And oft his smooth and bridled tongue
Would give the lie to his flushing cheek;
He was a coward to the strong;
He was a tyrant to the weak.
SHELLEY.
My father, as soon as he had obtained my promotion, asked for my being
employed; and having had a promise from the Admiralty, that promise,
unlike thousands of its predecessors and successors, was too rapidly
fulfilled. I received a letter from my father, and a bouncing one from
the Admiralty by the same post, announcing officially my appointment to
the _D---_ brig, of eighteen guns, at Portsmouth, whither I was directed
to repair immediately, and take up my commission. In this transaction I
soon after found there was an underplot, which I was too green to
perceive at the time; but the wise heads of the two papas had agreed
that a separation between the lovers was absolutely necessary, and that
the longer it was delayed the worse it would be for both of us; in
short, that until I had attained my rank, nothing should be thought of
in the way of matrimony.
As the reader is, no doubt, by this time pretty well versed in all the
dialogue of parting lovers, I shall not intrude upon his or her patience
with a repetition of that which has been much too often repeated, and is
equally familiar to the prince and the ploughman. I should as soon
think of describing the Devil's Punch-bowl on the road to Portsmouth,
where I arrived two days after my appointment.
I put up at Billet's, at the George, as a matter of course, because it
was the resort of all the naval aristocracy, and directly opposite to
the admiral's office. The first person for whom I made my kind
inquiries was my captain elect; but he herded not with his brother
epaulettes. He did not live at the George, nor did he mess at the
Crown, he was not at the Fountain, nor the Parade Coffee-house; and the
Blue Posts ignored him; but he was to be heard of at the Star and Garter
on the tip of Portsmouth Point. He did not even live there, but
generally resided on board. This does not savour well; I never like
your captains who live on board their ships in harbour; no ship can be
comfortable, for no one can do as he pleases, which is the life and soul
of a man-of-war when in port.
To the Star and Garter I went, and asked for Captain G---. I hoped I
should not find him here; for this house had been, time out of mind, the
rendezvous of warrant-officers, mates, and midshipmen. Here, however,
he was; I sent up my card, and was admitted to his presence. He was
seated in a small parlour, with a glass of brandy and water, or at least
the remains of it, before him; his feet were on the fender, and several
official documents, which he had received that morning, were lying on
the table. He rose as I entered, and showed me a short, square-built
frame, with a strong projection of the sphere, or what the Spaniards
call _barriga_. This rotundity of corporation was, however, supported
by as fine a pair of Atlas legs as ever were worn by a Bath chairman.
His face was rather inclined to be handsome; the features regular, a
pleasant smile upon his lips, and a deep dimple in his chin. But his
most remarkable feature was his eye; it was small but piercing, and
seemed to possess that long-sought _desideratum_ the perpetual motion,
since it was utterly impossible to fix it for one moment on any object;
and there was in it a lurking expression which, though something of a
physiognomist, I could not readily decipher.
"Mr Mildmay," said my skipper, "I am extremely happy to see you, and
still more so that you have been appointed to my ship; will you be
seated?"
As I obeyed, he turned round, and rubbing his hands as if he had just
laid down his soap, he continued, "I always make it a rule, previous to
an officer joining my ship, to learn something of his character from my
brother captains; it is a precaution which I take, as I consider that
`one scabby sheep, etcetera,' is strictly applicable to our service. I
wish to have good officers and perfect gentlemen about me. There are,
no doubt, many officers who can do their duty well, and with whom I
should have no fault to find; but then there is a way of doing it--a
_modus in rebus_, which a gentleman can only attain to; coarse manners,
execrations, and abusive language, render the men discontented, degrade
the service, and are therefore very properly forbidden in the second
article of war. Under such officers, the men always work unwillingly.
I have taken the liberty to make some inquiries about you; and can only
say, that all I have heard is to your advantage. I have no doubt we
shall suit each other; and be assured it shall be my study to make you
as comfortable as possible."
To this very sensible and polite address, I made a suitable reply. He
then stated that he expected to sail in a few days; that the officer
whom I was to supersede had not exactly suited his ideas, although he
believed him to be a very worthy young man; and that, in consequence, he
had applied and succeeded in obtaining for him another appointment; that
it was necessary he should join his ship immediately; but, of course, he
must first be superseded by me. "Therefore," said he, "you had better
meet me on board the brig to-morrow morning at nine o'clock, when your
commission shall be read; and after that I beg you will consider
yourself your own master for a few days, as I presume you have some
little arrangements to prepare for your cruise. I am aware," pursued
he, smiling most benignantly, "that there are many little comforts which
officers wish to attend to; such as fitting their cabins and looking to
their mess, and a thousand other nameless things, which tend to pass the
time and break up the monotony of a sea-life. Forty years have I trod
the king's planks, man and boy, and not with any great success, as you
may perceive, by the rank I now hold and the life I am leading; for here
I sit over a glass of humble grog, instead of joining my brother
captains in their claret at the Crown; but I have two sisters to
support, and I feel more satisfaction in doing my duty as a brother than
indulging my appetite; although I own I have no dislike to a glass of
claret when it does not come before me in a questionable shape--I mean
when I have not got to pay for it, which I cannot afford. Now, do not
let me take up any more of your time. You have plenty of acquaintances
that you wish to see, I have no doubt; and as for my yarns, they will do
to pass away a watch, when we have nothing more attractive to divert
us." So saying, he held out his hand, and shook mine most cordially.
"To-morrow, at nine o'clock," he repeated; and I left him, much pleased
with my interview.
I went back to my inn, thinking what a very fortunate fellow I was to
have such an honest, straightforward, bold British hero of a captain, on
my first appointment. I ordered my dinner at the George, and then
strolled out to make my purchases, and give my orders for a few articles
for sea service. I fell in with several old mess-mates; they
congratulated me on my promotion, and declared I should give them a
dinner to wet my commission, to which I readily consented. The day was
named, and Mr Billet was ordered to provide accordingly.
Having dined _solus_, I amused myself in writing a long letter to my
dear Emily; and with the assistance of a bottle of wine succeeded in
composing a tolerably warm and rapturous sort of document, which I
sealed, kissed, and sent to the post-office; after which, I built
castles till bed-time; but not one castle did I build in which Emily was
not the sole mistress. I went to bed, and slept soundly; and the next
morning, by seven o'clock, I was arrayed in a spick-span new uniform,
with an immensely large epaulette stuck on my right shoulder. Having
breakfasted, I sallied out, and, in my own conceit, was as handsome chap
as ever buckled a sword-belt. I skimmed with a light and vigorous foot
down High Street.
"Boat, your honour?" said a dozen voices at once, as I reached New
Sallyport; but I was resolved that Point-Street should have a look at me
as well as High Street, so I kept a profound and mysterious silence, and
let the watermen follow me to the Point, just like so many sucking fish
after a shark. I had two or three offers for volunteers to serve with
me as I went along; but they were not of the right sex, so I did not
take them.
"Boat to Spithead, your honour?" said a tough old waterman.
"Ay, you'll do," said I; so I jumped into his wherry, and we shoved off.
"What ship is your honour going to?" said the man.
"To the _D---_ brig."
"Oh, you are a-going to she, are you? To belong to her, mayhap?"
"Yes," I replied.
The waterman gave a sigh, feathered his oar, and never spoke another
word till we came alongside. I did not regret his taciturnity, for I
was always more amused with my own thoughts than in conversing with
illiterate people.
The brig was a most beautiful vessel. She mounted eighteen guns, and
sat on the water like a duck. I perceived that the pendant was up for
punishment, and this I thought rather an unusual sight at Spithead: I
took it for granted that some aggravated offence, such as theft, or
mutiny, had been committed. Seeing I was an officer, I was admitted
alongside; so I paid the waterman, and sent him away. As I went up the
side, I saw a poor fellow spread-eagled up to the grating, "according to
the manners and customs of the natives," while the captains, officers,
and ship's company stood round witnessing the athletic dexterity of a
boatswain's mate, who, by the even, deep, and parallel marks of the cat
on the white back and shoulders of the patient, seemed to be perfectly
master of his business. All this did not surprise me--I was used to it;
but, after the address of my captain on the preceding day, I was very
much surprised to hear language in direct violation of the second
article of war.
Cursings and execrations poured out of his mouth with a volubility equal
to that of the most accomplished lady at the back of the Point.
"Boatswain's mate," roared the captain, "do your duty! or by God I will
have _you_ up, and give you four dozen yourself. One would think, damn
your beard, that you were brushing flies off a sleeping Venus, instead
of punishing a scoundrel with a hide as thick as a buffalo's, and be
damned to him. Do your duty, sir, damn your soul."
During this elegant address, the unhappy wretch had received four severe
dozen, which the master-at-arms had counted aloud, and reported to the
captain. "Another boatswain's mate," said he. The poor creature turned
his head over his shoulders with an imploring look, but it was in vain.
I watched the countenance of the captain, and the peculiar expression
which I could not decipher at my first interview I now read most
plainly--it was malignant cruelty, and delight in torturing his own
species; he seemed to take a diabolical pleasure in the hateful
operation which we were compelled to witness. The second boatswain's
mate commenced, with a fresh cat, and gave a lash across the back of the
prisoner, that made _me_ start.
"One," said the master-at-arms, beginning to count.
"One!" roared the captain, "do you call that one? not a quarter of a
one. That fellow is only fit for fly-flapper at a pork shop! I'll
disrate you, by God, you damned molly mop; is that the way you handle a
cat? that's only wiping the dirt off his back. Where's the boatswain?"
"Here," said a stout, gigantic, left-handed fellow, stepping forward,
with a huge blue uniform coat and a plain anchor button, holding his hat
in his left hand, and stroking his hair down his forehead with his
right. I surveyed this man, as he turned himself about, and concluded
that the tailor who worked for him had been threatened with a specimen
of his art, if he stinted him in cloth; for the skirts of his coat were
ample, terminating in an inclined plane, the corners in front being much
lower than the middle of the robe behind; the buttons on the hips were
nearly pistol-shot asunder.
"Give this man a dozen, sir," said Captain G---; "and if you favour him,
I'll put you under arrest, and stop your liquor."
This last part of the threat had more effect with Mr Pipes than the
first. He began to peel, as the boxers call it; off came his capacious
coat; a red waistcoat--full-sized for a Smithfield ox--was next
deposited; then he untied a black silk handkerchief, and showed a
throat, covered like that of a goat with long brown hairs, thick as
packthread. He next rolled up his shirt-sleeves above his elbow, and
showed an arm and a back very like the Farnese Hercules, which no doubt
all my readers have seen at the foot of the staircase at Somerset House,
when they had been to the exhibition.
This hopeful commentator on articles of war seized his cat: the handle
was two feet long, one inch and three quarters thick; and covered with
red baize. The tails of this terrific weapon were three feet long, nine
in number, and each of them about the size of that line which covers the
springs of a travelling carriage. Mr Pipes, whose scientific display
in this part of art had no doubt procured for him the warrant of a
boatswain, in virtue of which he now stood as the vindicator of the laws
of his country, handled his cat like an adept, looked at it from top to
bottom, cleared all the tails by the insertion of his delicate fingers,
and combing them out, stretched out his left leg--for he was left-legged
as well as left-handed--and measuring his distance with the accurate eye
of an engineer, raised his cat high in the air with his left hand, his
right still holding the tips of the tails, as if to restrain their
impatience; when, giving his arm and body a full swing, embracing
three-fourths of the circle, he inflicted a tremendous stroke on the
back of the unfortunate culprit. This specimen seemed to satisfy the
amateur captain, who nodded approbation to the inquiring look of the
amateur boatswain. The poor man lost his respiration from the force of
the blow; and the tails of the cat coming from an opposite direction to
the first four dozen, cut the flesh diamond-wise, bringing the blood at
every blow.
I will not wound the feelings of my readers with a description of the
poor wretch's situation. Even at this distance of time, I am shocked at
it, and bitterly lament the painful necessity I have often been under of
inflicting similar punishment; but I hope and trust I never did it
without a cause, or in the wanton display of arbitrary power.
The last dozen being finished, the sum-total was reported by the
master-at-arms, "Five dozen."
"Five dozen!" repeated Captain G---; "that will do--cast him off. And
now, sir," said he to the fainting wretch, "I hope this will be a
warning to you, that the next time you wish to empty your beastly mouth,
you will not spit on my quarter-deck."
"Heavens!" thought I, "is all this for spitting on the quarter-deck?
And this from the moralist of yesterday, who allowed neither oaths nor
execrations, and has uttered more blasphemy in the last ten minutes than
I have heard for the last ten weeks!"
I had not yet caught the captain's eye--he was too intent on his
amusement. As soon as the prisoner was cast loose, he commanded to pipe
down, or in other words, to dismiss the people to their usual
occupations, when I went up to him, and touched my hat.
"Oh! you are come, are you? Pipe belay there--send everybody aft on the
quarter-deck."
My commission was then read--all hats off in respect to the sovereign,
from whom the authority was derived. After this, I, being duly
inaugurated, became the second lieutenant of the sloop; and the captain,
without condescending to give me another word or look, ordered his gig
to be manned, and was going on shore. I was not presented by him to any
of the officers, which in common courtesy he ought to have done. This
omission, however, was supplied by the first lieutenant, who invited me
down into the gun-room, to introduce me to my new mess-mates. We left
the tiger pacing up and down on his quarter-deck.
The first lieutenant was of the medium stature, a suitable height for a
sloop of war, a spare figure, of about forty years of age; he had but
one eye, and that eye was as odd a one as the captain's. There was in
it, however, unlike the captain's, an infinite deal of humour, and when
he cocked it, as he constantly did, it almost spoke. I never saw three
such eyes in two such heads. There was a lurking smile in the
lieutenant's face, when I told him that the captain had desired me to
come on board and read my commission, after which I might have two or
three days to myself to prepare for sea.
"Well," said he, "you had better go and ask him now; but you will find
him a rum one."
Accordingly, up I went to him. "Have you any objection to my going on
shore sir?"
"Shore, sir!" bellowed he; "and who the devil is to carry on the duty,
if you go on shore? Shore, eh? I wish there was no shore, and then,
damn the dog that couldn't swim! No, sir; you have had shore enough.
The service is going to hell, sir! A parcel of brats, with lieutenant's
commissions before they should have been clear of the nursery! No, sir;
stay on board, or damn me, I'll break you like an egg-shell, before you
have taken a shine out of that fine new epaulette! No, no, by God; no
more cats here than catch mice. You stay on board, and do your duty;
every man does his duty here; and let me see the --- that don't do it!"
I was in some measure prepared for this sublime harangue; but still
there was sufficient room in my mind to admit of great astonishment at
this sudden change of wind. I replied that he had promised me leave
yesterday, and that, upon the strength of that promise, I had left all
my things on shore, and that I was not in any way prepared to go to sea.
"I promised you leave, did I? Perhaps I did; but that was only to get
you on board. I am up to your tricks, you damned young chaps: when you
get on shore, there is no getting you off again. No, no; no catchee no
havee! You would not have made your appearance these three days, if I
hadn't sugared the trap! Now I have got you, I'll keep you, damn my
eyes!"
I repeated my request to go on shore; but, without condescending to
offer any further reasons, he answered--"I'd see you damned first, sir!
And observe, I never admit of expostulation. Nothing affords me more
pleasure than to oblige my officers in everything reasonable; but I
never permit reply."
Thought I to myself, "You certainly have escaped from hell, and I do not
see how the infernal regions can do without you. You would have been
one of the most ingenious tormentors of the damned. Domitian would have
made you admiral, and your boatswain captain of the fleet!"
Having made this reflection, as I took a turn or two on deck, thinking
what was best to be done, and knowing that "the king could do no wrong,"
the officer whom I had just superseded came up the hatchway, and,
touching his hat very respectfully to the captain, asked whether he
might go on shore.
"You may go to hell, and be damned, sir!" said the captain (who hated
bad language); "you are not fit to carry guts to a bear!--you are not
worth your salt; and the sooner you are off, the cleaner the ship will
be! Don't stand staring at me, like a bull over a gate! Down, and pack
up your traps, or I'll freshen your way!" raising his foot at the same
time, as if he was going to kick him.
The young officer, who was a mild, gentlemanly, and courageous youth,
did as he was bidden. I was perfectly astonished: I had been accustomed
to sail with gentlemen. I had heard of martinets, and disciplinarians,
and foul-mouthed captains; but this outdid all I ever could have
conceived, and much more than I thought ever could have been submitted
to by any correct officer. Roused to indignation, and determined not to
be treated in this manner, I again walked up to him, and requested leave
to go on shore.
"You have had your answer, sir."
"Yes, I have, sir," said I, "and in language that I never before heard
on His Majesty's quarter-deck. I joined this ship as an officer and a
gentleman, and as such I will be treated."
"Mutiny, by God!" roared the captain. "Cock-a-hoop with your new
commission, before the ink is dry."
"As you please, sir," I replied; "but I shall write a letter to the
port-admiral, stating the circumstances and requesting leave of absence;
and that letter I shall trouble you to forward."
"I'll be damned if I do!" said he.
"Then, sir," said I, "as you have refused to forward it, and in the
presence of all the officers in the ship's company, I shall forward it
without troubling you."
This last shot of mine seemed to produce the same effect upon him that
the last round does upon a beaten boxer; he did not come to time, but,
muttering something, dived down the companion, and went into his cabin.
The first lieutenant now came up, and congratulated me on my victory.
"You have puzzled and muzzled the bear completely," said he; "I have
long wanted a coadjutor like yourself. Wilson, who is going to leave
us, is the best creature that ever lived: but though brave as a lion
before an enemy, he is cowed by this incarnate devil."
Our conversation was interrupted by a message from the captain, who
desired to speak with me in his cabin. I went down; he received me with
the benignant smile of our first acquaintance.
"Mr Mildmay," said he, "I always assume a little tartness with my
officers when they first join," ("and when they quit you too," thought
I), "not only to prove to them that I am, and will be, the captain of my
own ship, but also as an example to the men, who, when they see what the
officers are forced to put up with, feel themselves more contented with
their lot, and obey more readily; but, as I told you before, the comfort
of my officers is my constant study--you are welcome to go ashore, and
have twenty-four hours' leave to collect your necessaries."
To this harangue I made no reply; but, touching my hat, quitted the
cabin I felt so much contempt for the man that I was afraid to speak,
lest I should commit myself.
The captain shortly after quitted the ship, telling the first lieutenant
that I had permission to go on shore. I was now left at liberty to make
acquaintance with my companions in misery--and nothing conduces to
intimacy so much as community of suffering. My resistance to the
brutality of our common taskmaster had pleased them; they told me what a
tyrant and what a disgrace to the service he was, and how shameful it
was that he should be intrusted with the command of so fine a vessel, or
of any vessel at all, except it were a convict ship. The stories they
told me of him were almost incredible, and nothing but the
too-well-founded idea that an officer trying his captain by a
court-martial had a black mark against him for ever after, and was never
known to rise, could have saved this man from the punishment he so
richly deserved: no officer, they said, had been more than three weeks
in the ship, and they were all making interest to leave her.
In my report of what occurred in this vessel during the time I belonged
to her, I must, in justice to the captains and commanders of His
Majesty's navy, observe, that the case was unique of its kind: such a
character as Captain G--- was rarely met with in the navy then, and, for
reasons which I shall give, will be still more rare in future. The
first lieutenant told me that I had acted very judiciously in resisting
at first his undue exertion of authority; that he was at once a tyrant,
a bully, and a coward, and would be careful how he attacked me again.
"But be on your guard," said he, "he will never forgive you; and when he
is most agreeable there is the most mischief to be dreaded. He will
lull you into security, and whenever he can catch you tripping, he will
try you by a court-martial. You had better go on shore, and settle all
your business, and, if possible, be on board before your leave is out.
It is only your threat of writing to the port-admiral that procured you
leave of absence. You have nothing to thank him for: he would have kept
you on board if he dared. I have never quitted the ship since I joined
her; and never has a day passed without a scene similar to what you have
this morning witnessed. And yet," continued he, "if it were not for his
cruelty to the men, he is the most amusing liar I ever heard. I am
often more inclined to laugh than to be angry with him; he has a vein of
wit and rich humour that runs through his composition and never quits
him. There is drollery even in his malice, and, if we cannot get clear
of him, we must take the best of him."
I went on shore, collected all my clothes and the other articles of
which I stood in need, and was on board my ship again the next morning
before eight o'clock.