They set out in company, breakfast at Abbeville, dine at Amiens and,
about eleven o'clock, arrive at Chantilly where Peregrine executes a
Plan which he had concerted upon Hornbeck.
The whole company by agreement rose and departed before day, and
breakfasted at Abbeville, where they became acquainted with the finesse
of their Bernay landlord, who had imposed upon them, in affirming that
they would not have been admitted after the gates were shut. From thence
they proceeded to Amiens, where they dined, and were pestered by begging
friars; and the roads being deep, it was eleven o'clock at night before
they reached Chantilly, where they found supper already dressed, in
consequence of having despatched the valet-de-chambre before them on
horseback.
The constitution of Hornbeck being very much impaired by a life of
irregularity, he found himself so fatigued with his day's journey, which
amounted to upwards of a hundred miles, that when he sat down at table,
he could scarce sit upright; and in less than three minutes began to
nod in his chair. Peregrine, who had foreseen and provided for this
occasion, advised him to exhilarate his spirits with a glass of wine;
and the proposal being embraced, tipped his valet-de-chambre the wink,
who, according to the instructions he had received, qualified the
Burgundy with thirty drops of laudanum, which this unfortunate
husband swallowed in one glass. The dose, cooperating with his former
drowsiness, lulled him so fast to sleep, as it were instantaneously,
that it was found necessary to convey him to his own chamber, where his
footman undressed and put him to bed: nor was Jolter (naturally of a
sluggish disposition) able to resist his propensity to sleep, without
suffering divers dreadful yawns, which encouraged his pupil to
administer the same dose to him, which had operated so successfully upon
the other Argus. This cordial had not such gentle effect upon the rugged
organs of Jolter as upon the more delicate nerves of Hornbeck; but
discovered itself in certain involuntary startings, and convulsive
motions in the muscles of his face; and when his nature at length
yielded to the power of this medicine, he sounded the trumpet so loud
through his nostrils, that our adventurer was afraid the noise would
wake his other patient, and consequently the accomplishment of his aim.
The governor was therefore committed to the care of Pipes, who lugged
him into the next room, and having stripped off his clothes, tumbled him
into his nest, while the two lovers remained at full liberty to indulge
their mutual passion.
Peregrine, in the impatience of his inclination, would have finished
the fate of Hornbeck immediately; but his inamorata disapproved of his
intention, and represented that their being together by themselves for
any length of time would be observed by her servant, who was kept as a
spy upon her actions; so that they had recourse to another scheme which
was executed in this manner. He conducted her into her own apartment in
presence of her footman, who lighted them thither, and wishing her good
rest, returned to his own chamber, where he waited till everything was
quiet in the house; then stealing softly to her door, which had been
left open for his admission in the dark, he found the husband still
secure in the embraces of sleep, and the lady in a loose gown, ready to
seal his happiness. He conveyed her to his own chamber; but his guilty
passion was not gratified.
The opium which had been given to Jolter, together with the wine he had
drunk, produced such a perturbation in his fancy, that he was visited
with horrible dreams; and, among other miserable situations, imagined
himself in danger of perishing in the flames, which he thought had taken
hold on his apartment. This vision made such an impression upon his
faculties, that he alarmed the whole house with repeated cries of “Fire!
fire!” and even leaped out of his bed, though he still continued fast
asleep. The lovers were very disagreeably disturbed by this dreadful
exclamation; and Mrs. Hornbeck, running in great confusion to the door,
had the mortification to see the footman, with a light in his hand,
enter her husband's chamber, in order to give him notice of this
accident. She knew that she would be instantly missed, and could easily
divine the consequence, unless her invention could immediately trump up
some plausible excuse for her absence.
Women are naturally fruitful of expedients in cases of such emergency:
she employed but a few seconds in recollection, and, rushing directly
towards the apartment of the governor, who still continued to hallo in
the same note, exclaimed, in a screaming tone, “Lord have mercy upon us!
where! where!” By this time, all the servants were assembled in strange
attire: Peregrine burst into Jolter's room, and seeing him stalking in
his shirt, with his eyes shut, bestowed such a slap upon his back, as in
a moment dissolved his dream, and restored him to the use of his senses.
He was astonished and ashamed at being discovered in such an indecent
attitude; and, taking refuge under the clothes, asked pardon of all
present for the disturbance he had occasioned; soliciting, with great
humility, the forgiveness of the lady, who, to a miracle, counterfeited
the utmost agitation of terror and surprise. Meanwhile Hornbeck, being
awaked by the repeated efforts of his man, no sooner understood that his
wife was missing, than all the chimeras of jealousy taking possession of
his imagination, he started up in a sort of frenzy, and, snatching his
sword, flew straight to Peregrine's chamber; where, though he found not
that which he looked for, he unluckily perceived an under-petticoat,
which his wife had forgot in the hurry of her retreat. This discovery
added fuel to the flame of his resentment. He seized the fatal proof of
his dishonour, and, meeting his spouse in her return to bed, presented
it to her view, with a most expressive countenance, “Madam, you have
dropped your under-petticoat in the next room.”
Mrs. Hornbeck, who inherited from nature a most admirable presence of
mind, looked earnestly at the object in question, and, with incredible
serenity of countenance, affirmed that the petticoat must belong to the
house, for she had none such in her possession. Peregrine, who walked
behind her, hearing this asseveration, immediately interposed, and
pulling Hornbeck by the sleeve into his chamber, “Gadszooks!” said he,
“what business had you with that petticoat? Can't you let a young fellow
enjoy a little amour with an innkeeper's daughter, without exposing his
infirmities to your wife? Pshaw! that's so malicious, because you have
quitted these adventures yourself, to spoil the sport of other people.”
The poor husband was so confounded at the effrontery of his wife, and
this cavalier declaration of the young man, that his faith began to
waver; he distrusted his own conscious diffidence of temper, which, that
he might not expose, he expressed no doubts of Peregrine's veracity;
but, asking pardon for the mistake he had committed, retired. He was not
yet satisfied with the behaviour of his ingenious helpmate, but on the
contrary determined to inquire more minutely into the circumstances of
this adventure, which turned out so little to his satisfaction, that he
ordered his servant to get everything ready for his departure by break
of day; and when our adventurer rose next morning, he found that his
fellow-travellers were gone above three hours, though they had agreed
to stay all the forenoon, with a view of seeing the prince of Conde's
palace, and to proceed all together for Paris in the afternoon.
Peregrine was a little chagrined, when he understood that he was so
suddenly deprived of this untasted morsel; and Jolter could not conceive
the meaning of their abrupt and uncivil disappearance, which, after many
profound conjectures, he accounted for, by supposing that Hornbeck
was some sharper who had run away with an heiress, whom he found it
necessary to conceal from the inquiry of her friends. The pupil, who
was well assured of the true motive, allowed his governor to enjoy the
triumph of his own penetration, and consoled himself with the hope of
seeing his dulcinea again at some of the public places in Paris, which
he proposed to frequent. Thus comforted, he visited the magnificent
stables and palace of Chantilly, and immediately after dinner set out
for Paris, where they arrived in the evening, and hired apartments at an
hotel in the Faubourg St. Germaine, not far from the playhouse.