COMPROMISE, n, Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each
adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to
have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.
COMPULSION, n. The eloquence of power.
CONDOLE, v. i. To show that bereavement is a smaller evil than sympathy.
CONFIDANT, CONFIDANTE, n. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B
confided to himself by C.
CONGRATULATION, n. The civility of envy.
CONGRESS, n. A body of men who meet to repeal laws.
CONNOISSEUR, n. A specialist who knows everything about something and
nothing about anything else.
An old wine-bibber having been smashed in a railway collision, some wine
was poured upon his lips to revive him. "Pauillac, 1873," he murmured
and died.
CONSERVATIVE, n. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as
distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.
CONSOLATION, n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than
yourself.
CONSUL, n. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an
office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition
that he leave the country.
CONSULT, v. t. To seek another's approval to a course already decided
on.
CONTEMPT, n. The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too
formidable safely to be opposed.
CONTROVERSY, n. A battle in which spittle or ink replaces the injurious
cannon-ball and the inconsiderate bayonet.
In controversy with the facile tongue--
That bloodless warfare of the old and young--
So seek your adversary to engage
That on himself he shall exhaust his rage,
And, like a snake that's fastened to the ground,
With his own fangs inflict the fatal wound.
You ask me how this miracle is done?
Adopt his own opinions, one by one,
And taunt him to refute them; in his wrath
He 'll sweep them pitilessly from his path.
Advance then gently all you wish to prove,
Each proposition prefaced with, "As you 've
So well remarked," or, "As you wisely say,
And I cannot dispute," or, "By the way,
This view of it which, better far expressed,
Runs through your argument." Then leave
the rest
To him, secure that he 'll perform his trust
And prove your views intelligent and just.
Conmore Apel Brune.
CONVENT, n. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to
meditate upon the sin of idleness.
CONVERSATION, n. A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities,
each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to
observe those of his neighbor.
CORONATION, n. The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward
and visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a
dynamite bomb.
CORPORAL, n. A man who occupies the lowest rung of the military ladder.
Fiercely the battle raged and, sad to tell,
Our corporal heroically fell!
Fame from her height looked down upon the brawl
And said: "He had n't very far to fall."
Giacomo Smith.
CORPORATION, n. An ingenious device for securing individual profit
without individual responsibility.
CORSAIR, n. A politician of the seas.
COURT FOOL, n. The plaintiff.
COWARD, n. One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
CRAFT, n. A fool's substitute for brains.
CRAYFISH, n. A small crustacean very much resembling the lobster, but
less indigestible.
In this small fish I take it that human wisdom is admirably figured and
symbolized; for whereas the crayfish doth move only backward, and can
have only retrospection, seeing naught but the perils already passed,
so the wisdom of man doth not enable him to avoid the follies that beset
his course, but only to apprehend their nature afterward.-- Sir James
Merivale.
CREDITOR, n. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial
Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.
CREMONA, n. A high-priced violin made in Connecticut.
CRITIC, n. A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody has
ever tried to please him.
There is a land of pure delight,
Beyond the Jordan's flood,
Where saints, apparelled all in white,
Fling back the critic's mud.
And as he legs it through the skies,
His pelt a sable hue,
He sorrows sore to recognize
The missiles that he threw.