ABSURDITY, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's
own opinion.
ACADEME, n. An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.
ACADEMY, n. [from Academe]. A modern school where football is taught.
ACCIDENT, n. An inevitable occurrence due to the action of immutable
natural laws.
ACCOMPLICE, n. One associated with another in a crime, having guilty
knowledge and complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal, knowing
him guilty. This view of the attorney's position in the matter has not
hitherto commanded the assent of attorneys, no one having offered them a
fee for assenting.
ACCORD, n. Harmony.
ACCORDION, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an
assassin.
ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution.
"My accountability, bear in mind,"
Said the Grand Vizier: "Yes, yes."
Said the Shah: "I do--'t is the only kind
Of ability you possess."
ACCUSE, v. t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a
justification of ourselves for having wronged him.
ACEPHALOUS, adj. In the surprising condition of the Crusader who
absently pulled at his forelock some hours after a Saracen scimitar had,
unconsciously to him, passed through his neck, as related by the Prince
de Joinville.
ACHIEVEMENT, n. The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.
ACKNOWLEDGE, v. t. To confess. To acknowledge one another's faults is
the highest duty imposed by our love of truth.
Joram Tate.
ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but
not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when
its object is poor or obscure, and "intimate" when he is rich or famous.
ACTUALLY, adv. Perhaps; possibly.
ADAGE, n. Boned wisdom for weak teeth.
ADAMANT, n. A mineral frequently found beneath a corset. Soluble in
solicitate of gold.
ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral
outlays to the other expenses of living.
ADHERENT, n. A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to
get.
ADMINISTRATION, n. An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to
receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president. A man of
straw, proof against bad-egging and dead-catting.
ADMIRABILITY, n. My kind of ability, as distinguished from your kind of
ability.
ADMIRAL, n. That part of a war-ship which does the talking while the
figure-head does the thinking.
ADMIRATION, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to
ourselves.
ADMONITION, n. Gentle reproof, as with a meat-axe. Friendly warning.
Consigned, by way of admonition,
His soul forever to perdition.
Judibras.
ADORE, v. t. To venerate expectantly.
ADVICE, n. The smallest current coin.
"The man was in such deep distress,"
Said Tom, "that I could do no less
Than give him good advice." Said Jim:
"If less could have been done for him
I know you well enough, my son,
To know that's what you would have done."
Je bel Jocordy,
AFFIANCED, pp. Fitted with an anklering for the ball-and-chain.
AFFLICTION, n. An acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another
and bitter world.
AFRICAN, n. A nigger that votes our way.
AGE, n. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that
remain by reviling those that we have no longer the vigor to commit.
AGITATOR, n. A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors--to
dislodge the worms.
AIM, n. The task we set our wishes to.
"Cheer up! Have you no aim in life?"
She tenderly inquired.
"An aim? Well, no, I have n't, wife;
The fact is--I have fired."