VIII

“What, then, is the present position of ‘the good’?” asked the Angel

Æthereal, taking wing from Watchester Cathedrome towards the City

Tabernacle.

“There are a number of discordant views, sir,” his dragoman whiffled

through his nose in the rushing air; “which is no more novel in

this year of Peace 1947 than it was when you were here in 1910. On

the far right are certain extremists, who believe it to be what it

was--omnipotent, but suffering the presence of ‘the bad’ for no reason

which has yet been ascertained; omnipresent, though presumably absent

where ‘the bad’ is present; mysterious, though perfectly revealed;

terrible, though loving; eternal, though limited by a beginning and

an end. They are not numerous, but all stall-holders, and chiefly

characterised by an almost perfect intolerance of those whose views

do not coincide with their own; nor will they suffer for a moment

any examination into the nature of ‘the good,’ which they hold to be

established for all time, in the form I have stated, by persons who

have long been dead. They are, as you may imagine, somewhat out of

touch with science, such as it is, and are regarded by the community at

large rather with curiosity than anything else.”

“The type is well known in the sky,” said the Angel. “Tell me: Do they

torture those who do not agree with them?”

“Not materially,” responded his dragoman. “Such a custom was extinct

even before the days of the Great Skirmish, though what would have

happened if the Patriotic or Prussian Party had been able to keep power

for any length of time we cannot tell. As it is, the torture they

apply is purely spiritual, and consists in looking down their noses at

all who have not their belief and calling them erratics. But it would

be a mistake to underrate their power, for human nature loves the

Pontifical, and there are those who will follow to the death any one

who looks down his nose, and says: ‘I know!’ Moreover, sir, consider

how unsettling a question ‘the good’ is, when you come to think about

it and how unfatiguing the faith which precludes all such speculation.”

“That is so,” said the Angel thoughtfully.

“The right centre,” continued his dragoman, “is occupied by the

small yet noisy Fifth Party. These are they who play the cornet and

tambourine, big drum and concertina, descendants of the Old Prophet,

and survivors of those who, following a younger prophet, joined

them at the time of the Great Skirmish. In a form ever modifying

with scientific discovery they hold that ‘the good’ is a superman,

bodiless yet bodily, with a beginning but without an end. It is an

attractive faith, enabling them to say to Nature: ‘_Je m’en fiche

de tout cela_. My big brother will look after me. Pom!’ One may

call it anthropomorphia, for it seems especially soothing to strong

personalities. Every man to his creed, as they say; and I would never

wish to throw cold water on such as seek to find ‘the good’ by closing

one eye instead of two, as is done by the extremists on the right.”

“You are tolerant,” said the Angel.

“Sir,” said his dragoman, “as one gets older, one perceives more

and more how impossible it is for man not to regard himself as the

cause of the universe, and for certain individual men not to believe

themselves the centre of the cause. For such to start a new belief is

a biological necessity, and should by no means be discouraged. It is a

safety-valve--the form of passion which the fires of youth take in men

after the age of fifty, as one may judge by the case of the prophet

Tolstoy and other great ones. But to resume: In the centre, of course,

are situated the enormous majority of the community, whose view is that

they have no view of what ‘the good’ is.”

“None?” repeated the Angel Æthereal, somewhat struck.

“Not the faintest,” answered his dragoman. “These are the only true

mystics; for what is a mystic if not one with an impenetrable belief in

the mystery of his own existence? This group embraces the great bulk

of the Laborious. It is true that many of them will repeat what is told

them of ‘the good’ as if it were their own view, without compunction,

but this is no more than the majority of persons have done from the

beginning of time.”

“Quite,” admitted the Angel; “I have observed that phenomenon in the

course of my travels. We will not waste words on them.”

“Ah, sir!” retorted his dragoman, “there is more wisdom in these

persons than you imagine. For, consider what would be the fate of their

brains if they attempted to think for themselves. Moreover, as you

know, all definite views about ‘the good’ are very wearing, and it is

better, so this great majority thinks, to let sleeping dogs lie than

to have them barking in its head. But I will tell you something,” the

dragoman added: “These innumerable persons have a secret belief of

their own, old as the Greeks, that good fellowship is all that matters.

And, in my opinion, taking ‘the good’ in its limited sense, it is an

admirable creed.”

“Oh! cut on!” said the Angel.

“My mistake, sir!” said his dragoman. “On the left centre are grouped

that increasing section whose view is that since everything is very

bad, ‘the good’ is ultimate extinction--‘Peace, perfect peace,’ as the

poet says. You will recollect the old tag: ‘To be or not to be.’ These

are they who have answered that question in the negative; pessimists

masquerading to an unsuspecting public as optimists. They are no doubt

descendants of such as used to be called ‘Theosophians,’ a sect which

presupposed everything and then desired to be annihilated; or, again,

of the Christian Scientites, who simply could not bear things as they

were, so set themselves to think they were not, with some limited

amount of success, if I remember rightly. I recall to mind the case of

a lady who lost her virtue, and recovered it by dint of remembering

that she had no body.”

“Curious!” said the Angel. “I should like to question her; let me have

her address after the lecture. Does the theory of reincarnation still

obtain?”

“I do not wonder, sir, that you are interested in the point, for

believers in that doctrine are compelled, by the old and awkward

rule that ‘Two and two make four,’ to draw on other spheres for the

reincarnation of their spirits.”

“I do not follow,” said the Angel.

“It is simple, however,” answered his dragoman, “for at one time on

earth, as is admitted, there was no life. The first incarnation,

therefore--an amœba, we used to be told--enclosed a spirit, possibly

from above. It may, indeed, have been yours, sir. Again, at some time

on this earth, as is admitted, there will again be no life; the last

spirit will therefore flit to an incarnation, possibly below; and

again, sir, who knows, it may be yours.”

“I cannot jest on such a subject,” said the Angel, with a sneeze.

“No offence,” murmured his dragoman. “The last group, on the far left,

to which indeed I myself am not altogether unaffiliated, is composed

of a small number of extremists, who hold that ‘the good’ is things

as they are--pardon the inevitable flaw in grammar. They consider

that what is now has always been, and will always be; that things do

but swell and contract and swell again, and so on for ever and ever;

and that, since they could not swell if they did not contract, since

without the black there could not be the white, nor pleasure without

pain, nor virtue without vice, nor criminals without judges; even

contraction, or the black, or pain, or vice, or judges, are not ‘the

bad,’ but only negatives; and that all is for the best in the best of

all possible worlds. They are Voltairean optimists masquerading to an

unsuspecting population as pessimists. ‘Eternal Variation’ is their

motto.”

“I gather,” said the Angel, “that these think there is no purpose in

existence?”

“Rather, sir, that existence _is_ the purpose. For, if you consider,

any other conception of purpose implies fulfilment, or an _end_, which

they do not admit, just as they do not admit a beginning.”

“How logical!” said the Angel. “It makes me dizzy! You have renounced

the idea of climbing, then?”

“Not so,” responded his dragoman. “We climb to the top of the pole,

slide imperceptibly down, and begin over again; but since we never

really know whether we are climbing or sliding, this does not depress

us.”

“To believe that this goes on for ever is futile,” said the Angel.

“So we are told,” replied his dragoman, without emotion. “_We_ think,

however, that the truth is with us, in spite of jesting Pilate.”

“It is not for me,” said the Angel with dignity, “to argue with my

dragoman.”

“No, sir, for it is always necessary to beware of the open mind. I

myself find it very difficult to believe the same thing every day.

And the fact that is whatever you believe will probably not alter the

truth, which may be said to have a certain mysterious immutability,

considering the number of efforts men have made to change it from

time to time. We are now, however, just above the City Tabernacle,

and if you will close your wings we shall penetrate it through the

claptrap-door which enables its preachers now and then to ascend to

higher spheres.”

“Stay!” said the Angel; “let me float a minute while I suck a

peppermint, for the audiences in these places often have colds.” And

with that delicious aroma clinging to them they made their entry

through a strait gate in the roof and took their seats in the front

row, below a tall prophet in eyeglasses, who was discoursing on the

stars. The Angel slept heavily.

“You have lost a good thing, sir,” said his dragoman reproachfully,

when they left the Tabernacle.

“In my opinion,” the Angel playfully responded, “I won a better, for I

went nap. What can a mortal know about the stars?”

“Believe me,” answered his dragoman, “the subject is not more abstruse

than is generally chosen.”

“If he had taken religion I should have listened with pleasure,” said

the Angel.

“Oh! sir, but in these days such a subject is unknown in a place of

worship. Religion is now exclusively a State affair. The change began

with discipline and the Education Bill in 1918, and has gradually

crystallised ever since. It is true that individual extremists on the

right make continual endeavours to encroach on the functions of the

State, but they preach to empty houses.”

“And the Deity?” said the Angel: “You have not once mentioned Him. It

has struck me as curious.”

“Belief in the Deity,” responded his dragoman, “perished shortly after

the Great Skirmish, during which there was too active and varied an

effort to revive it. Action, as you know, sir, always brings reaction,

and it must be said that the spiritual propaganda of those days was

so grossly tinged with the commercial spirit that it came under the

head of profiteering and earned for itself a certain abhorrence. For

no sooner had the fears and griefs brought by the Great Skirmish faded

from men’s spirits than they perceived that their new impetus towards

the Deity had been directed purely by the longing for protection,

solace, comfort, and reward, and not by any real desire for ‘the good’

in itself. It was this truth, together with the appropriation of the

word by Emperors, and the expansion of our towns, a process ever

destructive of traditions, which brought about extinction of belief in

His existence.”

“It was a large order,” said the Angel.

“It was more a change of nomenclature,” replied his dragoman. “The

ruling motive for belief in ‘the good’ is still the hope of getting

something out of it--the commercial spirit is innate.”

“Ah!” said the Angel, absently. “Can we have another lunch now? I could

do with a slice of beef.”

“An admirable idea, sir,” replied his dragoman, “we will have it in the

White City.”

Abracadabra & other satires · 第 43 / 46 题