[Footnote 1: The Play is by Steele himself, the writer of this Essay.
Steele's Plays were as pure as his 'Spectator' Essays, absolutely
discarding the customary way of enforcing feeble dialogues by the
spurious force of oaths, and aiming at a wholesome influence upon his
audience. The passage here recanted was a climax of passion in one of
the lovers of two sisters, Act II., sc. I, and was thus retrenched in
subsequent editions:
'Campley.' Oh that Harriot! to embrace that beauteous--
'Lord Hardy.' Ay, Tom; but methinks your Head runs too much on the
Wedding Night only, to make your Happiness lasting;
mine is fixt on the married State; I expect my Felicity
from Lady Sharlot, in her Friendship, her Constancy,
her Piety, her household Cares, her maternal Tenderness
--You think not of any excellence of your Mistress that
is more than skin deep.']
[Footnote 2: gross]
[Footnote 3: else to gratifie]
[Footnote 4: him]
[Footnote 5: his]
[Footnote 6: his]
[Footnote 7: his]
[Footnote 8: Mary Fix, whose Tragedy of 'Ibrahim XII, Emperor of the
Turks', was first acted in 1696.]
[Footnote 9: Mrs. Aphra Behn, whose 'Rover, or the Banished Cavaliers',
is a Comedy in two Parts; first acted, Part I in 1677, Part II in 1681.]
* * * * *
No. 52. Monday, April 30, 1711. Steele.
'Omnes ut Tecum meritis pro Talibus annos
Exigat, et pulchra faciat Te prole parentem.'
Virg.
* * * * *
An ingenious Correspondent, like a sprightly Wife, will always have the
last Word. I did not think my last Letter to the deformed Fraternity
would have occasioned any Answer, especially since I had promised them
so sudden a Visit: But as they think they cannot shew too great a
Veneration for my Person, they have already sent me up an Answer. As to
the Proposal of a Marriage between my self and the matchless
_Hecatissa_, I have but one Objection to it; which is, That all the
Society will expect to be acquainted with her; and who can be sure of
keeping a Woman's Heart long, where she may have so much Choice? I am
the more alarmed at this, because the Lady seems particularly smitten
with Men of their Make.
I believe I shall set my Heart upon her; and think never the worse of my
Mistress for an Epigram a smart Fellow writ, as he thought, against her;
it does but the more recommend her to me. At the same time I cannot but
discover that his Malice is stolen from _Martial_.
Tacta places, Audit a places, si non videare
Tota places, neutro, si videare, places.
Whilst in the Dark on thy soft Hand I hung,
And heard the tempting Siren in thy Tongue,
What Flames, what Darts, what Anguish I endured!
But when the Candle entered I was cur'd.
'Your Letter to us we have received, as a signal Mark of your Favour
and brotherly Affection. We shall be heartily glad to see your short
Face in _Oxford_: And since the Wisdom of our Legislature has been
immortalized in your Speculations, and our personal Deformities in
some sort by you recorded to all Posterity; we hold ourselves in
Gratitude bound to receive with the highest Respect, all such Persons
as for their extraordinary Merit you shall think fit, from Time to
Time, to recommend unto the Board. As for the Pictish Damsel, we have
an easy Chair prepared at the upper End of the Table; which we doubt
not but she will grace with a very hideous Aspect, and much better
become the Seat in the native and unaffected Uncomeliness of her
Person, than with all the superficial Airs of the Pencil, which (as
you have very ingeniously observed) vanish with a Breath, and the most
innocent Adorer may deface the Shrine with a Salutation, and in the
literal Sense of our Poets, snatch and imprint his balmy Kisses, and
devour her melting Lips: In short, the only Faces of the Pictish Kind
that will endure the Weather, must be of Dr. _Carbuncle's_ Die; tho'
his, in truth, has cost him a World the Painting; but then he boasts
with _Zeuxes, In eternitatem pingo_; and oft jocosely tells the Fair
Ones, would they acquire Colours that would stand kissing, they must
no longer Paint but Drink for a Complexion: A Maxim that in this our
Age has been pursued with no ill Success; and has been as admirable in
its Effects, as the famous Cosmetick mentioned in the _Post-man_, and
invented by the renowned _British Hippocrates_ of the Pestle and
Mortar; making the Party, after a due Course, rosy, hale and airy; and
the best and most approved Receipt now extant for the Fever of the
Spirits. But to return to our Female Candidate, who, I understand, is
returned to herself, and will no longer hang out false Colours; as she
is the first of her Sex that has done us so great an Honour, she will
certainly, in a very short Time, both in Prose and Verse, be a Lady of
the most celebrated Deformity now living; and meet with Admirers here
as frightful as herself. But being a long-headed Gentlewoman, I am apt
to imagine she has some further Design than you have yet penetrated;
and perhaps has more mind to the SPECTATOR than any of his Fraternity,
as the Person of all the World she could like for a Paramour: And if
so, really I cannot but applaud her Choice; and should be glad, if it
might lie in my Power, to effect an amicable Accommodation betwixt two
Faces of such different Extremes, as the only possible Expedient to
mend the Breed, and rectify the Physiognomy of the Family on both
Sides. And again, as she is a Lady of very fluent Elocution, you need
not fear that your first Child will be born dumb, which otherwise you
might have some Reason to be apprehensive of. To be plain with you, I
can see nothing shocking in it; for tho she has not a Face like a
_John-Apple_, yet as a late Friend of mine, who at Sixty-five ventured
on a Lass of Fifteen, very frequently, in the remaining five Years of
his Life, gave me to understand, That, as old as he then seemed, when
they were first married he and his Spouse [could [1]] make but
Fourscore; so may Madam _Hecatissa_ very justly allege hereafter,
That, as long-visaged as she may then be thought, upon their
Wedding-day Mr. SPECTATOR and she had but Half an Ell of Face betwixt
them: And this my very worthy Predecessor, Mr. Sergeant _Chin_, always
maintained to be no more than the true oval Proportion between Man and
Wife. But as this may be a new thing to you, who have hitherto had no
Expectations from Women, I shall allow you what Time you think fit to
consider on't; not without some Hope of seeing at last your Thoughts
hereupon subjoin'd to mine, and which is an Honour much desired by,
Sir,
Your assured Friend,
and most humble Servant,