MRS. CASEY--"Yis; he's had four different doctors, and each one av thim
give him three months to live."--_Puck_.
A long-winded attorney was arguing a technical case before one of the
judges of the superior court in a western state. He had rambled on in
such a desultory way that it became very difficult to follow his line of
thought, and the judge had just yawned very suggestively.
With just a trace of sarcasm in his voice, the tiresome attorney
ventured to observe: "I sincerely trust that I am not unduly trespassing
on the time of this court."
"My friend," returned his honor, "there is a considerable difference
between trespassing on time and encroaching upon eternity."--_Edwin
Tarrisse_.
A traveler, finding that he had a couple of hours in Dublin, called a
cab and told the driver to drive him around for two hours. At first all
went well, but soon the driver began to whip up his horse so that they
narrowly escaped several collisions.
"What's the matter?" demanded the passenger. "Why are you driving so
recklessly? I'm in no hurry."
"Ah, g'wan wid yez," retorted the cabby. "D'ye think thot I'm goin' to
put in me whole day drivin' ye around for two hours? Gitap!"
Frank comes into the house in a sorry plight.
"Mercy on us!" exclaims his father. "How you look! You are soaked."
"Please, papa, I fell into the canal."
"What! with your new trousers on?"
"Yes, papa, I didn't have time to take them off."
A well-known Bishop, while visiting at a bride's new home for the first
time, was awakened quite early by the soft tones of a soprano voice
singing "Nearer, My God, to Thee." As the Bishop lay in bed he meditated
upon the piety which his young hostess must possess to enable her to
begin her day's work in such a beautiful frame of mind.
At breakfast he spoke to her about it, and told her how pleased he was.
"Oh," she replied, "that's the hymn I boil the eggs by; three verses for
soft and five for hard."
There was a young woman named Sue,
Who wanted to catch the 2:02;
Said the trainman, "Don't hurry
Or flurry or worry;
It's a minute or two to 2:02."