_Tuesday, 12 March, 1895._
My dear Lucie:
Thursday, the 21st of February, some hours after your departure, I was
taken to Rochefort and put on shipboard.
I shall not speak to you of my voyage; I was transported in the manner
in which the vile scoundrel whom I represent deserved to be transported.
It was only just. They could not accord any pity to a traitor, the
lowest of blackguards; and as long as I represent this wretch I can only
approve their conduct.
My life here must drag itself out under the same conditions.
But your heart can tell you all that I have suffered--all that I suffer.
I live only through the hope in my soul of soon seeing the triumphant
light of my rehabilitation. That is the only thing that gives me
strength to live. Without honor a man is not worthy of life.
On the day of my departure you assured me that the truth would surely
come soon to light. I have lived during that awful voyage, I am living
now, only on that word of yours--remember it well. I have been
disembarked but a few minutes, and I have obtained permission to send
you a cablegram.
I write in haste these few words, which will leave on the 15th by the
English mail. It solaces me to have a talk with you, whom I love so
profoundly. There are two mails a month for France--the 15th the
English, and the 3d the French mail.
And in the same way there are two mails a month for the Isles--the
English mail and the French mail. Find out the days of their departure
and write to me by both of them.
All that I can tell you more is that if you want me to live have my
honor given back to me. Convictions, whatever they may be, do nothing
for me; they do not change my lot. What is necessary is a decision which
will reinstate me.
I made for your sake the greatest sacrifice a man can make in resigning
myself to live after my tragic fate was decided. I did this because you
had inculcated in me the conviction that the truth must always come to
light. In your turn, my darling, do all that is humanly possible to
discover the truth. A wife and a mother yourself, try to move the hearts
of wives and mothers, so that they may give up to you the key of this
dreadful mystery. I must have my honor if you want me to live. I must
have it for our dear children. Do not reason with your heart; that does
no good. I have been convicted. Nothing can be changed in our tragic
situation until the decision shall have been reversed. Reflect, then,
and pursue the solution of this enigma. That will be worth more than
coming here to share my horrible life. It will be the best, the only
means of saving my life. Say to yourself that it is a question of life
or death for me, for our children.
I am incapable of writing to you all. My brain will bear no more; my
despair is too great. My nervous system is in a deplorable condition,
and it is full time that this horrible tragedy should end.
Now my spirit alone is above water.
Oh, for God’s sake, hurry, work with all your might!
Tell them all to write to me.
Embrace them all for me; our poor darlings, too.
And for you a thousand tender kisses from your devoted husband,