_The Scene is a stately drawing-room at Aston-Adey, with fine pictures
on the walls and Georgian furniture. Aston-Adey has been described,
with many illustrations, in Country Life. It is not a house, but a
place. Its owner takes a great pride in it, and there is nothing in
the room which is not of the period. Through the French windows at the
back can be seen the beautiful gardens which are one of the features._
_It is a fine summer morning._
_ARNOLD comes in. He is a man of about thirty-five, tall and
good-looking, fair, with a clean-cut, sensitive face. He has a look
that is intellectual, but somewhat bloodless. He is very well
dressed._
ARNOLD. [_Calling._] Elizabeth! [_He goes to the window and calls
again._] Elizabeth! [_He rings the bell. While he is waiting he gives
a look round the room. He slightly alters the position of one of the
chairs. He takes an ornament from the chimney-piece and blows the dust
from it._]
[_A FOOTMAN comes in._
Oh, George! see if you can find Mrs. Cheney, and ask her if she'd be
good enough to come here.
FOOTMAN. Very good, sir.
[_The FOOTMAN turns to go._
ARNOLD. Who is supposed to look after this room?
FOOTMAN. I don't know, sir.
ARNOLD. I wish when they dust they'd take care to replace the things
exactly as they were before.
FOOTMAN. Yes, sir.
ARNOLD. [_Dismissing him._] All right.
[_The FOOTMAN goes out. He goes again to the window and calls._
ARNOLD. Elizabeth! [_He sees MRS. SHENSTONE._] Oh, Anna, do you know
where Elizabeth is?
[_MRS. SHENSTONE comes in from the garden. She is a woman of forty,
pleasant and of elegant appearance._
ANNA. Isn't she playing tennis?
ARNOLD. No, I've been down to the tennis court. Something very
tiresome has happened.
ANNA. Oh?
ARNOLD. I wonder where the deuce she is.
ANNA. When do you expect Lord Porteous and Lady Kitty?
ARNOLD. They're motoring down in time for luncheon.
ANNA. Are you sure you want me to be here? It's not too late yet, you
know. I can have my things packed and catch a train for somewhere or
other.
ARNOLD. No, of course we want you. It'll make it so much easier if
there are people here. It was exceedingly kind of you to come.
ANNA. Oh, nonsense!
ARNOLD. And I think it was a good thing to have Teddie Luton down.
ANNA. He is so breezy, isn't he?
ARNOLD. Yes, that's his great asset. I don't know that he's very
intelligent, but, you know, there are occasions when you want a bull
in a china shop. I sent one of the servants to find Elizabeth.
ANNA. I daresay she's putting on her shoes. She and Teddie were going
to have a single.
ARNOLD. It can't take all this time to change one's shoes.
ANNA. [_With a smile._] One can't change one's shoes without powdering
one's nose, you know.
[_ELIZABETH comes in. She is a very pretty creature in the early
twenties. She wears a light summer frock._
ARNOLD. My dear, I've been hunting for you everywhere. What _have_ you
been doing?
ELIZABETH. Nothing! I've been standing on my head.
ARNOLD. My father's here.
ELIZABETH. [_Startled._] Where?
ARNOLD. At the cottage. He arrived last night.
ELIZABETH. Damn!
ARNOLD. [_Good-humouredly._] I wish you wouldn't say that, Elizabeth.
ELIZABETH. If you're not going to say "Damn" when a thing's damnable,
when are you going to say "Damn"?
ARNOLD. I should have thought you could say, "Oh, bother!" or
something like that.
ELIZABETH. But that wouldn't express my sentiments. Besides, at that
speech day when you were giving away the prizes you said there were no
synonyms in the English language.
ANNA. [_Smiling._] Oh, Elizabeth! it's very unfair to expect a
politician to live in private up to the statements he makes in public.
ARNOLD. I'm always willing to stand by anything I've said. There _are_
no synonyms in the English language.
ELIZABETH. In that case I shall be regretfully forced to continue to
say "Damn" whenever I feel like it.
[_EDWARD LUTON shows himself at the window. He is an attractive youth
in flannels._
TEDDIE. I say, what about this tennis?
ELIZABETH. Come in. We're having a scene.
TEDDIE. [_Entering._] How splendid! What about?
ELIZABETH. The English language.
TEDDIE. Don't tell me you've been splitting your infinitives.
ARNOLD. [_With the shadow of a frown._] I wish you'd be serious,
Elizabeth. The situation is none too pleasant.
ANNA. I think Teddie and I had better make ourselves scarce.
ELIZABETH. Nonsense! You're both in it. If there's going to be any
unpleasantness we want your moral support. That's why we asked you to
come.
TEDDIE. And I thought I'd been asked for my blue eyes.
ELIZABETH. Vain beast! And they happen to be brown.
TEDDIE. Is anything up?
ELIZABETH. Arnold's father arrived last night.
TEDDIE. Did he, by Jove! I thought he was in Paris.
ARNOLD. So did we all. He told me he'd be there for the next month.
ANNA. Have you seen him?
ARNOLD. No! he rang me up. It's a mercy he had a telephone put in the
cottage. It would have been a pretty kettle of fish if he'd just
walked in.
ELIZABETH. Did you tell him Lady Catherine was coming?
ARNOLD. Of course not. I was flabbergasted to know he was here. And
then I thought we'd better talk it over first.
ELIZABETH. Is he coming along here?
ARNOLD. Yes. He suggested it, and I couldn't think of any excuse to
prevent him.
TEDDIE. Couldn't you put the other people off?
ARNOLD. They're coming by car. They may be here any minute. It's too
late to do that.
ELIZABETH. Besides, it would be beastly.
ARNOLD. I knew it was silly to have them here. Elizabeth insisted.
ELIZABETH. After all, she _is_ your mother, Arnold.
ARNOLD. That meant precious little to her when she--went away. You
can't imagine it means very much to me now.
ELIZABETH. It's thirty years ago. It seems so absurd to bear malice
after all that time.
ARNOLD. I don't bear malice, but the fact remains that she did me the
most irreparable harm. I can find no excuse for her.
ELIZABETH. Have you ever tried to?
ARNOLD. My dear Elizabeth, it's no good going over all that again. The
facts are lamentably simple. She had a husband who adored her, a
wonderful position, all the money she could want, and a child of five.
And she ran away with a married man.
ELIZABETH. Lady Porteous is not a very attractive woman, Arnold. [_To
ANNA._] Do you know her?
ANNA. [_Smiling._] "Forbidding" is the word, I think.
ARNOLD. If you're going to make little jokes about it, I have nothing
more to say.
ANNA. I'm sorry, Arnold.
ELIZABETH. Perhaps your mother couldn't help herself--if she was in
love?
ARNOLD. And had no sense of honour, duty, or decency? Oh, yes, under
those circumstances you can explain a great deal.
ELIZABETH. That's not a very pretty way to speak of your mother.
ARNOLD. I can't look on her as my mother.
ELIZABETH. What you can't get over is that she didn't think of you.
Some of us are more mother and some of us more woman. It gives me a
little thrill when I think that she loved that man so much. She
sacrificed her name, her position, and her child to him.
ARNOLD. You really can't expect the said child to have any great
affection for the mother who treated him like that.
ELIZABETH. No, I don't think I do. But I think it's a pity after all
these years that you shouldn't be friends.
ARNOLD. I wonder if you realise what it was to grow up under the
shadow of that horrible scandal. Everywhere, at school, and at Oxford,
and afterwards in London, I was always the son of Lady Kitty Cheney.
Oh, it was cruel, cruel!
ELIZABETH. Yes, I know, Arnold. It was beastly for you.
ARNOLD. It would have been bad enough if it had been an ordinary case,
but the position of the people made it ten times worse. My father was
in the House then, and Porteous--he hadn't succeeded to the title--was
in the House too; he was Under-Secretary for Foreign Affairs, and he
was very much in the public eye.
ANNA. My father always used to say he was the ablest man in the party.
Every one was expecting him to be Prime Minister.
ARNOLD. You can imagine what a boon it was to the British public. They
hadn't had such a treat for a generation. The most popular song of the
day was about my mother. Did you ever hear it? "Naughty Lady Kitty.
Thought it such a pity . . ."
ELIZABETH. [_Interrupting._] Oh, Arnold, don't!
ARNOLD. And then they never let people forget them. If they'd lived
quietly in Florence and not made a fuss the scandal would have died
down. But those constant actions between Lord and Lady Porteous kept
on reminding everyone.
TEDDIE. What were they having actions about?
ARNOLD. Of course my father divorced his wife, but Lady Porteous
refused to divorce Porteous. He tried to force her by refusing to
support her and turning her out of her house, and heaven knows what.
They were constantly wrangling in the law courts.
ANNA. I think it was monstrous of Lady Porteous.
ARNOLD. She knew he wanted to marry my mother, and she hated my
mother. You can't blame her.
ANNA. It must have been very difficult for them.
ARNOLD. That's why they've lived in Florence. Porteous has money. They
found people there who were willing to accept the situation.
ELIZABETH. This is the first time they've ever come to England.
ARNOLD. My father will have to be told, Elizabeth.
ELIZABETH. Yes.
ANNA. [_To ELIZABETH._] Has he ever spoken to you about Lady Kitty?
ELIZABETH. Never.
ARNOLD. I don't think her name has passed his lips since she ran away
from this house thirty years ago.
TEDDIE. Oh, they lived here?
ARNOLD. Naturally. There was a house-party, and one evening neither
Porteous nor my mother came down to dinner. The rest of them waited.
They couldn't make it out. My father sent up to my mother's room, and
a note was found on the pincushion.
ELIZABETH. [_With a faint smile._] That's what they did in the Dark
Ages.
ARNOLD. I think he took a dislike to this house from that horrible
night. He never lived here again, and when I married he handed the
place over to me. He just has a cottage now on the estate that he
comes to when he feels inclined.
ELIZABETH. It's been very nice for us.
ARNOLD. I owe everything to my father. I don't think he'll ever
forgive me for asking these people to come here.
ELIZABETH. I'm going to take all the blame on myself, Arnold.
ARNOLD. [_Irritably._] The situation was embarrassing enough anyhow. I
don't know how I ought to treat them.
ELIZABETH. Don't you think that'll settle itself when you see them?
ARNOLD. After all, they're my guests. I shall try and behave like a
gentleman.
ELIZABETH. I wouldn't. We haven't got central heating.
ARNOLD. [_Taking no notice._] Will she expect me to kiss her?
ELIZABETH. [_With a smile._] Surely.
ARNOLD. It always makes me uncomfortable when people are effusive.
ANNA. But I can't understand why you never saw her before.
ARNOLD. I believe she tried to see me when I was little, but my father
thought it better she shouldn't.
ANNA. Yes, but when you were grown up?
ARNOLD. She was always in Italy. I never went to Italy.
ELIZABETH. It seems to me so pathetic that if you saw one another in
the street you wouldn't recognise each other.
ARNOLD. Is it my fault?
ELIZABETH. You've promised to be very gentle with her and very kind.
ARNOLD. The mistake was asking Porteous to come too. It looks as
though we condoned the whole thing. And how am I to treat him? Am I to
shake him by the hand and slap him on the back? He absolutely ruined
my father's life.
ELIZABETH. [_Smiling._] How much would you give for a nice motor
accident that prevented them from coming?
ARNOLD. I let you persuade me against my better judgment, and I've
regretted it ever since.
ELIZABETH. [_Good-humouredly._] I think it's very lucky that Anna and
Teddie are here. I don't foresee a very successful party.
ARNOLD. I'm going to do my best. I gave you my promise and I shall
keep it. But I can't answer for my father.
ANNA. Here is your father.
[_MR. CHAMPION-CHENEY shows himself at one of the French windows._
C.-C. May I come in through the window, or shall I have myself
announced by a supercilious flunkey?
ELIZABETH. Come in. We've been expecting you.
C.-C. Impatiently, I hope, my dear child.
[_MR. CHAMPION-CHENEY is a tall man in the early sixties, spare, with
a fine head of gray hair and an intelligent, somewhat ascetic face. He
is very carefully dressed. He is a man who makes the most of himself.
He bears his years jauntily. He kisses ELIZABETH and then holds out
his hand to ARNOLD._
ELIZABETH. We thought you'd be in Paris for another month.
C.-C. How are you, Arnold? I always reserve to myself the privilege of
changing my mind. It's the only one elderly gentlemen share with
pretty women.
ELIZABETH. You know Anna.
C.-C. [_Shaking hands with her._] Of course I do. How very nice to see
you here! Are you staying long?
ANNA. As long as I'm welcome.
ELIZABETH. And this is Mr. Luton.
C.-C. How do you do? Do you play bridge?
LUTON. I do.
C.-C. Capital. Do you declare without top honours?
LUTON. Never.
C.-C. Of such is the kingdom of heaven. I see that you are a good
young man.
LUTON. But, like the good in general, I am poor.
C.-C. Never mind; if your principles are right, you can play ten
shillings a hundred without danger. I never play less, and I never
play more.
ARNOLD. And you--are you going to stay long, father?
C.-C. To luncheon, if you'll have me.
[_ARNOLD gives ELIZABETH a harassed look._
ELIZABETH. That'll be jolly.
ARNOLD. I didn't mean that. Of course you're going to stay for
luncheon. I meant, how long are you going to stay down here?
C.-C. A week.
[_There is a moment's pause. Everyone but CHAMPION-CHENEY is slightly
embarrassed._
TEDDIE. I think we'd better chuck our tennis.
ELIZABETH. Yes. I want my father-in-law to tell me what they're
wearing in Paris this week.
TEDDIE. I'll go and put the rackets away.
[_TEDDIE goes out._
ARNOLD. It's nearly one o'clock, Elizabeth.
ELIZABETH. I didn't know it was so late.
ANNA. [_To ARNOLD._] I wonder if I can persuade you to take a turn in
the garden before luncheon.
ARNOLD. [_Jumping at the idea._] I'd love it.
[_ANNA goes out of the window, and as he follows her he stops
irresolutely._
I want you to look at this chair I've just got. I think it's rather
good.
C.-C. Charming.
ARNOLD. About 1750, I should say. Good design, isn't it? It hasn't
been restored or anything.
C.-C. Very pretty.
ARNOLD. I think it was a good buy, don't you?
C.-C. Oh, my dear boy! you know I'm entirely ignorant about these
things.
ARNOLD. It's exactly my period . . . I shall see you at luncheon,
then.
[_He follows ANNA through the window._
C.-C. Who is that young man?
ELIZABETH. Mr. Luton. He's only just been demobilised. He's the
manager of a rubber estate in the F.M.S.
C.-C. And what are the F.M.S. when they're at home?
ELIZABETH. The Federated Malay States. He joined up at the beginning
of the war. He's just going back there.
C.-C. And why have we been left alone in this very marked manner?
ELIZABETH. Have we? I didn't notice it.
C.-C. I suppose it's difficult for the young to realise that one may
be old without being a fool.
ELIZABETH. I never thought you that. Everyone knows you're very
intelligent.
C.-C. They certainly ought to by now. I've told them often enough. Are
you a little nervous?
ELIZABETH. Let me feel my pulse. [_She puts her finger on her wrist._]
It's perfectly regular.
C.-C. When I suggested staying to luncheon Arnold looked exactly like
a dose of castor oil.
ELIZABETH. I wish you'd sit down.
C.-C. Will it make it easier for you? [_He takes a chair._] You have
evidently something very disagreeable to say to me.
ELIZABETH. You won't be cross with me?
C.-C. How old are you?
ELIZABETH. Twenty-five.
C.-C. I'm never cross with a woman under thirty.
ELIZABETH. Oh, then I've got ten years.
C.-C. Mathematics?
ELIZABETH. No. Paint.
C.-C. Well?
ELIZABETH. [_Reflectively._] I think it would be easier if I sat on
your knees.
C.-C. That is a pleasing taste of yours, but you must take care not to
put on weight.
[_She sits down on his knees._
ELIZABETH. Am I boney?
C.-C. On the contrary. . . . I'm listening.
ELIZABETH. Lady Catherine's coming here.
C.-C. Who's Lady Catherine?
ELIZABETH. Your--Arnold's mother.
C.-C. Is she?
[_He withdraws himself a little and ELIZABETH gets up._
ELIZABETH. You mustn't blame Arnold. It's my fault. I insisted. He was
against it. I nagged him till he gave way. And then I wrote and asked
her to come.
C.-C. I didn't know you knew her.
ELIZABETH. I don't. But I heard she was in London. She's staying at
Claridge's. It seemed so heartless not to take the smallest notice of
her.
C.-C. When is she coming?
ELIZABETH. We're expecting her in time for luncheon.
C.-C. As soon as that? I understand the embarrassment.
ELIZABETH. You see, we never expected you to be here. You said you'd
be in Paris for another month.
C.-C. My dear child, this is your house. There's no reason why you
shouldn't ask whom you please to stay with you.
ELIZABETH. After all, whatever her faults, she's Arnold's mother. It
seemed so unnatural that they should never see one another. My heart
ached for that poor lonely woman.
C.-C. I never heard that she was lonely, and she certainly isn't poor.
ELIZABETH. And there's something else. I couldn't ask her by herself.
It would have been so--so insulting. I asked Lord Porteous, too.
C.-C. I see.
ELIZABETH. I daresay you'd rather not meet them.
C.-C. I daresay they'd rather not meet me. I shall get a capital
luncheon at the cottage. I've noticed you always get the best food if
you come in unexpectedly and have the same as they're having in the
servants' hall.
ELIZABETH. No one's ever talked to me about Lady Kitty. It's always
been a subject that everyone has avoided. I've never even seen a
photograph of her.
C.-C. The house was full of them when she left. I think I told the
butler to throw them in the dust-bin. She was very much photographed.
ELIZABETH. Won't you tell me what she was like?
C.-C. She was very like you, Elizabeth, only she had dark hair instead
of red.
ELIZABETH. Poor dear! it must be quite white now.
C.-C. I daresay. She was a pretty little thing.
ELIZABETH. But she was one of the great beauties of her day. They say
she was lovely.
C.-C. She had the most adorable little nose, like yours. . . .
ELIZABETH. D'you like my nose?
C.-C. And she was very dainty, with a beautiful little figure; very
light on her feet. She was like a _marquise_ in an old French comedy.
Yes, she was lovely.
ELIZABETH. And I'm sure she's lovely still.
C.-C. She's no chicken, you know.
ELIZABETH. You can't expect me to look at it as you and Arnold do.
When you've loved as she's loved you may grow old, but you grow old
beautifully.
C.-C. You're very romantic.
ELIZABETH. If everyone hadn't made such a mystery of it I daresay I
shouldn't feel as I do. I know she did a great wrong to you and a
great wrong to Arnold. I'm willing to acknowledge that.
C.-C. I'm sure it's very kind of you.
ELIZABETH. But she loved and she dared. Romance is such an illusive
thing. You read of it in books, but it's seldom you see it face to
face. I can't help it if it thrills me.
C.-C. I am painfully aware that the husband in these cases is not a
romantic object.
ELIZABETH. She had the world at her feet. You were rich. She was a
figure in society. And she gave up everything for love.
C.-C. [_Dryly._] I'm beginning to suspect it wasn't only for her sake
and for Arnold's that you asked her to come here.
ELIZABETH. I seem to know her already. I think her face is a little
sad, for a love like that doesn't leave you gay, it leaves you grave,
but I think her pale face is unlined. It's like a child's.
C.-C. My dear, how you let your imagination run away with you!
ELIZABETH. I imagine her slight and frail.
C.-C. Frail, certainly.
ELIZABETH. With beautiful thin hands and white hair. I've pictured her
so often in that Renaissance Palace that they live in, with old
Masters on the walls and lovely carved things all round, sitting in a
black silk dress with old lace round her neck and old-fashioned
diamonds. You see, I never knew my mother; she died when I was a baby.
You can't confide in aunts with huge families of their own. I want
Arnold's mother to be a mother to me. I've got so much to say to her.
C.-C. Are you happy with Arnold?
ELIZABETH. Why shouldn't I be?
C.-C. Why haven't you got any babies?
ELIZABETH. Give us a little time. We've only been married three years.
C.-C. I wonder what Hughie is like now!
ELIZABETH. Lord Porteous?
C.-C. He wore his clothes better than any man in London. You know he'd
have been Prime Minister if he'd remained in politics.
ELIZABETH. What was he like then?
C.-C. He was a nice-looking fellow. Fine horseman. I suppose there was
something very fascinating about him. Yellow hair and blue eyes, you
know. He had a very good figure. I liked him. I was his parliamentary
secretary. He was Arnold's godfather.
ELIZABETH. I know.
C.-C. I wonder if he ever regrets!
ELIZABETH. I wouldn't.
C.-C. Well, I must be strolling back to my cottage.
ELIZABETH. You're not angry with me?
C.-C. Not a bit.
[_She puts up her face for him to kiss. He kisses her on both cheeks
and then goes out. In a moment TEDDIE is seen at the window._
TEDDIE. I saw the old blighter go.
ELIZABETH. Come in.
TEDDIE. Everything all right?
ELIZABETH. Oh, quite, as far as he's concerned. He's going to keep out
of the way.
TEDDIE. Was it beastly?
ELIZABETH. No, he made it very easy for me. He's a nice old thing.
TEDDIE. You were rather scared.
ELIZABETH. A little. I am still. I don't know why.
TEDDIE. I guessed you were. I thought I'd come and give you a little
moral support. It's ripping here, isn't it?
ELIZABETH. It is rather nice.
TEDDIE. It'll be jolly to think of it when I'm back in the F.M.S.
ELIZABETH. Aren't you homesick sometimes?
TEDDIE. Oh, everyone is now and then, you know.
ELIZABETH. You could have got a job in England if you'd wanted to,
couldn't you?
TEDDIE. Oh, but I love it out there. England's ripping to come back
to, but I couldn't live here now. It's like a woman you're desperately
in love with as long as you don't see her, but when you're with her
she maddens you so that you can't bear her.
ELIZABETH. [_Smiling._] What's wrong with England?
TEDDIE. I don't think anything's wrong with England. I expect
something's wrong with me. I've been away too long. England seems to
me full of people doing things they don't want to because other people
expect it of them.
ELIZABETH. Isn't that what you call a high degree of civilisation?
TEDDIE. People seem to me so insincere. When you go to parties in
London they're all babbling about art, and you feel that in their
hearts they don't care twopence about it. They read the books that
everybody is talking about because they don't want to be out of it. In
the F.M.S. we don't get very many books, and we read those we have
over and over again. They mean so much to us. I don't think the people
over there are half so clever as the people at home, but one gets to
know them better. You see, there are so few of us that we have to make
the best of one another.
ELIZABETH. I imagine that frills are not much worn in the F.M.S. It
must be a comfort.
TEDDIE. It's not much good being pretentious where everyone knows
exactly who you are and what your income is.
ELIZABETH. I don't think you want too much sincerity in society. It
would be like an iron girder in a house of cards.
TEDDIE. And then, you know, the place is ripping. You get used to a
blue sky and you miss it in England.
ELIZABETH. What do you do with yourself all the time?
TEDDIE. Oh, one works like blazes. You have to be a pretty hefty
fellow to be a planter. And then there's ripping bathing. You know,
it's lovely, with palm trees all along the beach. And there's
shooting. And now and then we have a little dance to a gramophone.
ELIZABETH. [_Pretending to tease him._] I think you've got a young
woman out there, Teddie.
TEDDIE. [_Vehemently._] Oh, no!
[_She is a little taken aback by the earnestness of his disclaimer.
There is a moment's silence, then she recovers herself._
ELIZABETH. But you'll have to marry and settle down one of these days,
you know.
TEDDIE. I want to, but it's not a thing you can do lightly.
ELIZABETH. I don't know why there more than elsewhere.
TEDDIE. In England if people don't get on they go their own ways and
jog along after a fashion. In a place like that you're thrown a great
deal on your own resources.
ELIZABETH. Of course.
TEDDIE. Lots of girls come out because they think they're going to
have a good time. But if they're empty-headed, then they're just faced
with their own emptiness and they're done. If their husbands can
afford it they go home and settle down as grass-widows.
ELIZABETH. I've met them. They seem to find it a very pleasant
occupation.
TEDDIE. It's rotten for their husbands, though.
ELIZABETH. And if the husbands can't afford it?
TEDDIE. Oh, then they tipple.
ELIZABETH. It's not a very alluring prospect.
TEDDIE. But if the woman's the right sort she wouldn't exchange it for
any life in the world. When all's said and done it's we who've made
the Empire.
ELIZABETH. What sort is the right sort?
TEDDIE. A woman of courage and endurance and sincerity. Of course,
it's hopeless unless she's in love with her husband.
[_He is looking at her earnestly and she, raising her eyes, gives him
a long look. There is silence between them._
TEDDIE. My house stands on the side of a hill, and the cocoanut trees
wind down to the shore. Azaleas grow in my garden, and camellias, and
all sorts of ripping flowers. And in front of me is the winding coast
line, and then the blue sea.
[_A pause._
Do you know that I'm awfully in love with you?
ELIZABETH. [_Gravely._] I wasn't quite sure. I wondered.
TEDDIE. And you?
[_She nods slowly._
I've never kissed you.
ELIZABETH. I don't want you to.
[_They look at one another steadily. They are both grave. ARNOLD comes
in hurriedly._
ARNOLD. They're coming, Elizabeth.
ELIZABETH. [_As though returning from a distant world._] Who?
ARNOLD. [_Impatiently._] My dear! My mother, of course. The car is
just coming up the drive.
TEDDIE. Would you like me to clear out?
ARNOLD. No, no! For goodness' sake stay.
ELIZABETH. We'd better go and meet them, Arnold.
ARNOLD. No, no; I think they'd much better be shown in. I feel simply
sick with nervousness.
[_ANNA comes in from the garden._
ANNA. Your guests have arrived.
ELIZABETH. Yes, I know.
ARNOLD. I've given orders that luncheon should be served at once.
ELIZABETH. Why? It's not half-past one already, is it?
ARNOLD. I thought it would help. When you don't know exactly what to
say you can always eat.
[_The BUTLER comes in and announces._
BUTLER. Lady Catherine Champion-Cheney! Lord Porteous!
[_LADY KITTY comes in followed by PORTEOUS, and the BUTLER goes out.
LADY KITTY is a gay little lady, with dyed red hair and painted
cheeks. She is somewhat outrageously dressed. She never forgets that
she has been a pretty woman and she still behaves as if she were
twenty-five. LORD PORTEOUS is a very bald, elderly gentleman in loose,
rather eccentric clothes. He is snappy and gruff. This is not at all
the couple that ELIZABETH expected, and for a moment she stares at
them with round, startled eyes. LADY KITTY goes up to her with
outstretched hands._
LADY KITTY. Elizabeth! Elizabeth! [_She kisses her effusively._] What
an adorable creature! [_Turning to PORTEOUS._] Hughie, isn't she
adorable?
PORTEOUS. [_With a grunt._] Ugh!
[_ELIZABETH, smiling now, turns to him and gives him her hand._
ELIZABETH. How d'you do?
PORTEOUS. Damnable road you've got down here. How d'you do, my dear?
Why d'you have such damnable roads in England?
[_LADY KITTY'S eyes fall on TEDDIE and she goes up to him with her
arms thrown back, prepared to throw them round him._
LADY KITTY. My boy, my boy! I should have known you anywhere!
ELIZABETH. [_Hastily._] That's Arnold.
LADY KITTY. [_Without a moment's hesitation._] The image of his
father! I should have known him anywhere! [_She throws her arms round
his neck._] My boy, my boy!
PORTEOUS. [_With a grunt._] Ugh!
LADY KITTY. Tell me, would you have known me again? Have I changed?
ARNOLD. I was only five, you know, when--when you . . .
LADY KITTY. [_Emotionally._] I remember as if it was yesterday. I went
up into your room. [_With a sudden change of manner._] By the way, I
always thought that nurse drank. Did you ever find out if she really
did?
PORTEOUS. How the devil can you expect him to know that, Kitty?
LADY KITTY. You've never had a child, Hughie; how can you tell what
they know and what they don't?
ELIZABETH. [_Coming to the rescue._] This is Arnold, Lord Porteous.
PORTEOUS. [_Shaking hands with him._] How d'you do? I knew your
father.
ARNOLD. Yes.
PORTEOUS. Alive still?
ARNOLD. Yes.
PORTEOUS. He must be getting on. Is he well?
ARNOLD. Very.
PORTEOUS. Ugh! Takes care of himself, I suppose. I'm not at all well.
This damned climate doesn't agree with me.
ELIZABETH. [_To LADY KITTY._] This is Mrs. Shenstone. And this is Mr.
Luton. I hope you don't mind a very small party.
LADY KITTY. [_Shaking hands with ANNA and TEDDIE._] Oh, no, I shall
enjoy it. I used to give enormous parties here. Political, you know.
How nice you've made this room!
ELIZABETH. Oh, that's Arnold.
ARNOLD. [_Nervously._] D'you like this chair? I've just bought it.
It's exactly my period.
PORTEOUS. [_Bluntly._] It's a fake.
ARNOLD. [_Indignantly._] I don't think it is for a minute.
PORTEOUS. The legs are not right.
ARNOLD. I don't know how you can say that. If there is anything right
about it, it's the legs.
LADY KITTY. I'm sure they're right.
PORTEOUS. You know nothing whatever about it, Kitty.
LADY KITTY. That's what you think. _I_ think it's a beautiful chair.
Hepplewhite?
ARNOLD. No, Sheraton.