SPECTATOR.--A very curious and interesting little story. We ourselves
once had a dog who on returning home from a walk always chained
himself up in the back-kitchen and bit the butler. He would then howl
bitterly, slip his collar, and run to the nearest police station,
where he gave himself into custody and insisted on cleaning out his
own cell and appearing on the following morning before the Magistrate.
This shows that dogs can reason. Our dog eventually died of being
constantly quoted by Curates a Temperance Lectures. This was
disappointing, as we had never grudged him either attention or
butlers. One of our butlers had a cork leg,--but that is another
story.
SUB SILENTIO.--(1) A dog's chief value is conversational. At afternoon
teas such an animal is a wonderful resource after you have exhausted
the picture-shows, the theatres, and all the scandals. You can lead
off about his pedigree. "He's champion bred on both sides," always
sounds well. A funny man is sure to say, "Champion bread-and-butter
you mean. Ha! ha!" at the same time offering the animal some from the
tea-table, to mark his point. This may be previously arranged, if you
prefer it. Throw in a few stories about his wonderful intelligence in
distinguishing the baker's boy from the mistress of the house, to the
detriment of the former, and wind up by narrating how he once found
his way home to Piccadilly from Pekin. All dogs do this in one way or
another, so you will be quite safe. Then everybody else contributes
his own special Spectatorial dog-story, and your tea will pass off
without a dull or an accurate moment.
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