He is taken into the Protection of a great Man--Sets up for a Member
of Parliament--Is disappointed in his Expectation, and finds himself
egregiously outwitted.
Among these professed patrons, the greatest part of whom Peregrine
saw through, there was one great personage, who seemed to support with
dignity the sphere in which fortune had placed him. His behaviour to
Pickle was not a series of grinning complaisance in a flat repetition of
general expressions of friendship and regard. He demeaned himself with
a seemingly honest reserve, in point of profession; his advances to
Peregrine appeared to be the result of deliberation and experiment; he
chid the young gentleman for his extravagance, with the authority of
a parent, and the sincerity of a fast friend; and having, by gradual
inquiries, made himself acquainted with the state of his private
affairs, condemned his conduct with an air of candour and concern.
He represented to him the folly and dangerous consequences of the
profligate life in which he had plunged himself, counselled him
with great warmth to sell off his race-horses, which would otherwise
insensibly eat him up; to retrench all superfluous expense, which would
only serve to expose him to the ridicule and ingratitude of those who
were benefited by it; to lay out his money upon secure mortgages, at
good interest; and carry into execution his former design of standing
candidate for a borough, at the ensuing election for a new parliament;
in which case this nobleman promised to assist him with his influence
and advice; assuring him, that, if he could once procure a seat in the
house, he might look upon his fortune as already made.
Our adventurer perceiving the wisdom and sanity of this advice, for
which he made his acknowledgments to his generous monitor, protested
that he would adhere to it in every particular, and immediately set
about a reformation. He accordingly took cognizance of his most minute
affairs, and, after an exact scrutiny, gave his patron to understand,
that, exclusive of his furniture, his fortune was reduced to fourteen
thousand three hundred and thirty pounds, in Bank and South-sea
annuities, over and above the garrison and its appendages, which he
reckoned at sixty pounds a year. He therefore desired, that, as his
lordship had been so kind as to favour him with his friendship and
advice, he would extend his generosity still farther, by putting him in
a way of making the most advantage of his money. My lord said, that,
for his own part, he did not choose to meddle in money matters; that
Mr. Pickle would find abundance of people ready to borrow it upon land
security; but that he ought to be extremely cautious in a transaction of
such consequence; promising, at the same time, to employ his own steward
in seeking out a mortgager to whom it might be safely lent.
This agent was accordingly set at work, and for a few days made a
fruitless inquiry; so that the young gentleman was obliged to have
recourse to his own intelligence, by which he got notice of several
people of reputed credit, who offered him mortgages for the whole sum;
but when he made a report of the particulars to his noble friend, his
lordship started such doubts and objections relating to each, that he
was deterred from entering into any engagements with the proposers;
congratulating himself, in the meantime, on his good fortune, in being
favoured with the advice and direction of such a sage counsellor.
Nevertheless, he began to be impatient, after having unsuccessfully
consulted all the money brokers and conveyancers about town, and
resolved to try the expedient of a public advertisement. But he was
persuaded by my lord to postpone that experiment, until every other
method should have failed, because it would attract the attention of
all the pettifoggers in London, who, though they might not be able to
overreach, would infallibly harass and tease him out of all tranquility.
It was on the back of this conversation that Peregrine, chancing to meet
the steward near his lord's house, stopped him in the street, to give
him an account of his bad luck; at which the other expressed some
concern, and rubbing his chin with his hand, in a musing posture, told
Pickle, there was a thought just come into his head, pointing out one
way of doing his business effectually. The youth, upon this intimation,
begged he would accompany him to the next coffee-house, in which having
chosen a private situation, this grave manager gave him to understand,
that a part of my lord's estate was mortgaged, in consequence of a debt
contracted by his grandfather, for provision to the younger children of
the family; and that the equity of redemption would be foreclosed in a
few months, unless the burden could be discharged. “My lord,” said he,
“has always lived in a splendid manner, and, notwithstanding his ample
fortune, together with the profits accruing from the posts he enjoys,
he saves so little money, that, upon this occasion, I know he will
be obliged to borrow ten thousand pounds to make up the sum that is
requisite to redeem the mortgage. Now, certain I am, that, when his
design comes to be known, he will be solicited on all hands by people
desirous of lending money upon such undoubted security; and 'tis
odds but he has already promised the preference to some particular
acquaintance. However, as I know he has your interest very much at
heart, I will, if you please, sound his lordship upon the subject, and
in a day or two give you notice of my success.”
Peregrine, ravished with the prospect of settling this affair so much
to his satisfaction, thanked the steward for his friendly hint and
undertaking, which he assured him should be acknowledged by a more solid
proof of his gratitude, provided the business could be brought to bear;
and next day he was visited by this kind manager, with the happy news
of his lordship's having consented to borrow ten thousand pounds of his
stock upon mortgage, at the interest of five per cent. This information
he received as an instance of the singular esteem of his noble patron;
and the papers being immediately drawn and executed, the money was
deposited in the hands of the mortgager, who, in the hearing of the
lender, laid strong injunctions on his steward to pay the interest
punctually at quarter-day.
The best part of our hero's fortune being thus happily deposited, and
the agent gratified with a present of fifty pieces, he began to put his
retrenching scheme in execution; all his servants, Pipes excepted, were
discharged, his chariot and running horses disposed of, his housekeeping
broken up, and his furniture sold by auction: nay, the heat of his
disposition was as remarkable in this as any other transaction in
his life; for every step of his saving project was taken with such
eagerness, and even precipitation, that most of his companions thought
he was either ruined or mad. But he answered all their expostulations
with a string of prudent apophthegms, such as, “The shortest follies
are the best”; “Better to retrench upon conviction than compulsion”;
and divers other wise maxims, seemingly the result of experience and
philosophic reflection. To such a degree of enthusiasm did his present
economy prevail, that he was actually seized with the desire of
amassing. And as he every day received proposals from those brokers whom
he had employed, about the disposal of his cash, he at length ventured
fifteen hundred pounds upon bottomry, being tempted by the excessive
premium.
But it must be observed, for the honour of our adventurer, that this
reformation did not at all interfere with the good qualities of his
heart. He was still as friendly and benevolent as ever, though his
liberality was more subject to the restraint of reason; and he
might have justly pleaded, in vindication of his generosity, that he
retrenched the superfluities in his own way of living, in order to
preserve the power of assisting his fellow-creatures in distress.
Numberless were the objects to which he extended his charity in private.
Indeed, he exerted this virtue in secret, not only on account of
avoiding the charge of ostentation, but also because he was ashamed
of being detected in such an awkward unfashionable practice, by the
censorious observers of this humane generation. In this particular, he
seemed to confound the ideas of virtue and vice; for he did good, as
other people do evil, by stealth; and was so capricious in point of
behaviour, that frequently, in public, he wagged his tongue in satirical
animadversions upon that poverty which his hand had in private
relieved. Yet, far from shunning the acquaintance, or discouraging the
solicitation of those who, he thought, wanted his assistance, he
was always accessible, open, and complaisant to them, even when the
haughtiness of his temper kept his superiors at a distance; and often
saved a modest man the anguish and confusion of declaring himself, by
penetrating into his necessity, and anticipating his request, in a
frank offer of his purse and friendship. Not that he practised this
beneficence to all the needy of his acquaintance without distinction;
there is always a set of idle profligate fellows, who, having squandered
away their own fortunes, and conquered all sense of honour and shame,
maintain themselves by borrowing from those who have not yet finished
the same career, and want resolution to resist their importunate
demands. To these he was always inflexible; though he could not
absolutely detach himself from their company, because, by dint of
effrontery, and such of their original connections as they have been
able to retain, they find admission to all places of fashionable resort.
Several unsuccessful attacks had been made upon his pocket by beggars of
this class. One of the most artful of them, having one day joined him
in the Mall, and made the usual observation on the weather, d--d all
the fogs of London, and began a dissertation on the difference of air,
preferring that of the country in which he was born to any climate under
the sun. “Were you ever in Gloucestershire?” said he to Peregrine; who
replying in the negative, he thus went on: “I have got a house there,
where I should be glad to see you. Let us go down together during the
Easter holidays; I can promise you good country fare and wholesome
exercise; for I have everything within myself, and as good a pack of
fox-hounds as any in the three kingdoms. I shan't pretend to expatiate
upon the elegance of the house, which to be sure is an old building; and
these, you know, are generally cold, and not very convenient. But, curse
the house! the dirty acres about it are the thing; and d--d fine parcel
they are to be sure. If my old grandmother was dead--she can't live
another season, for she's turned of fourscore, and quite worn out: nay,
as for that matter, I believe I have got a letter in my pocket, giving
an account of her being despaired of by the doctors. Let me see--No, d--
it! I left it at home, in the pocket of another coat.”
Pickle, who, from the beginning of this harangue, saw its tendency,
seemed to yield the most serious attention to what he said: breaking in
upon it, every now and then, with the interjections, hum! ha! the deuce!
and several civil questions, from which the other conceived happy omens
of success; till perceiving they had advanced as far as the passage into
St. James's, the mischievous youth interrupted him all at once, saying,
“I see you are for the end of the walk; this is my way.” With these
words he took leave of the saunterer, who would have delayed his
retreat, by calling to him aloud, that he had not yet described the
situation of his castle. But Peregrine, without stopping, answered
in the same tone, “Another time will do as well”; and in a moment
disappeared, leaving the projector very much mortified with his
disappointment; for his intention was to close the description with a
demand of twenty pieces, to be repaid out of the first remittance he
should receive from his estate.
It would have been well for our hero, had he always acted with the same
circumspection. But he had his unguarded moments, in which he fell a
prey to the unsuspecting integrity of his own heart. There was a
person among the number of his acquaintances, whose conversation he
particularly relished, because it was frank, agreeable, and fraught with
many sensible observations upon the craft and treachery of mankind. This
gentleman had made shift to discuss a very genteel fortune, though
it was spent with taste and reputation, and now he was reduced to his
shifts for the maintenance of his family, which consisted of a wife
and child. Not that he was destitute of the necessaries of life, being
comfortably supplied by the bounty of his friends; but this was a
provision not at all suited to his inclination; and he had endeavoured,
by divers unsuccessful schemes, to retrieve his former independency.
Peregrine happened one evening to be sitting alone in a coffee-house,
where he overheard a conversation between this schemer and another
gentleman, touching an affair that engaged his attention. The stranger
had been left trustee for fifteen hundred pounds bequeathed to the
other's daughter by an aunt, and was strongly solicited to pay the money
to the child's father, who assured him, he had then an opportunity to
lay it out in such a manner as would greatly conduce to the advantage of
his family. The trustee reminded him of the nature of his charge, which
made him accountable for the money until the child should have attained
the age of eighteen; but at the same time gave him to understand,
that, if he could procure such security as would indemnify him from the
consequences, he would forthwith pay the legacy into his hands. To this
proposal the father replied that it was not to be supposed he would
risk the fortune of his only child upon any idle scheme or precarious
issue; and therefore he thought it reasonable, that he should have the
use of it in the meantime; and that, as to security, he was loth to
trouble any of his friends about an affair which might be compromised
without their interposition; observing, that he would not look upon his
condescension as a favour, if obtained by security, on which he could
borrow the same sum from any usurer in town.
After much importunity on one side, and evasion on the other, the
moneyed gentleman told him, that, though he would not surrender the sum
deposited in his hands for the use of his daughter, he would lend him
what he should have occasion for in the meantime; and if, upon her being
of age, he should be able to obtain her concurrence, the money should be
placed to her account, provided he could find any person of credit, who
would join with him in a bond, for the assurance of the lender. This
proviso was an obstruction which the other would not have been able to
surmount, without great difficulty, had not his cause been espoused by
our hero, who thought it was a pity a man of honour and understanding
should suffer in his principal concerns on such a paltry consideration.
He therefore, presuming on his acquaintance, interposed in the
conversation as a friend, who interested himself in the affair; and,
being fully informed of the particulars, offered himself as a security
for the lender. This gentleman being a stranger to Peregrine, was
next day made acquainted with his funds; and, without further scruple,
accommodated his friend with one thousand pounds, for which he took
their bond payable in six months, though he protested that the money
should never be demanded, until the infant should be of age, unless some
accident should happen which he could not then foresee. Pickle
believed this declaration sincere, because he could have no interest in
dissembling; but what he chiefly depended upon, for his own security,
was the integrity and confidence of the borrower, who assured him,
that happen what would, he should be able to stand between him and all
danger; the nature of his plan being such as would infallibly treble the
sum in a very few months.
In a little time after this transaction, writs being issued out for
electing a new parliament, our adventurer, by the advice of his patron,
went into the country, in order to canvass for a borough, and lined his
pockets with a competent share of banknotes for the occasion. But in
this project he unfortunately happened to interfere with the interest of
a great family in the opposition, who, for a long series of years,
had made members for that place; and were now so much offended at the
intrusion of our young gentleman, that they threatened to spend ten
thousand pounds in frustrating his design. This menace was no other than
an incitement to Peregrine, who confided so much in his own influence
and address, that he verily believed he should be able to baffle
his grace, even in his own territories. By that victory he hoped to
establish his reputation and interest with the minister, who, through
the recommendation of his noble friend, countenanced his cause, and
would have been very well pleased to see one of his great enemies suffer
such a disgraceful overthrow, which would have, moreover, in a great
measure, shaken his credit with his faction.
Our hero, intoxicated with the ideas of pride and ambition, put all
his talents to the test, in the execution of this project. He spared no
expense in treating the electors; but, finding himself rivalled in this
respect by his competitor, who was powerfully supported, he had recourse
to those qualifications in which he thought himself superior. He made
balls for the ladies, visited the matrons of the corporation, adapted
himself to their various humours with surprising facility, drank with
those who loved a cherishing cup in private, made love to the amorous,
prayed with the religious, gossiped with those who delighted in scandal,
and with great sagacity contrived agreeable presents to them all. This
was the most effectual method of engaging such electors as were under
the influence of their wives. As for the rest, he assailed them in
their own way, setting whole hogsheads of beer and wine abroach, for the
benefit of comers; and into those sordid hearts that liquor would not
open, he found means to convey himself by the help of a golden key.
While he thus exerted himself, his antagonist was not idle: his age and
infirmities would not permit him to enter personally into their parties;
but his stewards and adherents bestirred themselves with great industry
and perseverance. The market for votes ran so high, that Pickle's ready
money was exhausted before the day of election, and he was obliged to
write to his patron an account of the dilemma to which he was reduced,
entreating him to take such speedy measures as would enable him to
finish the business which he had so happily begun. This nobleman
communicated the circumstances of the case to the minister, and in a
day or two our candidate found credit with the receiver-general of the
county, who lent him twelve hundred pounds on his personal note,
payable on demand. By means of this new supply he managed matters so
successfully, that an evident majority of votes was secured in his
interest, and nothing could have obstructed his election, had not the
noble peer who set up his competitor, in order to avoid the shame and
mortification of being foiled in his own borough, offered to compromise
the affair with his honour, by giving up two members in another place,
provided the opposition should cease in his own corporation. This
proposal was greedily embraced. On the eve of the election, Peregrine
received an intimation from his patron, desiring him to quit his
pretensions, on pain of his and the minister's displeasure, and
promising that he should be elected for another place.
No other disappointment in life could have given him such chagrin as
he felt at the receipt of this tantalizing order, by which the cup of
success was snatched from his lip, and all the vanity of his ambitious
hope humbled in the dust. He cursed the whole chain of his court
connections, inveighed with great animosity against the rascally scheme
of politics to which he was sacrificed, and, in conclusion, swore he
would not give up the fruits of his own address for the pleasure of any
minister upon earth. This laudable resolution, however, was rendered
ineffectual by his friend the receiver-general, who was bearer of
the message, and, after having in vain endeavoured to persuade him
to submission, fairly arrested him upon the spot for the money he had
advanced; this expedient being performed by virtue of a writ which
he had been advised to take out, in case the young man should prove
refractory.
The reader, who by this time must be pretty well acquainted with the
disposition of our hero, may easily conceive how he relished this
adventure. At first, all the faculties of his soul were swallowed up in
astonishment and indignation; and some minutes elapsed before his nerves
would obey the impulse of his rage, which manifested itself in such an
application to the temples of the plaintiff, as laid him sprawling on
the floor. This assault, which was committed in a tavern, whither he
had been purposely decoyed, attracted the regard of the bailiff and his
followers, who, to the number of four, rushed upon him at once, in
order to overpower him; but his wrath inspired him with such additional
strength and agility, that he disengaged himself from them in a trice,
and, seizing a poker, which was the first weapon that presented itself
to his hand, exercised it upon their skulls with incredible dexterity
and execution. The officer himself, who had been the first that presumed
to lay violent hands upon him, felt the first effects of his fury in a
blow upon the jaws, in consequence of which he lost three of his teeth,
and fell athwart the body of the receiver, with which he formed the
figure of a St. Andrew's cross. One of his myrmidons, seeing the fate
of his chief, would not venture to attack the victor in front, but,
wheeling to one side, made an attempt upon him in flank, and was
received obliquely by our hero's left hand and foot, so masterly
disposed to the right side of his leg, and the left side of his neck,
that he bolted head foremost into the chimney, where his chin was
encountered by the grate, which in a moment seared him to the bone. The
rest of the detachment did not think proper to maintain the dispute,
but, evacuating the room with great expedition, locked the door on the
outside, and bellowed aloud to the receiver's servants, beseeching them
to come to the assistance of their master, who was in danger of his
life.
Meanwhile, this gentleman having recollected himself, demanded a parley;
which having with difficulty obtained of our incensed candidate, in
consequence of the most submissive application, he complained grievously
of the young gentleman's intemperance and heat of disposition, and very
calmly represented the danger of his rashness and indiscretion. He told
him, that nothing could be more outrageous or idle, than the resistance
he had made against the laws of his country, because he would find it
impracticable to withstand the whole executive power of the country,
which he could easily raise to apprehend and secure him; that, over and
above the disgrace that would accrue to him from this imprudent conduct,
he would knock his own interest on the head, by disobliging his friends
in the administration, who were, to his knowledge, at present very well
disposed to do him service; that, for his own part, what he had done
was by the express order of his superiors, and not out of any desire of
distressing him; and that, far from being his enemy, notwithstanding
the shocking insult he had sustained, he was ready to withdraw the writ,
provided he would listen to any reasonable terms of accommodation.
Peregrine, who was not more prone to anger than open to conviction,
being appeased by his condescension, moved by his arguments, and chid
by his own reflection for what he had done in the precipitation of his
wrath, began to give ear to his remonstrances; and the bailiffs being
ordered to withdraw, they entered into a conference, the result of which
was our adventurer's immediate departure for London; so that next day
his competitor was unanimously chosen, because nobody appeared to oppose
his election. The discontented Pickle, on his arrival in town, went
directly to the house of his patron, to whom, in the anguish of his
disappointment, he bitterly complained of the treatment he had received,
by which, besides the disgrace of his overthrow, he was no less than two
thousand pounds out of pocket, exclusive of the debt for which he
stood engaged to the receiver. His lordship, who was prepared for this
expostulation, on his knowledge of the young man's impetuous temper,
answered all the articles of his charge with great deliberation, giving
him to understand the motives that induced the minister to quit his
interest in that borough; and soothing him with assurances that his
loss would be amply rewarded by his honour, to whom he was next day
introduced by this nobleman, in the warmest style of recommendation. The
minister, who was a pattern of complaisance, received him with the
most engaging affability; thanked him very kindly for his endeavours
to support and strengthen the interest of the administration; and
faithfully promised to lay hold on the first opportunity to express the
sense he had of his zeal and attachment; desiring to see him often at
his levee, that, in the multiplicity of business, he might not be in
danger of forgetting his services and desert.