(_For Vacuity, Vanity, Verbosity, Virulence, and Venom._)
IF you've been burning the midnight taper,
And of new policies deem yourself shaper;
If at the world you're a green-gosling gaper,
Or of old "JUNIUS," juvenile aper;
Bumptious Scotch Duke, or irate Irish Draper,
Crammed with conceit, which must publicly caper;
Angry old woman, or frivolous japer;
Thraso or termagant, Tadpole or Taper,
To blow off your steam, or your gas, or your vapour,
There's one fool-loved fashion--'tis _write to the paper!_
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"I AM in a state of suspense," said a Clergyman. "I am sorry to hear
it," replied his friend. "Why are you suspended?"
[Illustration: PROPER PRIDE.
_He._ "WASN'T THAT THE COUNTESS OF MOHAIR THAT JUST WENT BY? I THOUGHT
YOU TOLD ME SHE WAS A FRIEND OF YOURS!"
_She._ "OH, WE MEET OCCASIONALLY, AND ALL THAT,--BUT I'VE REALLY BEEN
OBLIGED TO _DROP_ LADY MOHAIR, I'M SORRY TO SAY!"
_He._ "DEAR ME,--REALLY! WHAT FOR?"
_She._ "OH, WELL,--SHE ALWAYS DELIBERATELY TURNS HER BACK ON ME WHEN I
TRY TO SPEAK TO HER, AND LOOKS ANOTHER WAY WHEN I BOW, OR ELSE COOLLY
STARES ME IN THE FACE AND TAKES NO NOTICE WHATEVER,--SO NOW I MAKE A
POINT OF _CUTTING HER DEAD_!"]
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