(_Act from a Farce ready for Performance pending the settlement of the
Labour Question._)
SCENE--_Interior of a Provided Work Office._ Benevolent Organiser
_discovered looking over a list_.
_Ben. Org._ Yes, I think this will do very well indeed. New pump,
fresh road. Ought to keep them going comfortably through the rest of
the winter. (_Enter_ Unemployed.) Well, my good man, and what do you
want?
_Unemployed_ (_in a whining tone_). Me and my mates, Sir, are out of
work. It's no fault of ours, and----
_Ben. Org._ Well, we will see what we can do.
_Unem._ Thankee kindly, Sir, I'm sure 'arf a sufferin, or even 'arf a
dollar----
_Ben. Org._ (_ignoring this suggestion_). Now, let me see--what's your
trade?
_Unem._ A watch-maker. So you see, as the Press says, you can't send
me to mend roads, or build pumps.
_Ben. Org._ No, no. I have overlooked your class. But stay--I think I
can forward you to a friend. Let me see, what time is it? (_Produces
watch, and lets it fall._) Dear me! It has stopped, as I live! (_With
vivacity._) My dear fellow, here is a chance for you. You shall mend
it.
_Unem._ (_freshening up_). Only too pleased to take your watch.
[_Possesses himself of the time-piece, and exit hurriedly._
[Illustration]
_Enter_ Constable _with_ Unemployed _in custody_.
_Constable._ This your watch, Sir?
_Unem._ (_rapidly_). Which was given to me by the kind gentleman to
mend. But I gladly return it, as me and my mates have determined not
to do any more work for fear that we should injure our brothers who
are doing nothing. [_Exit._
_Constable._ Lucky I kept my eye upon him, Sir. If I hadn't, you would
never have seen him again--nor your watch either.
_Ben. Org._ Is there so much guile in the world?
_Con._ Yes, Sir, a pretty fine lot. But I can't stand palavering or
those rowdies loafing around will pull the house about our ears. When
the Unemployed are idle, the police have enough to do! Ponder over it,
Sir; ponder over it! [_Curtain, and_ Ben. Organiser _left pondering_.
* * * * *
A VELL VORN MOTTO.--In his sound and sensible reply to a
congratulatory address, H. E. Cardinal VAUGHAN suggested _"Amare et
servire"_ as the motto for the Christian capitalist. To the first verb
the capitalist would, it is probable, make no objection; but as to the
second, he would be inclined to move as an amendment, that, "for '_i_'
in _servire_ should be substituted '_a_'." At all events, _Amare et
servare_ is the narrower view taken on the broader of the two roads in
life.
* * * * *
AUTHOR! AUTHOR!--Mr. J. L. TOOLE advertises that in consequence of
"the Phenomenal Success" of _Walker--London_, it is to be kept going
throughout the season. Excellent. But, for the sake of Mr. J. M.
BARRIE, its talented author, it is to be hoped that the conditions
of the performance of his popular play are not "fee nominal." But for
this J. L. T.--which initials stand for Jenerous Lavish TOOLE--will
have already made ample provision.
[Illustration: WAYS AND MEANS.
_Kitty._ "WELL, VIOLA, I THINK IT'S A PERFECTLY LOVELY PHOTOGRAPH! THE
WORST OF VANBRANDT IS THAT HE'S SO AWFULLY EXPENSIVE. WHAT DID YOU PAY
FOR THESE?"
_Viola._ "OH, I DIDN'T PAY ANYTHING. THEY TOOK ME AS A TYPE OF ENGLISH
BEAUTY, AND GAVE ME HALF-A-DOZEN FOR MYSELF."
_Kitty._ "WHAT A SPLENDID IDEA! I THINK I'LL BE DONE ON THOSE TERMS!"]