Two Irishmen were among a class that was being drilled in marching
tactics. One was new at the business, and, turning to his companion,
asked him the meaning of the command "Halt!" "Why," said Mike, "when he
says 'Halt,' you just bring the foot that's on the ground to the side av
the foot that's in the air, an' remain motionless."
"Dear teacher," wrote little Johnny's mother, "kindly excuse John's
absence from school yesterday afternoon, as he fell in the mud. By doing
the same you will greatly oblige his mother."
An Irishman once was mounted on a mule which was kicking its legs rather
freely. The mule finally got its hoof caught in the stirrup, when the
Irishman excitedly remarked: "Well, begorra, if you're goin' to git on
I'll git off."
"The doctor says if 'e lasts till moring 'e'll 'ave some 'ope, but if 'e
don't, the doctor says 'e give 'im up."
For rent--A room for a gentleman with all conveniences.
A servant of an English nobleman died and her relatives telegraphed him:
"Jane died last night, and wishes to know if your lordship will pay her
funeral expenses."
A pretty school teacher, noticing one of her little charges idle, said
sharply: "John, the devil always finds something for idle hands to do.
Come up here and let me give you some work."
A college professor, noted for strict discipline, entered the classroom
one day and noticed a girl student sitting with her feet in the aisle
and chewing gum.
"Mary," exclaimed the indignant professor, "take that gum out of your
mouth and put your feet in."