THE FLESH.
PICCADILLY, _June_.
Somebody ought to compile a handbook for _debutants_ and _debutantes_,
setting forth the most approved modes of procuring invitations to balls
and parties during the London season. Not only would it be a very
invaluable guide now, but it would be interesting for posterity to refer
to as illustrating the manners and customs of their ancestors, and
accounting for the hereditary taint of snobbism which is probably
destined to characterise in an eminent degree the population of the
British Isles. "En Angleterre," said a cynical Dutch diplomatist,
"numero deux va chez numero un, pour s'en glorifier aupres de numero
trois." Had he gone to the Bodwinkle ball, he would have remarked a
curious inversion of his aphorism, for there it was _numero un_ who went
down to _numero deux_. But I must leave it to Van den Bosch (that, I
think, was his name) to discover what there was to boast about to number
three. He was evidently a profound philosopher, but I doubt his getting
to the bottom of this great social problem. To do so he would have to
look at it free from all petty prejudice, recognising its sublime as
well as its ridiculous features. Why did Duchesses struggle to be asked
to Bodwinkle's? I almost think a new phase of snobbism is cropping out,
and the rivalry will be to try, not who can rise highest, but who can
sink lowest, in the social scale. The fashionable world is so _blase_ of
itself that it has positively become tired of worshipping wealth, unless
its owners possess the charm of extreme vulgarity. Its taste has become
so vitiated by being unnaturally excited and pandered to, that we shall
have to invent some new object of ambition. Why, for instance, should
not a select clique of Oxford Street shopkeepers give a series of
parties which might become the rage for one season? They have only to
get two or three leaders of _ton_ to patronise them at first, and be
very exclusive and select in their invitations afterwards, to insure
success. A year or two ago the thing to do was Cremorne; why not have an
Oxford Street year? The Bodwinkle tendency will result at last in its
being the great ambition of a man's life to get his daughters asked to
"a little music and a few friends" at his bootmaker's.
In Paris, which is becoming rapidly impregnated with this spirit, that
city being in a very receptive condition for everything bad from all
parts of the world--in Paris, I say, they have made a very good start,
as any of my fair friends who have patronised Mr Worth's afternoon
tea-parties in the Rue de la Paix will readily acknowledge. They will
bear testimony to the good taste of the milliner, and I to the bad taste
of his customers. That vain women in the highest circles of Parisian
fashion can, in an eager rivalry to display as much of their backs as
possible, endeavour to obtain the especial patronage of a
man-dressmaker, by accepting his invitations to tea, should be a warning
to you, O gentle English dames! of what you may come to. Why sacrifice
self-respect and propriety to shoulder-straps? Why insist upon it that
there is only one man in the world who knows how to cut out a dress
behind? Supposing he can bring it an inch lower down than anybody
else--if you give that inch, beware of the ell. Why, oh why, advertise
your clothes in the newspapers? Is it not enough to puff your
dinner-parties in the public journals at so much a "notice," without
paying 15s. apiece to your dressmaker to put your names into the
'Morning Post,' coupled with your wearing apparel, every time you go to
Court? If you persist in the practice, let me recommend you, as a
measure of economy, to put in your own advertisements. The press charge
is 10s. 6d.; the dressmaker pockets the other 4s. 6d. Or else be
generous: why keep the whole advertisement to yourself? let the poor
dressmaker put her name in as having furnished the raiment, and she
will, perhaps, let you off the 4s. 6d.; otherwise, you may do it still
cheaper by bills on hoardings--
IMMENSE ATTRACTION!
The Marchioness of Scilly will appear at Court on the ----
inst. Train glace--poult de soie bouillionee, &c.
I am not sure that to attend the professional social gatherings of a
Parisian "undressmaker" and pay him twenty francs a "look" is not less
objectionable, but this is the British way of worshipping the same idol.
This vein of reflection was suggested to me by Bodwinkle's ball. Talk of
sermons in stones! they are nothing to the sermons contained in drums
and balls.
First, I have already let my readers into the secret history of that
ball. I have told them how Lady Broadhem and Spiffy Goldtip combined
their resources and launched the Bodwinkles in Vanity Fair with a
gorgeous mansion and Lady Mundane's invitation list. To describe all
Spiffy's exertions in the Bodwinkle cause for some days prior to the
ball would be impossible. To tell of the extraordinary suggestions that
Bodwinkle was continually making with reference to the decoration of the
banisters, the arrangements for supper, and the utter ignorance he
displayed throughout of the nature of the enterprise upon which he had
embarked, would occupy more space than I can afford. To give a list of
the guests would be superfluous, as they were very accurately reported
in the columns of the 'Morning Post.' In spite of all Spiffy could do,
Bodwinkle would insist upon inviting a number of his own friends, and
nearly ruined the party irretrievably by allowing one man to bring his
daughters. However, as Mrs B. did not take the slightest notice of them,
and as they knew nobody, they went away early. Nevertheless, as Lady
Veriphast said, "There were all kinds of people that one had never seen
in one's life before." This was the great mistake. People don't yet
humiliate themselves to get invitations to meet people they never saw
before. They may come to that, but at present nothing is worth going to
unless all society wants to go: then anything is. Now Spiffy had so
managed, that by a judicious system of puffing he had excited immense
interest in the Bodwinkle ball--he had been morally bill-sticking it in
all the clubs for weeks past. He had told the most _repandu_ young
dancing men that it would be impossible for him to get them invitations.
If Bodwinkle had been General Tom Thumb, and Spiffy had been Barnum, he
could not have achieved a greater success. He had insisted upon
Bodwinkle having Mrs B. painted by the most fashionable artist and
exhibited in the Academy, where the hanging committee, some of whom were
at the ball afterwards, gave it a good place, and the 'Times' critic
gave it half a column. Until then he had kept her dark. No one had ever
seen Mrs Bodwinkle, except three or four literary men, who discreetly
and mysteriously alluded to her intellect, and a naughty duke, who
indiscreetly and less mysteriously alluded to her charms. People began
to want to make Mrs Bodwinkle's acquaintance some time before the ball,
but she resolutely denied herself. The only men who were let into the
secret were Bower, Scraper, and a few others skilled in the art of
socially advertising. Their principal function consisted in asking every
one of their friends for some time before whether they were going to the
Bodwinkle ball. It oozed out, through Spiffy, that I knew something of
Bodwinkle, and the result was that I was bombarded with requests to
procure invitations. This was the style of note that arrived
incessantly. This is from Mary, Marchioness of Pimlico:--
"DEAR LORD FRANK,--Lady Mundane tells me that you are one of
the privileged few who can get invitations to the Bodwinkles'.
Please exert your interest in my favour. You know this is
Alice's first season.--Yours truly,
"MARY PIMLICO."
Here is another one:--
"DEAR LORD FRANK,--Do _please_ get an invitation for _my very
great friend_, Amy Rumsort, for the Bodwinkles'. She is most
anxious to go, _for very particular_ reasons. I will tell you
them when we meet. Spiffy Goldtip sent mamma mine, but declines
to come to the front about Amy.--Yours most sincerely, HARRIET
WYLDE."
"Wild Harrie" is the name by which this young lady is usually known
among her sporting friends. She is a promising _debutante_, and very
properly calls herself "first favourite" of the season.
"Dear me," thought I, as I opened a series of similar epistles, "if I
were the head of a public department, who only recommended honours to be
given to those who applied for them oftenest, and if all these were
meritorious public servants wanting C.B.'s, or gallant soldiers anxious
for Victoria Crosses, they could not beg more pertinaciously and
unblushingly." And I made a list of the petitioners, leaving out those
who had written to me without knowing me, and went to the club, where I
intrusted them to Spiffy, with a peremptory request that he would
distribute the required invitations upon pain of my financial
displeasure.
Spiffy gave me some curious statistics about invitations and the means
employed to obtain them. Three ladies who never asked him to their
parties, and whom he had therefore left out, though all more or less
leaders of the _beau monde_, actually wrote to Mrs Bodwinkle in various
strains--one was a threatening, the other an appealing letter, and the
third assumed that she had been omitted by mistake. Two young gentlemen
had the impertinence, after trying every other mode in vain, actually to
call on Mrs Bodwinkle, and extract invitations from that bewildered
woman, who was too much frightened to refuse them. Bodwinkle was not
idle in the House, and two Liberals and an extreme Radical, all young,
unable to resist temptation, voted against the Government on the promise
of invitations. As for Spiffy, even he was acquiring fresh social
experience, and tells me he can scarcely resist entering upon a
pecuniary _exploitation_ of his position in society. "There is," said
that enterprising and original individual, "so much to be done by a man
of genius. Just look what is open to me in this line,----
"'Families in the country anxious that their sons should be well
_lances_ in the society of the metropolis, are requested to apply to the
Honourable Spiffington Goldtip. Invitations to the most fashionable
parties obtained at a reasonable amount. Charges moderate for
introductions to Clubs. No charge whatever for introductions to
noblemen.'
"Or in this line,--
"'To Debutantes and Others in want of Chaperonage.--Young ladies whose
mothers are invalids, or are from some cause considered objectionable by
society, or who have only step-mothers, or who are orphans with unkind
or Evangelical relations, or who are unexpectedly at the last moment
deprived of their natural protectors, on applying to the undersigned
will be provided with suitable chaperons. The undersigned begs to notify
that his stock of chaperons will bear the strictest examination as to
character, and have all at one time or other moved in the highest
circles of society. No debutante or young lady whose birth and
antecedents do not entitle her to the same privilege need apply.
SPIFFINGTON GOLDTIP.'
"Then the _pendant_ to this would be,--
"'To Married Women or Widows without Daughters.--Married women, or
widows without daughters, who have either dropped out of society or are
in danger of dropping out, in consequence of there being no special
reason why they should be kept in, and who are capable of undertaking
the duties of chaperon, are requested to apply to the Honourable
Spiffington Goldtip. The Hon. S. G. has a large stock of debutantes, and
other young ladies in want of chaperons, always on hand. The strictest
references given and required.'
"You may laugh," Spiffy went on, "but I assure you the sort of successes
I have in my own line are quite astonishing. Look what a hit I've made
with Wild Harrie--her mother, Lady Wylde, you remember, was her
husband's brother's governess. Well, I said plainly to her, 'You will
ruin that girl's chances if you attempt to force her on society in your
own way. You can't afford to entertain upon the right scale, and you
won't be asked anywhere unless you do, for there is a set going to be
made against Harriet. If you will leave her to me, I know her strong
points, and will see her through the whole business as if she was my own
sister.'" I must here remark _en passant_ that Spiffy is apparently
capable of doing the most unselfish things, and of taking an infinity of
trouble upon himself out of pure good-nature.
"What was your _modus operandi_?" I asked.
"Oh, it was all plain sailing enough. The first thing to provide was a
popular chaperon, and the second a special reputation. Now Harrie is a
wonderful rider, and knows a horse thoroughly. Then she looks like a
high-bred Arab herself, though her mother was a governess, and I felt
sure Dick Helter would fall a victim. So I introduced her to the
Helters. As Lady Jane goes in for safeness, she does not like married
women, and always smiles most kindly upon any girl that pleases her
husband; so I knew if I could get Harrie by her side on the top of
Helter's drag, the next step was a certainty, and that I had secured my
chaperon. The result has fully justified my expectations. Harrie has
secured the box-seat _en permanence_, went down to the Derby on Helter's
drag, and won a pot on the French horse under his judicious advice.
Little Haultort, and all the other men who lost to her, adore her of
course, and all the girls in London hate her; but whenever the mammas
object to asking her on account of 'that horrid Lady Wylde,' I floor all
opposition by saying, 'Oh, Lady Jane Helter will bring her.' I wonder,"
said Spiffy, with a sigh, "when she has made her little game, whether
she will remember to whom she owed it?"
"Now, do you find much ingratitude of this kind?" I asked, inquiringly.
"No," said Spiffy. "I must say on the whole my experience of the world
in this respect is, that it is not so black as it is painted. It is true
that I attribute its gratitude chiefly to laziness. For instance, in my
own case, so long as I hold the position I do in society, people who
insisted upon being ungrateful to me would find it hard work. By the
way, I observe you don't go out as much as you used--how's that?" This
was no business of Spiff's, so I said sublimely, "Because the
aristocracy bore me, and the middle classes grate upon my nerves.--But
about this little girl: she is rather an ally of mine, so you must see
that her friend, Miss Rumsort, has the card."
"It is too bad!" broke out Spiffy. "The way that girl and her married
sister are trying to take the world by storm is intolerable. It does not
matter whether they know the people they apply to or not, it is always
the same story. She pretends she is tremendously in love with Larkington
because he goes everywhere, and her sister looks sentimental, and tries
to work upon your feelings about 'poor Amy,' whose only object in life
is to meet him; but it is all a dodge to get asked. She cares no more
for Larkington than for me. Now, I'll be bound Wild Harrie put something
about _very particular reasons_ in her note to you."
"Well," said I, astonished at Spiffy's penetration, and at the new views
of life he was placing before me, "I must admit that that phrase did
occur."
"Of course it did; why, it is one of the regular forms of 'extorting
invitations under false pretences.' I want the police to interfere, but
it seems, although they are doubtless begging-letters, containing
fraudulent misrepresentations, there is some difficulty about bringing
them within the terms of the Act."
"Never mind--live and let live--send her the invitation. It seems to me,
my dear Spiffy, that you and the Bodwinkles and Miss Rumsort are all in
the same line of life, so you should not be too hard upon her. As a
matter of policy, social adventurers should do what they can for each
other."
Spiffy's face flushed, for if he had lost the conscience, he still
retained the consciousness, of a gentleman, and he felt the reproach.
Just at this moment, Mr Wog, who had been elected an honorary member of
the "Piccadilly," and was standing, unconsciously to us, listening to
our conversation, struck in, and averted the retort which was rising to
Spiffy's lips.
"I guess," he said, turning to Spiffy, for whose talents he evidently
entertained a high admiration, "that I could give you a few hints, from
my own experiences in New York, that might help you in your line of
business. My own, sir, in that city, was quite similar to yours in this.
You operate at night in Mayfair, and by day 'On 'Change.' Well, sir, I
had two spheres of operation, one was on Wall Street, and the other on
Fifth Avenue. In fact, I may say that Wall Street is the broad and
flowery road that leads to Fifth Avenue. The trouble with operators in
this country is, they don't understand how to do things on a large
scale. Now the first thing I did when I went to do business in New York,
was to keep a judge."
"To keep a judge?" said Spiffy with amazement.
"Why, yes. How can you operate freely if you are afraid of the law?
Besides his regular monthly allowance, my judge gets a percentage on
every one of my financial enterprises which are fraudulent according to
the letter of the statute. Then it costs me a good deal to manage to get
all my lawsuits tried in his court. Besides, I have to keep a number of
members of both the Houses of the Legislature at Albany regularly
retained, and to put a big pile on one side for lobby operations at
Washington, to say nothing about keeping the pockets of police and
custom-house officers and other small fry well lined. The press alone
swallows up the fifth of all I make. How do you suppose I could ever
have accomplished my celebrated combination by which I got four large
railroads under my control, and sold a secret issue of twenty millions
of stock for fifteen millions, without ever paying one dime of it to any
of the companies, if I had not stopped the mouths of the lawyers,
politicians, and newspapers with greenbacks? Why, sir, I have ruined
more whole families in one day by one of my financial operations, than
any other man in the United States has in a month; and by the
extraordinary novelty, grandeur, variety, and success of my
undertakings, I have won the admiration, envy, and respect of the
majority of my countrymen."
Spiffy seemed deeply impressed by the superior force and originality of
conception displayed by Mr Wog--no indication of these qualities
appearing on his calm exterior. "Of what nature are your operations in
Fifth Avenue?" he asked.
"Oh, purely social," Mr Wog replied. "You see the aristocracy of New
York require to be approached in a very special way. You can enter into
the ranks of the upper ten, either by becoming a pillar of a fashionable
church, or by driving the fastest trotters and handsomest four-in-hand
teams in Central Park, or by the help of Mr Pink."
"By the help of Mr Pink?" said I, interrogatively.
"Yes. He corresponds to our friend Spiffy here. He is the sexton of St
Grace's, the most fashionable church in New York; and when you have made
your pile, and want to start in fashionable life, and don't know who to
invite, he makes out your list, and puts the invitations to your first
ball in the prayer-books of the congregation. It imparts a sort of odour
of sanctity to our entertainments, which is exceedingly gratifying to
our most refined circles."
"I suppose," said I, "now that your social and financial position are
secured, you will run for Congress."
"Sir," said Mr Wog, sternly, "when I explained to you the nature of my
commercial success, it was to convey to you the idea of my smartness,
not of my meanness. I am not aware of having said anything to lead you
to suppose that I could so far degrade myself as to become a
politician."
"What a comfort it will be," I remarked, "when the rotten old despotisms
of Europe, and the political ambitions that belong to them, shall have
crumbled to the dust, and when we have instead the free and glorious
institutions of the West, which seem to offer nothing to tempt a man
from the ennobling pursuit of hard cash!" But Mr Wog failed to
appreciate the force of my remark, as he was intently endeavouring to
catch the purport of a very private conversation carried on by a group a
few yards off, towards which he gradually edged, in the hope that he
might be able either to acquire or impart some interesting information.
Spiffy looked more humbled and crestfallen than I had ever seen him; but
remembering that he had still a score unsettled, in consequence of the
remark which Mr Wog's arrival had interrupted, he said, maliciously,--
"By the way, what is the real state of the case about you and Lady
Ursula? I don't apologise for asking, as I am sure you must want the
right version to be known both for your sake and hers."
"The right version is simply that I neither am at this moment nor ever
have been engaged to Lady Ursula."
"Then why did you tell Helter you were, and why are you pulling the
family through their difficulties?"
"Because Helter was provoking me almost as much as you are, though I
admit that is no reason why I should not have told the truth. As for the
motives which actuate me in meddling in those pecuniary transactions in
which you and Lady Broadhem are implicated, I am afraid you would not
understand them if I were to attempt to explain them. It is a
complicated business altogether. We shall get through it most
satisfactorily by each minding our own share of it," I said
significantly, and I walked off to a table where Broadhem was writing
letters. I had not seen him since my interview with his sister. He
looked gloomy and discontented, and gave me a cold glance of
recognition. "How are you, Broadhem? I suppose Lady Ursula told you the
result of our conversation," I said in a low tone, and took a chair by
his side.
He nodded sulkily, and showed a disposition to cut me. My last few words
with Spiffy had not left me in a mood to be cut unresistingly, so I said
sharply, "Well, I hope both you and Lady Broadhem will contradict the
perfectly unfounded report you were the means of spreading. I need not
say that I shall do my share, and I trust that you will profit by the
lesson you have received not to interfere in matters of this sort
again."
"I tell you what it is, Frank," said Broadhem, who felt that somehow I
was more to blame than he was, but who was taken aback by my turning the
tables upon him so suddenly; "if it was not that duelling is exploded,
and that it would be against my principles at any rate, I would shoot
you."
"By way of helping to clear your property of its encumbrances," I added.
"Your mother has put everything into my hands, and I can do pretty much
what I please with the whole family."
"Can you?" said Broadhem, with a grim smile. "The only thing that
consoles me in the whole affair is, that you will find that you have got
a little score to settle with my mother. If you knew her as well as I
do, you would not anticipate the interview with pleasure. As for Ursula,
I suppose she knows her own business best, but I don't envy her the life
she is likely to lead either."
"The alarming interview you threaten me with gives me no uneasiness," I
said, "but perhaps it may be as well that you should let Lady Broadhem
know that the fact of my not being engaged to her daughter will not
interfere with the arrangements I am making to put the money matters of
the family right."
"Why! you can't mean that!" said Broadhem, thunderstruck at this
unexpected announcement; and he looked at me with a glance of
affectionate interest. "You must be mad."
"Did your sister tell you so?" I asked.
"Once she did make a mysterious speech, and I really think she meant to
imply something of the sort. However, of course, I am only joking. I
need not say I hope, under the circumstances, it will be long before you
recover your sanity."
"Are you going to the Bodwinkles' to-morrow?" said I, doing a little of
Bower and Scraper's work.
"Good gracious, no! I am bored to death with having to answer the
question. The trouble my mother has taken to get those people
invitations is something amazing. She even wanted me to go, though she
does not approve of balls, and never let me learn to dance."
"Let me introduce you to Miss Geary. You are not too old to begin."
"No," said Broadhem; "I have started on the other tack, and people would
say it was inconsistent; besides, none of the young thinking men of the
day dance, even though they may not be religious. I don't suppose that
there is a single man in the Century dances."
This observation struck me as so preposterous that I could only account
for it by supposing that, for the first time in his life, Broadhem had
condescended to "chaff."
"Not 'a man' in the ideal sense, I daresay; but the boys are not more
backward in this century than in any former one."
"Boys!" said Broadhem, indignantly; "there are no boys in the 'Century;'
the 'Century' is a club that meets twice a-week. I don't go on Sunday
nights myself; but some Thursday night I will take you," and Broadhem
plunged back into the correspondence in which I had interrupted him,
while I strolled home down Piccadilly moralising on--the Century.
I don't frequent balls now, but I went to Bodwinkle's for a variety of
reasons. One was, that I knew I should see everybody, and have an
opportunity of informing the public correctly about my own affairs.
Another, that I should be able to talk over some business matters with
Bodwinkle, at a moment when he might possibly be more pliant than I
usually found him in the City.
Every soul was at Bodwinkle's--coroneted carriages filled the square; a
crowd of draggled men and women formed a line six or eight deep on each
side of the awning, and between them fine ladies hurried across the
pavement, encouraged and complimented by familiar linkmen, and very
particular that the 'Morning Post' reporter, seated at a table in the
hall, should take down their names accurately. The stairs were so
crowded that Bodwinkle, who looked like one of his own footmen, and
stood at the top of them, facing his wife, was red and apoplectic from
pressure. His "lady," as I heard one of his City friends call her, had
achieved the greatest object of her ambition in this life, which
consisted in grinning vacantly, and curtsying perpetually to people she
had never seen in her life before, and every one of whom despised her
for entertaining them.
"Curious idea of the climax of earthly enjoyment," I remarked to Lady
Veriphast, who was so tightly wedged between the banisters and a rather
highly-scented ambassador from Central Asia, that she spoke with
difficulty; "I suppose it must be a pleasure to be at the top of one's
own ladder, like our hostess there, when so many are trying to climb
it."
"Do _not_ philosophise in that ridiculous way; don't you see I am
suffering agonies?" said Lady Veriphast, in a tone of suppressed
anguish. "Pinch this horrid barbarian in front of me or I shall faint."
"Madam," I overheard a well-known voice say in a nasal tone close to me,
"allow me to remark, that for a hand, arm, and wrist, I have not seen
anything since I have been in England like that owned by your daughter
Mary;" and Mr Wog complacently edged himself from the side of Lady
Mundane to that of the daughter he had eulogised, and who audibly asked
Scraper to get between her and that horrid man.
"Just what one deserves for coming to such a place," said Lady Mundane
furiously, who, by the way, had repeatedly asked Wog to her own parties.
"I have often remarked, sir," said Mr Wog, who I think overheard this
observation, turning to me, "that the ladies in your country allow quite
a singular effect to be produced in their hair. If you will cast your
eye down the stair you will observe a young person on the landing, the
parting of whose hair, for the space of one inch on either side, is
black, while the two large bunches on her temples are red. That, sir, is
a phenomenon I have not remarked in my own country."
"Don't you know how it happens?" said that spiteful old Lady Catchpole,
whose eyes twinkled with malice as she explained to Mr Wog that, when
the hair had been thoroughly dyed it could only recover its natural
colour by this slow process, but that usually the effect was concealed
by a _postiche_; and she looked hard at Lady Veriphast, whose hair was
suspiciously _crepe_, and who wished it to be supposed that she blushed
because she was still under the pressure of the Asiatic ambassador.
"What is the exact meaning of the term _postiche_?" asked Mr Wog, who
observed Lady Veriphast's confusion, and whose thirst for information
seemed to increase with his powers of making himself disagreeable; "I
guess it must mean some kind of wig."
"No," said Lady Catchpole; "anything false which is well made up we call
a _postiche_; it need not be exactly a wig."
"Nor yet a Tory," interrupted Wog, with more readiness than I gave him
credit for. "I calculate you should call a Liberal Conservative a
_postiche_. It seems to me the most popular political platform in this
country at your next elections is going to be _postiche_."
"Look, my dear," said Lady Pimlico to Lady
Mundane, "there are the two Frenchwomen," and she directed universal
attention to the last importations from the Continent, Madame la
Princesse de Biaisee a la Queue, and La Baronne de Colte, whose fame had
preceded them from Paris, and who created such a sensation that the
general hum on the stairs increased, and the whole society collected
there audibly criticised the new-comers. "Why, positively the tall one
has got her hair done _en papillon_--I thought it had gone out--I
suppose her face won't bear being _coiffe a la grecque_; and the other
is outrageously painted." This remark was made so loud that both ladies
looked up, but failed to check the running fire of comments which their
dress and appearance suggested.
"They say the Princess makes up for her want of looks by her legs,"
drawled out Larkington to Lady Veriphast; "but I am afraid we shall not
have an opportunity of seeing them to-night, it is so crowded."
"They are not worth looking at; I saw them at a fancy ball in Paris,"
said Lady Veriphast, "and I assure you you would be disappointed. By the
way, have you the least notion who the Bodwinkles are?"
"Not I," replied Larkington. "I did not come here to make their
acquaintance, nor I hope did you."
I think Mrs Bodwinkle heard the speech--for it is customary in good
society to make remarks about one's neighbours in rather a loud tone--as
she coloured a little when she was pointed out to Larkington by the fat
butler as the person to whom he was expected to bow. Poor woman! she
probably thought he would be embarrassed when he found out his
proximity; but Larkington is above any such weakness, and sauntered on
after Lady Veriphast, with whom he has _affiched_ himself for the last
few weeks, to the great comfort of Veriphast, who has long been desirous
of making his wife share the scandal which has attached to his name for
some time past.
"And it is for this, my dear Mrs Bodwinkle," I thought, "that you have
given up your villa at Clapham, and the friends that respectfully
worshipped at the Bodwinkle shrine, who gazed upon you with reverend
upturned eyes, instead of irreverent upturned noses, like the present
company! Do you think, when you have blazed for a moment and gone out
like a blue-light, that you will know how to find your way in the dark
back to Clapham, or that you will be able to collect your old
congregation? Will not new Bodwinkles have arisen above the suburban
horizon, or will the departed glories of your rapid but bright passage
across the firmament of fashion always secure you an audience who will
gladly listen to your wonderful experiences in the great world, to whom
you will recount the devotion manifested towards you by certain
noblemen, and the slights you received at the hands of certain
noblewomen, and who will stare when you describe the Broadhem-Spiffy
combination which sent you up like a rocket, and the sudden collapse of
that combination which will assuredly bring you down like a stick? Never
mind, Mrs B.; whatever happens, nothing short of a fire can deprive you
of the basket of fashionable cards which will be left upon you during
the season, and which, carefully treasured with your dinner _menus_,
will be a lasting evidence of the reality of that social triumph which
might otherwise seem like the 'baseless fabric of a dream.'"
And this consideration reminds me that I possess middle-class readers,
who may positively doubt the truth of the picture which I am
endeavouring to give them of the society in which Mrs Bodwinkle now
found herself. They will not have the advantage of hearing from the lips
of that good lady these wonderful traits of the manners and customs of
this, to them, mysterious class. And therefore they will fail to see any
particular merit in what they may suppose to be merely a flippant
delineation of a purely ideal state of society. My dear readers, I
should be no more competent to invent a state of society so eccentric in
its habits and constitution as this of London cream, than I should be to
write an account of lion-hunting like the late lamented Jules Gerard.
That was a real strain upon the imaginative and constructive faculties;
I aspire to no such talent, but simply contemplate hyperbolically a
certain phase of contemporary civilisation. If, by way of a little
pastime, I put Mayfair into a fancy dress, it only appears in its true
colours and becomes fancy-fair, with a great deal of show and very
little substance; so I dress it up as it pleases me, but I invent
nothing. I confine myself strictly to the stage properties. You in the
pit or gallery may be too far off to see, but I assure you I have
avoided anything beyond the exaggeration permissible in a caricature. As
I know your imitative faculties, dear middle classes, I can
conscientiously assure you that you may take 'Piccadilly' as a guide
upon which to frame your own society. Take the most successful
costermonger of the neighbourhood and erect him into a Bodwinkle, and
fall down upon your knees before the most opulent pawnbroker of your
parish; and you will feel that you are only performing, on a humble
scale, the same act of worship as those above you.
Lady Jane Helter, followed by Wild Harrie, came up while I was thus
musing. "So, Lord Frank," she said, "you are not to be congratulated
after all? I suppose you heard of our dinner at the Whitechapels'? We
all thought your conduct very incomprehensible. I assure you Lady
Broadhem seemed as much in the dark as the rest of us."
"And you want to be enlightened?" said I. "Well, it has been a social
_canard_ throughout, which I did not at first think worth contradicting.
There must be a certain number every season."
"I am sure we want them more than ever now," said Wild Harrie. "Was
there ever such an utterly flat season? I only went to two balls last
week, and, as they say at 'the corner,' 'there was positively nothing
doing.'"
"It is not the same in every corner," said I; "look opposite," and I
pointed out Larkington and Lady Veriphast snugly ensconced in a recess.
"Poor Amy! I am afraid that won't suit her book," said Wild Harrie. "She
is really devoted to Lord Larkington. I told her to hedge, but she says
she has too much heart. By the way, I want to have a little private
conversation with you. Take me to have a cup of tea, or a quadrille, or
something"--this in rather a low tone, not for Lady Jane's benefit; and
we sidled off through the throng, leaving Lady Jane at the doorway,
which, in the absence of her ladyship, does duty as chaperon.
"Do you know, Lord Frank," said my companion, "that it really was very
kind of you to get me the invitation you did, and that I can appreciate
kindness; can you guess how?"
"By asking me to do something else for you," I said.
"Exactly," she said, laughing; "but this time it will not perhaps be
quite so easy. I want you to get me a card for Lady Broadhem's on
Thursday week."
"For Lady Broadhem's!" said I, astounded. "How on earth did you come to
hear of it? Why, it is a meeting, not a party. A few Christian friends
are going to hear the Bishop of the Caribbee Islands describe the state
of mission-work in his diocese. You would be bored to death."
"Indeed I should not," said Wild Harrie. "I have a brother in India; and
I have heard so much about the heathen. Besides, I want to make Lady
Ursula's acquaintance."
"I really don't think," said I, a good deal puzzled, "that you will find
it a very congenial atmosphere, but I am sure nobody can know Lady
Ursula without deriving benefit, so I should feel too glad to be the
means of making you acquainted; but Lady Jane will never take you."
"Oh, mamma will; you know her brother was a clergyman. Promise. Don't
forget--one for me and one for mamma. Now I must leave you; I quite
forgot I was engaged to little Haultort for this dance, and there he is
hunting for me everywhere," and she dragged me to the spot where that
young gentleman was stroking a fluffy mustache, with an imbecile air.
"Do you call that hunting?" said I; "He must be in chase of ideas."
"Of course he is. Now watch him catch big _idee fixe_," and she placed
herself before him. Poor youth! how he coloured and stammered, as a ray
of intelligence illumined his countenance! "So that is the way you keep
your engagements, Lord Haultort, is it? Well, you have forfeited your
dance"--the ray went out--"but you may take me back to Lady Jane." The
ray came back again; he was sufficiently experienced to know what that
meant, and Lord Haultort disappeared into the next room with his _idee
fixe_ on his arm, and I looked the other way half an hour after, when I
passed the corresponding recess in which Larkington and Lady Veriphast
were still sitting, and saw who were there.
"I wonder what that little girl wants to know the Broadhems for?" I
ruminated, and for some time I was positively fool enough to continue to
wonder.
"I tell you what it is, Goldtip," I overheard Bodwinkle say, "that idea
of yours about giving presents is all humbug; we've got the people here,
what do you want to give them presents for?"
"In the first place," retorted Spiffy, "they will never come again
unless you keep faith with them now, for I have been giving it out
specially that no expense was to be spared; and in the second place, as
you have got all the presents made up in ribbons, &c., what else are you
to do with them? The girls will be terribly disappointed."
Bodwinkle shook his head sulkily, and Spiffy, seeing me, adroitly turned
the conversation. "I was talking over the prospects of the approaching
election, Frank, with Bodwinkle, and telling him how much you could
assist us with your influence in Shuffleborough; it seems to me that he
is likely to be turned out unless your brother-in-law, Sir John Stepton,
will come to the rescue. It would be well worth your while, Bodwinkle,
to let Lady Broadhem's matter stand over until you have made sure of
your seat," said Spiffy, looking significantly at me.
"Oh, certainly," said Bodwinkle, "if you will secure your
brother-in-law's adhesion to our plans. You will find me very amenable
in that unfortunate affair of Lady Broadhem's. I know what an interest
you take in it, and I am sure, for your sake, if not for hers--ahem,"
and Bodwinkle, quite unconscious that he was behaving like a scoundrel,
smiled upon me blandly.
"It seems to me," said I, "that, considering what you owe to Lady
Broadhem," and I looked round the crowded room, "you ought not to be too
hard upon her."
"Ah, well, I must admit that her ladyship and our friend Goldtip here
are doing their best to balance the account; but I have made it a
principle through life never to be satisfied with anything short of my
full money's worth; and I don't even feel now, if you make my election a
certainty, that we shall be more than square."
"What are your other principles besides that of getting your full
money's worth?" said I, with a sneer, that was lost upon Bodwinkle.
"High Tory," he replied, promptly. "None of your Liberal Conservatives
for me this time--that did well enough last election."
"But Stepton is an absolute Radical," said I.
"Exactly: that is why he is so important. You see the fact is--here,
Goldtip, explain our little game; it is all his idea, and he can put it
better than me."
I knew from the bold defiant way in which Spiffy raised his eyes to mine
that his original and unscrupulous genius had conceived a _coup d'etat_
of some kind, so I listened curiously.
"I am going to stand for Shuffleborough, and it is I who want Sir John
Stepton's vote and influence," he announced, calmly.
"You!" said I, amazed; "what are you going to stand as? and who is going
to pay your expenses?"
"I am going to stand as an extreme Liberal, and Bodwinkle as a regular
old Tory. He is going to pay my expenses. We are going to strike out an
entirely new line, and have convictions. He can't come the Liberal
Conservative this time, as one of the Liberals who is very popular has
gone in rather extensively for the Moderate Conservatives. So there is
nothing for it but to come forward as an out-and-out Tory, and put me up
as a Radical; by these means we hope to floor both the fellows that are
trying the trimming game. Of course I am not intended to come in--I only
split the party."
"But if you stand, one of the others will retire. Look at what has just
happened at Westminster."
"Then Bodwinkle starts his wife's cousin Tom--why, he is rich enough to
keep all three Liberals in the field to fight him if necessary; and you
are pluck to the backbone, aint you, old fellow?" and Spiffy slapped
Bodwinkle on the back.
"Perhaps you would like to see our addresses," he went on,--"here they
are; I wrote them both. I shall issue mine first, and Bodwinkle's a day
or two after."
"May I take them home to read?" I asked.
"Oh, certainly, and frame your own on their model if you like," said
Spiffy, laughing; "they'll be the neatest thing out in addresses, I
assure you."
"Mr Goldtip, I wish you would exert yourself, instead of talking
politics with Mr B.," said Mrs Bodwinkle, coming up; "there are all
sorts of things to arrange, and I am sure I don't know who is to take
who down to supper;" and Spiffy was carried away upon special service.
"Good-night, Bodwinkle," said I; "your ball is a great success, but I am
an early man, and hot rooms don't suit me. I understand the political
situation thoroughly now, and without pledging myself to anything, will
see what is to be done."
"Of course, all in the most perfect confidence; it would never do for
Stepton to suspect what we were at."
"Oh, it would be absolute ruin. There is just one question I should like
to ask, Can you give me your solemn word that in all this you have no
other motive but the single one of being of use to your country?"
"Eh!" said Bodwinkle, with his eyes rather wide open.
"I repeat," said I, slowly, "Is your only object in getting into
Parliament that you may be of use to the country? or is it that the
country may be of use to you?"
"I must ask you one in return," said Bodwinkle: "Will it depend upon my
answer whether or not you exert yourself in my favour?"
"Entirely," said I.
"Then, my dear Lord Frank," said Bodwinkle, affectionately grasping my
hand, "believe me, that so far as I am concerned, and I can say the same
for Goldtip, our only single desire is to do that which England expects
of every man at such a crisis,--our duty, entirely irrespective of all
personal considerations."
I wrung Bodwinkle's hand warmly (I could have crushed every bone in it),
and threw an expression of tender interest into my glance as I said, "I
wonder, Bodwinkle, how many candidates are actuated by these lofty views
in the coming election; but you must not let yourself be too much
carried away by your Quixotic convictions. Remember, my friend, what you
owe to your party."
"I never forget it," said Bodwinkle, readily. "I have four things to
consider--my country, my party, my family, and my conscience. I begin by
asking my conscience what are the interests of my country. My conscience
replies promptly that my party should be in power. I then ask my
conscience what are the interests of my family, and my conscience
invariably says the same thing. I then ask my conscience whether it has
any political views of its own, and my conscience responds that it is a
mercantile conscience, which has always been absorbed in commerce, and
that takes no interest in abstract politics; so that practically, you
see, I have no difficulty, so far as my conscience is concerned."
"Wog is right," I mused as I walked home--"_postiche_ is everywhere. We
certainly do 'make up' well. I suppose this country never looked more
fair and flourishing in the eyes of the world in general than it does at
this moment. We have made a great _succes_ by means of _postiche_--there
is no denying it. But we shall fall to pieces all of a sudden like old
Lady Pimlico; and the wrinkles will appear before long in the national
cheeks in spite of the rouge. Ah, the taunts we shall have to endure
when the _postiche_ is discovered, from the rivals that have always been
jealous and are still under the prestige of our former charms! Then the
kings of the earth with whom we have lived delicately will turn against
us, for they will remember our greed and our pride and our egotism, in
the days when we sold our virtue for gold, and our honour for a mess of
pottage. Is there no one who will cry aloud in the streets while there
is yet time?--will there not be one man in these coming elections who
will have the courage to tell the people that their senses are so
drugged by prosperity that they are blind to the impending doom, and
that the only way to avert it will be by a policy diametrically opposed
to that which has fascinated the nation for the last few years, because
it has conducted them so pleasantly along those smooth and flowery paths
that lead to destruction? Be sure, oh my countrymen, that for you
collectively, as well as individually, there is a broad and a narrow
way, and that as surely as a nation ignores its duties towards God and
its obligations towards its neighbours, so surely will a swift judgment
overtake it!" I was interrupted by a policeman at this point, who kindly
called my attention to the fact that in my prophetic fervour I had
myself been crying aloud in the streets, and accompanying my
denunciations with appropriate action. "I will throw off a few of these
ideas for the benefit of my constituents, while the sacred fire is still
upon me," thought I, as I stood at my bay-window, and watched the grey
dawn of the June morning breaking over Green Park. Sleep at such a
moment is impossible, and I pulled the addresses of Spiffy and Bodwinkle
from my pocket.
"Gentlemen," says Spiffy to the independent electors of Shuffleborough,
"in soliciting the favour of your suffrages at the approaching general
election, I am aware that I labour under the disadvantage of coming
before you as an untried man, but I ask you all the more confidently on
this account to substitute me for one who has been tried and found
wanting. Still more painfully conscious am I of the fact that I am open
to the charge of causing a fatal split in that Liberal party to which I
have the honour to belong. Gentlemen, I regret to say that in some
instances the members of that party have not been true to the principles
which they profess, and have issued addresses almost identical in the
terms they employ and in the measures they advocate with those of the
Liberal Conservative party. It is no satisfaction to me to be told that
there are as many false Conservatives as there are false Liberals. As a
friend of the people I am opposed to all compromises, and will
unflinchingly expose treachery in the camp. You will find that my
political views are clear and decided.
"Though a member of the Church of England, I am in favour of the total
abolition of Church-rates, as I believe that you will spiritualise the
Church precisely in proportion as you starve it.
"I am in favour of an extension of the franchise to such an extent as
will comprise all the working-classes, and thus pave the way to that
universal suffrage in which I myself shall be included, and for the
first time enjoy the privilege of voting.
"Should I fail to be returned as your member upon this occasion, I shall
be in favour of a redistribution of seats.
"I believe that an era of universal peace is dawning upon the world, and
I am therefore an advocate of the total suppression of our armaments
both by sea and land.
"T think that the Christian spirit displayed in our foreign policy which
has induced us to court national insult for the purpose of setting an
example of forbearance, and which has enabled us humbly but surely to
extend our commercial relations, has procured for us the highest moral
position which has ever yet been accorded to a people. To increase the
wealth of the nation and to foster its Christian spirit, will be
recognised by me as a primary duty, if I am honoured with the high trust
of being your representative in the Commons House of Parliament."
Now comes Bodwinkle's address, written by the versatile author of the
last:--
"GENTLEMEN,--The appearance of a third candidate in the Liberal interest
within the last few days induces me to break the silence which I have up
to this time preserved. I have observed with pain that in many instances
the addresses issued by gentlemen calling themselves Liberal
Conservatives or Conservative Reformers, are of the most subversive
tendency, and entirely opposed to the spirit of that old and enlightened
party to which I have the honour to belong. I repudiate, therefore,
entirely that temporising language which a large number of candidates
calling themselves Conservatives hold, and which it has suited one of my
opponents, who calls himself a Liberal, to adopt. I believe I shall best
recommend myself to this constituency by an honest and unswerving
advocacy of those views which the Tory party of this country have
invariably maintained. More fondly attached, if possible, to the Church
of England than I was upon the occasion when I last addressed you, I am
more than ever convinced that money is the only thing that keeps it
going. I am therefore entirely opposed to the abolition of those rates
which form the foundation of that pillar upon which the State has been
accustomed securely to repose.
"I am opposed to the enfranchisement of the working man, as, in the
probable event of a combination between the labouring classes and the
aristocracy, that middle class to which I have the honour to belong
would cease to direct the destinies of the country. Any lateral measure
of reform, unattended, however, by a vertical movement, which should
exclude this possibility, will have my entire concurrence.
"I am in favour of a measure which shall largely increase the armaments
of the country, and at the same time reduce the cost of their
maintenance.
"I have profound confidence in the policy of the great Conservative
party in their relations with foreign nations. The fact that they have
hitherto declined to define what that policy is, renders it impossible
for me to enter more fully into this subject at present.
"In a word, should you do me the honour to return me as your member, you
will find me Liberal only in my views as to the modes in which money may
be acquired, and Conservative always when there is a question of
expenditure."
It is a grand idea but a great experiment this of having convictions,
which Spiffy has just started, thought I. I have been cursed with them
all my life, but never could turn them to account. Now in this case, for
instance, he is using convictions--_postiche_ convictions certainly--to
get Bodwinkle into Parliament; the result of my convictions is, that if
I express them they will turn me out. A prophet is without honour in his
own country, more especially when the whole constituency has become
sceptical and apathetic. I shall issue an address to the free and
independent electors of Dunderhead. And under the inspiration of the
moment I wrote as follows:--
"PICCADILLY, _June 20, 1865_.
"GENTLEMEN,--In announcing my intention not to solicit your suffrages at
the approaching general election, I feel that it is due to you that I
should state the reason why I do not again seek the high honour which
you have upon two previous occasions conferred upon me, of representing
you in Parliament. The prosperity of the country is now so great that I
feel it has no further need of my services. In default of any great
question of national importance, the rival political parties are reduced
to the lamentable predicament of having nothing to fight for except
office. As I have never taken the slightest interest in the fortunes of
either party, except as embodying or representing the triumph of certain
principles, the disappearance of those principles, and the difficulty of
distinguishing by their expressed opinions between one party and the
other, renders it quite impossible for me to follow the example of the
candidates on both sides, and to stand upon--nothing! Gentlemen, I have
no doubt that before very long something will turn up for me to stand
upon. I will wait till then. Meantime, I feel that to profess any
decided convictions upon matters either of home or foreign politics at
this juncture would be considered in bad taste, if not impertinent, and
I shall therefore reserve whatever I have to say for a future occasion,
when the exigencies of the country may render it absolutely necessary
that some individual in it should have an opinion."
There, I don't think I need say anything more. I meant to have written
these Dunderheadians something that would have made them remember me
after I was gone; but I am getting sleepy, and they would not have
understood it. I will give L1000 to be applied to the wants of the
municipality instead. "In conclusion," I went on, "I beg to offer a
tribute to the only article of political faith in which you still
believe, and to place L1000 at the disposal of the mayor and
corporation, which, in addition to the money spent in the contest that
my retirement will render inevitable, will, I trust, not only be of
substantial service to the borough, but secure my re-election upon any
future occasion.
"FRANK VANECOURT."
Good-night, Dunderheadians. If in spite of this you send me a
requisition to stand again, I will decline on a ground simple enough
even for your comprehension--It is too hot!
It was no business of mine, after the explanation which I had had with
Lady Ursula upon the subject of our rumoured engagement, to revert to
the topic with any of her family. If Lady Broadhem was dissatisfied with
the position of affairs, I supposed that I should hear of it quite soon
enough; my only anxiety was about Ursula herself. I trembled for her
domestic peace and comfort. Broadhem's few words about his sister's
happiness under the altered circumstances were very significant, and I
determined therefore to get her ladyship as much in my power as
possible, by exercising to its utmost extent the right which I had wrung
from her of a full control over her pecuniary affairs. If my wealth did
not enable me to purchase my own happiness, it should at least enable me
to secure the happiness of her whom I loved best in the world. I had
never wavered in my resolution somehow or other to effect this great
end, but my plans must of necessity undergo some change now that Lady
Broadhem's eyes were opened to the real state of the case. I was much
puzzled what to do about Grandon. Sometimes I felt a yearning to take
him fully into my confidence and consult with him upon that delicate
topic which touched us both so nearly; but though he was kind and
considerate as ever, there was a constraint about our intercourse of
which we were both painfully conscious. We avoided all allusion to the
Broadhems, and he never called in Grosvenor Square, nor, so far as I
know, had met Lady Ursula since the memorable dinner which had
terminated so disagreeably for us all. Under the circumstances, I had
also thought the wisest, and for many reasons the most proper, course
for me was, to abstain from going there until I should hear from Lady
Broadhem; and although I was anxious to consult her upon many business
matters, I preferred letting them remain in abeyance to courting an
interview which I dreaded. At last I began to think Lady Broadhem's
silence rather ominous. I felt that a thunder-cloud had been gathering
for some time past, and that the sooner it burst the better. I
occasionally found myself walking past the door of the house, and
wondering what was going on inside it. I felt that there would be
something undignified about pumping Broadhem, and yet every time I met
him I experienced an irresistible desire to do so.
At last one day he volunteered a remark, from which I gathered that he
was as anxious for information as I was. "Have you seen my mother
lately?" he began.
"Not for weeks."
"Do you know she is carrying on a lot of things just the same as ever?"
"I don't think that possible," I said; "she could do nothing without my
knowledge."
"She is, though," said Broadhem; "I can't quite make out what is going
on, because, you know, she never condescends to discuss her affairs with
any of us; but I feel certain there is some new scheme afloat."
"Is she kind to your sister?" I asked.
"She is neither kind nor unkind: she is very little at home, and seems
to have lost all interest in her own family. She wants us to believe
that it is the heathen; but I must say that she never used to neglect
her daughters for them, and always said, what so many good people
forget, that the first duty of a Christian woman was to attend to her
own family. I am getting very uneasy," said Broadhem, with a sigh; "I
feel a presentiment that there is some sort of a crash coming; I wish
you would go and see her."
"I did not intend going to her conversazione next week, but as she has
sent me a card I suppose she wants to see me. I will come and hear my
friend Joseph Caribbee Islands hold forth. By the way, I quite forgot I
promised to ask Lady Broadhem for a card for Lady Wylde and her
daughter; will you send one when you get home? You don't know Miss
Wylde, do you?"
"Yes," said Broadhem, and he coloured and looked away; "I have just met
her, and that is all. Did she ask you for the invitation?"
"What! you have met her, and she did not tell you the interest she takes
in missions? I see you are half converted already. Take care, Broadhem;
you are no great catch; but she does not, perhaps, exactly know that,
and all is fish that comes to her net. Nevertheless, don't forget to
send her the invitation;" and I saw the flush of gratified vanity mount
to the brow of Broadhem, and no longer wondered why Wild Harrie had
expressed a wish to make Lady Ursula's acquaintance. Poor Ursula! what
Broadhem had said about his mother's change of manner decided me not to
neglect the opportunity which presented itself of going to her
"meeting," and coming to a distinct understanding with Lady Broadhem
upon the present position of affairs. I had no doubt that that veteran
campaigner had not been idle; and I was afraid, under the circumstances,
that too much time had already been allowed her.
"Do you think Miss Wylde is going down to Ascot?" asked Broadhem, who
had maintained an embarrassed silence during this interval.
"She went down yesterday with the Helters; she stays the week with them
at their cottage," I replied.
"I have never been to Ascot," he said, awkwardly--"in fact I never saw a
race in my life. I think a man, even though he does not approve of
racing, ought to have seen it once--don't you?"
"Certainly," said I, "especially when you can see Wild Harrie at the
same time."
"I say," said Broadhem, and he stopped short.
"Well?"
"I wish to goodness there was some way of going to Ascot without being
seen. I suppose one is sure to come across a lot of men one knows."
"Not if you go and stay with the clergyman of the parish," I said.
"I don't know him. It is not for myself, but I don't think my mother
would like my going."
"Then don't go."
"What an unsatisfactory fellow you are! I shall go and talk over the
matter with Ursula--she always helps me out of my difficulties."
"What does she know about Ascot?" I asked.
"Oh, she does not know about Ascot, but somehow or other she always
tells me what is the best thing to do about everything."
"I suppose, then, you tell her everything?"
"Almost," he said.
"Take my advice, and make a clean breast of it, my dear boy;" and I felt
kindly towards him for the way he spoke about his sister. "Depend upon
it, no half confidences do in such a case. Tell her that I shall come to
you on Thursday of next week;" and I pressed his hand. I had never cared
about him for his own sake, but my heart warmed towards him for hers.
[Illustration]