When you have some good news to announce to me send me a dispatch. I am
waiting for it day by day as for the Messiah.
* * * * *
_15 March, 1895._
My Darling:
As I cannot send this letter until to-day I hasten to talk to you a
little longer. I shall not speak of my appalling tortures; you know
them and you share them with me.
My situation here is what it was before; be sure that I shall not be
able to endure it long; it seems impracticable for you to come to join
me. Moreover, as I told you yesterday, if you wish to save my life there
is something better for you to do; have my honor given back to me--the
honor of my name, the honor of the name of our poor children.
In my horrible distress I pass my time in mentally repeating the words
you spoke the day of my departure--your absolute certainty of arriving
at the truth. Otherwise it would be death for me, and that soon; for
without my honor I could not live. I have surmounted everything only
because of my conscience alone, and because of the hope you have given
me that the truth will be discovered. Were this hope dead I, too, should
die.
Say to yourself, therefore, my darling, that you must succeed, and that
as soon as possible, in giving me back my honor. I cannot bear much
longer this atmosphere of scorn, legitimate enough, which is all around
me.
Upon your efforts depends my honor, and that is to say my life--the
honor of our poor children, too. You must then attempt everything, try
everything, to reach the truth, whether I live or die, for your mission
has a higher object than my fate.