when
one of them fell overboard. Why I should again have put my life in
jeopardy, particularly after the warning of the last voyage, I know not.
I was perhaps vain of what I could do in the water. I knew my powers;
and in the hope of saving this unfortunate victim to the folly and
cruelty of the captain, I plunged after him into the sea, feeling, at
the same time, that I was almost committing an act of suicide. I caught
hold of him, and for a time supported him; and, had the commonest
diligence and seamanship been shown, I should have saved him. But the
captain, it appeared, when he found I was overboard, was resolved to get
rid of me, in order to save himself: he made use of every difficulty to
prevent the boat coming to me. The poor man was exhausted: I kept
myself disengaged from him, when swimming round him; supported him
occasionally whenever he was sinking; but, finding at last that he was
irrecoverably gone--for though I had a firm hold of him, he was going
lower and lower--and, looking up, perceiving I was so deep that the
water was dark over my head, I clapped my knees on his shoulders, and,
giving myself a little impetus from the resistance, rose to the surface.
So much was I exhausted, that I could not have floated half a minute
more, when the boat came and picked me up.
The delay in heaving the ship to, I attributed to the scene I had
witnessed the night before; and in this I was confirmed by the testimony
of the officers. Having lost two men by his unseamanlike conduct, he
would have added the deliberate murder of a third, to save himself from
the punishment which he knew awaited him. He continued the same
tyrannical conduct, and I had resolved, the moment we fell in with the
admiral, to write for a court-martial on this man, let the consequences
be what they might; I thought I should serve my country and the navy by
ridding it of such a monster.
Several of the officers were under arrest, and notwithstanding the heat
of their cabins in that warm climate, were kept constantly confined to
them with a sentinel at the door. In consequence of this cruel
treatment, one of the officers became deranged. We made Barbadoes, and
running round Needham's Point into Carlisle Bay, we saw to our
mortification that neither the admiral nor any ship of war was, there,
consequently our captain was commanding officer in the port. Upon this,
he became remarkably amiable, supposing, if the evil day was put off, it
would be dispensed with altogether; he treated me with particular
attention; hoped we should have some fun ashore; as the admiral was not
come in, we should wait for him; tired of kicking about at sea, he
should take all his _duds_ with him, and bring himself to an anchor on
shore, and not come afloat again till we saluted his flag.
Neither the first lieutenant nor myself believed one word of this;
indeed, we always acted upon the exact reverse of what he said; and it
was well we did so in this instance. After we had anchored, he went
ashore, and in about an hour returned, and stated that the admiral was
not expected till next month; that he should, therefore, go and take up
his quarters at Jemmy Cavan's, and not trouble the ship any more until
the admiral arrived; he then left us, taking his trunk and all his dirty
linen--dirty enough it was.
Some of the officers unfortunately believed that we were to remain, and
followed the captain's example, by sending their linen on shore to be
washed. Skysail was firm, and so was I; the lieutenant cocked his eye,
and said, "Messmate, depend on it there is something in the wind. I
have sent one shirt on shore to be washed; and when that comes off, I
will send another; if I lose that, it is no great matter."
That night, at ten o'clock, Captain Jacky came on board, bringing his
trunk and dirty linen, turned the hands up, up anchor, and ran out of
Carlisle Bay and went to sea, leaving most of the officers' linen on
shore. This was one of his tricks. He had received his orders when he
landed in the morning; they were waiting for him, and his coming on
board for his things was only a ruse to throw us off our guard, and I
suppose compel us, by the loss of our clothes, to be as dirty in
appearance as he was himself; "but he always liked to make his officers
comfortable."
We arrived at Nassau, in New Providence, without any remarkable
incident, although the service continued to be carried on in the same
disagreeable manner as ever. I continued, however, to get leave to go
on shore; and finding no prospect of bringing the captain to justice,
determined to quit the ship if possible. This was effected by accident,
otherwise I should have been much puzzled to have got clear of her. I
fell between the boat and the wharf as I landed, and by the sudden jerk
ruptured a small blood-vessel in my chest; it was of no great importance
in itself, but in that climate required care, and I made the most of it.
They would have carried me on board again, but I begged to be taken to
the hotel. The surgeon of the regiment doing duty there attended me,
and I requested him to make my case as bad as possible. The captain
came to see me--I appeared very ill--his compassion was like that of the
inquisitor of the Holy Office, who cures his victim in order to enable
him to go through further torments. His time of sailing arrived, and I
was reported to be too ill to be removed. Determined to have me, he
prolonged his stay. I got better; the surgeon's report was more
favourable; but I was still unwilling to go on board. The captain sent
me an affectionate message, to say that if I did not come, he would send
a file of marines to bring me: he even came himself and threatened me;
when, finding there were no witnesses in the room, I plainly told him
that if he persisted in having me on board, it would be to his own
destruction, for that I was fully determined to bring him to a
court-martial for drunkenness and unofficerlike conduct, the moment we
joined the admiral. I told him of the state in which I had found him.
I recapitulated his blasphemies, and his lubberly conduct in losing the
two men; he stared and endeavoured to explain; I was peremptory, and he
whined and gave in, seeing he was in my power.
"Well then, my dear fellow," said Jacky, "since you are so very ill--
sorry as I shall be to lose you--I must consent to your staying behind.
I shall find it difficult to replace you; but as the comfort and
happiness of my officers is my first object on all occasions, I will
prefer annoying myself to annoying you." So saying, he held out his
hand to me, which I shook with a hearty good-will, sincerely hoping that
we might never meet again, either, in this world or the next.
He was afterwards brought to a court-martial, for repeated acts of
drunkenness and cruelty, and was finally dismissed the service.
In giving this detail of Captain G---'s peculiarities, let it not be
imagined that even at that period such characters were common in the
service. I have already said that he was singular. Impressment and the
want of officers at the early part of the war, gave him an opportunity
of becoming a lieutenant; he took the weak side of the admiral to obtain
his next step, and obtained the command of a sloop, from repeated
solicitation at the Admiralty, and by urging his claims of long
servitude. The service had received serious injury by admitting men on
the quarter-deck from before the mast; it occasioned there being two
classes of officers in the navy--namely, those who had rank and
connections, and those who had entered by the "hawseholes," as they were
described. The first were favoured when young, and did not acquire a
competent knowledge of their duty; the second, with few exceptions, as
they advanced in their grades, proved, from want of education, more and
more unfit for their stations. These defects have now been remedied;
and, as all young men who enter the service must have a regular
education, and consequently be the sons of gentlemen, a level has been
produced which, to a certain degree, precludes favouritism, and
perfectly bars the entrance to such men as Captain G---.
After the battle of Trafalgar, when England and Europe were indebted for
their safety to the British fleet, the navy became popular, and the
aristocracy crowded into it. This forwarded still more the melioration
of the service, and under the succeeding naval administration, silent,
certain, and gradual improvements, both in men, officers, and ships,
took place. Subsequently, the navy has been still more fortunate, in
having an officer called to its councils whose active and constant
employment at sea, previous to the peace of Paris, had given him a
thorough insight into its wants and abuses. Unconnected with party, and
unawed by power, he has dared to do his duty; and it is highly to the
credit of the first lord who has so long presided at the board, that the
suggestions of this officer have met with due consideration; I can
therefore assure my reader, that as long as his advice is attended to,
he need be afraid of meeting with no more Captain G---'s.