FOOL, n. A person who pervades the domain of intellectual speculation
and diffuses himself through the channels of moral activity. He is
omnific, omniform, omnipercipient, omniscient, omnipotent. He it was who
invented letters, printing, the railroad, the steamboat, the telegraph,
the platitude, and the circle of the sciences. He created patriotism and
taught the nations war--founded theology, philosophy, law, medicine, and
San Francisco. He established monarchical and republican government.
He is from everlasting to everlasting--such as creation's dawn beheld he
fooleth now. In the morning of time he sang upon primitive hills, and
in the noonday of existence headed the procession of being. His
grandmotherly hand has warmly tucked-in the set sun of civilization, and
in the twilight he prepares Man's evening meal of milkand-morality and
turns down the covers of the universal grave. And after the rest of us
shall have retired for the night of eternal oblivion, he will sit up to
write a history of human civilization.
FORCE, n.
"Force is but might," the teacher said--
"That definition 's just."
The boy said naught but thought instead,
Remembering his pounded head:
"Force is not might but must!"
FOREFINGER, n. The finger commonly used in pointing out two malefactors.
FOREORDINATION, n. This looks like an easy word to define, but when I
consider that pious and learned theologians have spent long lives in
explaining it, and written libraries to explain their explanations; when
I remember that nations have been divided and bloody battles caused
by the difference between foreordination and predestination, and that
millions of treasure have been expended in the effort to prove and
disprove its compatibility with freedom of the will and the efficacy of
prayer, praise, and a religious life,--recalling these awful facts in the
history of the word, I stand appalled before the mighty problem of
its signification, abase my spiritual eyes, fearing to contemplate its
portentous magnitude, reverently uncover and humbly refer it to His
Eminence Cardinal Gibbons and His Grace Bishop Potter.
FORGETFULNESS, n. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation
for their destitution of conscience.
FORK, n. An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead
animals into the mouth. Formerly the knife was employed for this
purpose, and by many worthy persons is still thought to have many
advantages over the other tool, which, however, they do not altogether
reject, but use to assist in charging the knife. The immunity of these
persons from swift and awful death is one of the most striking proofs of
God's mercy to those that hate Him.
FORMA PAUPERIS [Latin], n. In the character of a poor person--a method by
which a litigant without money for lawyers is considerately permitted to
lose his case.
When Adam long ago in Cupid's awful court
(For Cupid ruled ere Adam was invented)
Sued for Eve's favor, says an ancient law report,
He stood and pleaded unhabilimented.
"You sue <i>in forma pauperis</i>, I see," Eve cried;
"Actions can't here be that way prosecuted."
So all poor Adam's motions coldly were denied:
He went away--as he had come--nonsuited.