He is involved in an Adventure at Paris, and taken prisoner by the City
Guard--Becomes acquainted with a French Nobleman, who introduces him in
the Beau Monde.
They were no sooner settled in these lodgings, than our hero wrote to
his uncle an account of their safe arrival, and sent another letter to
his friend Gauntlet, with a very tender billet inclosed for his dear
Emilia, to whom he repeated all his former vows of constancy and love.
The next care that engrossed him was that of bespeaking several suits
of clothes suitable to the French mode; and, in the mean time, he never
appeared abroad, except in the English coffee-house, where he soon
became acquainted with some of his own countrymen, who were at Paris on
the same footing with himself. The third evening after his journey, he
was engaged in a party of those young sparks, at the house of a noted
traiteur, whose wife was remarkably handsome, and otherwise extremely
well qualified for alluring customers to her house. To this lady our
young gentleman was introduced as a stranger fresh from England; and
he was charmed with her personal accomplishments, as well as with the
freedom and gaiety of her conversation. Her frank deportment persuaded
him that she was one of those kind creatures who granted favours to the
best bidder: on this supposition he began to be so importunate in
his addresses, that the fair bourgeoise was compelled to cry aloud
in defence of her own virtue. Her husband ran immediately to her
assistance, and finding her in a very alarming situation, flew upon her
ravisher with such fury, that he was fain to quit his prey, and turn
against the exasperated traiteur, whom he punished without mercy for
his impudent intrusion. The lady, seeing her yoke-fellow treated with
so little respect, espoused his cause, and, fixing her nails in his
antagonist's face, sacrificed all one side of his nose. The noise of
this encounter brought all the servants of the house to the rescue of
their master; and Peregrine's company opposing them, a general battle
ensued, in which the French were totally routed, the wife insulted, and
the husband kicked downstairs.
The publican, enraged at the indignity which had been offered to him and
his family, went out into the street, and implored the protection of
the guet, or city guard, which, having heard his complaint, fixed their
bayonets and surrounded the door, to the number of twelve or fourteen.
The young gentlemen, flushed with their success, and considering the
soldiers as so many London watchmen whom they had often put to flight,
drew their swords, and sallied out, with Peregrine at their head.
Whether the guard respected them as foreigners, or inexperienced youths
intoxicated with liquor, they opened to right and left, and gave them
room to pass without opposition. This complaisance, which was the effect
of compassion, being misinterpreted by the English leader, he, out of
mere wantonness, attempted to trip up the heels of the soldier that
stood next him, but failed in the execution, and received a blow on his
breast with the butt-end of a fusil, that made him stagger several paces
backward. Incensed at this audacious application, the whole company
charged the detachment sword in hand and, after an obstinate engagement,
in which divers wounds were given and received, every soul of them was
taken, and conveyed to the main-guard. The commanding officer being made
acquainted with the circumstances of the quarrel, in consideration
of their youth and national ferocity, for which the French make large
allowances, set them all at liberty, after having gently rebuked them
for the irregularity and insolence of their conduct; so that all our
hero acquired by his gallantry and courage, was a number of scandalous
marks upon his visage that confined him a whole week to his chamber.
It was impossible to conceal this disaster from Mr. Jolter, who, having
obtained intelligence of the particulars, did not fail to remonstrate
against the rashness of the adventure, which, he observed, must have
been fatal to them, had their enemies been other than Frenchmen, who,
of all people under the sun, most rigorously observe the laws of
hospitality.
As the governor's acquaintance lay chiefly among Irish and English
priests, and a set of low people who live by making themselves necessary
to strangers, either in teaching the French language, or executing small
commissions with which they are intrusted, he was not the most proper
person in the world for regulating the taste of a young gentleman who
travelled for improvement, in expectation of making a figure one day
in his own country. Being conscious of his own incapacity, he contented
himself with the office of a steward, and kept a faithful account of all
the money that was disbursed in the course of their family expense: not
but that he was acquainted with all the places which were visited by
strangers on their first arrival at Paris; and he knew to a liard what
was commonly given to the Swiss of each remarkable hotel; though, with
respect to the curious painting and statuary that everywhere abounded in
that metropolis, he was more ignorant than the domestic that attends for
a livre a day.
In short, Mr. Jolter could give a very good account of the stages on the
road, and save the expense of Antonini's detail of the curiosities
in Paris: he was a connoisseur in ordinaries, from twelve to
five-and-thirty livres, knew all the rates of fiacre and remise, could
dispute with a tailleur or a traiteur upon the articles of his bill,
and scold the servants in tolerable French. But the laws, customs,
and genius of the people, the characters of individuals, and scenes
of polished life, were subjects which he had neither opportunities to
observe, inclination to consider, nor discernment to distinguish. All
his maxims were the suggestions of pedantry and prejudice; so that his
perception was obscured, his judgment biased, his address awkward,
and his conversation absurd and unentertaining: yet such as I have
represented this tutor, are the greatest part of those animals who
lead raw boys about the world, under the denomination of travelling
governors. Peregrine, therefore, being perfectly well acquainted with
the extent of Mr. Jolter's abilities, never dreamt of consulting him
in the disposition of his conduct, but parcelled out his time to the
dictates of his own reflection, and the information and direction of his
companions, who had lived longer in France, and consequently were better
acquainted with the pleasures of the place.
As soon as he was in a condition to appear a la Francaise, he hired a
genteel chariot by the month, made the tour of the Luxembourg gallery,
Palais Royal, all the remarkable hotels, churches, and celebrated places
in Paris; visited St. Cloud, Marli, Versailles, Trianon, St. Germaine,
and Fountainebleau, enjoyed the opera, Italian and French comedy; and
seldom failed of appearing in the public walks, in hopes of meeting with
Mrs. Hornbeck, or some adventure suited to his romantic disposition.
He never doubted that his person would attract the notice of some
distinguished inamorata, and was vain enough to believe that few female
hearts were able to resist the artillery of his accomplishments, should
he once find an opportunity of planting it to advantage. He presented
himself, however, at all the spectacles for many weeks, without reaping
the fruits of his expectation; and began to entertain a very indifferent
idea of the French discernment, which had overlooked him so long,
when one day, in his way to the opera, his chariot was stopped by an
embarrass in the street, occasioned by two peasants, who having driven
their carts against each other, quarrelled, and went to loggerheads on
the spot. Such a rencounter is so uncommon in France, that the people
shut up their shops, and from their windows threw cold water upon the
combatants, with a view of putting an end to the battle, which was
maintained with great fury, and very little skill, until one of them
receiving an accidental fall, the other took the advantage of this
misfortune, and, fastening upon him, as he lay, began to thump the
pavement with his head.
Our hero's equipage being detained close by the field of this
contention, Pipes could not bear to see the laws of boxing so
scandalously transgressed, and, leaping from his station, pulled the
offender from his antagonist, whom he raised up, and in the English
language encouraged to a second essay, instructing him at the same time
by clenching his fists according to art, and putting himself in a proper
attitude. Thus confirmed, the enraged carman sprang upon his foe, and
in all appearance would have effectually revenged the injury he had
sustained, if he had not been prevented by the interposition of a
lacquey belonging to a nobleman, whose coach was obliged to halt in
consequence of the dispute. This footman, who was distinguished by
a cane, descending from his post, without the least ceremony or
expostulation, began to employ his weapon upon the head and shoulders
of the peasant who had been patronized by Pipes; upon which, Thomas,
resenting such ungenerous behaviour, bestowed such a stomacher upon
the officious intermeddler, as discomposed the whole economy of his
entrails, and obliged him to discharge the interjection Ah! with
demonstrations of great anguish and amazement. The other two footmen
who stood behind the coach, seeing their fellow-servant so insolently
assaulted, flew to his assistance, and rallied a most disagreeable
shower upon the head of his aggressor, who had no means of diversion or
defence.
Peregrine, though he did not approve of Tom's conduct, could not bear
to see him so roughly handled, especially as he thought his own honour
concerned in the fray; and therefore, quitting his machine, came to the
rescue of his attendant, and charged his adversaries sword in hand.
Two of them no sooner perceived this reinforcement, than they betook
themselves to flight; and Pipes, having twisted the cane out of the
hands of the third, belaboured him so unmercifully, that our hero
thought proper to interpose his authority in his behalf. The common
people stood aghast at this unprecedented boldness of Pickle, who
understanding that the person whose servants he had disciplined was a
general and prince of the blood, went up to the coach, and asked pardon
for what he had done, imputing his own behaviour to his ignorance of
the other's quality. The old nobleman accepted of his apology with great
politeness, thanking him for the trouble he had taken to reform the
manners of his domestics; and guessing from our youth's appearance that
he was some stranger of condition, very courteously invited him into the
coach, on the supposition that they were both going to the opera. Pickle
gladly embraced this opportunity of becoming acquainted with a person
of such rank, and, ordering his own chariot to follow, accompanied
the count to his loge, where he conversed with him during the whole
entertainment.
He soon perceived that Peregrine was not deficient in spirit or sense,
and seemed particularly pleased with his engaging manner and easy
deportment, qualifications for which the English nation is by no means
remarkable in France, and therefore the more conspicuous and agreeable
in the character of our hero, whom the nobleman carried home that same
evening, and introduced to his lady and several persons of fashion who
supped at his house. Peregrine was quite captivated by their affable
behaviour and the vivacity of their discourse; and, after having been
honoured with particular marks of consideration, took his leave, fully
determined to cultivate such a valuable acquaintance.
His vanity suggested, that now the time was come when he should profit
by his talents among the fair sex, on whom he resolved to employ his
utmost art and address. With this view he assiduously engaged in all
parties to which he had access by means of his noble friend, who let
slip no opportunity of gratifying his ambition. He for some time shared
in all his amusements, and was entertained in many of the best families
of France; but he did not long enjoy that elevation of hope, which had
flattered his imagination. He soon perceived that it would be impossible
to maintain the honourable connections he had made, without engaging
every day at quadrille, or, in other words, losing his money; for every
person of rank, whether male or female, was a professed gamester, who
knew and practised all the finesse of the art, of which he was entirely
ignorant. Besides, he began to find himself a mere novice in French
gallantry, which is supported by an amazing volubility of tongue, and
obsequious and incredible attention to trifles, a surprising faculty
of laughing out of pure complaisance, and a nothingness of conversation
which he could never attain. In short, our hero, who among his own
countrymen would have passed for a sprightly, entertaining fellow, was
considered in the brilliant assemblies of France as a youth of a very
phlegmatic disposition. No wonder, then, that his pride was mortified
at his own want of importance, which he did not fail to ascribe to their
defect in point of judgment and taste. He conceived a disgust at the
mercenary conduct, as well as the shallow intellects, of the ladies; and
after he had spent some months, and a round sum of money, in fruitless
attendance and addresses, he fairly quitted the pursuit, and consoled
himself with the conversation of a merry fille de joie, whose good
graces he acquired by an allowance of twenty louis per month. That he
might the more easily afford this expense, he dismissed his chariot and
French lacquey at the same time.
He then entered himself in a noted academy, in order to finish his
exercises, and contracted an acquaintance with a few sensible people,
whom he distinguished at the coffee-house and ordinary to which he
resorted, and who contributed not a little to the improvement of his
knowledge and taste; for, prejudice apart, it must be owned that France
abounds with men of consummate honour, profound sagacity, and the most
liberal education. From the conversation of such, he obtained a distinct
idea of their government and constitution; and though he could not help
admiring the excellent order and economy of their police, the result of
all his inquiries was self-congratulation on his title to the privileges
of a British subject. Indeed this invaluable birthright was rendered
conspicuous by such flagrant occurrences, which fell every day almost
under his observation, that nothing but the grossest prejudice could
dispute its existence.