"Please, Miss, my teacher wants the scissors."
In reward of faithful political service an ambitious saloon keeper was
appointed police magistrate.
"What's the charge ag'in this man?" he inquired when the first case was
called.
"Drunk, yer honor," said the policeman.
The newly made magistrate frowned upon the trembling defendant.
"Guilty, or not guilty?" he demanded.
"Sure, sir," faltered the accused, "I never drink a drop."
"Have a cigar, then," urged his honor persuasively, as he absently
polished the top of the judicial desk with his pocket handkerchief.
"We had a fine sunrise this morning," said one New Yorker to another.
"Did you see it?"
"Sunrise?" said the second man. "Why, I'm always in bed before sunrise."
A traveling man who was a cigarette smoker reached town on an early
train. He wanted a smoke, but none of the stores were open. Near the
station he saw a newsboy smoking, and approached him with:
"Say, son, got another cigarette?"
"No, sir," said the boy, "but I've got the makings."
"All right," the traveling man said. "But I can't roll 'em very well.
Will you fix one for me?"
The boy did.
"Don't believe I've got a match," said the man, after a search through
his pockets.
The boy handed him a match. "Say, Captain," he said "you ain't got
anything but the habit, have you?"
Habit with him was all the test of truth;
"It must be right: I've done it from my youth."
--_Crabbe_.