Nor is the Physician sacred from his Ridicule--They reach Arras, where
our Adventurer engages in Play with two French Officers, who, next
Morning, give the Landlord an interesting Proof of their Importance.
The doctor remained sullen and dejected during the whole journey: not
but that he attempted to recover his importance by haranguing upon the
Roman highways, when Mr. Jolter desired the company to take notice of
the fine pavement upon which they travelled from Paris into Flanders;
but Pallet, who thought he had now gained the ascendency over the
physician, exerted himself in maintaining the superiority he had
acquired, by venting various sarcasms upon his self-conceit and
affectation of learning, and even tittering puns and conundrums upon the
remarks which the republican retailed. When he talked of the Flaminian
Way, the painter questioned if it was a better pavement than the
Fleminian Way on which they travelled: and the doctor having observed,
that this road was made for the convenience of drawing the French
artillery into Flanders, which was often the seat of war, his competitor
in wit replied, with infinite vivacity, “There are more great guns than
the French king knows of drawn along this causeway, doctor.”
Encouraged by the success of these efforts, which tickled the
imagination of Jolter, and drew smiles (as he imagined) of approbation
from our hero, he sported in many other equivoques of the same nature;
and at dinner, told the physician, that he was like the root of the
tongue, as being cursedly down in the mouth.
By this time, such was the animosity subsisting between these quondam
friends, that they never conversed together, except with a view
of exposing each other to the ridicule or contempt of their
fellow-travellers. The doctor was at great pains to point out the folly
and ignorance of Pallet in private to Peregrine, who was often conjured
in the same manner by the painter, to take notice of the physician's
want of manners and taste. Pickle pretended to acquiesce in the truth
of their mutual severity, which, indeed, was extremely just; and by
malicious insinuations blew up their contention, with a view of bringing
it to open hostility. But both seemed so averse to deeds of mortal
purpose, that for a long time his arts were baffled, and he could
not spirit them up to any pitch of resentment higher than scurrilous
repartee.
Before they reached Arras, the city gates were shut, so that they
were obliged to take up their lodgings at an indifferent house in the
suburbs, where they found a couple of French officers, who had also rode
post from Paris so far on their way to Lisle. These gentlemen were about
the age of thirty, and their deportment distinguished by such an air
of insolence, as disgusted our hero, who, nevertheless, accosted them
politely in the yard, and proposed that they should sup together. They
thanked him for the honour of his invitation, which, however, they
declined upon pretence of having ordered something for themselves;
but promised to wait upon him and his company immediately after their
repast.
This they accordingly performed; and, after having drunk a few glasses
of Burgundy, one of them asked, if the young gentleman would, for
pastime, take a hand at quadrille. Peregrine easily divined the meaning
of this proposal, which was made with no other view than that of
fleecing him and his fellow-travellers; for he well knew to what shifts
a subaltern in the French service is reduced, in order to maintain the
appearance of a gentleman, and had reason to believe that most of them
were sharpers from their youth: but, as he depended a good deal upon his
own penetration and address, he gratified the stranger's desire; and a
party was instantly formed of the painter, the physician, the proposer,
and himself, the other officer having professed himself utterly ignorant
of the game; in the course of the play, he took his station at the back
of Pickle's chair, which was opposite to his friend, on pretence of
amusing himself with seeing his manner of conducting the cards. The
youth was not such a novice but that he perceived the design of this
palpable piece of behaviour, which, notwithstanding, he overlooked for
the present, with a view of flattering their hopes in the beginning,
that they might be the more effectually punished by their disappointment
in the end.
The game was scarce begun, when, by the reflection of a glass, he
discerned the officer at his back making signs to his companion, who,
by preconcerted gestures, was perfectly informed of the contents of
Peregrine's hand, and, of consequence, fortunate in the course of play.
Thus they were allowed to enjoy the fruits of their dexterity, until
their money amounted to some louis; when our young gentleman, thinking
it high time to do himself justice, signified in very polite terms to
the gentleman who stood behind him, that he could never play with ease
and deliberation when he was overlooked by any bystander, and begged
that he would have the goodness to be seated.
As this was a remonstrance which the stranger could not, with any show
of breeding, resist, he asked pardon, and retired to the chair of the
physician, who frankly told him, that it was not the fashion of his
country for one to submit his hand to the perusal of a spectator; and
when, in consequence of this rebuff, he wanted to quarter himself upon
the painter, he was refused by a wave of the hand, and shake of the
head, with an exclamation of pardonnez moi; which was repeated with such
emphasis, as discomposed this effrontery; and he found himself obliged
to sit down in a state of mortification.
The odds being thus removed, fortune proceeded in her usual channel;
and though the Frenchman, deprived of his ally, endeavoured to practise
divers strokes of finesse, the rest of the company observed him with
such vigilance and caution, as baffled all his attempts, and in a very
little time he was compelled to part with his winning: but, having
engaged in the match with an intention of taking all advantages,
whether fair or unfair, that his superior skill should give him over the
Englishman, the money was not refunded without a thousand disputes, in
the course of which he essayed to intimidate his antagonist with high
words, which were retorted by our hero with such interest as convinced
him that he had mistaken his man, and persuaded him to make his retreat
in quiet. Indeed, it was not without cause that they repined at the
bad success of their enterprise; because, in all likelihood, they had
nothing to depend upon for the present but their own industry, and knew
not how to defray their expenses on the road, except by some acquisition
of this kind.
Next morning they rose at daybreak, and resolving to anticipate their
fellow-lodgers, bespoke post-horses as soon as they could be admitted
into the city; so that, when our company appeared, their beasts were
ready in the yard, and they only waited to discuss the bill, which they
had ordered to be made out. The landlord of the inn presented his carte
with fear and trembling to one of those ferocious cavaliers, who no
sooner cast his eye upon the sum total, than he discharged a volley of
dreadful oaths, and asked if the king's officers were to be treated in
that manner? The poor publican protested, with great humility, that he
had the utmost respect for his majesty, and everything that belonged to
him; and that, far from consulting his own interest, all that he desired
was, to be barely indemnified for the expense of their lodging.
This condescension seemed to have no other effect than that of
encouraging their arrogance. They swore his extortion should be
explained to the commandant of the town, who would, by making him a
public example, teach other innkeepers how to behave towards men of
honour; and threatened with such confidence of indignation, that the
wretched landlord, dreading the consequence of their wrath, implored
pardon in the most abject manner, begging, with many supplications, that
he might have the pleasure of lodging them at his own charge. This was
a favour which he with great difficulty obtained: they chid him severely
for his imposition; exhorted him to have more regard for his own
conscience, as well as to the convenience of his guests; and, cautioning
him in particular touching his behaviour to the gentlemen of the army,
mounted their horses, and rode off in great state, leaving him very
thankful for having so successfully appeased the choler of two officers,
who wanted either inclination or ability to pay their bill; for
experience had taught him to be apprehensive of all such travellers, who
commonly lay the landlord under contribution, by way of atonement
for the extravagance of his demands, even after he has professed his
willingness to entertain them on their own terms.