_Runaway Matches--Remarriage of Widows and Widowers--The
Children--The Home--Dress--Comparisons._
Runaway Matches.
The old glamour and romance that idealised the runaway match in the
days of post-chaises and wayside hostelries have been destroyed by the
express train and the telegraph wire. In spite of the change that has
come over our social life, the clandestine marriage does still take
place; in fact it has been rather boomed in high circles of late; but
it might rather be called a "walkaway" than a runaway match. It can
all be done in such a quiet, business-like manner that no notice need
be drawn to what is going on. The man who urges a young girl into a
secret marriage lays himself open to some ugly charges, for parental
tyranny is out of date, and that alone provided sufficient excuse for
such a grave step.
The man who is mean enough to bind a girl to himself by marriage
before he has a home to give her, and then sends her back to her
parents as if nothing had happened, is not calculated to make a good
husband, unless his offence has the excuse of extreme youth. Let him
work his hardest and trust the girl to wait for him. If she will not
do that, it is certainly not worth while to commit a dishonourable
action for her sake.
The couple who marry and keep the fact a secret because they are
afraid of losing some one's money if they tell the truth, would have
done better to wait, or to tell each other that love was not good
enough without the wherewithal to gild it. In England no one can be
forced into a marriage, and all are free to choose whom they like {114}
as soon as they are of age; so why stain the start of their wedded life
by deception and falsehood? The seeds of distrust and contempt may
thus be sown in hearts where there should be mutual love and trust,
and then bitter fruits will spring up when once the novelty is over.
Given patience, honesty, and fidelity, there need be no secret
marriages in this empire.
A private marriage celebrated in the presence of only a few chosen
friends is what many may prefer and desire; but considering the
inevitable slur contained in the words: "_Why_ did they do it?" the
woman, at least, would do well to refrain from the sweets of stolen
waters.
Second Marriages.
Dr. Johnson pronounced a second marriage to be "The triumph of Hope
over Experience." Others who are less epigrammatic affirm that to take
a second partner is the highest compliment that can be paid to the
departed first. In some cases the real romance of marriage only awakes
with the second wooing. It by no means follows that it must be a dull,
prosaic, practical transaction.
The Children.
The great question in the remarriage of parents with children under
age is the welfare of those children, and the choice of husband or
wife, especially the latter, should be largely influenced by this
consideration. The step-father is not held in such disfavour as the
step-mother, probably because his relations with the young people are
not so intimate.
The Widow.
A genial student of womankind says: "A little widow is a dangerous
thing! She knows not only her own sex but the other too, and knowledge
is power. She is experienced, accessible, and free, and withal fatally
fascinating. There is a great charm in loving a woman who is versed in
the lore of love, and is practised in all the sleight-of-heart tricks
of it." Her courtship is more untrammelled than that of a {115} single
woman. Her position is all in her favour. If she is very young, she
will probably have a companion, or live with some relative. If she has
small children they can afford a very convenient element of propriety
when a lover comes to woo.
She does not always have a second engagement ring; she may prefer some
other trinket. It is also a matter of taste whether she retain her
first wedding-ring in its place or not. If she decides to banish it
she should do so before going to be married.
Dress.
Grey is no longer the compulsory shade for a widow's wedding frock.
Any light, delicate colour may be worn; but a woman has only one
_white_ wedding and one bridal veil in her life. The widow is not
supposed to make a display over her wedding. An air of somewhat
chastened joy is considered more suitable. Instead of bridesmaids she
has one lady attendant who should be in her place in church before the
bride arrives, and be ready to move to her side when required, to take
the gloves and bouquet (which should not be composed of purely white
flowers, nor is orange blossom permissible). There may be a second
edition of the wedding cake and the presents, but favours and floral
tributes are things of the past.
The Home.
If the widow has a nice home of her own she and her husband may decide
to live in it; but he will need to exercise tact in taking up his
position as master of a household that has hitherto gone on quite well
without him. An entire change of servants would probably be advisable
if not inevitable. The wife would be careful to give him his full
dignity, and not to let it appear that he was to be regarded in the
light of a pensioner on her bounty.
The Widower.
A man whose wife dies leaving him with young children, or even one
baby, is in a most pathetic position, and the best thing he can do is
to find some nice woman to console him and mother the little ones. It
is a pity that the two {116} qualifications cannot always go together.
It is rather risky for a sister or a niece to regard the home offered her
by a widowed brother or uncle as a permanency. Men who are apparently
satisfied with existing arrangements have a way of springing surprises
upon their devoted womenfolk, and when the new wife appears, the
sister or niece who has tided him over the worst part of his life must
find a home elsewhere. Of course the man is quite within his rights,
but I would warn those who may be living in a fool's paradise.
The widower with a house or estate would, naturally, consult the
future mistress of it about any alterations he proposed making before
his marriage. On her visits of inspection she would either be
chaperoned by her mother or some married relation; but, if more
convenient, he would ask a lady friend to come and meet her. If he had
a grown-up daughter she would continue to preside over his household
till after his marriage. It is not fair for a man to take a second
wife without giving any previous intimation to his adult sons and
daughters who may still be making their home with him. The
installation of a girl step-mother over youths of her own age places
them all in rather a difficult position, and has the possible making
of a tragedy in it. The widower who marries a spinster may go through
all the glories of a smart wedding for a second or third time if he
likes, seeing that it is the condition of the bride that decides such
matters.
Comparison with the Predecessor.
Those who play the role of No. 2 must make up their minds to be
compared, in thought if not in word, involuntarily if not
intentionally, with No. 1, and the process need not necessarily be
painful. Unless there has been some distressing or tragic element in
the first marriage, why should the memory of the dead be banished,
except by jealousy or inconstancy? It is not generous of No. 2 to try
and sweep away all traces of the predecessor. The man or woman who
will lightly abandon all the memories of the partner of youth, is not
so calculated to make an ideal companion for middle age as the one who
cherishes a tender regard for the dead side by side with an honest
love for the living.
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