The French Coquette entraps the Heart of the Jew, against whom Pallet
enters into a Conspiracy, by which Peregrine is again disappointed, and
the Hebrew's Incontinence exposed.
Meanwhile the French siren, balked in her design upon her English
cully, who was so easily disheartened, and hung his ears in manifest
despondence, rather than run the risk of making a voyage
that should be altogether unprofitable, resolved to practise her charms
upon the Dutch merchant. She had already made such innovation upon his
heart, that he cultivated her with peculiar complacency, gazed upon her
with a most libidinous stare, and unbended his aspect into a grin
that was truly Israelitish. The painter saw and was offended at this
correspondence, which he considered as an insult upon his misfortune,
as well as an evident preference of his rival; and, conscious of his own
timidity, swallowed an extraordinary glass, that his invention might be
stimulated, and his resolution raised to the contrivance and execution
of some scheme of revenge. The wine failed in the expected effect, and,
without inspiring him with the plan, served only to quicken his
desire of vengeance; so that he communicated his purpose to his friend
Peregrine, and begged his assistance; but our young gentleman was too
intent upon his own affair to mind the concerns of any other person; and
he declining to be engaged in the project, Pallet had recourse to
the genius of Pickle's valet-de-chambre, who readily embarked in the
undertaking, and invented a plan, which was executed accordingly.
The evening being pretty far advanced, and the company separated into
their respective apartments, Pickle repaired, in all the impatience of
youth and desire, to the chamber of his charmer, and, finding the door
unbolted, entered in a transport of joy. By the light of the room,
which shone through the window, he was conducted to her bed, which he
approached in the utmost agitation; and perceiving her to all appearance
asleep, essayed to wake her with a gentle kiss; but this method proved
ineffectual, because she was determined to save herself the confusion of
being an accomplice in his guilt. He repeated the application, murmured
a most passionate salutation in her ear, and took such other gentle
methods of signifying his presence, as persuaded him that she was
resolved to sleep, in spite of all his endeavours. Flushed with this
supposition, he locked the door, in order to prevent interruption; and,
stealing himself under the clothes, set fortune at defiance, while he
held the fair creature circled in his arms.
Nevertheless, near as he seemed to be to the happy accomplishment of his
desire, his hope was again frustrated with a fearful noise, which in a
moment awaked his Amanda in a fright, and for the present engaged all
his attention. His valet-de-chambre, whom Pallet had consulted as a
confederate in his revenge against the lady of pleasure and her gallant,
had hired of certain Bohemians, who chanced to lodge at the inn, a
jackass adorned with bells, which, when everybody was retired to
rest, and the Hebrew supposed to be bedded with his mistress, they led
upstairs into a long thoroughfare, from which the chambers were detached
on each side. The painter, perceiving the lady's door ajar, according
to his expectation, mounted this animal, with intention to ride into the
room, and disturb the lovers in the midst of their mutual endearments;
but the ass, true to its kind, finding himself bestrid by an unknown
rider, instead of advancing in obedience to his conductor, retreated
backward to the other end of the passage, in spite of all the efforts of
the painter, who spurred, and kicked, and pummeled to no purpose. It was
the noise of this contention between Pallet and the ass which invaded
the ears of Peregrine and his mistress, neither of whom could form the
least rational conjecture about the cause of such strange disturbance,
which increased as the animal approached their apartment. At length
the bourrique's retrograde motion was obstructed by the door, which
it forced open in a twinkling, with one kick, and entered with such
complication of sound as terrified the lady almost into a fit, and threw
her lover into the utmost perplexity and confusion.
The painter, finding himself thus violently intruded into the
bed-chamber of he knew not whom, and dreading the resentment of the
possessor, who might discharge a pistol at him as a robber who had
broken into his apartment, was overwhelmed with consternation, and
redoubled his exertion to accomplish a speedy retreat, sweating all the
time with fear, and putting up petition to Heaven for his safety;
but his obstinate companion, regardless of his situation, instead of
submitting to his conduct, began to turn round like a millstone, the
united sound of his feet and bells producing a most surprising concert.
The unfortunate rider, whirling about in this manner, would have quitted
his seat, and left the beast to his own amusement, but the rotation was
so rapid, that the terror of a severe fall hindered him from attempting
to dismount; and, in the desperation of his heart, he seized one of his
ears, which he pinched so unmercifully, that the creature set up his
throat, and brayed aloud.
This hideous exclamation was no sooner heard by the fair Fleming,
already chilled with panic, and prepared with superstition, than,
believing herself visited by the devil, who was permitted to punish her
for her infidelity to the marriage-bed, she uttered a scream, and began
to repeat her pater noster with a loud voice. Her lover, finding himself
under the necessity of retiring, started up, and, stung with the most
violent pangs of rage and disappointment, ran directly to the spot from
whence this diabolical noise seemed to proceed. There encountering the
ass he discharged such a volley of blows at him and his rider, that the
creature carried him off at a round trot, and they roared in unison all
the way. Having thus cleared the room of such disagreeable company,
he went back to his mistress, and assuring her that this was only some
foolish prank of Pallet, took his leave, with a promise of returning
after the quiet of the inn should be re-established.
In the mean time, the noise of the bourrique, the cries of the painter,
and the lady's scream, had alarmed the whole house; and the ass, in the
precipitation of his retreat, seeing people with lights before him, took
shelter in the apartment for which he was at first designed, just as
the Levite, aroused at the uproar, had quitted his dulcinea, and was
attempting to recover his own chamber unperceived. Seeing himself
opposed by such an animal, mounted by a tall, meagre, lantern-jawed
figure, half naked, with a white nightcap upon his head which added to
the natural paleness of his complexion,--the Jew was sorely troubled in
mind and believing it to be an apparition of Balaam and his ass, flew
backward with a nimble pace, and crept under the bed, where he lay,
concealed. Mr. Jolter and the priest, who were the foremost of those
who had been aroused by the noise, were not unmoved when they saw such a
spectacle rushing into the chamber, whence the lady of pleasure began
to shriek. The governor made a full halt, and the Capuchin discovered no
inclination to proceed. They were, however, by the pressure of the crowd
that followed them, thrust forward to the door, through which the
vision entered; and there Jolter, with great ceremony, complimented his
reverence with the pas, beseeching him to walk in. The mendicant was
too courteous and humble to accept this pre-eminence, and a very earnest
dispute ensued; during which, the ass, in the course of his circuit,
showed himself and rider, and in a trice decided the contest; for,
struck with this second glimpse, both at one instant sprang backward
with such force, as overturned their next men, who communicated the
impulse to those that stood behind them, and these again to others; so
that the whole passage was strewed with a long file of people, that lay
in a line, like the sequel and dependence of a pack of cards.
In the midst of this havoc, our hero returned from his own room with
an air of astonishment, asking the cause of this uproar. Receiving such
hints of intelligence as Jolter's consternation would permit him to
give, he snatched the candle out of his hand, and advanced into the
haunted chamber without hesitation, being followed by all present, who
broke forth into a long and loud peal of laughter, when they perceived
the ludicrous source of their disquiet. The painter himself made an
effort to join their mirth; but he had been so harrowed by fear, and
smarted so much with the pain of the discipline he had received from
Pickle, that he could not, with all his endeavours, vanquish the
ruefulness of his countenance. His attempt served only to increase
the awkwardness of his situation, which was not at all mended by the
behaviour of the coquette, who, furious with her disappointment, slipped
on a petticoat and bedgown, and springing upon him, like mother Hecuba,
with her nails deprived all one side of his nose of the skin; and would
not have left him an eye to see through, if some of the company had not
rescued him from her unmerciful talons. Provoked at this outrage, as
well as by her behaviour to him in the diligence, he publicly explained
his intention in entering her chamber in this equipage; and missing the
Hebrew among the spectators, assured them that he must have absconded
somewhere in the apartment. In pursuance of this intimation, the room
was immediately searched, and the mortified Levite pulled up by the
heels from his lurking-place; so that Pallet had the good fortune, at
last, to transfer the laugh from himself to his rival and the French
inamorata, who accordingly underwent the ridicule of the whole audience.